Loving The Haters - Weekly Energy Boost

Imagine yourself facing those who criticize or oppose you with understanding and compassion, rather than with anger or resentment. While this can be difficult, it is possible, if we can let go of the ego's need for validation instead focusing on compassion and understanding. Tune into this week's episode and learn valuable tools to help you love the haters! Original airdate: 2/20/23

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are and welcome to this week's weekly energy boost.

My name is Elie Sheva and with me this lovely Monday morning is by popular demand,

Batia Solomon.

Welcome,

Batia.

Hello,

Everybody.

We are here.

We are ramped up and excited to share with you.

This is a really high energy week and lots of opportunity for us.

And so this week's topic that we are tackling,

We're calling it loving the haters,

Talking about how to use our inherent goodness,

Compassion and kindness to obliterate the darkness rather than trying to fight darkness with darkness.

We every week on the weekly energy boost,

We provide our listeners with the most powerful and practical tools to navigate the coming seven days according to the wisdom of Kabbalah.

And in providing that practical wisdom and tools,

We inevitably showcase life lessons and valuable messages that you can use any day of the week,

Any week of the year.

This week is no different.

We have two really powerful influences.

One is the weekly energy that is connected to opening the heart,

Really unleashing the inherent nature within each and every one of us,

Which according to the wisdom of Kabbalah is love and light,

As well as the fact that we are transitioning into a new month.

According to the Kabbalistic calendar,

If you're listening on Monday,

So Tuesday is the new moon of Pisces,

Tuesday and Wednesday.

So we have a double day,

Two days this week,

Tuesday and Wednesday,

Where we are planting the seed for the coming month.

And as we talk about every episode that runs into a new moon,

We use the new moon to set the mold for the coming 30 days.

So how we think,

Feel and behave in those two days really has a much more significant impact on the days that follow.

Obviously every day of the year,

Our thoughts,

Words and actions plant seeds.

We do our best to operate at the highest level possible on the new month so that we raise the bar on the new moon,

We raise the bar for the entire month to come.

So the month of Pisces and Pisces,

Pisceans in general are known for their compassion and kindness and gentle way in the world.

One of the things that's obviously very prevalent in modern times is,

We could probably do eight episodes on this,

But the fact that for whatever reason,

And I'm sure there are cosmic reasons,

People are so much more compelled to spew vile wherever they go,

Whether it's racism,

People trolling one another on the internet.

There's so much,

Everybody's just letting it all hang out.

And if only it were only the good stuff,

It's also good stuff,

But it's really the uptick in the dark and negative human nature that we've noticed over the past few years.

And Kabbalah,

First of all,

If you're listening and you identify with being someone who shares their opinions without filters and isn't really sensitive to who's listening or how much damage those words can have,

We're talking to you,

But also those of us who are on the receiving end of that,

The anger,

The hostility,

The resentment,

I think,

That people broadcast in modern times.

It's almost like,

You look at,

Maybe that's why period pieces on TV and movies are so,

People are so compelled to watch them because let's say you watch all of that British,

All of the British period pieces,

Everybody's so stiff upper lip and restrained and nobody's saying they love anybody and everybody's so cold and reserved that there's a part of us that wants to go back to that,

Keep it to yourself.

I don't really want to hear what you think about me attitude.

And there is,

I guess you could say there's a positive way to use it,

But there's a positive way to face it as well.

It's not,

The universe doesn't put it in our purview so that we will be beaten down by it.

But really as our teacher Rob Berg used to say,

You can't fight darkness with darkness,

You can only dispel it with light.

So today we want to talk about how to approach those who oppose or criticize us in the most spiritual and impactful way,

How to let go of being affected by the criticism or the rejection or the,

Sometimes it's humiliation that's out there for us because we,

You know,

Being a human in 2023,

You expose yourself to the public,

Whether you like it or not,

Right?

Everybody's online,

Everything is public domain.

We see so many things in the news about people behaving badly because they thought nobody was looking,

But lo and behold,

Somebody on the train is filming them and they're exposed.

