070 Summer Engman & Micah Rodrigues: Devotion In Relationship

Today's guests are Summer Engman and Micah Rodriguez.

Summer,

If you haven't caught her before,

I mean,

She's a longtime friend of mine.

She and I used to host a radio show together called The 60 Minute Orgasm back in Brooklyn.

And the last time she was on the podcast,

She and I were in Bali,

We were hanging out,

She had some new realizations about relationships,

Specifically around the topic of devotion.

And it was something that moved me because it was like a new way of looking at relating that I hadn't thought about before.

Meanwhile,

During that time period,

She was actually connecting with a guy over in New York.

Basically,

They tell the story a bit in the show.

But from that podcast,

She like the next day,

She flew and met this guy,

They got engaged,

They moved in together.

So I was really excited to meet up with them here in LA to see actually how this all played out.

I mean,

Because Summer said some stuff that really changed how I've been perceiving relating to people and commitment and yeah,

Being in relationship with someone,

And I wanted to see how the relationship was.

So we had a fun discussion.

Micah drops a bomb towards the end,

Which I wasn't expecting at all.

But it all made it all the more interesting.

So I love these two people.

And this was a fun conversation.

I also reveal a little bit more of my personal life much to my skirmishness.

But anyway,

Right now you're listening to episode 070,

Episode 70,

Summer and Micah Devotion and Practice.

You're listening to the Ruando podcast,

Part of the Gotham podcast studio network in New York,

New York.

If you enjoy the show,

Please subscribe and rate it wherever you listen to podcasts.

All right,

We're here in Los Angeles,

In the home of Summer Anguen and Micah Rodriguez.

For those listening,

You may remember Summer from many other episodes,

But the most recent one,

Six months ago,

We had an episode on devotion.

And I wanted to speak more on that because back then you were speaking about a soon to start relationship and now here you are.

I'm here in your home.

Yeah.

Hi.

I'm here with my fiancee Micah.

And last time I saw you,

We were in Bali,

And we were talking about devotion and I was secretly referencing this man who I had at the time not met yet.

Yeah.

You guys met through Facebook or something.

Yeah.

We hadn't met though in person.

And I was sort of embarrassed to be starting this relationship with this person who I had not met.

So I didn't really say anything about him.

I'm on a call,

But he was like,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well,

It was interesting because I hadn't seen you since Cuba.

I'm like,

Whatever.

We were kind of hanging in Bali and then you kept leaving the other room to Skype some guy in New York.

I was like,

Okay.

And then like three days later,

You're like,

Yep,

Going to New York.

So yeah.

Okay.

Sweet.

So anyway,

I want to speak to you guys because that episode had a big impact on the way I've been viewing relationships and devotion.

I kind of wanted to see how it's been playing out in real life.

Awesome.

Well,

We have like a lot of updates because we have gone through quite the ride.

Well,

First,

Micah,

You just said you heard that episode.

Did you have any general feelings about what Summer said about relationship ideals before you guys were actually dating?

You know,

It's interesting because she said that it was about me.

And as she mentioned earlier,

It actually wasn't.

And I kind of felt it was like,

That's interesting.

That it wasn't actually about me,

But in reality,

It was the energy that I felt from her was actually interesting.

And then it was a little different for me.

Whereas for her devotion,

I felt was for someone else at that time,

But it was intentionally meant for me.

So I think I'm in a different way.

The way I interpreted it was that like she had Summer had learned that this is what relationship should be and here she was going into a relationship with you.

Right.

And that's what I took from it at least.

Yeah.

Perception.

I talked about this other person who I was like,

I concluded a relationship with recently,

Overtly.

I talked about him on the podcast and then I didn't talk overtly about you because like I said,

I was embarrassed that I'm starting this relationship with this person who I never met.

So yeah,

But it was about you.

You want updates?

Yeah.

Well,

I mean,

How has,

I mean,

Because like from afar,

I have seen you since then from afar,

Look like this true love fairytale story.

And I was like,

Ah,

Devotion is supposed to be the thing.

And it's nice to see like,

What,

What,

What is,

What is,

Yeah,

Just how it's been in practice and how has this been a real different relationship and all that stuff?

I feel,

I feel like right now we're talking about devotion as like this thing,

Like this sort of like idea and we're like referencing it,

Like sort of how people reference like masculine and feminine.

You're supposed to just like know what that means.

And then you're like,

And then like you apply it like a formula to your life or something like,

Okay,

Devotion,

Add one scoop.

One scoop of devotion.

Yeah.

And things will be better.

In my actual experience,

Devotion means that you,

Well,

It means so many different things.

The first thing that comes to mind for me right now is that it means that you have to be devoted to something that's not just about devotion.

So you have to juggle devotion to so many different things.

You have to juggle between devotion to yourself,

Devotion,

Like to,

You know,

Like that,

Like growing through whatever you currently find to be like,

You know,

The last thing you want to be dealing with in a relationship or something and like growing through it and seeing what your part is in it and seeing how you create that over and over again in your life.

So there's like devotion to that thing in yourself,

Which I think maybe is like primary.

There's like devotion to like God or spirit or the universe or whatever it is that like you seem to be called to do.

And those things overlapped a little bit.

So like so far what I'm talking about,

It sounds like not being devoted to the other person at all,

Which I think in some ways is kind of actually the case of how devotion works is that you're not just like I'm devoted to you because if you're just devoted to like another person,

You're visually like handing your life over to this other person.

You kind of called me out on that when I was like,

Oh yeah,

To me,

Devotion reminds me,

The word devotion reminds me of like sacrificing anything from a person.

Like,

Oh,

That's not what it is.

And I was like,

What?

I mean,

I don't,

That's what it was like a new,

It was like kind of a reframe for me.

So can you like,

I don't know,

Like maybe ground the idea?

Because like,

I can give you like a concrete example where like there have been times in our relationship,

We've got like,

We went through a lot of stuff that like a lot of stuff happened in the beginning of our relationship.

And it was almost like,

You know,

We met,

We got engaged and then really fast.

And then like the universe was like,

Are you willing to work for it?

Like,

Do you want to like actually earn it here?

Why don't I just give you like all this shit and then you can like,

You know,

See if you really want to,

If you,

If you really want it.

And so we like,

We had all this,

Like all these intense challenges come up for us.

