Fear Of Freedom - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

In this episode, I explore the fear of freedom. Why would we be scared of freedom? It sounds ridiculous...everyone wants freedom right? We all DO want it but why don't we all have it if it's our birthright? It's like all other blocks, they're based in fear and conditioning. It's time to do a deep dive into where it comes from so we can transcend it.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons & Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Welcome to the show,

My friends,

Welcome.

So here we are,

Here we are talking about a new topic,

Fear of freedom.

Um,

So this is,

You know,

The spiritual shifts happening are bringing everything deeper.

We're getting deeper and deeper and deeper into spirituality.

So these,

All the concepts,

We're going into deeper levels of the concepts.

So this,

This has a lot to do with our ego.

You know,

And I think in the past we've,

We've looked and,

You know,

We've talked about,

Oh,

There's a death of the ego as we awaken and as we enlighten and,

And,

Um,

This,

Uh,

Surrender and,

And we have to let go of our ego.

I mean,

A lot of the teachings were fighting the ego,

Right?

I think hopefully we're getting away from that.

We understand that fighting something just feeds it energy.

So we're not fighting our ego.

We're actually,

Um,

Becoming a,

A,

Um,

Teammate with it.

You know,

It's part of us.

It's there for a reason.

It serves a purpose.

It's not bad.

It's just that it's like a lot of aspects of us,

Since we are unconscious a lot of the time,

Something has to run us,

Right?

Something is,

Is determining how we react to different situations,

Um,

How we live our life,

Making decisions for us,

Because we're not really conscious to make those decisions ourselves.

And of course we think we are and we're not.

Um,

But so the ego is controlling,

Wants to control us because it's trying to keep us safe.

So in so doing,

It believes the more control it has over us and external situations,

The safer it can keep us.

So,

Um,

That's just,

That's why it shouldn't be running the show plus it doesn't,

It's,

It's a non thinking entity,

Really.

It's just kind of like a warning,

Hey,

Watch out for this.

Hey,

Watch out for this.

And then we're supposed to look at that and use our consciousness and sometimes our mind,

Um,

To make choices as to what we're handling it.

But we're so unconscious that we're just,

It's,

Uh,

Stimuli comes in as a reaction.

So,

So that's all egoic.

It's just,

It develops formulas on how to behave or handle certain situations.

And,

And it just develops that it doesn't matter if it's good or if it's not good or if it gets us what we want or it doesn't get us what we want.

It doesn't matter to the ego.

It's just because it can't think it can't be like,

Oh,

Well,

I did that four times and it didn't work out real well.

So I'm going to change it and do it something else.

It doesn't have that ability.

So it just go,

It just creates a pattern.

So this is why,

You know,

Something,

Um,

Like we have pet peeves,

Right?

Well,

Why,

Why do we have,

Why are there certain things that bother us?

Like it's fun.

Like we don't ask those questions.

A lot of times we just go,

I have a pet peeve.

Like there's so many signs of spirituality and how we function in our lives that we just gloss over and just don't pay attention to.

It's that always interests me.

But we have pet peeves.

Why that?

What's a pet peeve?

That that means that there's something that when it's brought up or we see it,

It bothers us basically every time.

And basically it bothers us the same,

If not more than it did five years ago,

10 years ago,

20 years ago.

So much so that it became a pet peeve.

Right?

So like,

Instead of going,

Why do I have these pet peeves?

How do they work?

Like,

Why are they in place?

Why does it bother me?

We just go,

Oh,

That's a pet peeve of mine.

So that,

But that's a symbol that,

That like a pet peeve means usually it means that something bothers you consistently in the same way.

Instead of looking at that and doing something about it,

We just accept that it's part of us.

Right.

And that's kind of leads into what I'm talking about,

This fear of freedom,

Because it's,

It's,

It's how we perceive ourselves.

You know,

Dare I say,

I'm not sure,

Possibly every client I've ever worked with,

Definitely myself.

But probably every client there at some point in their spiritual journey,

There is this wall of fear.

There's a certain aspect of fear and that they have to overcome.

And what is that?

That,

That,

That is fear of losing who they think they are,

Letting go of an aspect of who they think they are.

So who they think they are is another way of saying ego.

It's who we think we are.

You know,

My ego thinks that my name is Glenn and I have brown hair and I grew up in Massachusetts and live in a DR and,

You know,

All this stuff and,

And all my experiences and all that.

All,

All that data put together encompasses who Glenn Ambrose is.

Like,

That's what my ego thinks.

That's my egoic identity.

So for me to lose a part of that feels like I'm losing myself.

You know,

We can see this when our ego is being developed in children,

You know,

Especially toddlers,

Like around two or something.