So part of what we want to download this week is also the impact that we as individuals have on dispelling that darkness,

Even though it might seem like the issues are so far reaching and broad and out of our hands,

How very valuable and impactful those small candles can be.

So where do you want to begin,

Bhatia?

I don't know,

Alisha,

But where do you want to begin?

Well,

First of all,

I think we can start by asking everybody,

And maybe this is a good way to bring you into the chat,

Is we are all probably guilty of that.

We are all probably guilty of saying something hurtful or hateful,

Whether with malicious intent or simply because we didn't think twice before we opened our mouths or we forgot who we were talking to.

I remember,

Just as a really funny example,

I have two little girls and a little boy,

I mean,

Elementary school age kids at home,

And one day some boy did something terrible to one of my daughters.

I don't know if he kicked her or he hit her or he spit at her.

And I gave her a hug.

She was crying,

Destroyed,

And I said,

Boys can be so terrible.

And I look up and my son is looking at me.

Oh my God,

That was a terrible thing to say.

So true confessions of a Kabbalah teacher.

She has plenty to talk to her therapist about.

He has plenty to talk to his therapist about.

He heard his mom talking about how terrible boys can be.

Obviously,

I didn't,

You know,

It was,

It was,

Um,

Well,

That's brave of you to admit that in public.

I'm saying this is that we all do it.

I didn't,

I wasn't trying to cut anybody down.

I was trying to acknowledge and validate her hurt.

And I did it in a really upside down way.

Right.

What do you say?

What do you say?

That was a Freudian slip of Freudian slips.

So did I mean to hurt him?

Was it,

It came out much more hateful.

First of all,

I didn't even realize he was standing there right in that emotional moment.

But we've all been there,

Right?

I've shared on that.

I remember it many,

Probably a couple of years ago,

I shared about a student that I had that a number of years ago was very active on social media with political,

What's it called?

Vitriol?

Rick,

Let's call it.

And you know,

She was really trying to convince her friends and family of the horrible nature of a certain individual.

And she was,

I mean,

I was like,

You know,

I didn't want to,

I was embarrassed.

I don't know if the word is embarrassed,

But I was cringing.

It was like,

Oh my goodness,

You're such a good person.

What are you doing?

What,

You know,

Why,

Why put that out there?

You realize how bad you look just in being able to talk about another human being like that.

And so I think the first step for all of us is to admit,

To take stock in the fact that we've all been there mindlessly,

Maybe unknowingly or sometimes knowingly attacking or criticizing or being hateful without realizing.

And maybe I'm saying there's both.

You didn't realize,

Or you intentionally wanted that hate or that malice to negatively,

Negatively impact someone.

The second step is in those times where you've been subjected to that or even witnessed that,

Right?

It doesn't have to be an attack on you.

It can be an attack on someone else.

What did you do?

Oh,

Can I please,

This is,

I'm setting the stage for you.

Take the mic,

Please.

Okay.

Well,

It comes to mind as you're speaking is two things.

The first thing is everyone wants love.

Everybody needs love and wants love,

Wants to be loved and wants some space to express love.

Then when,

You know,

Going back to establishing our patterns of behavior,

As I mentioned in another podcast that,

You know,

Everything happens,

Well not everything,

But you know,

Our subconscious belief systems are formed at a very,

Very early age,

Young age.

Then we adapt what's called reactive life strategies,

Which,

Um.

You need a book,

A book by that title.

I know,

Right?

I made that up.

How can I copyright that?

Don't steal my line,

Everybody.

Anyway.

That's brilliant.

Yeah.

It's called reactive life strategy.

So I have a student,

Got into a conversation.

She has an,

She,

By the way,

I hope she's not listening.

She has a,

She is.

Hey,

Now we talked about this in very in depth and she has a habit,

Has had a habit for all of her children's lives that when she's hurt,

She,

She attacks.

She gets very nasty,

Very nasty to her husband,

Very nasty to her children.

And it's like so damaging.

And so we had this again in in depth processing,

Let's,

Let's call it that conversation.

And as we're uncovering the layers,

We understood,

She finally understood that the reason she attacks is because she feels hurt.

Now the option that she has is to say,

I'm hurt.