And I like,

I,

There were times when like,

I didn't really feel devoted so much to him as like an individual,

As a person,

I felt like what got,

What got me to be able to be devoted to this relationship was being devoted to myself and to like doing,

To like not abandoning the growth that I,

Yeah,

What felt right,

What the growth that I felt I actually needed when I really looked at it,

Honestly,

I was like,

Oh,

Like I fall short here.

Like I,

You know,

Don't listen enough.

Like,

You know,

He's telling me,

I don't feel heard.

And I'm like,

Oh shit.

Like I don't listen.

And so it's not even so much about like,

Like I do care very much about his experience,

Which has to,

You know,

That matters.

And like,

That did drive me.

Like there are some things where it's like,

You love somebody so much that you're actually willing to look at yourself.

Whereas like,

If I didn't really care about him,

I'd be like,

This person is an inconvenience to me.

Like,

I don't want to deal with this by,

Which we do a lot in friendships.

And that's why I think why a lot of people don't have deep friendships,

They're like,

Let them go really easily.

Because intimacy is hard,

But yeah,

I feel like to ground,

To ground it in like what it actually means is like,

It means to show like devotion comes down to being a beneficial force.

And like,

If you're committed to that,

Then you can be devoted to the things in your life.

Like if you care to be better,

If you care to do better,

If you care to like improve yourself,

You care to like really enjoy your life and be better than you've been before,

Then like devotion is the natural result of that.

So like a commitment to your own evolution.

Right.

Yeah.

I guess where I get,

I mean,

Because I shared a little bit about like my intimacy challenges currently and like a big,

It sounds like,

Well,

A couple of things you're mentioning that I've been thinking about a lot.

It's like being a we unit,

Like,

Like when it's inconvenient,

I'm like,

For me,

My whole life,

If like my relationship is struggling or it's like inconvenient,

I'm like,

Well,

The best thing for me is to move on to the next thing.

I'm going to keep growing that way.

That's like kind of where I've always gone.

I'm like trying to confront,

Is that the best thing?

Because it's kind of a foreign idea for me,

But I realized that relationships require you to be there for the other person when they're down too,

Or not adding to you.

I think it's interesting because it's back to that conversation we had last or yesterday,

Excuse me,

Where devotion for me,

I mean,

I was single for five years and I was,

I was casually dating before I met her.

And for me,

I was growing to be a better person.

I thought I was at a point when I met her finally was okay,

I'm ready.

I'm ready for this commitment.

I'm ready to,

To be devoted to a partner.

And when we were,

I went back to this idea of like,

Oh,

Now I have to share this home with someone.

I now have to do this with someone.

And so it was so hard for me to make it into that we unit,

But because of her devotion to us and really to her developing as a better person,

Vice versa,

I stuck through it.

And I thought,

You know,

Cause I told her yesterday,

It was like,

You know,

Growing up,

My parents kept buying me new things and that's their form of like,

Here,

I love you.

Here's this new object.

And I told her the same thing with relationships where I grew up thinking,

Well,

Why am I going to settle for this individual when I know there's a new,

You know,

Something better that I can learn,

You know,

Later on in life with someone else.

And that's how I see relationships too.

It kind of like you where it's like,

Well,

I know that there's probably something better out there.

Why settle?

And I,

With her,

She's the first person that made me realize that it's,

It's not so much settling anymore.

It's okay.

We're growing,

We're growing as individuals in these,

So to speak,

Dark corners.

I've never let anyone else in and growing within that.

It's like,

I'm finding that new gift,

That new love with her where as opposed to,

Well,

We're fighting.

Why am I,

Why are we here?

There's something better out there.

We actually,

We processed it,

That new gift,

That new love for me.

That's what that devotion was for me.

It was fun.

It's a beautiful way to see relationships now where I don't,

I'm not seeking something new.

And granted,

You know,

We can connect to people.

I'm attracted to other people as much as she is too.

And there is that kind of like fiery feeling,

You know,

But at the same time,

I'm thinking,

I have that fiery feeling with her every time we process something big.

So it's kind of the same thing for me.

So anyway,

That was my take.

That was beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Do you remember the love languages?

I've heard of it.

Okay.

Well,

Like there's different ways people express love.

It sounds like gifts is a,

It's like a thing for you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

No.

Well,

It was when I was growing up.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Yeah.

But absolutely.

That when you were growing up,

That's,

I think that was more your mom's love language,

Your mom's love language.

But it's developed into my relationships where your mom's love language is gifts.

So that's how she shows her love.

True.

Your love language is words of affirmation.

And what else?

What are the others?

So there's so I'm,

I'm gifts.

I'm quality time.

Acts of service and words of affirmation.

I think maybe he gives acts of service like that.

His,

Like his love language for giving love is acts of service.

And I think he also like really appreciates receiving acts of service,

Words of affirmation.

He like doles him out.

Like he's so good at it.

And like,

He really requires that coming back to him.

For me,

Those are not my love language.

But I'm learning that they're his and that like how much that impacts him.

Whereas for me,

It's like touch and quality time and gifts.

Yeah.

The other ones.

But weren't you saying you're kind of saying like correct me if I'm wrong or if it's,

You know like part of your identity was like in providing and like being like,

I just assumed like connected to two things.

Yeah.

You know,

I,

The way that my parents specifically,

My mom would do that,

I would do that with my partners.

I would buy them things too.

And thinking,

Well,

This is my form of loving you.

You know,

This was back in my early twenties where I just,

I buy women things kind of good.

I could afford it.

And that was my idea of loving someone because I grew up that way.

And then I met this woman years ago where she said,

I don't want your gifts.

I want you.

And it's kind of like a frozen thing.

And then I kind of developed myself into thinking that's right.

And that's kind of how I got to her where it's like,

I don't want to buy you gifts.

You know,

I want to provide for you,

But I want to,

I want to show you.

I feel like you wanted to buy me gifts.

Well,

Yeah,

That's part of me.

He was like,

You shouldn't be riding around Bali in a not amazing helmet.

I'm gonna,

He's like,

Give me your address.

Where can I send a helmet to?

I was like,

You know,

It's gonna have to go through customs and like,

I don't care.

It's still part of me.

It's still a little bit.

Yeah.

I was talking about this a little bit because there's another thing that's been like vulnerable for me.

Cause like I'm in a relationship now where for various reasons I'm providing in different ways in a way I've never before.

Partly because through my entire twenties,

I was broke and I couldn't.