When,

Or I think around two,

I haven't had a toddler in a long time,

But it's,

It's like when they,

When they start going me,

Mine,

Me,

Me,

Mine,

Mine,

Mine,

You know,

That is what they're doing is their ego is developing and they don't fully understand it.

And like,

Okay,

Dad's car is his.

So therefore,

Oh,

It must be part of him.

That's how they interpret it.

So my things are mine.

That means they're part of me.

They're part of who I identify with as me.

So this is why,

You know,

Kids cling to things so much and we have to teach them how to share one.

We don't have to teach them how to share so much when they're,

When they're little,

Little,

Like when they're babies,

Babies,

Like they,

They,

They kind of more fluid.

Right.

But as,

As they start comprehending their version of reality and how this things work on this planet,

They're immediately exposed,

You know,

As babies exposed to egoic identities and other people,

Not that we're running around going,

Mine,

Mine,

Mine.

But like,

Um,

Just if,

You know,

We tell them don't touch a knife because they could get hurt.

Well,

They don't understand that the knife can hurt them and we're trying to protect them.

They're just like,

Don't touch knife.

Oh,

The knife must be,

It's their knife.

So I'm not supposed to touch it.

Right.

This is their egoic identity being created and they're starting to make sense of what they're seeing all around them all the time.

So sometimes you,

You know,

You can take something from a child and they'll lose their mind.

Like you just severed an arm,

You know,

And it's,

It's because they're identified with that thing as being part of them.

It's so our ego is,

Is starts at very early age and it grows and we get more and more identified with it as we get older.

So this is really the,

The crux of the fear of freedom because to be free,

We can't have a small concept.

We can't be,

We can't be identified with the ego as who we are.

And that's a lot harder to let go of,

I think,

Than people realize,

You know,

Oh,

I'll just.

Let go of my ego.

Yeah.

Good luck.

I mean,

Don't get me wrong.

Like you can have a huge spiritual awakening and a large portion of it that can die off or,

Or,

Or minimize.

You can no longer be identified with it,

I guess,

Is a better way of saying it.

You know,

And,

And I suppose there's some people that can transcend it altogether,

I guess,

But,

But that's not the norm we'll say.

So the reason that we have this fear of freedom is because for us to be free,

Just totally free,

Right?

Nothing bothers us.

Nothing controls us.

Basically living in perpetual bliss,

Total freedom.

What do we like?

What would have to happen to us for us to experience that?

And it's directly correlated with our identity,

With our ego.

So.

I'll read this to you.

People fear freedom because true freedom dissolves everything that ego clings to.

It dissolves everything that ego clings to.

That's where our freedom lies.

Okay.

So what does our ego cling to?

Control,

Trying to control things to help us feel safe.

Oh,

You know,

I hired somebody to do some work for me and they didn't do it the way that I wanted to.

So now I have to get upset and try to control the situation.

That has to go.

It's not that you allow people to abuse you or to not do their work.

It's just,

You don't have to get upset by it.

You don't have to take it as a personal attack on you and you can still address the situation.

If you so choose.

A lot of times you're going to choose not to address the situation because it's not a big deal because you're not taking it personally.

And you'll just deal with the way it came out.

Sometimes you will address the situation,

But,

You know,

That's one sense of control.

And we do it in every area of our lives,

Trying to get the best price on an air flight.

That's control,

Trying to like every area of our lives is trying to control something.

This is why,

Like,

If you look at what we call a more advanced society,

Every aspect of it is controlled.

And it never ends.

I mean,

This is kind of one of the problems that's happening globally in the world today.

Is that the control has gotten so far out of whack that people are starting to see it now and going,

Oh,

I don't like this.

This doesn't feel like freedom anymore.

I mean,

Many people still think like the United States is a free country,

Which it's not.

And like if you travel to other countries and experienced actual freedom,

You would see that.

But.

And I mean,

There's many other countries that say they're free and they're not either,

You know.

Anyway,

There's different there's just different levels of control,

Is my point.

But we're starting to see it and we're starting to feel it,

You know,

Like I've always said.

The beginning of the end was a seatbelt law.

And it's not because the seatbelt law is bad,

It's or the idea of wearing a seatbelt is bad.

The idea of wearing a seatbelt,

I think,

Is very good.

Like it's it helps keep you safe and it's a good idea to do that.

But the idea that they could pass a law to make people do that is absurd to me.

It's that because I'm not the very basic reason is I'm not hurting other people if I don't have a seatbelt on.

It doesn't put other people in danger.

So if it doesn't put other people in danger and I'm the only one at risk.

Why would you possibly have the right to determine whether I choose to be at risk or not?

It's just that the concept is just.

