How To Reinvent Yourself - Weekly Energy Boost

When life becomes stagnant, it’s usually an indication that something needs to change. Sarah Weston joins us to talk about how to reach our potential by redefining who we are and embracing the journey of new beginnings at any age. Episode 1 of 4. Original airdate: 9/3/21

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to the Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Ellie Sheva,

And I am here this morning with David,

And we're being joined,

We are joined by Sarah Weston,

Live from New York,

Who is going to share with us,

Share the mic with us.

Many of you have probably heard Marcus Weston on the Weekly Energy Boost multiple times.

This is his better half,

And we're very excited to finally have her on the show.

Weekly Energy Boost is a seven-day spiritual energy forecast where David,

I,

And our guests strive to provide the most powerful and practical tools and wisdom to help you navigate not only the upcoming seven days,

But hopefully that weekly wisdom can be applied to almost any situation any day of the year.

And this week happens to be,

I was actually thinking on the way to the show today,

If there are five important weeks of the year,

This would be in the top five,

Because this is the week that the Kabbalistic calendar begins again.

And the idea,

The title of this week's episode,

Reinventing Yourself,

Is to me a reminder,

Going into this week,

Where our energy for the year is refreshed,

Renewed for an entire 365 days,

To me it's a reminder that the universe has this inbuilt structure where we are constantly given opportunity after opportunity,

Second chance after second chance after second chance to do things over again.

There's actually a prayer that we say when we wake up in the morning that essentially says,

Thank you for giving me another chance.

And that idea that no matter how much we perceive we've failed or we've missed the mark or we aren't proud of whatever happened,

The moment that we acknowledge it and let it go is the moment that we can turn it around and change it.

And because we're entering this new era,

At least energetically,

I think it's an important conversation to have around what do we do when we recognize we don't like something about ourselves or we suddenly become aware that there is a habit that we have that is actually preventing us from achieving or receiving something that we desire.

How do you handle those moments of not only recognition,

But I want to call it,

What is it when the GPS,

When you miss the turn and your ways has to recalculate?

Recalculate.

So at any moment that you realize you've made that wrong turn,

You can recalculate,

But our nature is to roll around in the misery and pity of the mistake,

Beat ourselves up because we should have known better,

Blame ourselves and shame ourselves into we're the worst person in the world,

Why would anybody want to give us a shot kind of thing when the universe itself is constantly giving us shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after shot.

So we want to talk this week about how to engage in that process.

On one hand,

We're getting into- Engaging what process?

Of deciding that may have been who I am or what I did that doesn't define me.

Okay.

That is what I think is- The bottom line is you're saying,

You're saying- Who I am or what I've done,

What I did and who I was yesterday or even five months ago does not define me.

You can reset it at any moment.

At any moment.

At any moment.

And we often talk in the show about the force of the opponent.

Our opponent feeds us this lie that we're damaged,

We've ruined everything,

It's not going to work.

And that,

First of all,

An outing that lie is the first step,

I would say.

Recognizing that that narrative,

I actually read about a girl who at 14 asked her parents to take her to the doctor because she thought that there was something living inside her not realizing that that's the voice of her opponent.

That constant dialogue in her mind was actually her.

She thought something was wrong with her because she was engaging in a struggle between,

I know I should do this,

But I feel like doing this.

Or I know I shouldn't do that,

But I'm going to do it anyway.

That struggle that we constantly have within us,

That's the force of the opponent.

And that force exists not to win,

But to challenge us to win.

And we have people listening to us live right now,

Knowing that tonight begins that new chapter in their destiny,

The first day of Libra,

When we call Rosh Hashanah,

The destiny starts to be written and it extends for actually a 21-day period.

So you may be listening to us later on in the week,

I think probably half the people listen to us in the beginning and half later on,

And to know that this is still relevant.

What we're talking about is still relevant.

I think the point is there's an aspect of it that is released because of the time and then there's the lesson,

Which can be applied anytime.

That is correct.

And I was telling you before the show that what should we give you?

What should we give you that's going to be most powerful and potent in this very powerful and potent time?

Because we probably need something very strong as opposed to maybe even something more long-term.