And it was,

I had,

Because of that,

I had an ideal of like,

Oh,

Like men shouldn't pay for women or whatever.

That's not,

That's disempowering or whatever.

I don't need to buy affection,

All that,

Whatever nonsense.

But now I'm doing it.

And it's like,

I've been finding as a new level of vulnerability because I don't have unlimited money certainly.

And I'm like almost afraid of that becoming part of my value in a relationship.

Even though I do think there is something,

You know,

Quote unquote masculine about material.

And is that thoughts?

I,

I do agree with that too.

I do.

I do agree with that.

There's something about providing for a woman that it's just,

It makes it for me personally,

It makes me feel more like,

Okay,

I'm a man.

I just want men to do.

And,

You know,

And recently it got to the point where it's like,

I need to feel that.

Otherwise I just feel almost emasculated if I don't,

You know,

And it was difficult.

It was difficult not to be able to provide.

So I do agree with it.

But at the same time,

You had a jobless period,

Right?

Yeah.

I had a wonderful job where I was making really good money and I could just do whatever I wanted and I had to literally switch it.

I mean,

It really quite quickly.

And it essentially,

It was like a part of my own element where I couldn't provide as much anymore.

And I thought I'm losing who I am,

But at the same time I started developing where you're now kind of building that as well.

I think it's a balance.

If you,

And this is from my experience,

I think if you just provide that and you don't provide that emotional,

I guess,

So to speak language,

You know,

I don't know how y'all say it,

But then yeah,

I feel like a woman would get so used to that,

That if you don't start and you stop providing,

Then it,

Where is the other part of you?

And I have experienced that too.

I think what happened also for you,

Correct me if I'm wrong,

Is like you,

He went,

So he,

He had like financial situation changed right after we got engaged and then for a bit.

And then he like had to,

He had,

He had to deal with like,

So he was like,

He like flew me across the world and like had picked me up in a black car and like all of that.

He was like,

You know,

Rolling out the red carpet and like,

He was like,

What do you need for your business?

Let me get it.

And I was like,

Oh,

Baby,

Like this long.

I was like,

I can't,

But anyway then he couldn't do that stuff for a bit.

And like,

He had to,

And I was like,

Babe,

I think it's like,

The universe is trying to show you that you don't have to like try it.

Cause like,

He was like the other side of what you're,

Where you're at,

Where you're like,

Women empowerment,

Like I shouldn't be doing this.

And like,

He was the other way of like,

I have to do this.

And,

And now he doesn't,

And now he doesn't have to,

Like,

Now,

You know,

You don't have to,

Which is like,

I think where it needs to be is that like,

That there's a balance.

But sorry,

I'm getting like a little bit slow cause I have like a very wiggly dog on my feet.

Yeah,

If two dogs,

Then I'm like,

The,

Okay,

I was thinking about this cause we were talking about brunch about this couple we know where it seems like the guy's the breadwinner and the woman kind of just like supports him and he's very successful and awesome and he's great.

And I was thinking about that,

Like,

That's kind of just basically what traditional coupling has been throughout the years.

And I was thinking about this too,

Especially in the relationship I'm in now where I'm like,

If I'm providing for both of us,

Almost like,

I don't want to put it this way,

Like that her side of it would be like making a home,

Right?

Like that's how it was pre 1950s.

But if she's also having a career,

Then it's kind of like an uneven balance.

Right.

I don't know.

I come up with that a little bit and I haven't talked to you about it,

But like he's like,

I was,

I was,

I'm a photographer as you know.

And,

Um,

I have,

I have quite a lot of business.

Um,

And it goes through its ups and downs.

And especially when I'm like putting a lot of energy into it,

It just like,

You know,

Blows up.

And then when I'm not putting any energy into it,

It just dies down.

And like when it dies down and I don't like get real with myself about like,

Okay,

Summer,

It's time to like rub it back up.

It's time to like actually pay attention.

It's time to believe in yourself and like take this thing to the next level.

And I get a little bit down,

Suddenly I'm like,

You know,

Like making sure that house is super clean and like doing all the grocery shopping,

Buying things for home improvement and like really putting my attention on him and his wellbeing and waking up early and making him breakfast and all these things.

And then he told me the other day,

He was like,

He was like,

You're not allowed to do anything to me for me for a week.

You can't buy any new stuff for the house because you're shit together woman.

Um,

And like,

I was like,

Fuck.

And then I was thinking about it.

I was like,

Yeah,

What am I actually thinking?

Like,

I know he works,

He works a nine to five,

Which like leaves him with so much less flexibility than I have.

So then I go and take on all of these things to like make his life easier,

But they actually take me a lot of time and energy.

It's exhausting to go to the grocery store,

Go out into that fucking world,

Go to the grocery store,

Like pick out all this stuff,

Bring it home,

Cook the dinner,

Think about what to cook,

Make sure you have all the right stuff for it.

Wash the dishes,

Make the house,

You know,

It's exhausting to do all that stuff.

And like,

I underestimate how much energy that actually takes to really support a person in their career and then also try to have your own career.

Yeah.

And it wasn't until he was like,

Girl,

Like you can't be putting up cause I was doing it as an escape.

And I think that there's this,

I think that a lot of people get in this thing where they do it as an,

Like a lot of women escape their own sense of value and worth and purpose by doing that.

It's,

And it's,

It's like they do it because they don't think that they can do something else.

But I also think that men do escape their own as well when they go to work and they just,

It's the same thing.

It's both sides.

So there's like the toxic mimic on both sides.

So the one I just described for women is like,

They do all that because it's easier in a day.

I don't have to confront their greatness.

Okay.

And then for men,

They go and they do the bread winning and they build the empire and they don't confront the intimate side.

Like they're,

They're not actually available for the kind of partnership that a woman wants,

But she's being supported financially.

And then there's the other way to look,

There's the other way to do it,

Which is actually really in balance.

If you do want to do that,

Like,

And this isn't like a prescription for men and women,

Like I think everybody should make their own path,

But where the man is doing these like goal driven,

Like empire building things out in the world.

Things that actually can be exhausting to the feminine,

To a feminine being like we're really intuitive and flowy and like,

We just don't necessarily want that.

And so what she's doing is she's providing inspiration.

She's providing grounding.

Yes.

We were describing in the company.

And then what he,

What he provides for her is this sense of spaciousness and holding like a container for her.