Now that would be a very self loving thing to do by her stating her truth.

As you listen to the other podcast I was on recently with you by stating her truth,

She takes back her power.

She empowers herself because that's her truth.

I'm hurt.

And if she would live in her truth and say,

I'm hurt,

She would not have the need to attack,

But subconsciously and the way she dealt with life because she had a lot of trauma,

You know,

In her younger years,

The way that her survival mechanism is,

If she feels hurt,

That means her,

Her survival is at risk,

Her emotional survival,

Her physical survival,

Or mental survival,

Mostly emotional survival has to protect herself.

So what does she do when she feels unsafe when she feels hurt,

Instead of allowing the emotions of that emotion,

Energy in motion,

Just allowing it to just be released in a very pure way the way children do.

If you ever watch,

If you ever witnessed a three year old,

A two year old,

A four year old,

You know,

They'll be crying,

And then they'll get over it next minute,

You know,

They get right back up,

They're laughing,

The energy,

The emotions just,

Just channel through them,

They don't hold on to it necessarily,

In most cases,

Unless it's some form of trauma.

Well,

That's the way we're meant to,

We're meant to emote energy in motion,

Let the energy flow through us channel through us.

But as we've,

Like I said,

We've learned that as a survival reactive life strategy is,

Oh,

In order to the illusion that I won't get hurt again,

I'll attack you so that you don't hurt me again.

So that's,

Let's,

Let's put a pin in that,

Right?

So that we've got that.

And then we need to know what you know,

A Rav Ashlag,

Founder of the Kabbalah Center has taught us that there is everything,

And he's quoting from the script from the sages from Kabbalists.

He said that everything is a process,

Every one of us is in a process.

So if you go to an apple tree,

And you pick the apple before it's ripe,

And you bite into it,

What does it taste like?

It's bitter,

Terrible,

Terrible,

Right?

But if you wait for the apple to ripen on the vine,

And then you eat it,

Then it's sweet.

So one thing to keep in mind about ourselves and other people that we judge is that they're still on the vine.

We're still on the vine,

We're still in a process.

And because we judge people too soon,

We're hurting ourselves and we're hurting them.

And it's important to keep that in mind.

If you're being attacked for whatever reason,

Misjudged,

Judged,

Misjudged,

Verbally attacked,

Shamed,

Humiliated.

By the way,

That was the parenting strategy in my dysfunctional family growing up was,

You know,

We were either beaten or shamed and humiliated into place.

So you can imagine what I have to unpack there.

If the other thing is,

So to understand first,

We want love,

We need love.

Love is something that is a connection.

That's what love is.

Love is a pure connection.

And we have a connection to our soul is constantly downloading energy from an eternal source,

Whatever you want to call it,

God,

The universe,

Allah,

Buddha,

Whatever,

Whatever you want to call it,

Doesn't matter.

There is this eternal source that we're all drawing energy from.

And if we're drawing it from a,

In an unimpeded way and we're expressing it,

That's when we're in bliss.

That's what we feel love.

We're exchanging love.

And that's ideally the state to be.

However,

We're in a process to get there.

And so for those of us who don't feel safe in the illusions of this world,

We all have come and ask yourself,

What is my reactive life strategy?

What is my reactive?

What do I do when I'm vulnerable?

When I feel vulnerable?

What do I,

How do I respond when I feel threatened,

When my livelihood is threatened,

When my life is threatened,

When my love is threatened,

When my self identity is threatened,

What do we do?

Most of us were like wounded animals in the corner will attack when,

You know,

If someone comes near.

And so it's really important to keep that in mind and work from a place of compassion.

Another thing we learn in the teachings is the idea that there are two kinds of people in the world.

They're,

They're builders and they're the destroyers of this world.

And destroyers are of this world and not obvious destroyers of the world are people who use other people to make themselves right.

And if you don't agree with me,

Then I'm going to cancel you.

Those are the destroyers of the world.

They're the builders of the world and the builders of the world are the people who think,

Okay,

I'm having a fight with my spouse right now.

We're having a disagreement.