Mind boggling to me,

And we drank it because they told us it was about safety,

Like like like they care about us or something.

Which I can't say that without laughing.

But like they care about our safety.

They don't care about our safety.

They you know that they can make all kinds of money writing tickets.

For not wearing a seatbelt.

But and even if they did care about our safety.

Which they don't,

But let's say they did.

It's not your place.

It's not your place to come into my world and tell me how safe I need to be and how safe I don't need to be as long as I'm not affecting anybody else.

It's not the government's place to make sure that I make good decisions in my life to keep myself safe at a level that they deem appropriate.

That's absurd.

So like,

But once you know,

Once that went through,

Then they were like,

Oh my God,

We can do anything to these people and just tell them it's going to make them safe.

So.

It's this it's this control that's embedded in every area of our life to try to feel safe.

You know,

This is why we get upset in just about every area of our lives.

Like because it's not dependable.

Like,

You know,

Over in the Dominican Republic,

The driving is really bad and dangerous in a lot of ways.

Right.

I mean,

I don't find it that bad,

But statistically,

It's very bad.

And obviously,

People do things that are very dangerous.

So compare that and then go to the United States and drive.

Somebody's tire touches a line on the highway and people think they're like,

What is this person drunk?

Like people in the D.

R.

Are driving on the sidewalks.

They're driving on the wrong side of the road coming at you like.

There's all kinds of things to navigate that don't make any sense.

But like and again,

It's not that all this stuff is bad per se.

Right.

It's just that if you look at it,

It's embedded in every area of our lives.

It's control.

Like I said,

If somebody's tire touches a line on the highway,

People like,

What is this person doing?

Are they drunk?

No,

That that's humanity.

Like humans are not robots like there.

They can go to change a radio station and their tire can touch the line.

It doesn't mean that something's not right in the world.

It's just human beings are perfect robots and everything is like that.

There is so much structure.

If the grocery store doesn't have broccoli,

It's just what is wrong.

I mean,

This is ridiculous.

How could the manager not order more broccoli?

I mean,

It's like the things we get upset over are mind boggling because everything is so structured.

And it gives us a sense of control that we're in control of life because we can project what's going to happen in the future and usually be right.

With all this control,

With all this structured control.

And then we think that we're in control and we're not like,

You know,

What happens if.

The farm that produces broccoli has some disease go through the plants or that there is an accident with the delivery truck or like things happen that affect the broccoli.

And it's upsetting to us because it broke this.

We expected it to be there and it's not.

So there must be something wrong with the world or somebody must have fallen short because this is ridiculous.

Or,

You know,

Like and everything's like that.

We are so addicted to control and we don't even know it.

This is why,

You know,

I love living in the D.

R.

And part of it is because I love the sense of freedom and I love the there's so many good things that I love about it.

But it's not that doesn't mean it's easy.

Like,

I'm constantly having to let go of these concepts of control that I had in the past.

That were just embedded in me that I didn't even know were there.

I'm constantly having to let those things go.

And it's hard sometimes and it's frustrating sometimes.

But I know I'm becoming a better version of myself because of it.

And that's one of the reasons that was one of the first things I said.

I may have even said it before I moved here or if not,

It was shortly after I said,

I know that I'm going to be a better version of myself if I move there.

So,

I mean,

Is our,

You know,

The nature and the people happier and the adventures and the beauty and like all the things,

The warm weather,

All the things that I love about living here.

Yeah,

Those are wonderful and I love them.

But equally as important,

If not more important,

Is the fact that I'm letting go of control.

Because things function very differently over here.

So,

I see it more clearly.

So,

Then I can let go of it,

Right?

So,

This is a,

It's probably the biggest aspect of it is the control.

So,

I'm going to kind of go.

I took a long time on control and I think it's important to do that because that's such a huge part of our ego.

It's a huge part of our ego,

Maybe the biggest part.

And it's also something that we can see in our daily life and start to chip away at too,

Hopefully.

Because it's kind of tangible.

You know,

Like when you're trying to control something,

You're like,

Okay,

That's the thing and that's what I'm trying to control.

So,

Therefore,

Letting go of trying to control the outcome to that thing would benefit me.

So,

It's like a practical thing that we can do in our journey.

Whereas some of the other aspects of our ego,

It's kind of ethereal.

It's kind of like our identity.

Oh,

I'm going to let go of my identity.

How the heck do I do that?

Like that's more conceptual.

It's broader.

Now,

I'll answer that question.

The way we do that is through replacement,

Just like we do anything.

So,

Letting go of who we think we are.

It's not so much letting go of who we think we are because just don't do that.

Oh,

Okay,

That's hard,

Right?

So,

Replacement is better.