And I was thinking a couple of things and I want to hear what Sarah and Elisheva will have to say about,

Look,

I got six hours to figure my stuff out and what is the most powerful consciousness to go into this new year with?

Because what you go in with is what you're going to feel for the whole year.

So we have less time to actually try to build up to something.

We need to switch our mindset,

Elevate our consciousness as fast as possible,

And at least maintain that for the next 21 days.

So that's the kind of thing.

We need like a triple espresso shot.

This isn't like,

You know,

Someone was telling me yesterday,

Like,

You want to come to this new coffee place?

I said,

Well,

What's so good about it over there?

They said,

Oh,

They got a great chai latte.

And I said,

Does it look like I'm a chai latte?

Like,

I need a double espresso right now.

Either I'm having a deja vu or we had this exact same conversation in the last years or two years.

Did we?

Totally.

You're very good at remembering those things.

No,

I'm not usually.

I delete my brain.

No,

But I'm saying either it's a deja vu,

Like it's not a conscious memory,

Or we actually did talk about this and you brought up going to coffee and the whole thing in a previous episode about the same thing.

And here's something else.

And I know I'm going to let Sarah speak in a moment,

But you just said something powerful because I was praying,

I'm doing my meditations this morning and I just opened up my backpack.

I said,

There's an old book there I haven't looked at for like,

I don't know,

A year or so.

And I just,

And there was a bookmark.

So I just opened up to that page.

And that usually means there's a message when I just randomly pick a book that I haven't looked at for a while.

And the message was,

It's so powerful.

I want everybody to just like,

Let this sink in.

It said that the creator loves people who reset themselves constantly.

It was an unbelievable thing.

You say what the creator loves most.

I don't think I have it with me.

It's my other backpack.

What the creator loves most is when a person can start new,

Even though they fail.

And the more you start new,

The more the creator has a love for that.

And there's the opposite of that is people who hold onto their past,

Who agonize,

Who assess themselves and judge themselves.

And while there is a space for that and a place for that in order to grow,

Because you can't grow what you can't measure.

What they're saying is that the majority of who you are needs to be moving forward and to know that that's exactly what the creator wants you to do.

So I thought that was crazy that I picked that and you said it.

Sarah,

What are you telling your students?

I hear great things from your students about you,

By the way,

Right?

You may come off,

You know,

Sometimes very just sweet and Pisces-ish like us,

But I heard that you can give some very powerful,

Strong.

.

.

By the way,

You know that today is Sarah's birthday.

Oh,

See,

Look at that.

That's the Sarah.

See,

This is.

.

.

Let me tell you something about her.

It's her birthday.

She's moving and schlepping her family across the world.

It's hours before the holidays start.

And she's like,

You know what I'm going to do?

I want to do a podcast.

That's for fun.

Yeah,

One thing.

First thing I asked her,

I'm like,

Please make sure the kids aren't screaming in the background.

But you know,

She's like,

No,

I even got that covered.

So what are you telling your students right now?

What's some potent triple espresso shot wisdom that you're giving your students entering into this very important period of time?

So some things that came to mind as you guys were speaking and things that I'm talking to students about are there's this phrase that I love that says there's no saint without a past and there's no sinner without a future.

And for whatever mistakes anyone has made,

It says that,

You know,

Like what you said about how the creator loves someone who is constantly working on himself just wants to reset is that is that there's there's nothing that can't be corrected.

And that this time is an amazing time where we can become someone completely different,

Completely different.

And there's a teaching that Michael Berg shares that I love.

And he says that the person that we're supposed to become is someone that we can't even imagine today.

It's someone that is so far beyond what we can even imagine of ourselves.

So if we think I can change this and I can do that,

Whatever goals we set that that are really within our framework of what we think is possible,

What we can become is something that is so far,

So far beyond that.

Because if you told me,

You know,

20 years ago,

Before I found the center that I was going to come our center,

The Kabbalah Center,

I was going to be the Kabbalah Center,

I was going to be giving meditations,

I would have said,

You're absolutely out of your mind.

I said that that's crazy.

None of that stuff works.