She may like be able to release her creativity because of that,

Or like really be her most feminine essence being because she's like cared for in that way,

Then she can bring him so much admiration and respect,

Which drives him at work and allows him to go to work.

And it's like that,

That is beautiful.

But when it's like,

When it's like one person's doing their job and the other person's doing their job and,

And like either one of them is not seen as,

As valuable as the other than it like breaks down.

I think you gotta be a good,

Like you gotta be,

You gotta,

In order to support a man,

A woman has to feel very taken care of and supported.

And in order for a man to support a woman,

He needs to be very supported in these different ways.

Yeah.

Like this kind of century goes back to like the,

We unit things.

I think what a lot of modern liberal,

Forward progressive people,

It's like it's a two income household.

Everything's even,

Everyone does everything the same and everyone takes care of the house the same,

Which kind of ruins the whole point of human specialization.

It's like,

You might as well live by yourself.

Everyone's doing the same thing,

But like there is something,

There was something before it became like a way to oppress women or before people started thinking that bread winning was more valuable than homemaking.

It was kind of like a synergistic thing that put you guys together.

And it's not even,

I would even like look at it beyond just bread,

Bread winning and homemaking.

And I would look at it as like,

Like empire building and,

And like safety keeping,

Like not safety maybe is the wrong word,

But like if you look back evolutionarily,

Like there's like a,

There's like a,

Yeah,

There's like,

There's a level of like,

Of like holding her limbic system,

So to say like that part of you as a woman that like,

Doesn't function as well,

Or like doesn't,

Isn't able to like tap into her feminine gifts as much when she has to worry about survival.

So it's taking care of the material reality,

Holding space for that,

Creating a container.

And then for her,

It's like,

It's like being that muse.

And like,

It's when I get to be that,

Like,

Oh,

It's such a release from like,

I don't,

I don't,

I mean,

I can get,

Like,

I want to be,

I want to have union with it within me,

Which means my masculine and my feminine and have them support each other within myself as an individual.

But I don't want to be operating in the world as overly masculine.

Like it just,

It's exhausting.

Like it's tires me out.

I'm like,

I'm like not interested actually.

Yeah.

Cause you traveled the world for like five years by yourself,

Right?

Four years.

Four years.

Yeah.

And do you feel like,

Well,

How has it been different being in a unit,

Unit with someone?

I mean,

It's been different in like,

So like every way.

So it's hard to in every way.

I'm like,

That's the same with like business and like survival and stuff.

Like,

I guess you could probably take more risks in business now.

I'm guessing.

Well,

I guess like I have been taking more risks.

I just,

For me,

It's just being here.

Having somebody to like bounce ideas off of all the time,

Who like,

By the way,

He's like,

His insight has been so invaluable to my growth as an,

As an entrepreneur,

As a photographer.

But like having somebody to like share a home with and like to bounce ideas with and like having this stability of being here has been amazing.

Cause when I was always moving,

I was always acclimating and I was always spending all my energy.

And,

Um,

I don't know.

We'll have to see,

Like we went through some big challenges though,

In the beginning.

So like we're sort of coming out of them.

It feels like to be fair.

I feel like all relationships go through challenges.

It's just,

We got all of them.

We got all of them at the same time,

But to be quite honest with you,

Given the reality of it,

It was actually a successful way to come out.

You know,

I mean,

We did it quite well.

So anyway,

I'm really proud of us.

Yeah.

And you know,

This whole idea of like,

Okay,

The woman takes care of the man and man vice versa.

I think it also means for me,

And I,

Again,

Everybody's different.

I enjoy it when a woman goes out and does what she needs to do for herself.

You know,

Like I could,

I could be making a lot of money and just,

You know,

Support both of us.

But if I feel that my partner is just home and really not doing much for herself,

It kind of just sort of has losing attention on that.

I know that's kind of just sort of losing attention on that.

I need that same back.

I think a lot of men are like that too,

You know,

Cause you just sort of,

What's so valuable about coming home to that,

You know?

So,

But again,

That's the logistics for me.

So I think what you're trying to say,

If I'm,

If I'm going to,

I can just,

Cause we've talked about it a lot.

Yes.

Like,

Are you saying about how you want a woman who has passion for what she is?

Right.

There's not so much that she needs to be a breadwinner or like,

Correct.

Like she could be a yoga teacher.

I don't care what it is.

As long as there's passion in that.

And then she's like going and taking risks in her life and like excited and like doing,

And like expanding who she believes she can be.

And like really up-leveling and up-leveling because as a human being,

Like it just,

It sucks to like be somebody who's not doing that.

Cause you look at them and you think like,

Wow,

You have such potential.

And you're like,

You don't believe in yourself.

You're not realizing your,

Like,

How do you feel that's playing out for you?

Providing?

Well,

I mean,

I'm in a situation with,

I'm in a relationship.

I'm in a situation with someone who is also self-employed and has been very successful,

But she's in a position where she could really use support in many ways.

Um,

And I'm actually able to provide,

At least the way we live,

I can provide for her,

But it's like,

Yeah,

It's just a new level of vulnerability for me.

And a part of me is like,

Well,

If I'm,

If I'm shelling out,

Just like to put it in crude terms,

If I'm shelling out all the cash,

Shouldn't she be focusing her energy on all the things like to support me rather than building your own business?

Well,

I'm just thinking like that,

Isn't that,

Isn't that the whole point?

Like,

Or like,

Uh,

Instinctually why,

Why,

Why there is like a jolt of purpose,

Like when you,

When you provide for a woman,

It's like,

There is like a,

You know,

There's something,

It's not like she needs to pay for things if she's feeding the energy or the inspiration or something.

How do you feel she should provide for you?

If you could ideally think like,

What do you feel that would be?

Well,

When I was thinking,

When we were talking about this other couple that we know,

I was like,

Okay,

I'll say,

Ask like,

Does she work anymore?

And you guys were like,

Uh,

Oh,

Well,

It seems like she provides like,

Well,

I don't know what you said,

The spirit.

I think I said she provides the energetic,

Like the,

Like the energetic capital for his business.

Yeah.

Like she,

She empowers him and that makes him hypothetically be twice as productive,

Let's say.

And that's like even better than her having her own job.

Not that money's the only outcome,

But like,

You know,

Um,

And I was like,

Oh,

I mean,

That's just,

I was thinking about this entire ride from brunch to your house here.