So,

Instead of don't identify with who you think you are,

Then instead,

Well,

What do we identify with?

Well,

Then we identify with the eternal aspect of ourselves.

We identify with our soul.

Oh,

Okay.

So,

The more attention we put on identifying with our soul and the eternal nature of us,

Then the more we identify with it.

And then we just starve identifying with ourselves,

The egoic self,

Right?

So,

That's one way.

But I digress.

I'm going to read this again because there's some good stuff.

This was just something that I generated with AI around the concepts that I was having.

So,

It put words to some of these concepts that I was having,

Or more detailed words.

So,

People fear freedom because true freedom dissolves everything the ego clings to.

Control,

Identity,

Certainty,

And belonging.

Awakening means stepping beyond the familiar walls of illusion and facing the vastness of the unknown self.

See,

That's what's scary is we're stepping into the unknown.

That conjures fear in everyone.

It's going to.

It's easier to stay asleep within the comfort of limitation than to confront the infinite responsibility that comes with realizing you are the creator.

You are creating everything.

Now,

I believe that,

You know,

We can't create really anything.

I mean,

Maybe little stuff,

But we can't really create anything on our own.

The one creator creates through us,

But we are directing what it's creating.

Freedom demands surrender of story,

Our personal stories of attachment and victimhood,

Which is in most people's stories.

And most people mistake that surrender for loss instead of liberation.

Okay.

Freedom demands surrender of story,

Attachment,

And victimhood.

And most people mistake that surrender for loss instead of liberation.

And that's really how it feels.

And I've been through it.

I've done it on different levels,

And I have more to do on it.

But I'm very familiar with like our egoic death can literally feel like death,

Like physical sensations,

Feeling like you're dying.

And,

Of course,

The mental and emotional feelings as if you're dying.

Big ego deaths can feel like that.

You know,

And it's just a poor or I don't I shouldn't say death,

I guess.

I mean,

I don't.

Personally,

I don't care if I say death or an identification with,

You know,

It's the same thing.

But I think death might give the wrong impression.

Like,

It's just a section of our it's not the whole ego.

It's just portions of our ego that we're no longer identified with.

Therefore,

It no longer has control over us.

Therefore,

We are free.

But we mistake this surrender for loss instead of liberation,

Like because we don't we don't know who we're going to be after.

What?

Well,

If I'm not Glenn and with brown hair that.

Grew up in Massachusetts and live this life and then had spiritual awakenings and then live this life,

If I'm not that story,

Then who am I?

And that's unsettling because why?

Because we're identified with that version of ourselves.

We think that that's who we are.

So if I go,

Oh,

I'm not that all of a sudden it feels like this vast emptiness,

Like,

Oh,

Well,

I'm not that like knowing thinking we know who we are.

Makes us relax and makes us feel comfortable.

Oh,

I know something.

Oh,

OK.

I can stop thinking about it.

I know that that's true.

OK,

There.

Now I can relax,

But because we're not good at not knowing,

Which is part of the spiritual path,

And you see this a lot in the world,

This is why we're so polarized or one of the reasons we're so polarized in politics and world issues is because people just lock.

They want to.

Big like on an unconscious level,

It just feels like big problem,

Big problem,

Big problem.

Oh,

No.

Oh,

No.

Oh,

No.

Big problem.

And we don't know what to do with it.

Right.

So then we look into it and we're like,

What am I?

What is the world ending?

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to think?

What am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to behave?

So we go,

Oh,

OK,

What's this side say?

Hopefully we look at both sides.

A lot of people don't.

But.

At some point,

Somebody says something that that we're like,

OK,

That makes logical sense to me.

OK,

That's the truth.

That's what's happening.

OK,

So.

So I understand these people are bad and it's their fault and these people are good and they're going to save me.

OK,

Got it.

OK,

Now I can relax because I know what's going on.

Them bad,

Me good.

I pick good people.

I'm on good side.

And it's very simple.

That's why I'm kind of talking like that,

Like me,

Good,

Me,

Good,

Me on the side of good people,

Them bad,

Those bad people.

OK,

Good.

All right.

I understand now.

Now I can relax like and it's been like this for,

You know,

We've been driven by the ego for tens of thousands of years.

It's like you look back.

It's the same thing with the with the religious wars.

You know,

This is this is why when unfortunately when we label somebody,

Somebody or a group of people is bad,

Then it literally takes their humanity away from them.

They're not bad people anymore because they're not really people.

They're just bad.

They're just a they're a hindrance to life itself.

So that's what they are.

This is how,

You know,

People of religion can,

Even though their religion,

All the religions say thou shall not kill.

They can go run around killing people because they're not actually people.

They're just.

A threat there,

They're bad.