It's completely,

You know,

It's garbage.

And I didn't,

It's not only that,

That I didn't,

I wasn't even aware of it.

I was,

I was extremely against it,

Extremely against it.

So to understand that complete change,

Complete shift is possible.

It's something that I think I've experienced.

I think it's something that all of us experienced in this wisdom is that we're studying this and we're learning this and we're connecting to this because we've all tried and applied certain principles and we see changes in our life.

How many years ago did you start,

Sarah?

Seventeen years.

Seventeen years.

You know,

Sarah told me to go to the Philippines to teach a class.

Sure,

Let's go.

And we went and Sarah's like a celebrity there.

It's like people,

People coming out of the woodwork.

I'm like,

What's going on here?

So you left a pretty,

Pretty,

I don't know,

Left some kind of a,

You left the good life to,

To be dedicated to the work of spreading this wisdom.

I left the 1% life.

100% of the 1%.

Let's put it that way.

I left the 1% life.

Pursue the 99% life.

Then it was worth that every minute.

It was worth it.

All right,

Alexia,

Give us some,

Give us some wisdom to shift our consciousness into place.

Okay.

So what I've been sharing with my students,

Which I hope it's not redundant for some of you,

Is that,

And this is actually something that I remember hearing our teacher,

Rav Berg,

Talk about in terms of the power of what this period,

And specifically when I say this period,

I mean the first 10 days of this month,

The month of Libra.

And it should,

Sarah,

Do you identify as a Libra or a Virgo?

I identify as both.

I'm Libra in the Kabbalistic calendar and I'm a Virgo moon.

So.

Gotcha.

Okay.

So like a true Libra,

She identifies as both.

And one of the things I have a Libra moon opposite of you.

I can't decide.

Right.

Depends who's asking is actually the right answer.

The tendency is to sort of be in the middle ground,

You know,

Or to let all of the options paralyze us.

And specifically in these 10 days,

From the beginning,

The first day of the month of Libra to the 10th day of the month of Libra,

There's like a magnifying glass almost on our,

Whatever film reel was taken over the past year.

And Rav Berg used this sort of metaphor of,

You know,

You may have done different things with good intention,

Different things that turned out badly,

Things that may have been,

You know,

Negative,

Everything from a little gossip here to intentionally defaming someone to stealing,

Right?

Well,

You don't have to steal something physical in order for it to be theft.

It can be taking credit.

It can be whatever.

I don't,

We don't need a whole episode on that.

But whatever stuff we wish we could take back that exists in,

That existed in the past year,

Actually sets off in a way like a boomerang into the coming year,

Where it can cause us to experience what we would call chaos.

Chaos again is relative.

It can be everything from a traffic to a cold to stubbing your toe to genuine.

Everything is chaos,

Right?

It's relative to the person,

But it can also be really dramatic,

Difficult things like test results that come out,

Negative medical test results that come out in a scary way to the ending of relationships.

It can be anything.

And the idea is that in this time period,

We have the ability to identify to identify those blips.

And this is the sort of interesting thing that I've been focusing on in the past month or so is that it's almost like each one of us has an umbilical cord to the creator,

Where we're constantly being nourished with energy,

Light,

Wisdom,

Protection,

Blessing.

And every time I act in discord with that energy,

I create like a blip in the umbilical cord.

So if I'm getting nourished and I get reactive about something,

Angry about something,

Judgmental about something,

There's like an interruption in the flow.

I create the interruption.

The energy from its point of view,

The light constantly flowing,

Nourishing,

Recharging us.

And so this part of the year,

What I mean when I say it's the opportunity to reinvent yourself,

I know that there are certain things that I do that are not light-like.

For example,

I have patience challenges.

Not.

.

.

You're patiently challenged.

I am patiently challenged.

And I know that there are certain things I can do in the 1% to increase my odds of being patient.

I don't always get to do them.

I actually have to say yesterday,

I was quite disappointed with my behavior in certain moments.

And I stopped at the end of the day,

As we often tell our students to do,

And I asked myself,

Why did that happen?

Why was I so.

.

.