Like,

Oh yeah,

That is like,

Kind of,

That's one thing.

I mean,

If that was the thing I would feel maybe more settled.

I don't know.

I don't know exactly what I'm getting at.

Well,

You said something about like,

You get this jolt of purpose from it.

What does,

What does it feel like for you?

What purpose are you contributing to when you do that?

Like that,

When you make those provisions for her,

What do you mean?

Like when you provide for her financially,

What's the purpose that you're serving?

Uh,

Yeah,

I mean,

It's like what you were describing before of creating the structure or taking care of the survival stuff,

Handling the material stuff.

Um,

And it feels important.

I mean,

Not that I'm not saying women should stay in the kitchen at all,

But it's like,

There is like a specialization thing.

If like,

You know,

Like the,

The corporate world is a lot more taxing on women because it was built for a male brain.

Right.

It's not healthy.

It's not healthy for most men too,

But it's like a hyper masculine environment,

You know,

Like,

Um,

So you feel you're giving her the opportunity to tap into her,

To tap into what feels better for her and her feminine,

Potentially or,

Or,

Or,

Or some women,

It's like a more feminine.

And do you think that she,

Um,

Feels empowered to be able to do that?

Like if she were to want to,

I think so.

In our relationship,

It's like,

No,

It's like,

It's like new for like,

She had never considered being provided for a man.

Like her whole life,

She's like not letting that she's not wanted men to pay for her and stuff.

It's kind of similar ideals to what I had.

Um,

But now she's like open to being feminine for the first time in different ways and receiving and relaxing and like not seeing it as like,

Oh,

The man is superior to me because he's like doing these things or directing certain things.

Um,

So it's like new for her too.

Um,

And I don't know,

These are just like fears that come up for me.

I wonder if like her doing her business,

Like the way you said how she's pursuing her career.

I wonder if that for her,

Like feeds,

Um,

Like her passion or if like that actually is the thing that she would do.

She had total freedom to like put her energy where she wanted to.

I wonder if that would be the thing she would do.

Probably.

And I don't want to make it sound like I don't want her to have a career at all.

I was just thinking,

Cause like,

Actually I'm very supportive of what she wants to do in the world.

And I think it's amazing.

I was just thinking like,

What am I so afraid of about being like the provider of another person?

That's,

That's what it comes down to.

It's like,

There'd be a deficit or like a net loss for my individual unit,

Which is probably not a good way to look at a relationship in the first place.

And I realized that,

But this is how my mind works.

Totally.

I get it.

I wonder like,

Too,

Would you guys be open to like when her career starts to take off as much as yours or whatever,

And she's got as much or more money than you,

Like,

How would you feel about like,

Yeah,

About the proportions changing Right.

That's the funny thing is like when she and I first started speaking about this before we were dating,

I was sharing my views on like the polarity thing.

And she was like,

Well,

No,

She was,

She was more resistant to it.

And I was like,

Well,

I don't see it as a bad thing to be like a housewife.

Like actually my dream has been to have a,

Have to sell my book,

Do really well,

And just be like a house dad and like just hang out with the kids all day.

I've kind of wanted that for myself as a guy.

So I don't know.

I mean,

I would love to be a house husband and you be like a famous photographer too.

I know.

I want to ask both of you guys,

What would that do for your identity as men?

You can answer this.

And there's no wrong answer here.

This is really.

Well,

There's certain cause it's not,

It's not just about making money and take care of the homeless.

There's like a lot of house things I like doing like mowing lawns.

Like when you guys said you guys had a lawn,

I was like,

Oh,

I haven't had a lot in a while.

I don't want to,

I think I would be a little challenged,

But it would be like,

It would depend.

Like if I had established my career and like made a mark on the world,

Let's say I had a really like a famous book already,

Then I could retire and like,

She can pay the mortgage.

I don't care.

But like,

If I didn't do that,

I think I would feel like I'm not really like,

Cause like she can make babies and stuff.

Like,

What do I do other than provide?

What's your purpose in this world?

Like my sperm isn't that valuable.

Like I need to do something more than that.

It's so interesting how we see it that way.

I don't know.

I think we all need a purpose other than that,

Which I'm sure you all can see,

But I can't imagine being just like a house husband.

I just can't imagine if I did really well and just kind of retire early,

I still need to be doing something.

Cause I feel like we all need some sort of purpose,

Even,

Even at retirement.

You know,

Like maybe that's just how it is for everybody.

There's no reason.

I think like,

There's no reason to not be doing something.

I think what I was asking is like,

If her career takes off and she's like,

Or babe,

If my career takes off beyond and like,

I'm making like beyond what you're ever going to be able to make in corporate,

For example,

Would you,

How would you feel about like,

If I covered the bills and you like finally pursued,

I don't know,

Some passion of yours,

Be fucking fantastic.

But you'd have to be like kicking ass on that and like really enjoying it.

Why would I have to do like,

Otherwise you'd die.

Maybe,

Maybe not,

You know,

It all depends.

Well,

You were just saying you would,

I think it would be,

I don't have to be fantastic.

I would want the opportunity to do it,

You know,

Yeah.

And learn from it.

What I mean by like kicking ass at it is like,

You'd have to have some dedication to it and like,

It would have to be a practice and like,

You'd have to have discipline around it or else you just feel like you were like falling apart on the couch.

Totally.

Absolutely.

What about you?

Would you,

Is there something you'd do?

I'd probably build furniture.

Yeah.

That's actually my favorite.

Like,

Well,

She makes fun of me because I've been in all my relationships have been short term,

But I've moved in with a lot of people and I love playing house and question,

You know,

In quotes,

I like building furniture and like mowing lawns and stuff like that.

Like,

I like doing that kind of thing.

Which leads me to my next question.

Like,

It was like,

The thing that I struggle with is on the longevity piece of like merge,

Merge.

I don't know,

Like,

Like,

How did you guys know you were ready to commit?

Like,

Or like,

This was like,

We weren't,

We just did it.

That's how I do it.

I like to do things without thinking about them.

But honestly,

It plays out so well for me every single time I make a decision.

Beautiful,

Beautiful thing to me.

One time you said,

I know we didn't know each other that well at the time,

But I wanted you to know that regardless of what happened that I wanted,

Like that you wanted to take the chance with me or that you wanted to like,

Give it,

Give it everything.

That's why you proposed.

Also,

I think I had like a little pressure on him.