The world is worse because they're in it.

So if they're not in it,

Then the world's going to be better.

Like this is the unconscious understanding of that.

Which obviously is delusional.

So.

The reason we do this is because it makes us feel safe and comfortable.

Sometimes not safe,

But at least it makes us feel comfortable.

You know,

That's what's so that's what's so wild is that,

You know,

This middle sentence,

It's easier to stay asleep within the comfort of limitation than to confront the infinite responsibility.

That comes with realizing you are the creator.

Now,

I would tweak that a little bit,

Because,

Like,

Once you actually confront.

That your limitation.

And confront the infinite responsibility,

You find out that you do not have responsibility like it's like that's one of the best parts,

That's what freedom is like.

Would you feel free if you're like you had to spend all your time making sure that everybody else was safe?

Like,

No,

You'd be constantly,

You know,

That's kind of what your ego is.

It's constantly working,

It's constantly trying to find things that might be possible dangers and control them so you don't get hurt.

That doesn't feel like safety to me.

That doesn't feel like freedom to me.

So it's that's that's not free.

Like,

Yes,

We are the creator of our own experience.

But like I said,

The one creator is handling everything.

So really,

All we have to do is take our hands off the wheel.

And good will flow and we love supported cared for.

Now,

You know,

That's when our ego we're no longer identified with our ego and we're identified with being one with our creator.

Freedom.

Right now,

When you're free and you know you're safe.

You don't have to keep yourself safe.

You don't have to keep everybody else safe because you're eternally safe.

You're safe by the creator of everything.

You're eternal.

It's good.

No more worry.

No more fear.

You're good.

OK,

Then you can start adjusting your creative.

Abilities.

You know,

Now you can start working with your creator since the create the one creator has all the power and the energy and the ability.

Now you're just like a flashlight tuning in to different things.

You can you know,

You can tighten it up like a laser beam and accomplish one thing using the power that flows through us,

Not our own power.

Or we can broaden it and shine it on a few different things that we want to accomplish,

You know,

As and we express it's an expression of.

This.

Infinite creator.

Ability and power.

And we create so we create our own reality.

So I'm going to kind of,

You know,

I'm way out there,

Right?

So I'm going to kind of try to zoom it back in.

And.

Touch on a more like personal real life experience,

So hopefully you guys can identify with that and then.

Zoom it back out so we can see how all this comes together.

So like when I was when I was looking at this stuff,

It was I'm looking at this fear of freedom.

So I looked at my conditioning,

Right?

And I've known aspects of this,

But it just became clearer.

When when I was a kid.

You know,

I've talked many times how I was ADHD and I couldn't sit still and I was always in trouble,

Even though I was trying to not I was trying to be good,

But I just was incapable of it.

And when you have a structured school system,

Especially back then,

That,

You know.

Didn't know how to deal with that.

So I was told I was bad and I was sent to the office all the time and,

You know,

And I was always in trouble and I was always grounded at home and I was always,

You know,

In trouble at school.

And so,

Like,

Year after year after year after year of this day after day after day,

I start believing I start looking.

And,

You know,

By the time I hit seventh grade,

I'm like,

I just don't like I can't be who they want me to be.

And I was trying so hard and it hurt.

It hurt my heart a lot to to be told to try to be good,

To try to fit in,

To try to do what society was telling me to do,

To be good and to be accepted.

And then to be told that you're not good enough,

No matter how hard you try.

Like,

No,

You're still bad.

You're still bad.

You're still bad.

And I could tell that that was killing me.

It was just killing me.

It was hurting my heart so much that no matter what I did,

I was just not good enough.

And it was killing me,

You know,

And plus I could feel the judgment and the just contempt that all the adults had for me.

I could feel it on a daily basis.

I could see it the way they looked at me.

It was just,

You know,

So in seventh grade,

I finally was like,

Well,

You know,

It's obvious I can't I can't be who they want me to be.

So are there any other options?

Because this is killing me.

I was in major emotional turmoil.

I shut down and I couldn't I had literally no feelings for a while.

I couldn't feel I couldn't feel.

Sadness or happiness or fear,

Or I couldn't feel anything for like I think it was a couple of weeks.

Because I like my body was just trying to figure out how to navigate this,

You know,

So so I look at it and I'm like,

Well,

What if I just give up trying to be who they want me to be?

And I just felt immediately this pressure come off of me.

It was like,

Oh,

My God,

I think that,

You know,

Just the pressure I was putting on myself.

Was immense,

So that I felt that relief immediately,

You know,

And I was like,

OK,

I think I'm on to something.

So I was like,

OK,

To do this,

I have to accept that everybody is going to label me as bad.