I mean,

I was doing something with my five-year-old who probably deserves the benefit of the doubt more than any of us.

And I was so.

.

.

She's got to get her act together,

That five-year-old already.

She was trying to help me.

Please go into this moment with me.

She was trying to help me wrap a birthday present.

Not a five-year-old strong point.

Okay?

No criticism of five-year-olds.

I don't want the five-year-old advocates to get up against me.

Don't write to us.

Right?

And I was just like,

Let me do it myself.

We're late to the party.

Let's just go.

That was kind of my impatience,

How it erupted.

And at the end of the day,

I was a little bit disappointed with myself.

And I realized that I didn't eat until like 4 p.

M.

Yesterday.

I left the house with a cup of coffee in my hand.

Didn't come home till quarter to three.

The birthday party started.

And at the birthday party,

I'm doing the crudités at the parents' table.

And I'm like,

This is the first piece of food I put in my mouth all day.

So guess what,

Mom?

You need to eat a little bit.

If you want to be patient,

You need calories.

I use that as an example because in my reflection,

My,

What David calls,

Auditing,

I realized if I want to show up in the best way,

I need to know that there's 1% physical things I need to do to take care of myself.

It is not selfish.

It is certainly spiritual to know those things and take care of them.

And then what else can I do to dig deeply into why I was impatient in that moment?

My point is I felt that the Creator sent me into that,

I don't want to call it a trap,

But it was definitely a test so that I would go into this week knowing that one of the blips that I want to,

What's the word,

The gaps I want to close in my connection with the light in my life is those moments of impatience.

Because it's not malicious.

It's not like I'm thinking,

How can I decimate my five-year-old right now?

I don't have a prior intent,

But inevitably I end up not acting like the light.

And this is the time in our lives where we can simply by recognizing,

Acknowledging,

And then releasing,

We can close those gaps so that there aren't those hiccups in the coming year,

Anything from,

I don't know,

Again,

Like I said.

Wait,

Hold on,

Hold on,

Hold on.

You're saying,

What are you saying?

You're saying that,

What do you mean by closing the gaps so that it doesn't happen during the year?

You're saying there's something we can do now because I want to get this straight because it sounds right.

I just want to spell it out.

It sounds right.

It feels good.

What can somebody do practically to make sure that during the year,

Are you saying during the year,

The impatience won't come up or it will come up,

But there's going to be another strong power that I'm going to have an awareness to overcome it?

What are you saying exactly?

Both.

Both.

The recognition,

The taking responsibility,

My accountability for creating that blip,

That space,

That darkness in my own life.

Right.

Is what gives me the strength,

Gives me the power during the year.

First of all,

In this time more than ever,

It allows me to,

The accountability actually allows me to erase the boomerang that's coming back as a result of it.

I see.

And strengthens me so that now my awareness is I am going to be more patient.

I might not be a Dalai Lama patient.

That might not be my destination.

It's not about being good.

It's about being better.

But I will show up in a way that I am more proud of.

Okay.

So how do we do that?

How do we become more accountable in the hours we have left if we have to start with that?

How does a person practically become more accountable?

I want to be accountable.

I get it.

I'm on board with this.

Nobody wants the boomerang.

No,

Thank you.

I've been talking for a really long time.

Can one of you answer that question?

Well,

Sarah,

How does a person.

.

.

Are you following what Alesheva is saying?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

No,

I think accountability is owning it.

It's owning what I did.

It's not blaming.

It's not saying it was this person's fault.

It was that person's fault because when we're not accountable,

We're constantly blaming people or situations or the government or a lifestyle,

Anything outside of myself is responsible for what's going on with me right now.

So practically I'm saying I'm to blame?

No.

I created it.

So we got to get down to it because people make up stuff.

I created it.

I can change it.

Okay.

So it's not the government's fault is what you're saying?

No.

Government's not trying to control me?

The government can try.

It's up to me whether they do or not.

All right.

Just want to be clear.

No,

Sarah,

Help me out here.

I agree with that.

I'm trying to talk the language of the people.

Okay.

That's usually my job,

But feel free.

I just want to make sure none of us get away with high level concepts.