You proposed?

I didn't expect him to propose right then,

But he had been like,

He'd kept dropping these like hints about like,

He was gonna propose in like a year or two.

And I was like,

I just want you to know I won't be dating you for a year or two.

I'm just dating you for a year or two.

Like,

I'm not trying to try this out or like,

Like,

You know,

Audition to be your wife for a long ass time.

Like,

If we don't know in six months in,

Like,

I don't think that we're gonna do it.

And so I was saying that,

And he kept saying the two year thing.

And I kept being like,

You know,

You're hurting my feelings at this point.

And then he was like,

Can you just trust me?

Because apparently he was like planning it.

He was like,

Can you just trust me?

I was like,

Okay,

Fine.

And then we walk around the corner and there's these people dancing and like,

They're like singing this fucking song.

But also men are much more than men.

Were they randomly there?

Or that was arranged?

No,

That was arranged.

Random people are dancing.

No,

They're dancing in a circle around me.

But I also feel like men are much more logical and it takes them quite a long time to think this is not all men.

But like,

It may take them a while to think,

Okay,

This is the woman that I want to be with.

And you know what,

Not all men.

Because there are many people and you actually cited quite a few of them that you know,

Where the man proposed to the woman in like two months and they've been married for 10 years.

My own brother.

Yeah,

Exactly.

So I wouldn't,

I mean,

It's a stereotype to say that about men in a way.

Yeah,

But I feel like I'm being dragged along or like,

Yeah,

The pressure's on me.

Like,

What was it like,

Micah,

When you decided to touch by the ring?

Like,

It's doing this.

You know,

I put my logic aside and I thought,

Okay,

This woman has come for me in a way I haven't had in any relationship.

And I thought,

I feel right.

I feel like this is what I need to do.

But yeah,

There was this kind of struggle in me thinking like,

Well,

This is okay.

This is it,

You know?

But I just,

I made a set choice and I didn't really doubt it anymore.

Because I thought to myself,

If it doesn't work out in the end,

It's okay.

I did this and I'll learn from it either way.

But it was good.

It was perfect.

I mean,

You know,

It was.

And the doubt's just like,

The pros really just outweighed the cons at that point.

So it's a little logical.

Yeah,

Basically.

Net positive.

It really was.

It's funny when I first met you,

Like,

So I didn't think he was logical at all.

I was like,

I was actually like the one where I was like,

I think,

Micah,

We might need to be more logical.

As it turns out,

Though,

He's like far too logical for my preferences.

And like,

He was actually being logical by like letting us fully feel our feelings in the beginning and letting us like dive into them.

Who's like the logical move is to feel your feelings?

Yeah,

He was like the logical move is to not hold back and be too scared.

But the logical move is to actually like fully enjoy this time where all the serotonin is flowing and like,

Like really like see how deep we can get in that time and like be real with each other.

That was his logic.

And I was like,

I don't know if this guy can see things realistically.

And it was like,

No,

He can.

He's just doing it anyway.

Yeah.

Oh,

Yeah.

Because like when we were hanging out and you,

She's going to go visit you.

Yeah.

When she said you're like,

You're flying her out across the road.

I was like,

That is like next level.

I'm setting an Uber for you.

What a baller move.

That would be great.

That was pretty baller.

I gotta say.

I played probably a big part in some things.

It was like that first,

Where you hung out for a week,

First time.

No,

We hang out for a weekend.

And then I went to see my dad and then we hung out the next weekend as well.

How was it that you went from that to like,

Get,

We're getting married.

I think it was like the first weekend that we hung out,

Like we were,

I said to him,

I was like,

I really want to pursue this.

And then this being the relationship.

Yeah.

And he was like,

Yeah,

Like he's always like trying to say some logical shit.

And then underneath his heart is like,

Me too.

He's like,

Yeah,

Like,

We'll just like do this for a while.

See how it goes.

Maybe like that.

And I was like,

No,

I was like,

If we're,

If we want to pursue it,

Like,

I was like,

You know,

I live in temporarily in Bali,

Which I've been living temporarily places my whole last four years.

I was like,

I'm not,

It's not like I have to like,

Like quit my job and I was like,

So I can actually just move back to the United States.

And I think I would do that rather than drawing this long distance relationship out forever.

It's not like I'm tied to where I'm at.

And he was like,

Worried about that.

You know,

He was like,

Are you sure?

I was like,

He's like,

You're not gonna be resentful.

I'm like,

I literally am giving nothing up to this.

So I was like,

If it doesn't work out,

I can just go back.

No big deal.

So I just moved.

I,

He was like,

Well,

I could transfer,

You know,

To any major city.

Cause he didn't want to live in Boston.

No,

He didn't want to live in Boston.

And LA was just,

And I was like,

You know,

New York or LA and LA,

I have a lot of friends and stuff.

And he was like,

I think LA sounds great.

I want to serve.

I want to be in the warmth.

So we did it.

So we had that plan.

And then I,

The plan was like a longer term plan,

Like for him to move out.

But then I moved here and then we got engaged and then he went and he was,

And he gave three months notice to his job.

And then he gave three months notice to his current team because he was going to transfer the LA team.

And then,

Um,

And then his boss had like an ego attack and said,

Well,

Why don't we let today be your last day?

And so it was like,

Okay,

Why don't you just move out here now?

So then he moved out here now.

That's why that happened so fast.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

How do you feel about the speed?

I think it's like you guys have been together in not even six months,

Six months,

Six months,

Six months,

Six months,

Six months,

Six months.

And you got engaged at three months.

I don't believe in,

I don't believe in conventional relationships.

I think that's me personally,

Not everybody's same way.

I'm speaking of myself here.

I think that's a little crap.

I think this conventional way of like,

Well,

You need to know someone before you do this.

I understand.

I see the rationale behind it,

But to me,

It's why do that?

I have something to say.

Sure.

Why,

Why do that?

Like I enjoy kind of just digging myself right in and if it doesn't work out great,

I just keep on moving.

You know,

I was going to say,

If we weren't,

If we didn't get engaged before all that shit went down,

We wouldn't still be together.

I'd guarantee you that we wouldn't,

But not everybody's like that.

People can be a little more pragmatic in that way.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Like we hit some shit and like,

We didn't already have that established between us.

I don't think we would have made it.

Yeah.

That's like a big thing.

I mean,

Rings cost a thing,

Facebook announcements or social.

