Have you ever noticed that sometimes the hardest part of doing something difficult is just getting started?
When we have a difficult task or situation.
It can feel like just thinking about it is enough to exhaust us.
Your mind keeps circling around everything you have to do.
Where you get stuck on how long it's going to take.
Or how hard it's going to be.
And suddenly something that might be manageable feels completely overwhelming.
So in this video,
I want to talk about something simple that can make difficult experiences feel a little easier to navigate.
And that is.
.
.
Remembering to take things one day at a time.
And sometimes one minute at a time.
Because one of the things our minds are very good at doing.
Is leaving the present and trying to live the entire future all at once.
So what does that look like?
Maybe you're starting a big project and immediately start thinking about all the numerous challenges.
Or maybe you're dealing with an illness or caring for someone you love.
And your mind keeps jumping to all the medical appointments and all the potential complications.
Or maybe you're going through a difficult transition and you're thinking,
How am I going to do this for the next six months?
And when our mind starts generating these kinds of thoughts,
We aren't just carrying the weight of what we need to do today.
We're carrying the weight of tomorrow.
Have a good Book's Day!
And the net.
And sometimes it's the weight of months or years.
So there's a story in the book,
Breath by Breath,
By Larry Rosenberg,
That I find really helpful.
Back when he was still somewhat new to meditation,
He was granted special permission to attend a 90-day retreat with a large group of monks.
On day 45.
He learned that at this particular monastery,
There was a tradition of spending an entire week without any sleep.
Well,
Rosenberg was already exhausted from the first six weeks.
And when he heard seven days without sleep,
He felt frightened and overwhelmed.
He couldn't imagine doing it.
He decided to speak with the Zen master,
An elderly monk who himself had completed the practice many times.
And this teacher helped him see that there were really two things happening for him.
There was the actual difficulty of being on retreat and being tired.
And then there was the additional burden Rosenberg was carrying in his mind.
He kept thinking about seven days without sleep.
So the teacher encouraged him to put that extra burden down.
The Zen master said to him,
Don't do seven days right now.
Just do this meditation period.
Then the next one.
Then the meal.
Than the next meditation period.
Just do this.
In the next month.
And Rosenberg was able to follow his advice,
And he completed the retreat.
Now it does go on to write that the week was still extremely difficult.
And that taking it moment by moment didn't magically make his exhaustion disappear.
But it changed his relationship to what he was experiencing.
He no longer had to endure all seven days at once.
He only had to get through what was happening now,
In this moment.
And I think there's something tremendously useful in that.
When we're faced with something big,
Our minds tend to carry the whole thing.
And part of becoming more mindful is simply recognizing when we're doing this.
Because clearly our minds do remarkable things.
They can plan.
They do anticipate.
They help us prepare.
And we need that capacity.
But sometimes a strength of the mind can also become a source of suffering.
Planning for the future can turn into living for the future.
Instead of asking.
What do I need to do today?
We begin trying to answer questions like,
How am I ever going to get through this?
And there's some psychological research that offer an interesting explanation for at least part of this.
When we think about things that are much further away in time.
We tend to think about them in the broader,
More abstract terms.
And that can feel really heavy.
As something gets closer.
Were more able to think concretely about the actual steps involved.
And those steps seem more manageable.
So,
Compare the thoughts.
I have to write an entire book.
To the thought today.
I'm going to write a draft of the introduction.
Or I have six months of treatment ahead.
Today.
I have an appointment at two o'clock.
There are times when we can't change the situation.
But we can change how much we ask ourselves to carry.
And there's an interesting piece of research that I think can also be helpful here.
Psychologist Teresa Amabile.
And researcher Stephen Kramer study thousands of daily diary entries from people that were doing meaningful work.
And one of their biggest takeaways was finding that making progress,
Even relatively small progress.
Had a significant effect on motivation.
They call this naturally the progress principle.
I think we often imagine that motivation will come from seeing that finish line,
Getting really close to the end.
But more often what helps us continue is simply being able to say.
I moved forward today.
Not,
I finished everything.
And that matters because when we're looking at something very difficult.
The finish line can be so far away that it's just outright discouraging.
But the next step is different.
The next step is something we can do right now in this moment.
This is one reason I think the phrase,
One day at a time,
Has been embraced by so many 12-step or recovery programs.
And of course that idea applies far beyond addiction and recovery.
I mean,
It can help us when we are grieving,
When we're trying to change a habit.
Trying to learn something new.
Or we're just trying to get through an especially demanding transition or season of life.
We don't have to solve our whole life today.
And there's another example.
Writer Ann Lamott tells a wonderful story in her book,
Bird by Bird.
When her brother was about 10,
He had a big school report about birds that he'd had months to complete.
But like so many of us,
He had waited until the last minute.
So he's sitting at the kitchen table,
Surrounded by books and papers,
Almost in tears,
Because the project seemed so overwhelming.
And their father sat beside him,
And he basically told them,
Just take it bird by bird.
Weinberg.
Then another.
And I love that image.
Because sometimes when we're overwhelmed,
That's exactly what we need to do.
Take it bird by bird.
So we're closing.
The next time you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed by something that lies ahead of you or a big project.
See if you can just pause.
And notice where your mind has gone.
Are you carrying something that actually needs to be carried today?
And then perhaps ask yourself.
What is actually required of me right now,
In this moment?
Not everything that has to be done,
Not everything that could happen.
And not every step in between here and the finish line.
Just what is it I need to do right now?
Sometimes the answer might be small.
Send that email.
Make the appointment.
Write one paragraph.
Take that walk.
Have the conversation.
Mindfulness isn't asking us to ignore the future.
It's helping us recognize when thinking about the future has stopped being helpful.
Mindfulness helps us come back to the present.
Where we can actually take things.
One day at a time.
Bird by bird.
Moment by moment.
As always,
Thank you for being here and until next time.
Take care and be well.