And this was kind of so this was an insight I had,

You know,

I've had for a long time and I could see and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

But I think I went deeper with it recently where I saw that it wasn't just me going,

OK,

I have no more fear of consequences because I know I'm going to get in trouble.

I accept that I'm a bad person.

You know,

I just accept that I'm not good enough.

I just accept it like that.

I was all aware of.

But what I came to an awareness of recently was that I also included.

Things that people were using as ammunition to get me to do what they wanted,

Right?

Like so like if if anybody if the adults told me why I should be good,

Like usually they just they didn't.

They just like you're bad.

You're being punished.

But there were times when it was explained to me.

And also,

Of course,

You know,

My own comprehension of what I saw in the world.

So like why was I trying so hard to be good,

To be who they wanted me to be in the first place?

Well,

It looked like it held rewards.

I was told that it held rewards.

Right,

If I was only able to be a good student,

Then what I would or,

You know,

And not get in any more trouble,

Then my life would be good.

Like I would I would be successful because I would have a good education and people would like me.

And I would be able to go on field trips with the school because I wasn't grounded.

I could do like I could do,

You know,

My life would would would encompass all these wonderful things.

And I would be successful and,

You know,

Financially well off and have all the things that that that people wanted of me.

And I would be loved.

See,

Love was conditional.

They didn't love me because I wasn't doing I was getting negative feedback all the time.

So I wasn't getting love.

I was getting negative feedback and they told me I would I would get positive feedback.

I would get the love if I just did what they wanted me to do.

So once I once I you know,

This was the piece that I didn't see before.

Once I surrendered to being bad and went,

OK,

Screw it,

I'm going to be bad.

And I just won't have any consequences because,

You know,

A fear of consequences because I'm already getting punished all the time anyway.

So what if I don't mind getting punished?

What if it's not a big deal?

What if it doesn't hurt me when they punish me?

Oh,

Well,

Then I won't feel the pain.

Oh,

OK.

You know,

So there was that and I was kind of aware of that.

But what I didn't see was the things that were tied to it.

The things that were tied to it were things like,

You know,

And I'll minimize it to just know that I can bring these these two main things can branch off into other areas,

You know.

They can have other specifics,

Too.

But the two main things that I saw,

I surrendered to not having one was success,

Wealth.

You know,

Like when you're a kid and you look,

I mean,

A lot of adults still look at it like this,

But when you're a kid,

It's kind of simplified,

Right?

You're like there's these people that are successful and they have the successful ones have all kinds of money and they do the cool things.

They fly in the private jets and they they go to these cool experiences and they're the ones that can afford the Super Bowl tickets.

And they're the one like,

You know,

So like they they have this life that encompasses all the wonderful,

Cool things.

And I had to surrender that I was never going to have that.

Because I was never going to be one of those people,

Because I couldn't be what those people were.

Those people were able to follow the rules.

Those people were able to not get in trouble.

Those people were able to everybody like them and,

You know,

And supported them.

And that was part of who they became as they grew older.

And I wasn't one of those people.

I was one of the bad kids.

I was the one that was in trouble all the time.

I was the one that was probably going to end up in jail.

If you listen to some of my teachers and other people,

You know,

Other adults,

I was the one that was going to be in trouble.

So I needed to forego all of the success.

And when I swallowed the reality that I wasn't good enough and I was just going to be one of the bad kids,

I was destined to be one of the bad ones.

Then the bad ones didn't have anything.

They were broke.

They were not successful.

They were bad,

Or at least,

You know,

What I saw of it.

Right.

That's what the adults told me.

And that's what it looked like.

There was at least some evidence of it.

I know that's not all true now.

But again,

When you're a kid,

You kind of oversimplify because you don't have all this worldly experience.

Now I know that there are many,

But there are many people that didn't play by the rules that are extremely successful.

You know,

Like,

And I mean,

Didn't play by the rules.

Not that they did anything bad.

I don't mean that.

I mean,

Like Richard Branson,

I'll use for an example,

Like to me,

You know,

I don't know a ton about him.

But from what I know about him,

He's,

You know,

He's highly successful,

But he did it his own way.

And he still does,

As opposed to fitting in a box that society told him he needed to fit into,

You know,

So there's successful people.

And,

You know,

And a lot of bad people,

Like bad moral people are highly successful.

They use that as a tool to get successful,

Right?

So like a lot of the people who don't have much are a lot more morally good.

You know,

I shouldn't say more,

You know,

That there's good and bad in people who don't have a lot of things.

There's most of them are amazingly wonderful,

Good people.

The people who have,

I don't know.

I don't know if I would say most.

It doesn't really matter because it's just based on my experience.