Now do I want to put another nail in the coffin of this relationship by being right?

Or will,

Am I,

Am I more concerned about keeping the love alive in this relationship?

That's a choice we should ask ourselves all the time whenever we're engaging with other people.

Do I want to be right or do I want to be light?

Do I want to be right or do I want to be light?

Very nice.

That's how you know if you're in destroyer mode or builder mode is that,

You know,

If you're focused on proving a point or proving someone wrong,

Or if you're in that defense at all costs mode,

There's a,

It's a,

It's a destructive path.

So if you're trying to be right and just,

You can do a self check here in anything,

You know,

You could be right and that it's not even a,

Maybe an argument if you're right or not,

But is it worth it for the investment in the future of that relationship,

Whatever that relationship is to,

To kill the other person in reputation and spirits and mood or whatever in order to gain the victory of being right or what would your energy be better invested in finding a solution or even let's agree to disagree that,

That word,

Let's agree to disagree.

You like that candidate.

I like the other candidate.

You,

You know,

You follow that religion.

I follow another,

Whatever it is,

Let's agree to disagree or let's agree to respect each other's opinion on the matter or,

Or preference on the matter.

We don't have to cancel the other person out in order to be for this,

For the victory of being right.

Because anybody who is on that train is on the train of destruction,

Whether it's microcosmic in the friends and family arena or it's macrocosmic on the global arena.

War has never solved anything except line the pockets of the people who are financing those wars.

They're the only ones who are temporarily benefiting from any kind of war.

Just keep that in mind.

So if you find yourself and you know,

We call,

There's a force at work,

A dark side that exists in this world,

Right?

We call it the opponent force in Kabbalah and that force doesn't care which side of the issue you're on as long as you're creating separation with the other side.

That's all the force wants.

Doesn't matter who's right or wrong.

Just create separation because that's what it does.

It creates separation and where there's separation,

There's weakness and where there's weakness,

There's destruction.

Just keep that in mind.

So in this day and age with all of the insanity going on in the world,

A seeming insanity and it's so uncertain,

Right?

The dollar,

It's coming,

It's going crypto up,

It's down.

Should I invest in the stocks?

My investments,

Whatever it is,

Things are changing.

Prices are going up.

People are getting nervous and with all that going on,

You can ask yourself,

Am I a builder or am I a destroyer?

The way that if you say,

I want to be a builder,

I want to be part of the solution.

I don't want to be part of the problem.

Here's how you be part of the solution and it's going to sound a little,

Maybe a little off or crazy,

But this is really how we're going to heal.

This is to be,

Spend your time being happy.

Spend your time meditating on opening your heart.

It doesn't mean you let people walk all over you.

It doesn't mean you allow people to insult you.

It doesn't mean that you allow people to mistreat you in any way,

But as the more of us that choose to stay in an elevated consciousness of understanding of understand compassion,

We're all in a process.

We're all on the vine.

We're not there yet,

So let's cut each other a little bit of slack.

I don't have to agree with you and I can maintain consciously maintain a higher vibration of love and compassion.

This is actually how we all heal the world.

I know it sounds crazy.

What are you talking about?

No,

It's really that simple,

That deep and that profound,

Which doesn't negate the fact that if you want to have a debate,

Go right ahead.

But the minute that debate crosses a line of attacking someone's character,

Et cetera,

Then that becomes a destructive conversation.

It's no longer a building conversation.

By the way,

I had what I thought was a friend.

We made the mistake of having a political conversation.

I thought we were having a debate until I didn't agree with her and then she attacked my character over this.

That's when I said,

Bye-bye.

It's like I'm not going to engage with someone who's going to attack my character because I don't agree with them.

I wish her well,

Bless her wherever she goes,

But I don't have to also allow myself to be a victim.

We have to be very clear about this conversation and not give the wrong message.

So again,

You can respectfully disagree and still have compassion for the person and still want them to be right because this country was born out of healthy debate.

This country and the republic or democracy,

However,

The Constitution is based on healthy debate.

The U.

S.

Constitution.

The U.

S.

Constitution,

Yes.

Exactly.

We have a lot of international listeners.

