How Independent Are You?

Every person wishes to be independent but are we? Most of us are not so independent and we hope to be. Let us review the word and its meaning before we continue. Most of the time independence also refers to financial freedom, relationships, emotions and the possibility to travel when and where ever you wish. To have independence is not easy as it brings responsibility and maturity of the mind. The fact is that independence is totally a matter of the mind and not of the body.

Transcript

How independent are you?

Every person wish to be independent,

But are we?

Most of us are not so independent as we hope to be.

Let me review the word and its meaning before we continue.

To understand we need to classify the word in two meanings.

First of all,

Personal independence.

This is your personal freedom to control of your life.

Make your own decisions,

Carry responsibility and completely take care of yourself.

Then the second,

Independence as a group.

Refer to the control of a territory,

Set the rulings and governance,

Make decisions,

Decide who to allow inside and who we leave out.

Most of the time independence also refer to financial freedom,

Relationships,

Emotional and the possibility to travel when and wherever you wish.

To have independence is not as easy as it brings responsibility and maturity of mind.

Fact is that independence is totally a matter of the mind and not of the body.

The physical body is in general always independent.

Now we know the meaning of the word,

But still do not fully understand what independence means to your life.

We all start as full dependent human beings.

A baby is not able to grasp food,

Clean itself or have emotional stability.

The baby is completely dependent on the parents or others in all aspects of life.

First goal of a baby is to grow and gain physical independence.

This physical independence grow by learning to copy,

Follow instructions and develop personal ideas.

Learning process is creative and curious.

Step by step we grow to a physical control and do not need help from others to be cleaned,

Fed or controlled.

At age of 4 to 6 the first step to mental independence appear.

Every child start a struggle with the parents and environment to gain personal freedom,

The right of choice and breaking rules.

By breaking rules a child learns to know the unwritten and written rules and explore the borders of these rules.

Here we enter a seemingly contradiction.

We all wish independence,

But at the same time there are many rules and regulations we have to obey.

How can we be independent?

If we have to obey these rules and regulations,

Independence does not refer to a lawless,

Endless and unconditional sense of freedom.

Independence is the right to choose,

Your personal right to decide what will happen with your body and what you do in your mind.

Real independence is not equal to unlimited freedom.

There are many rules to obey before you are able to be independent.

So what are the rules of independence on a personal level?

Being physically able to help yourself in the following ways.

So,

Being a boss over your own body,

Let nobody decide over what is happening with your body,

What goes in and out or on it and how to take care of it.

Feed yourself at all time,

Having a shelter over your head when you need it,

Dress yourself as protection depending on the climate.

And also important,

Creating a mental freedom in the environment you live in.

This right mental freedom is expressed in the following ways.

Choose the way you wish to eat,

Being a vegan or love meat or being a maximum consumer.

And the right to choose your relationship.

It's your right to be straight,

Gay or otherwise.

It is also your right to express this in your way.

Pick away how to dress,

Decorate your house or anything that expresses a personal touch of expression.

And listen that's important,

The limitations of your environment.

Are you a person who do not mind to blend in or do you wish to stand out?

It may be a personal choice but always one that affects you on a daily basis.

And another point,

Are you following a religion,

Philosophy or any other form of mental teaching that has an impact on your life?

This list is not complete and only here to give you a guideline of understanding what independency comes with limitations as we are human and part of an environment.

We are social beings and belong to a group.

Whatever we do,

There are more important issues you should consider when striving for your personal independence.

Such as,

One,

Accept who and what you are.

Look in the mirror and say,

Hey this is me.

I personally and all I got.

The full me in all aspects and I want to build that independent life.

Or take me for who I am.

And number two,

From this form,

Acceptance,

Follow the fact that you seek emotional stability and independence.

You plan to make up your mind,

Plan your life and feel that all emotions are involved with these decisions.

Number three,

Believe in yourself and get your personal motivation.

You have to look honestly towards yourself and what you do.

Learn and do not judge harsh on yourself,

Accept mistakes and failures,

But promise and boost yourself to try it again,

Till you finally succeed.

Number four,

Look inward,

Not outwards.

People always have an opinion about others and not about themselves.

An independent person listens to the opinion,

But does not take it over.

Do not emotionally care about what others say,

Listen to the remarks and it can be used to benefit you.

So for instance,

When somebody makes a personal remark like,

Hey you have a bad smell or you might use some odors.

It might be true and useful to check it and do something on it.

This is just an example.

And another one is,

Hey,

You look awful today.

Did you sleep well?

Look at yourself without judgment and see how much of it is true and what you can do about it.

Listen to others only when you consider it sincerely and guinea.

Most remarks are from an emotional order and useless for your personal being.

Ignore most of these remarks.

Be proud of yourself.

You are complacent.

But arrogance and extreme pride is senseless and will only destroy what you build.

Finally,

You will fall down.

Collect your own information at all time.

Listen and read others,

Observe and deduct,

But always try to make up your own mind.

Information is often personal and must be processed on what?

Any level of yourself.

Each individual has its own interpretation of any observation which make us unique,

Enable us to create our own reality and independence.

What should you do to be personal independent?

Personal independence can drive more when you implement the following rules in your life.

I give you some guidelines which are very useful and you should try them one by one.

I give them a number for you to make it easier.