But I do understand that there's more and more of a percentage of people who have a lot that are really good moral people.

Whereas before I used to think it was a very small percentage.

Now I would,

Through my experience,

I'm seeing more and more of them.

So I would say,

You know,

It's at least 50-50.

Who knows?

Maybe,

You know,

Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

Like I said,

It's just perception.

And I'm sure as success comes in and I keep looking at the world this way,

I'm going to get more and more evidence that people that have are really morally good.

Because that's what I'm looking for.

And that's what I'll see.

So back then,

Let me finish this up.

I thought I needed to forgo being successful and having wonderful things in my life.

Because of who I was and who I surrendered to being.

Okay.

So a big aspect of that was financial,

But not just financial.

Anything that had any level to do with any success.

Something,

You know,

That I just wasn't one of those people that was going to have that.

Because I was a bad person.

So there's that.

And then the other thing was love.

You know,

Love was attached to everything.

Symbols of love.

So since I was getting negative feedback all the time and told I wasn't good enough.

And,

You know,

Well,

Then who's going to love me?

I mean,

I remember the first time I fell in love with my first girlfriend.

I think I was 21.

And,

Like,

For years,

I don't know if I ever got over it when I was with her completely.

I did go through some changes.

But I remember for years when we were together.

Like in the beginning,

I was just so locked on to just having fun and all this stuff.

But for years,

I thought that once she saw who I really was,

She was going to leave me.

The relationship was going to be over.

Just a matter of time.

Because I was unlovable.

I couldn't be loved.

Not really,

You know.

And,

Like,

She was a really special person.

And we actually had a really good relationship,

Especially considering how dysfunctional I was.

You know,

Maybe this had something to do with my parents.

My parents had a pretty good relationship,

Too.

You know,

I would say more than a pretty good date.

I think they had a very good relationship.

Although I do know that I didn't see some of the problems that they had.

But from what was modeled for me,

It was a very good relationship.

So that was kind of my norm.

So,

Like,

We had a good relationship.

A really good relationship.

And towards the end,

I think I started working through some of that.

I actually started.

Like,

I remember I went through one period where I was getting into a lot of trouble.

Arrested for drinking and driving.

And arrested for stealing a limousine.

With my friends.

From the mafia,

No doubt.

On top of it.

Yeah,

That was an interesting story.

But all these other things.

And I was just like,

Okay,

Now she'll leave me.

Now she'll see who I truly am.

Now she'll know.

And she didn't.

And I was like,

So there was a.

I was starting to work through that to think that maybe she did love me.

Or would stay with me and love me.

I never fully.

I don't think I fully made it through that.

Because then when we split,

It was very difficult.

And it reinforced that I was unlovable again.

Right?

But I digress.

So those were the two main parts.

It was the success and the not being able to be loved.

Right?

Those were the two big.

And those were the two big pieces.

And like I said,

They manifest into a lot of different areas in your life.

Into relationships.

Into work.

Into finances.

There were times when I had chunks of big chunks of money that I just sabotaged with,

Even though intellectually I was good with money.

I needed to get rid of that because it didn't match who I was.

Excuse me.

You know,

It didn't match me inside.

I thought I needed to become somebody else.

To have all this stuff.

And I thought rich people were greedy and selfish.

I used to think that all my sabotaging came out of that.

But it's even more than that.

It's not just that I used to think.

Because I had to demonize some of these successful people too.

The more I saw the bad in the successful people,

The more I clung onto that.

Because then maybe I wasn't so bad.

There was an aspect of me that wasn't so bad being a loser.

Because at least I wasn't them.

And look at all the bad they're doing.

So it would grab my attention and I would start demonizing them.

So now I see that.

It wasn't just that I thought being money would make me a bad person on an unconscious level.

On a conscious level,

I always wanted money.

I was always chasing it.

I always wanted it on a surface level.

Just like most people.

But on an unconscious level,

I had to get rid of it.

Otherwise I was going to be a bad person like those people.

So that I've been aware of for a long time.

But this other part is just recent.

Where I'm like,

Oh wow.

Yeah.

I accepted that since this is who I was.

I was going to be non-successful.

And I was going to be not capable of being loved.

So I had to protect my heart.

This is all fear of freedom.

I was scared.

I had fear of what I was going to be if I let go of all this stuff.

And hopefully that you guys were kind of paying attention.

Because I was like,

I'm pointing out all the aspects of our ego.

Of our identity.

Of our longing to belong.

Who we think we are.

How our conditioning affects us and all this stuff.

But it's all to point the light at this fear of freedom.

To understand that we have to let go of all of that.

I have to let go of it.

And step into a reality that I can't even see.

And fully understand.

I have to let go of the control.

I have to let go of who I thought I was.