Oh,

Okay.

The United States Constitution.

I'm not talking about today's political scene.

I'm talking about the Constitution was based on spiritual values,

That everybody has the right to pursue happiness.

Pursue happiness.

Right?

And there was checks and balances that were purposely set up to keep each other honest.

The second,

I don't want to get into politics now about the first and second amendments,

And I'm just saying that it wouldn't even have to be a question if we would,

If enough of us would raise our consciousness of keeping compassion,

Kindness,

Respect,

And human dignity,

And we don't have to agree.

It doesn't mean we have to agree.

It just means that in my disagreement with you,

I will respect my boundaries.

We don't have to attack each other's character,

Et cetera.

And asking yourself,

Let's say,

You know,

It's not about politics or religion.

Let's just say it's in the family.

What can I do to be a builder in this relationship with my children,

With my spouse,

With my friends,

With my community?

What can I do to contribute to be a builder rather than a destroyer?

You made me think of two things that I think will help us reach that level of thoughtfulness and awareness.

I'm sure everybody's heard,

Or most people have heard the phrase,

Hurt people,

Hurt people,

Right?

Like you were talking about your student that,

You know,

She became nasty when she felt hurt basically.

And the reality is,

In the same way that,

You know,

As an adult,

And I brought up different scenarios like this,

If you have children and somebody is picking on your child,

As much as you're upset and you want to protect your child,

You also look at the perpetrator and you think,

Such a shame.

So you know how sad that that child feels the need to make other children miserable.

Not that that's a justification for them to stay a bully.

Exactly.

Because it's a child,

We find the compassion inside to recognize this child is hurting and therefore wants to inflict hurt on others.

Adults are not different.

And if there is somebody out there that is out to get you,

Or,

You know,

Even I know somebody in his business,

That there are people trying to attack the character of the business or the products constantly putting out inflammatory reviews and things like that to take them down.

That person feels so helpless and hopeless in their own lives that the only way they can succeed,

Quote unquote,

Is to destroy others.

That's the reactive life strategy at work.

There you go.

The second thing that I was reminded of while Batya was talking,

Which to me has been elemental in my own personal process as a teacher,

As a coach and a mentor,

And even as a,

There's so many little other areas we've had to dabble our toes in,

In our work over the years.

But there is a very annoying,

As you heard me say,

Very annoying,

Cabalistic concept that any time you are out to do something important,

You invite opposition.

It's actually one of the ways that you know,

I actually want to read a quote from a book called Education of a Cabalist that was written by our teacher,

Rav Berg,

About his teacher and how he came to be the leader that he was.

And he says,

My teacher often told me that if I truly wanted to know the rightness of my actions,

I must look around at the kind of opposition I was facing.

If unrighteous people opposed me,

Then I could be sure I was really achieving something worthwhile.

So what that means and what we teach in our leadership programs is by doing something valuable and important and impactful,

You're actually inviting opposition.

By the way,

That reminds me of a cabalistic story of a man who goes to the upper world after his life is over and they say to him,

Well,

Who are your enemies?

And he said,

Oh,

I didn't have any enemies.

Everybody liked me.

I didn't have not one enemy.

And they say that he gets the first ticket to hell because he didn't do anything in the world.

Everybody says the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

But it's important.

So it's not that we're saying,

Oh,

It's bad to have opposition.

No,

On the contrary,

Opposition really helps us grow like a diamond.

So that's a good call into a diamond.

One side of that idea is that by doing something important,

You're inviting opposition.

The other side of that coin is if you're experiencing opposition,

That's no indication that you're doing something wrong.

That's to me,

Or maybe because I'm a Pisces,

When somebody isn't passionately enamored by the things that I do,

I worry,

Oh my God,

Did I do something wrong?

No,

The fact that somebody has pushback,

And I see this,

I'm saying this because we work on teams with different people and we produce projects and not everybody is giving us a standing ovation.

It's the opposite.

Sometimes it's the opposite.

The point is- But we do great work.

But it's never the rejection or the criticism is never an indication that we've done something wrong or do we,

Maybe we need to go over it again.

It's the opposite.

