Are You An Empath? Learn How To Manage This Gift

Being an empath can be a curse or a gift. In this episode of Spiritual Psychology Support Group, Dr Traci (Psychologist) and Pasquale Naccarata (Spiritual Coach and Intuitive Guide), talk about common characteristics of empaths so you can determine if you are one. Learn ways to manage this very special gift.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

This is Pasquale.

I'm Dr.

Tracy.

How's everyone's day today?

I know we're not looking for a response,

But it's important to ask.

Today's topic is super exciting.

It is about empath and what an empath is.

It's like a hot word.

Yeah,

It's like the hot word.

Empath.

What is it?

Am I an empath?

I think a lot of that is pretty big.

I think we should start with just our basic definition of what that is.

For me,

How I always view an empath is an empath is someone who picks up the energy of people's emotions and brings them in,

But it becomes their personal emotions.

You walk into a room and you know someone's mad.

You can feel that someone's mad,

But you feel like they're mad at you.

That's the key to being an empath is that we don't know how to differentiate the emotion,

And so we take it and make it personal.

Yeah,

You definitely personalize it.

What I see in therapy sessions is people,

Maybe what that looks like is people are more emotional,

More sensitive.

They are able to regulate their emotions.

They're not able to regulate their emotions that well.

They could even be called,

Maybe that people are dramatic or that they over,

What's the word I'm looking for?

Over-emotional.

Over-emotional,

Yeah.

That's what I've been called by Hilary.

You're so sensitive.

You're so emotional.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Yes,

I am because I know exactly what you're feeling.

They feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders.

Everything is on them.

Yes.

It's really part of that process.

Well,

Let's go into before we go into how to deal with that.

Why don't we?

I can tell you that even before we even talk about how to even deal with it,

One of the big things I always do is whenever I see someone is,

I actually pull their chart.

Most 99% of the time,

Your astrology chart will actually show if you have these empathic tendencies.

It's a really big thing.

I always use that to help myself because if I see that they have this empathic nature,

I know that when I'm sitting with them,

I'm going to deal with someone who's reading my emotion.

I typically test it during that time too.

Oh,

That's good.

The other thing is I do want to clarify being an empath is not the same as showing empathy.

Correct.

Because they're totally different things.

You can say that I have empathy towards someone or towards something.

That just means you feel bad towards something or someone or something.

Being an empath is not feeling.

It's feeling,

But it's personalizing that feeling.

That's the key difference.

Not just personalizing,

But it's that too,

But also we can confuse it for our own emotions.

Yes.

Because that's the biggest part.

I tend to not personalize,

But I tend to feel it like it was mine.

Isn't that personal?

Well,

Because you gave the example of thinking that it was about you.

That to me is personalizing.

Yes.

I'm talking about you have that look like I caught you.

I caught you saying something stupid.

Not stupid.

There is nothing stupid.

But maybe I'll talk to the doctor.

No,

But what I'm talking about is if I'm feeling anxiety or that agitation,

Anger,

Or sadness,

I will think it's me that's angry or sad.

Then I start to look within thinking that I'm sad,

Not realizing,

No,

I'm not sad.

This other energy that I was feeling was sadness.

That's part of separation.

Does that make sense?

Totally.

I will tell you,

I think it comes in waves.

Because I think the first time you feel the energy,

You start to personalize it and feel like,

Oh,

That person's mad at me.

But then what happens is that as the energy stays within you,

It starts to grow and become more turbulent,

Which then makes it your own.

Then you own it.

I think it's the stages of it.

But you're basically taking that on and making it of you.

Whereas someone who's showing empathy is not.

It's a very different thing.

I always like to point that out because being an empath is such a kind of hot word right now.

A lot of people are saying,

I'm an empath,

I'm an empath.

You have empathy,

Which is great because you care about people or things,

But you're not really carrying that intuitive emotion.

I think we are always led,

Even unconsciously,

We're led very naturally to want to find reasons for our behavior or our emotions.

I think a lot of people are trying to,

That may be more emotional or sensitive or dysregulated,

Could be trying to look for that as either an explanation or possibly an excuse.

It's a very fine line,

So that's very difficult to differentiate.

But I love how you mentioned you can actually validate that with a session,

Like an astrological session.

An astrological session and then just kind of playing the emotion with it.

Not literally like that,

But it goes a little more in-depth.

It's a more detailed thing.