But it opens me up to the freedom.

Because when I let go of this stuff.

Once I see it.

It's like,

Oh that's who I thought I was.

And that's who I thought I needed to be.

And those were things that I thought I would never have.

Because of who I was.

It's like,

That's all wrapped up in my ego.

So when I start letting go of that.

Start letting go of my ego as who I am.

Then all of a sudden I'm free.

I'm like,

Oh wait.

I'm not a person that can't be loved.

I'm not a person that can't be successful.

That's not who and what I am.

That was a belief that my ego latched on to.

Because of some evidence when I was younger.

But that's not the truth of who or what I am.

I'm an eternal being.

That can create whatever I want.

That's freedom.

There's nothing holding me back.

There's no reason why I can't have everything that I've ever wanted.

Oh!

And it's wonderful once you finally get there.

And experience that freedom.

It's just,

How do we get there?

And I guess that's really kind of a good way of saying.

What I was talking about a lot in this podcast.

I know it was fear of freedom.

But what I was trying to explain is.

How do you get to that freedom?

How do you get there?

Because I can just sit here and do a podcast on freedom.

And go,

Oh,

Well,

Yeah.

You just let go,

Man.

Yeah,

It's just like you're eternal,

Man.

Like,

Dude.

And there's nothing tangible in that.

Because you can't bring it into your everyday life.

And go,

Oh,

Okay.

My version of what Glenn was talking about was this.

And it came from this.

And now that I understand how.

Oh,

This happened to him.

And then it made him think and feel like this.

So that's why.

Those were his blocks because he latched on to them.

Okay,

So if he lets go of them.

Then he's free of them.

And then he can just interact with the one creator.

And create the life he wants.

Oh,

Okay.

I got it.

What does that look like in my life?

What was I conditioned to believe?

What are the things that are holding me back?

What did the messages that were given to me as a child.

What did they make me believe?

How did I interpret them?

And how are those things holding me back?

It's hard to let go of something.

Until you can understand it a little bit.

Right?

So that's why this podcast,

I guess,

Went in the direction it went.

But yeah,

It's the freedom.

One of the best parts of freedom is understanding that.

All the work you've been doing.

All the struggle.

All the strife.

All the trying.

All the efforting.

You didn't have to be doing.

You're not running life.

Life is just flowing.

And if you go with it and just trust.

And maybe kind of stick your oar in the water every once in a while.

And just kind of be like,

Ooh,

There's a fork coming up.

I want to go to the left.

And you just kind of lean in the direction of the left.

It's kind of like riding a motorcycle or a bike.

If you're going at a fast pace and you're just cooking.

And all of a sudden you want to go to the left.

Do you put in a bunch of effort and turn your wheels sideways really hard?

No.

You go flying and wipe out.

You just kind of lean in that direction.

And the more power.

If you're on a bike or a motorcycle.

The more speed you're going at is the more momentum.

The more power.

So we're flowing with the power of life,

Man.

That's a lot of freaking energy.

So we don't have to steer really hard and try to control it.

We just kind of lean.

We just lean in the direction of what we want.

That's all.

Because we're not doing it.

The power flowing through us is what's doing it.

We're just kind of steering it a little bit.

That's all.

And that's so much more relaxing.

And it's so much more freedom filled.

It's just like.

I remember having an awakening around this 22 years ago.

I just started laughing because I saw myself try to control something.

And I was wide awake.

And I was like,

Oh,

My God.

What makes me think I could control that?

And then I kind of flashed to all the other things that I thought I was controlling.

And I just started laughing.

And I felt this enormous sense of freedom because I was like,

Oh,

My God.

God controls all this,

Not me.

What a relief.

And I've gotten that message over and over throughout the years.

And it's beautiful because that's where we land is in freedom.

So freedom.

We think we want freedom and we do.

But then when it comes to actually surrendering control.

Of who and surrendering who we think we are and the aspects of that.

All of a sudden we lock up.

Oh,

My God.

That's scary.

And we just have to work to relax.

And loosen and open and surrender.

And when we do that,

We land in the freedom.

That's why it always makes me laugh when I hear people like,

Oh,

Freedom isn't free.

Yeah,

That's exactly what it is.

It's literally in the word.

Oh,

You have to fight for freedom.

No,

No,

You don't.

You can't fight for freedom.

You literally can't fight for freedom.

We people have been doing it for about.

100,

000 years trying to fight for freedom.

You see a bunch of free people walking around.

I don't.

I see more and more control.

Oh,

Well,

I guess fighting for freedom doesn't work.

All right,

Peeps,

That's going to do it.

Thanks for listening.

Let me know if I can be of service and I will talk with you soon.

Peace.