But that's what I'm saying.

It's two sides of that coin.

On one hand,

When you do something important,

You need to expect opposition.

The other side is when you get the opposition,

Know that it's not that you're doing something wrong,

It's that you're doing something right.

Or it's not even a value judgment.

I have two people in my life right now I find very annoying.

I hope I'm not one of them.

Very annoying.

Yes.

No,

You're not one of them.

You're my bestie.

Didn't we say that we complete each other's sentences?

Yes,

Absolutely.

But you do annoy me sometimes.

We complete each other's sandwiches.

That's true.

But anyway,

At first,

The first thought that comes in,

Let's be honest,

Like,

Why is this person in my life?

Just go away.

And then I have to remind myself,

Oh,

My God,

That means something great is coming right after this.

Because that's usually what happens.

You go to a challenge,

You got to go through some sort of dark moment or uncomfortable moment.

And then after that,

The light is revealed.

So as annoying as it is to interact with these particular people,

I find and I'm human.

So no,

Yes,

I left my halo and wings at the dry cleaner.

Sorry.

But I remind myself after the first thought is,

Oh,

Just like go away so I can go back to being at peace.

And the second thought is,

Oh,

Wow,

They're annoying me.

So something good is coming to me.

Something good is about to happen because I'm having this interaction.

It's really great.

100%.

And this episode is not meant to be like a security blanket,

Like,

Don't worry,

It'll be OK.

It's really to inspire everybody and to empower everybody to take advantage of those opportunities when they're there.

So that annoying person,

The solution to the annoying person isn't to ignore or to cancel or to,

You know,

Sometimes make them wrong.

I was going to say that sometimes when somebody is annoying,

We give ourselves the right,

The freedom to put them down or to make them look bad because,

Oh,

My God.

But that they're there actually as a means,

They're part of the universal system of miracle delivery.

Like Batya said,

Something good is coming if I can sit and be genuinely who I am and loving and caring and compassionate and not affected by this person.

That's actually a way for me to draw additional blessings or what the Ra was saying in Education of a Kabbalist is that's actually when people would write or make criticisms or complaints about the Ra in those years,

The Ra would say,

Just make sure they spelled our name right.

I have to tell you a great story about that.

So many years ago,

Many,

Many,

Many years ago,

When I was new to the Kabbalah Senate and I was the Ra and Karen's assistant,

Ra Berg's assistant,

And a fax,

Remember the fax machines,

Remember those days?

So there was a letter that came over the fax about all the Rabbis,

25 Rabbis in Toronto,

You know,

What did they call it?

They excommunicated the center or something like that.

They told everyone in their communities,

Don't go to the center or whatever.

Being new to the whole game here of life in that way and looking through it through the lens or filter of spiritual understanding,

I read the fax and I run to Ra Berg and I go,

Oh my God,

Look what's happening here.

I'm reading the letter and all of these people signing the letter and we should get a lawyer.

We should sue.

I got so reactive.

Ra Berg was at his desk.

He was writing while I'm having this very reactive experience and never picked his head up,

Never put his pen down from writing on the paper and the Rabb just said to me,

I don't have time for sit down.

I have time for the opponent.

I just kept going,

Like had no impact.

Wow,

What an indelible impression that had on me.

It was incredible and I realized in that moment how much energy I give to my own dark side.

I let the dark side just play with me like a puppet in that moment and that's what happens again getting into conflict.

The opponent doesn't care what side you're on,

What side of the issue you're on as long as you take one side and not stay in a higher frequency.

Looking down at the situation at a higher frequency and understanding that we're not ripe yet and that we all want the same thing,

Everybody just wants love.

If you can open your heart,

Stay with an open heart and still protect your boundaries,

Not to be a doorstop for anybody or a doormat,

But stay with that open heart,

Know who you are and be a builder.

Choose to be a builder.

You will see that enough of us do that,

The world will change like that.

Land of paradise for us all.

Amen.

Thank you again,

Batia,

For being here with us.

Oh,

It's always a pleasure.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you everyone for listening.

We love you.

We will see you next week on the Weekly Energy Boost.