Yeah.

That's not even because of that.

It's because like,

Actually has nothing to do with any of that.

To be honest,

It was,

It was because you'd made a commitment.

It was because we made it.

I admit for me,

It was like,

I'd made a commitment.

And it also is because like,

Because he meant so much to me for asking me,

Like for asking me to marry him,

Like he immediately,

Like that took it from where it was to him,

Like being literally like,

I don't want to make it sound like marriage is like,

Okay,

This is going to sound really cheesy,

But he became like my knight in shining armor and he wouldn't have been otherwise.

And I'd have been like,

Fuck this guy.

You know,

He really like,

He really got deep into my heart for doing that.

And,

And I think probably I got deep in his heart for saying yes and for continuing to show up.

So like,

I don't think we can get together if it weren't for that.

Like that was like a blessing that like we,

That we decided to rush into it because we,

We,

We knew we didn't know each other that well.

Like we already knew that,

But we were like,

This is like,

This is us saying,

You know,

We know shit comes up between people.

We know that we're going to find out more about each other.

We know we're not going to like all of it.

We already know we're like adults.

We know that it's not going to continue feeling this way.

We know all that,

But this is my commitment to you that I'm already,

That I already want to do this,

All of that with you,

No matter what,

Until death do us part.

We can call it off or we could get divorced or whatever.

It's not like no matter what,

But like,

It's,

It's an intention setting and it's a commitment to be fair.

I think with my,

Do with my past and that's probably like another podcast to talk about.

I feel like I was more understanding about your emotions given where I came from.

So the history of my life,

I feel like I can relate more to her emotions.

Maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know.

I sometimes that was part of your history.

You don't have to tell the whole story.

It's it's so like,

It's more like,

Well,

I wasn't born this way.

So I transitioned to being a man six years ago and three before that as a woman,

My emotions were kind of,

I can relate to your emotions right now.

I'm like,

Oh,

I see,

I see why you're like this and why men are a certain way now because my,

My brain kind of just switched when I transitioned.

So I feel like I understand a little more.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Okay.

Maybe not.

So he's translucent and sometimes I get this feeling like,

Well,

I thought when we first got together that like maybe I was taking the easy way out because like you would understand me so much better,

But actually don't think that's true.

Oh wow.

Okay.

No,

I mean,

I'm serious.

Like,

I think that you,

I think that you like some,

Like,

I think that you have,

Like,

You remember it and you're like,

Oh yeah,

Whatever.

I hate that.

I'm so glad I don't have to be like that anymore or something like that.

I don't think that's true,

But yes,

In a way I,

But I still relate to it.

I still understand.

And I also do understand why men can't understand women a certain way.

Like for example,

For men,

We go to work,

Right?

And let's say I did have a wife at home,

You know,

The woman emotionally needs that attention where men,

I feel like in general,

They just,

Okay,

I just,

I did a long day.

I just want to relax.

I don't want to be more intense at home talking about emotions all the time.

So it's,

It's tough because women are more relatable through emotions where I feel men are more relatable logically,

Generally speaking,

At least I am now.

Whereas before it was all about emotions.

Now I'm like,

Oh,

Logically I'd rather,

I'd rather go this route.

I would just say that most men that I've dated though have been more like lenient about me just getting all emotional.

Well then again,

You're history,

Given the men you met.

Yes.

Totally.

But,

And then you're like,

I don't want to hear about your emotions until you've like actually like looked at what's really going on because otherwise you're just exploding all over me.

Did you,

Did you feel your personality change drastically or?

It did.

I kind of say quite a bit to folks,

But to me,

I use this very,

Very simple way of trying to help people understand this where as a woman,

To me,

Two plus two equals four.

Right.

But why did it equal four?

Like why,

I don't understand why can this equal that?

Whereas now as a man,

I'm thinking,

Oh yeah,

Two plus two equals four.

Great.

Let's move on.

So for me,

It's more simple now and like,

Let's just look at what,

How can we fix it and move on.

Whereas before it was like,

How do,

Why are we fixing a problem?

Why is the problem existing?

Where did this problem come from?

Where I just want to,

Okay,

Let's fix it and move on.

I actually really enjoy it now because it's just less emotional and more,

You know,

Rational,

Pragmatic.

Yeah,

Really practical.

I love that how men think that,

Think that like emotional processing is not practical.

Well,

I mean,

I mean,

Well,

By definition,

Is it like if you're,

If you're trying to get,

If you're trying to do math.

Yeah.

But if you like keep having the same problem over and over again and you just keep moving on from it,

That's not practical.

No,

No,

No,

But we're talking about math.

I'm just kidding.

We don't have heart.

But I mean,

I'm so curious though.

Like,

Is it like the testosterone?

Is that what changed?

Oh yeah,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It changed everything.

And even,

Even my intimacy level,

It's,

You know,

I see now why men are much more loose sexually because the,

The intimacy is so much more intense.

It's kind of,

It's just,

It's just different,

You know?

So,

And it's more so,

What do you mean by,

What do you mean by like,

It's more intense?

Well,

Like,

Um,

And again,

I'm only speaking for myself,

I don't know.

Right.

But you know,

The,

For transitioning,

When I was intimate with a woman,

It was much more emotional base,

Much more,

Let's talk about our feelings afterwards.

Let's talk about how we are,

Who we are.

And I related to that.

We're now,

And I'm not saying all the time,

But for the most part,

Even before when I was single,

I could easily have sex and run.

Now I'm just like,

I just want to,

If I'm turned on,

I want to just do it and get it over with.

So it's different in that sense where I wasn't like that before.

Now I am now it's like turned on,

Let's have sex.

I don't want to talk about emotions.

You know?

Yeah.

It's,

It's,

It's quite powerful to see both sides and why women sometimes,

Or at least the women I've dated sometimes feel this like,

Well,

He's not listening to me afterwards.

And I'm thinking,

Well,

It's not their fault.

It's just the way the brain works.

Yeah.

At least for me,

It does.

I think.

Right.

I don't want to say so.

At least with you.

I don't feel like you like have a problem talking about emotions.

I don't with you because you're bringing it out of me,

But when I'm dating casually,

Oh,

Right.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

It's like a burden.

Well,

I wouldn't say a burden.

It's just,

I,

It got to the point where it's like,

I don't,

I don't want to talk about this.

You know,

And it actually scared me too.

