Willfulness

Stubbornness & the God Who Stays
Deuteronomy 9:24 — “You have been rebellious against God from the day I knew you.”

Breathe in, and feel the solid ground beneath you.
Breathe out, and notice where you hold firm inside — jaw, shoulders, belly.

Stubbornness can protect what is sacred.
It can block growth and close the heart.
And sometimes, it’s simply a steady presence: the part of you that stays the course.

In the wilderness, Israel argued, resisted, refused — and still, God stayed. The Holy One could not let us go.

As you breathe, hold this truth:
Your willfulness, your chutzpah, even your anger, can be destructive, life-giving, or simply human.
And through it all, you are not rejected. You are still beloved.

Breathe in: your fire.
Breathe out: the God who remains.

Transcript

Let's begin with the bell. Settling in and calming down and giving up. Just quitting on the day for a few minutes, Putting it aside. Task lists and worries don't have to be here. You can keep them. They probably will wander in. But you can also just enjoy this moment and show gratitude that you have given yourself this time. Carved out a space to meditate. Even if your meditation practice is just sitting. Letting yourself get a little bored or taking a break. That's enough. You don't have to be an advanced monk. Maybe one day, Maybe never. Not yet is always a good vow. We're settling in. Let your body get heavy. Connecting your bum and your feet all the way down to the earth. When you're ready, You could close your eyes. Deepen your inhale. Extend your exhale. Continually slowing down just a little more. 1-2% each breath. Feeling a little happiness that you are here. You are doing this for yourself, To yourself. Giving it. Maybe take a moment of gratitude or pride. Gratitude for something you have. Pride for something you are working on or have worked on. Maybe you smile a little. You don't have to be serious during meditation. And you're going to get distracted. Because your neurons are firing. Because you are alive. Because the world is going on. So just keep coming back. Listen to my voice. Back to your breath. Settle in. Get heavy. Draw yourself into quiet and deeper stillness. Let your muscles sink. Let gravity take over. Get heavy. You feel your weight and your mass. And as you do, Maybe your head or your face starts to feel light and extend. You can be playful during meditation and just toy with these ideas. There's no getting it right. That wouldn't be fun. This meditation is about stubbornness. A little bit about anger. And especially the stubbornness that children have that you had in your innocence. The willfulness, More precisely. We're going to breathe into willfulness that can be used for good or for ill or neither. A neutral experience. So that you gain greater control over using your will. Being stubborn or angry at the right moment in the right way, In the right direction. Just breathing. Letting go. When we breathe on and meditate on difficult sensations, You might freak out. It might be uncomfortable. So just listen. Don't do it. Or don't go too deep. Or just go deep enough that you're not scared. Maybe when you're ready, You get yourself a little scared. You push your edge. You'll know. What are some of the triggers that cause you to be stubborn, To dig your heels in, Grit your teeth? What are the things that make you flare up and want to hold your ground? Feelings hurt, Not getting your way. A bad experience, A sense of threat. What activates your will in ways good and bad? Maybe some days you plan to walk the dog and then the rain comes. And you're so willful that you don't know what's going to happen next. Or you go out in a downpour. That can be good or bad. When do you refuse to deviate, Refuse to move except of your own volition? Where does that come from? Breathing. You're probably distracted. That's cool. Just come back. Listen to me. Settle into your body. Just notice where you are physically and sensation. Maybe you drew one of those triggers to mind, So just shake it off. When your willfulness and stubbornness and anger draw up, Where do you find them in your body? What muscles and joints clench or relax? Do you feel it in your teeth, Your toes, Your spine? Where do you get ready to be willful? What is the physical manifestation of your will when you are going to be stubborn? Maybe your shoulders. Maybe your spleen. Just imagine and notice. Don't dig in. And if you clench up, Just let go. Just breathe for a little while. You don't have to do what we're doing. What do you dislike about the feeling of being stubborn and willful? How does it make you feel irritable or dragged? How does it get in your own way? Just notice. Explore that possibility. The times when being willful is counterproductive. Breathe into that. Just explore it playfully with a generous awareness. You're not judging it. You're just taking stock of willfulness getting you into a little trouble. Going out to walk the dog in a downpour is probably foolishness that might even get you sick. Laugh at yourself just a little. Willfulness is also determination and focus. Those are good. Those are good things. We're just working on managing it for our benefit. You get distracted, You come back. You get distracted again, You come back. Keep sitting down into this meditation, Sinking in, Getting quiet. What are the positive experiences of willfulness? Where has it served you well? Where could it serve you well in the future? When do you like to be willful and feel like it succeeds and is productive? When you don't give up? When you resist? When is that a useful and good trait to have and express? Other experiences recently that were positive where you used your will maybe too extreme and it worked out really well. It was good for you. No one got hurt. You and maybe others benefited from your determination and your stubbornness. Breathe into that playfully, Maybe with a generous awareness. Maybe you smile, Maybe you chuckle at yourself, Your ability to do such things, Such madness. Such a funny trait to have. Something very youthful about it and lovable. When you get distracted, Not if, When you get distracted, You just come back. Just deepen your breath, Slow your exhale. You could listen to my voice or just sink into your body, Whatever works to bring you back. Have fun with meditation. Make it interesting, Generous, And playful. And then look at your stubbornness, Look at your willfulness, Look at your anger, Almost as if it were outside of you. What do you want to say to it? How would you greet it? What blessing would you give to your willfulness, Your will, Your sense of purpose and determination, Used well and sometimes misused? Give it a thought. Send it a blessing. Acknowledge your willfulness as a good and sometimes bad and sometimes neutral part of who you are, But a valuable part of who you are. Breathing, Taking a few more moments to settle the experience and to store it within you. Thank you.