Let's make it- Okay.

So break it down.

What is taking responsibility,

Being accountable look like to you,

David Gale?

Well,

I'll toss something out there that you can poke holes in.

Okay.

So I like what you said.

I want to do something so that I don't have to repeat it again next year.

I'm not interested in repeating- I'm interested in repeating the good stuff.

The good stuff?

Not the not good stuff.

Yeah,

Yeah.

I'm not interested in having the same challenges with whoever,

With whatever,

If it's relationships,

If it's financial.

I don't want that movie to come back.

A lot of people repeat their same movie.

So how do I make sure that movie doesn't come back?

Well,

Why does a movie come back?

A movie comes back if you're weak in a certain area.

If you're unsure about something,

That's when everybody starts poking at it.

If you're insecure,

That's when everybody starts making jokes about you.

So as soon as there's blood in the water,

The negative forces attack.

Right?

So how do I enter with- The energetic Komodo dragons.

That's right.

With tremendous confidence.

And here's possibly one.

Well,

The repentance,

The four steps of repentance are- Repentance pretty much means to return back to that perfect state.

Number one,

Confession.

So a person,

You guys said it.

To say it out loud,

Which means I take responsibility for it.

So it says,

I confess,

You can say it to yourself,

But it's good that your voice is activated.

I confess that I did.

I screamed.

I was impatient with my child.

That's the scenario.

So number two,

It's the feel remorse or pain for it.

Because if I don't really feel something,

Then it's kind of like,

I'm just going to do it again.

To feel that,

How to feel it,

Maybe you guys can chime in.

Number three,

It's to commit to myself that I'm not going to do that.

And that commitment can really be looking into your future and trying to visualize every time you're going to be with your child.

Number four is going through the test and completing it.

But as long as you want to go through the test,

It's as if you already went through it also.

So I think number four is the most powerful for me,

Which is what I want.

I want to pass this test.

I want.

And the final step I'll add to this is the difference between a person who changes and doesn't change is only one thing.

It's the person who takes time every day to ask the Creator and pray to help them change.

That's the difference.

I mean,

A person can take six hours of classes from us,

But the one who takes that extra five minutes and says,

Creator,

Please help me change this.

Am I impatient?

Please,

Creator,

Help me change my impatience.

As you're walking,

As you're showering,

As you're eating,

And you're just asking for it over and over again,

Even if you find that it's stupid,

You're asking for it over again,

That person receives the strength from the Creator to change.

So I think it really all comes down to that final step,

To be honest.

The asking,

The praying,

That's what separates all of us who study Kabbalah from the ones who see that they become different every day,

Every week,

Every month.

And I think that aspect of repentance is that you don't do it again.

It's that real,

That I am,

I take this in so deeply that I decided to change on such a level that I don't repeat this again.

And that's when we know we've really changed.

And those are the aspects of us that really,

Everything is changeable.

Everything is changeable.

And we're back to what Alicia said before,

Which is I'll make that commitment.

What will happen is I'll still fall.

So you kind of still fall,

But just don't fall as bad.

And that's also a good sign because there's nobody who just stops cold turkey.

You'll keep falling a little bit more,

But the falling will be a little bit less and a little bit less and a little bit less until you've completely done away with it.

By the way,

To your point,

One really powerful thing that you can do,

And I do this,

I'm not thinking I should go back to my daughter now and do this,

But I ask my kids,

And it works if you have a partner or sibling,

It doesn't matter,

The next time you see me doing this,

Help me,

Catch me.

This is advanced kabbalah.

This is very.

.

.

First of all.

.

.

It's not theoretical anymore.

No,

Let's be honest here for a second.

Five-year-old's your boss now.

No,

No.

Two things.

I have other aged kids,

So it's not just the five-year-old that helps me.

But first of all,

If you really want.

.

.

Okay,

I'll give you a really funny one.

My eight-year-old rolled her eyes at me.

Okay?

So I said to her,

Don't roll your eyes at me.

She said,

I'm not rolling my eyes,

I'm doing what you do when you don't like when someone says something.

When someone says something you don't like.

That's the best thing I've heard.

