Bridge Into Recovery

Transcript

Hey everyone,

Welcome to another one of these discussion things about recovery and embracing recovery with your mind,

Body and spirit.

And I just have to tell on myself,

I almost wanted to wait until I stopped being out of breath from coming up the stairs,

Which is not a usual state for me,

But because of recovering from pneumonia,

It is a more usual state for me now.

And I almost wanted to wait until I was not out of breath,

But I decided it would be more honest to just record when I'm still trying to breathe,

Get enough oxygen in.

So having said that,

I am well on my way to recovery and it's delicious.

And I wanted to talk about what happens when you start to get more energy and you start to feel more recovered and more like whatever you went through is at least mostly behind you.

And it's an interesting state because it's this bridge between really being in touch with our human frailty and fragility and vulnerability and starting to feel like,

Oh,

I'm fine,

Perfectly functional,

I can do anything,

Which is how I used to feel all the time.

And wanting and realizing there's a loss there.

So the thing I wanted to talk about is this loss of the excuse that you have.

It's so weird to say,

But there's like a social excuse that you have when you're recovering from something to take it easy and take care of yourself.

And now that I'm coming sort of back into the world of functionality,

I feel my own self expectation of hardenedness of,

Well,

I could just do this,

I can push through,

Is coming back.

And that is what I was working on training myself to let go of and to replace with this new habit.

And so I realized I have more work to do because I am unwilling to go back into that push through it state.

I'm just unwilling to do it.

And I'm fighting in a way,

I guess now I have the strength to fight.

I'm fighting in a way to hold on to this new way of considering all parts of myself in my day.

And when I have a day,

Like yesterday,

I had a day where I was going through my list and at some point I would just got irritated with someone in a meeting.

And I realized I wasn't,

I was just going through the mind part of my list.

I was just ignoring the other parts and saying to there was a voice,

An old,

Old voice I recognized for most of my life that said,

You know what,

Right now you don't have time to do those things.

Like you got to get done all the stuff that you didn't do when you were sick.

And that voice just needed so much love.

You know,

That voice itself needed me to exhale and just love into it somehow.

And then when I did that,

I could see the other things on my list and I got up and I made myself go for a walk and pray out loud and brush my hair and rub my feet,

Which were things on my list that were not in the mind column.

They were in the spirit and in the body column.

And it felt so good to reclaim that.

So I feel like I'm on this tentative bridge area between,

Between being sick and being healthy.

And I feel like this really is the crux of recovery is bringing into wellness and functionality.

What I learned when I was recovering and actually bringing recovery in so that I never stop recovering because I am not interested in going back to that state of pushing through and ignoring what is the most helpful part of who I am.

So I just wanted to encourage anyone out there who's going through something similar,

Sending lots of love.