One,

Have your own housing.

Decorate your own style,

Make it home,

But try not to get attached to it too much.

Independence also demands distance from ownership.

What do you think is your own that owns you?

Number two,

Keep good friends good friends.

Be in regular connection with real friends to exchange visions and ideas.

Talking gives insights in many ways and many things in life.

Number three,

Keep your finance in order.

Credits are okay when you keep them within limitation of possibilities.

Never cross the line that you are no longer able to pay it back.

Because when you cannot pay it back,

Your independence is gone.

Now there is a new saying,

The new slaves of society are those who depend on the credits of it.

Number four,

Plan your life,

But do not let the planning take it over.

It is important to pay attention to your career,

Relationships and other parts of your personal life.

Your plans must be flexible and never fixed to the minute.

Change is always possible.

You have no full control over life and events.

You have to accept that.

Number five,

Read,

Listen and discuss opposing opinions.

Taking note of all opposing information of your personal views gives you a better look and understanding of the world.

But it does not mean that they all have to change your opinions.

They only dare to discuss,

To think about it,

To consider them.

Number six,

Be handy and self-reliant.

Try to learn how to fix things yourself.

Even,

Hey,

When you are a woman too,

Consider every situation as a state of personal survival.

Every time your first thought should be,

How can I fix it by myself?

No matter it's cooking your muse,

Cleaning the house,

Repairing what is broken or even building something,

First consider your personal capacities before calling in for help.

And number seven,

Say no.

Being kind and helpful of nature is a positive feature in every person.

But you must have limitations,

Clear borders that cannot be crossed.

This may be different for every situation,

But you have to learn to say no.

To say no is a form of self-protection and people will not like that.

But be honest to yourself and ask why they cannot do it by themselves.

Independence is a principle that you should uphold with all the ways you keep up all your other principles.

Do not defend it,

Be it.

This is you,

Take it or leave it.

Independence comes with grace.

Knowing you to have,

To show gratitude,

Keeping your integrity and upholding your ethics.

It's not arrogance or stubborn behavior to show independence,

But it can sometimes be lonely.

Implementing independence is the right ways to give peace of mind,

The ability to decide what is good and bad for you.

And yes,

Make your own decisions.

Question and answers.

Question one.

I am in a relationship.

Can I be independent?

Answer one.

Yes,

For a part,

But not 100%.

When you are in a relationship,

The degree of independence depends on the agreements with your partners.

Being independent is a state of mind.

If you are allowed to make your own decisions,

Have freedom of movement and can discuss decisions with your partner,

You can reach a high state of being independent while you are in a dependent position.

Question two.

I'm a woman.

Is it true that women in general are less able to be independent than men in the world?

Answer two.

In most parts of the world,

Due to culture and religion,

Women are not able to be independent.

They are ruled by family,

Partners,

Religion and state.

In some countries,

It's even stated in the laws that women have no dependency.

I agree when it is stated that we still have a long way to go before we can call it a civilized human race.

Question three.

I work for a boss and must obey the rules of the workplace.

How can I be independent?

Answer three.

Full independence,

Such as financial freedom,

The right of all your time and the possibility to do whatever you want is limited to a very few people in the world.

In your case,

The limitation of your freedom is the work situation,

But it does not limit your independence.

The work provides you financially to be able to be independent.

During the work,

You should obey the rules and regulations of the working place to receive your payments.

Being truly mentally independent makes you enjoy the work and perform you at your best.

This delivers you the finances to be independent on the other parts of your life.

Question four.

I have three children,

Of which I also take care.

How can I be independent?

Answer four.

As family,

You may be independent as an individual person you have chosen to be completely dependent.

A family is a strongly dependent unit.

Your children need you and so does your partner,

If you have one.

To be dependent in the right way is great,

As the family has its own happiness,

Joy and it can be grateful.

During the family time,

You have to be a responsible person growing trust,

Reliability and to be able to have the expectations of your family fulfilled.

Question five.

I am an independent contractor,

But my life is ruled by investors and clients.

How independent I am in reality.

Answer five.

Independency has rules and regulations.

The moment you let others rule your life,

You have lost it.

Losing grip on how to rule your life is often a step by step process.

It starts with the first phone call that comes after working hours and you decide to answer it.

When it has no emergency in it and you decide to leave it until the next working day or act that moment.

That is again your decision.

When you act at that moment,

You broke your first rule of independence,

Being the master of your own time.

When you lose that ability,

All others tumble down one by one.

Now you are no master of your life anymore and have become a dependent person.

But when you follow the lecture again,

It is possible to regain,

Establish your independence and start to be free as a person and a happy individual.

What is the conclusion of all of this?

To reach real independence is to most people not possible.

Our society is not made for an independent source and does not offer opportunities to be it.

But we also have to ask ourselves the question if independence is almighty factor in being alive.

Over 6.

8 billion people are living in independent and again dependent state of existence.

But does that make them unhappy?

Many people are happy in the dependent states as long as they receive what they wish for.

Thank you for listening to my lectures.

Listen to the other ones and you will be a happy person.

My name is Arnaud van der Veer from the Netherlands.

This is a part of the 30 plus lectures.

If you have any question,

Do not hesitate to contact me by mail or otherwise.

Feel always welcome.

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