Imagine,

I'm not rolling my eyes,

I'm just looking up like you do when someone says something you don't like.

Because I see,

I know when you do that.

That's good.

Okay,

So I said to her,

Do you know that I have no idea that I do that?

Oh,

You don't?

I have no idea.

I said,

Tell me because I don't even know that I'm doing it when I'm doing it.

So in both cases,

What you're doing is,

First of all,

Deva was talking about asking the creator for help.

Asking other people for help is letting the creator help you also.

That's true.

The creator will talk to the people.

Absolutely.

And two,

You're teaching,

If it's your kids,

Your partner,

Your sibling,

Whoever,

You're asking to.

.

.

That it's okay to mess up and it's okay to ask for help,

Not messing up next time.

Which is,

For children,

A really key.

.

.

Imagine if you learned that when you were five years old or eight years old,

How more balanced you would be as a person rather than thinking you're the worst or nobody's going to like you if you do something or rolling your eyes is an appropriate thing to do when you don't like what they're doing.

It's really about bringing spirituality into everything without saying,

This is the spiritual thing to do.

I think it's a really profound practice in general,

Not just with the work that we're talking about for this time period.

I like it.

I'm going to shift gears for a moment.

I'm going to ask you,

Sarah,

Relationships,

Marriage,

Partnerships,

Dating,

A big,

Big deal.

I'm going to ask you to do that.

Partnerships,

Dating,

A big movie that boomerangs back to us,

Our challenges in relationships.

Maybe each one of us can share something that we've learned that is powerful,

Maybe from our own relationships,

That people can take into the new year.

Sarah,

We'd love to hear maybe some powerful wisdom between you and Marcus,

Something you've learned,

Something that you've overcome,

Something that we can all take away and be inspired.

So this year we celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary.

That's very nice.

Congratulations.

That's very nice.

It's amazing because you really think that you love each other in the beginning.

And it's something that love is really something that grows throughout the process,

Throughout the life that you build together.

And it's relationships,

All relationships,

All of them take work.

None of them come ready-made.

None of them are easy.

And none of them are this Hollywood fantasy fairytale.

And it's really something that we've learned,

Especially now when having kids,

And you really have much less time for each other than you did before,

That if you don't invest in it,

It becomes this very fragile thing that you can start easily getting annoyed,

Getting on each other's nerves.

And even when you're both spiritual teachers,

It takes work to remember and to practice everything that we do.

And so we did Shabbat last weekend with Michael and Monica,

And everyone went around the table sharing whatever they thought the most important quality in a marriage was.

And everyone shared different things like honesty and love and commitment.

And Michael shared something that really spoke to both of us that he said,

The most important quality was that you think that the other person is the most amazing person in the world.

That was what I was going to say.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

That's too communication.

And we just thought that was so beautiful that to really look at the other person and to really view them and put them in this place in your life that is,

You know what,

This is the most amazing person in the world.

And to feel like this amazing love and connection.

And that was something that we really loved.

So that was my relationship share.

That is beautiful.

Now I want to say something to that because I can hear people say,

Well,

With the traditional Elisha of I rule,

Well,

Yeah,

That's easy.

Copyrighted now.

That's easy when your husband or partner is amazing and spiritual and all those things and whatever.

But what about when you genuinely don't feel like,

Genuinely,

You look at the other person and you're like,

Okay,

It's not the most amazing in the world.

I mean,

I appreciate,

But the question is how do you get there?

Right?

So that is the secret because everyone's amazing when they're giving you what you want.

But what happens when life hits and finances hit and children hit and stress hits and all that stuff hits and the pressure is on?

Chevy,

You want to answer that?

How do you see?

Because,

Okay,

You know what?

This is it.

You were going to say it.

So instead of saying it,

Tell us how you get there.

Okay.

So I wasn't going to say,

What I was going to say is that I think that the key,

One of the important keys is really admiring your partner.

Right?

Like that's something,

Obviously it doesn't happen in every relationship,

But it takes work.

Here's the thing.

Your partner doesn't start out amazing.

They reveal their amazingness by how much they feel admired and appreciated.