I'm thinking,

Holy hell,

Like I am now at a point where as a man,

I really don't want to talk about feelings right after sex.

Like I'm tired.

I just had sex whereas as a lesbian,

It was like,

Oh,

Let's talk about it afterwards.

And let's connect.

You know,

I just wanted to sleep after sex.

So it's a big difference.

It really is.

And that's just one part of it.

So yeah,

It's quite fascinating,

Honestly.

Yeah.

So yeah,

That,

That could be another interesting story.

It could be a whole podcast.

Yeah.

But yeah.

But I want to say I could relate to you.

It's really interesting though,

Actually listening to like,

I honestly think like the world,

Our society has so much to learn from trans people because there's nobody else like that has experienced like the differences in like how the brain,

How their chemistry affects your behaviors and thought patterns.

And like,

I like,

You can tell me about it.

I can read about it.

Like you can explain it to me,

But like you can't,

You can't even explain to me the way he can because he doesn't know that I don't feel the same way.

Like he doesn't know what I don't feel that similar.

Right.

You know,

Or you know what I mean?

Because like for you,

You probably take a lot of things for granted as given.

And so do I about my experience.

Whereas like,

Micah is like,

Let me,

Let me actually tell you,

It's,

It feels like this one way.

It feels like this whole other way,

This other way.

And yeah,

It's fascinating.

So Micah knows both realities.

You've been in both realities.

I've been in both realities.

Yeah.

It is very interesting.

And I'm very happy wearing that.

I will see that.

Definitely have a preference.

I definitely have preference.

It's a lot less stressful.

So yeah,

I think,

I think something that I've learned is that,

Like,

I've always looked at men and I felt like,

Man,

They just like don't like,

They're just not,

They're just like so cool.

They're like,

Just not burdened by like all of these like insecurities and fears and all this,

All these things.

Like,

They're just like,

Like,

They'll give you their jacket.

Cause like cold doesn't even really bother them that much.

Like they're,

They're like willing to carry the heavy stuff.

It doesn't cause it doesn't like,

But for me,

That's like super burdensome and I'm like tortured by it.

And I realized like being a woman is like in many ways,

It's just like a shit ton of discomfort.

You're always thinking about how your body feels when you're sitting.

You're like,

When you're walking,

You're like cold,

You're like cold all the time.

You're like constantly worrying about like what this person is thinking or whether they're mad at you or like,

And these are just things that like men are not thinking about.

Men are not thinking about whether the person's mad at them.

They're not bothered by the cold.

Like things are just not as uncomfortable.

Your body's not as uncomfortable.

Like just kind of like chilling.

Yeah.

That's why,

I mean,

There's all the more reasons why men should be provided.

Less things to do.

Like women are literally tortured.

I don't,

I mean,

I,

I'm starting to realize this.

Well,

I think like women are under particular pressure being that women have to fit in a male paradigm.

It's like,

I mean,

Going back to like,

They have to do both roles,

Especially if you're a single woman,

Then you have to be your own masculine.

Yeah.

And then you have to be like feminine so that you can like attract a man at the same time you're like busting your ass hustling and you're like in masculine mode and like,

You're not attractive.

And it is,

It is a trait I can't really do.

It's hard to do both.

Like a lot of,

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel for men too,

Because men are also expected to like show up in a way.

Different responsibilities.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It always comes back to that for us.

So do you guys know when you're getting married?

We're supposed to get married next year around this time.

Cool.

Probably Costa Rica.

Probably Costa Rica.

Like Costa Rica.

We never even,

Neither of us have ever been there.

And so like neutral ground and we don't want to get married in the U S.

I'm super cliche.

I'd rather have a destination wedding anyway.

There's nowhere here that I really liked that much.

Cool.

How about you?

When are you getting married?

That's why I've never,

I've never thought about it.

I've,

I've,

I've most of my life,

I assumed I,

I kind of decided I wasn't.

And then now,

Then I more recently,

I'm more neutral.

Like I,

It's not in any way ambition of mine.

Honestly,

It would be something I would do for someone if she really wanted to,

But I don't really want to see women can pick up on that too.

Yeah.

I mean,

I'm not hiding that part.

You're not like against,

But you're like,

Okay.

I see.

Even if you're willing to do that because she wants to,

It's still always in it for a woman.

Like that's not enough.

Like she'll always feel like,

I want you to want it as much as me.

I want you to want it as much as me.

Right.

That's never enough for women.

Yeah.

I don't know what I mean.

I'm like,

Can't just be my ally.

Aren't you on my side?

Why aren't you on my side?

No,

You're on your side.

You're on your side.

You're like,

Uh,

Done with that.

Cool.

Well,

Is there anything else you guys want to share?

Devotion and action.

Do you feel like we covered devotion enough?

Do you feel,

I don't know.

I mean,

I think we,

We,

You know,

We like went around it a little bit.

I mean,

It is an abstract concept of like,

Uh,

Kind of ideals and relationship being,

At least what I've taken from this,

These two conversations,

You know,

It's like making it bigger than the immediate thing.

Like,

I don't know,

It's maybe obvious,

But it is a newer idea for me personally.

I think like there was one point where I realized that relationship is one of my greatest spiritual practices,

Especially relationship with a person who shows up to the same degree that I do.

And so I was like,

I found that person who shows up to the same level as I do,

Like who's as willing.

And so like,

It's,

It's like,

My relationship with him is one of the best ways I grow.

So why would I not be devoted to that?

That's the best reason for devotion.

Which is not even like,

It's not like I'm devoted to you because I worship you,

You know,

Because you're the best person in the world,

Which I love you and you are great,

But it's,

You know,

To be rational about it.

It's like,

I want to be the most expressed,

Most embodied,

Most,

You know,

Like realized person that I can be.

And if I've got somebody in my life who is continually,

Their very presence and our interactions are contributing to that,

Then why not take care of that relationship and like,

Keep letting it teach me and you know.

Mine's simple,

Devotion is like being a better person for that partner.

Yeah.

Done.

Okay,

Thank you.

That actually works.

That's actually the easy way to say what I was saying.

Exactly.

Well,

Thanks for letting me peer into your relationship guys.

Yeah,

Likewise.

Likewise.

Hey,

Thanks for listening to the podcast.

If you want to catch the rest of my work,

Go to Luanda.

Com,

Catch me on social media at Luanda and please do not forget to subscribe.

Yep.