Because I see Mordechai,

Your husband,

Once a week and it's been for 20 minutes.

I'm like,

Wow,

You're amazing.

But if I had to live with him and talk to him and do everything with him 14 hours a day,

The novelty wears off.

So I think when you see someone once a week,

That's also one way to achieve admiration.

Distance makes your heart grow fonder for you.

Yes.

No,

The.

.

.

That's your relationship advice we should take time for.

Relationship advice.

That's David's relationship advice.

Live in separate homes.

Don't work with your spouse.

Date.

Just date.

Eternally date each other.

No,

The truth is,

I think it starts with being a team player.

That you don't have to work in the same office,

Own the same business.

I think a lot of couples falter when they stop acting like they're on the same team and start to play on opposing teams.

A lot of the work that I've done with couples over the years is in exactly that.

That they feel they're in competition with one another.

They are constantly one-upping one another.

They're insecure about being their authentic selves because there is that feeling of,

It's not safe.

I have to show up in a.

.

.

Not that I have to show up in a fake way,

But if I don't show up perfectly,

Like I have it all together,

They're going to leave me not like me anymore,

Etc.

So I think it first starts off with that constant reminder of we are on the same team.

We started this relationship to be a unit.

And it doesn't matter if it's a legal contract that keeps you as a couple or a spiritual one or if you're just,

You live together and you made that decision out of love and desire for closeness.

The fact that you at one point made that choice means that there is a team element.

There is a partnership there and it doesn't happen by.

.

.

It doesn't maintain its integrity if you don't work on it.

So that might mean asking your partner how you can support them better.

That might mean taking more interest,

Even if you don't care,

But being more interested in what they do,

In how they do it,

In what did they do.

.

.

What was that meeting like?

Even.

.

.

I actually read.

.

.

One common challenge in relationships is when one person speaks,

The other person tunes out.

So they actually say,

Honey,

How was your day?

And then kind of not pay attention to the response or continue cooking dinner or whatever it is and how that pokes holes in the relationship as well.

So it really is,

To me,

And you know already I'm a very visual person,

It's looking at the circuitry of the energy in the relationship and always asking myself,

How can I create more circuitry?

If the other person is going to tell me how their day went,

I still have to maintain my position as the I'm drawing it out in order for there to be circuitry.

This is very active participation.

This is actively thinking all the time.

Well,

I don't want to insult you,

But we women,

When there's not men around,

We call our husbands a child.

Not a child.

I have seven children,

Not six children,

Because in the same way that I care for my kids and I worry about them and I handle them in a responsible and caring way,

I can't give any less care to my husband just because he's supposed to be an adult.

That's what I mean.

Not that you're infantile or immature,

But that you can't be left to fend for yourself just because you're an adult.

I need to take care of you and be as interested in you as I am my five-year-old or my ten-year-old.

But that requires an active choice all the time.

That is not a default.

Well,

I think that when it's a practice and it's a habit,

You can take a break from it because you've already fostered so much support and care.

So in the same way we talked last week about taking a break,

Right,

Needing a marathon Olympian needs to give his muscles a break while he's training,

You can take a break.

You can have.

.

.

David,

You're disconnecting the wires.

Can I disconnect the wires?

Are we good now?

Are we good now?

Now we're good.

Okay.

So you do need to rest and recharge so that you can show up that way.

But you also have to say,

You know what,

I need some me time now,

Not just disappear.

I like it.

And now yours?

Mine.

We're waiting with bated breath.

I like what you both said.

That's important to us.

We want your approval.

That's how I start all my conversations.

I noticed.

First validate.

That's the number one thing I've learned.

That's all.

And then I stop listening.

So hold on.

Hold on a second.

Now your mic is out.

If us men can even just get to that first place and validate,

You're already 95% there.

So I think it's very important to constantly validate and not to do it in a check that way or robotic way.

For sure.

I will say also that leaning on what you said,

Active participation,

Which means I actively have to invest so that it doesn't atrophy.

So I remember I liked my thing to relax is actually to go grocery shopping.

That's what I like to do.

I don't know why.

I like to find new foods.

You can grocery shop for me then.

Well,

No,

I don't like to grocery shop for anybody.

I like to just meander through the aisles,

Totally checked out and just see what catches my eye.

That is for me very relaxing.

And I was checking out over Whole Foods and I saw these flowers.

So you know what?

I should buy my flowers.

Then I thought to myself,

There's no occasion.

It's not like there's an anniversary or birthday or something special or accomplishment.

So I said,

I'll wait till there is one.

And I walked out and I said,

Wait a minute.

That is the trap.

That is inactive participation.

That is reactive participation.

That is when something occurs,

I give.

Oh,

When there's a moment in time,

I need to,

I will.

So I said,

This is now I'm going to break that cycle.

Flowers for no reason.

In fact,

And then I realized that actually she appreciates the no reason more than the reason.

So every time you do something because you're supposed to,

It's expected to.

I learned you're preserving the relationship.

And every time you do something beyond what's expected,

You are growing the relationship.

And that goes with just being kind when you're in a good mood,

Preserves the relationship.

And being kind when you're in a bad mood,

Grows the relationship.

So everything that's against your nature or against the schedule,

Grows it.

And everything else is just maintenance.

It's to maintain it.

And of course,

Being a jerk is taking away from the relationship and ruining it.

And the second final thing I'll say is every time I don't like something that's happening,

Or I'm upset about something in the relationship,

I know that's the creator telling me that he wants me to be closer to him.

So I'll take a pause and I'll talk to the creator and I'll say,

I know now you're asking me to talk to you and solve this issue between you and you and me.

And I'm not going to address this on the physical,

As Sarah says,

The 1% level with my partner.

I'm going to give this at least a week,

At least a week,

Where I'm just going to talk to the creator and ask that the creator help me resolve it.

Because I don't know who gave me this advice.

But the advice was never try to fix the other person.

Really try to do some back channel work with the creator and force the creator to fix and intervene.

But don't try to do it yourself.

You need the broker.

Don't talk to the client without the attorney present type thing.

It's like,

Attorneys need to talk to each other.

The clients never talk to each other.

Don't.

That's it.

That's the good analogy right there.

If you're in an argument,

I.

E.

A lawsuit,

You never really talk to the other person.

The lawyers are talking.

So I talk to my lawyer,

Which is my creator.

I say,

Creator,

Go talk to her creator and try to come to a resolution for me.

Wow.

It's powerful.

I like that.

I like that.

I like that.

You are amazing.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

And for women out there,

What all men want is to know that they're doing a good job and they're making you happy.

Nothing is worse for a man than when he thinks he's not making you happy.

And it could be like you're unhappy for different reasons.

It could be unhappy because any reason in the world,

Even if it's not related to him,

He takes it personally when he sees you're not happy.

So if you're going to frown,

Bad mood.

Or if Elisheva rolls her eyes.

If Elisheva rolls her eyes,

Borja automatically assumes he's a bad woman.

This has been such a powerful episode for me.

I feel like it's been only for me.

You know,

I told you,

Your Zoom photo,

When it's on pause,

Is you rolling your eyes.

I actually told you that a couple of months ago and you disagreed with me.

Have you seen the Sarah when it's on pause?

I've seen this.

I've seen this photo.

Anybody?

Hey,

If anybody wants to do new headshots with me,

Please DM me.

I'm very excited to do that.

Just use your iPhone.

We don't need anything professional.

No,

Of course not.

Last final farewell thoughts,

David,

Sarah?

I thought that was great.

I think we should do more sessions like that.

But we just do these.

We just do whatever you feel like doing.

I mean,

That was powerful.

It was exactly as David often says,

In the middle of it,

You got to make your effort.

But once it's done,

You know that's exactly the way it was meant to be.

And so it was today.

So Sarah,

Thank you for being here with us.

Thank you for having me.

We'll get you back here again,

Even from London.

And as always,

You can like,

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Hopefully,

We're going to have a hugely powerful week,

Not only for ourselves,

Those of us who are listening,

But collectively,

We're going to create some powerful changes in the world this week.

Have a fabulous one.

And we'll see you next time on the Weekly Energy Boost.