But it's a great thing because I think that one of the biggest things that I have found over the years has been that more and more people are,

Because it's such a hot word,

We're actually identifying more empaths and actually helping them,

Which I think is brilliant.

Yeah.

And really,

Whether you are or aren't,

Actually,

If you identify with that and that helps give you that explanation or that validation,

Then it's still a good thing.

You don't have to necessarily have it validated.

And that means that,

If this is something that you connect with and then you can use that to help you,

Just don't use it as an excuse.

Exactly.

Start your behavior and just be like,

Well,

I'm an empath.

I've seen that.

It's not a starting letter.

Yeah,

Exactly.

It's not empathic.

Right.

But I think if you identify that and use that to your advantage.

I'm going to use it as an excuse now.

No,

I am not going to do the dishes today.

I am an empath.

No,

I am not going to help you with your homework.

I am an empath.

I love that excuse.

Oh my god,

They used like a South Park episode on me.

I am calling them right now.

You heard it here first.

That was like,

Did you see the anxiety one?

He's like,

I have anxiety.

I did.

I did.

I love that.

This is like the greatest excuse.

I am totally going to use it.

That's awesome.

But you have to do it and you have to do the hair.

I am an empath.

Sorry,

But I can't do that.

I'm an empath.

Oh my gosh.

Sorry.

I totally digress.

But it's truly a true thing because I've actually seen that.

No,

I have too.

And it's kind of like,

Okay.

But if you,

But again,

If you,

If you do identify with it and you're using that just like anything else,

Right.

And that's what any sort of coming from,

You know,

Psychology,

Psychologically,

Um,

Any diagnosis is really for.

It's not to label you.

It's to help you guide.

It's to help guide the treatment.

And so in thinking,

Right.

And so even though like being an empath is not a psychological,

You know,

Uh,

Diagnosis,

But you know,

It's still that label.

And so if you use it to help better understand yourself and help you become better regulated,

Then that's a bonus.

And it really doesn't matter whether you are or aren't.

I totally agree.

I think it would help if we can maybe give some examples of what an empath looks like.

Okay.

Like real life examples.

Cause I have so many.

Um,

But you have some as well.

Um,

But I,

I can start with one.

I mean,

I think one of the biggest,

I think the biggest telltale is when you walk into a place and you see someone and like,

I,

The example I always use is that person just looked at me.

They don't like me.

Right.

And,

And it could just be that they're looking at me because of what I'm wearing and they just love it.

It could be that they looked at me cause I walked into the room and they're just aware.

Right.

But I personalized it.

Right.

I've made it about me.

And,

And so like,

That's a good sign.

Like number one,

I would say when you walk into a room,

Are you feeling personal about it?

Cause if you are,

You're probably picking up something from someone.

Um,

I get more where I walk into the room and I can feel like if there's just like kind of like an ick energy and I'm like,

You know,

And you feel like something happened in there before,

Whether it was like an argument or like,

You know,

Um,

Some,

You know,

Just sort of bad energy.

Yeah.

I mean,

It could be also positive,

Right?

You can walk into the room and be like,

Wow,

This is a happy place.

I think you tend to notice it more when it's,

When it's negative,

But yes,

It can definitely be.

I will tell you one of the things is like in,

So in my space where I work every day,

It's like,

It's super sacred,

Right?

Like,

So it's saved and it's cleansed and I just bowls are going off and like the music and like,

I make it a point to make the energy of the room be really good.

And usually when they walk in and they'll just go,

Wow,

It just feels so good in here.

And I'm just like,

That's how people feel when they come to our office or the property.

Yeah.

Um,

But I always noticed that right away.

Like it's,

Especially if it's your first time and you walk in and you say,

Wow,

This feels,

This space is pretty amazing.

You're already picking up something.

Um,

The other one that I always like to kind of point out because I wasn't like diagnosed as an MCAT until I was like 18 and it was diagnosis.

Correct.

I just want to be clear on that.

Well,

You find that it's more a spiritual term,

Spiritually related term.

It's becoming more mainstream,

But I was just giving like the psychological perspective of what that looks like.

But I just want to be clear about that.

It's not a diagnosis,

But it's,

Uh,

You identify,

You realize who you are.

And that was pointed out when I was 18.

And I think for me,

The big,

The big like example was I would go,

Like I grew up in Chicago.

So you'd go to the mall,

Go shopping.

That's what you did,

You know?

And I would go to the mall and I would be,

You know,

Seeing people and hanging out and doing whatever.

And as I started from the moment I started to be happy.

And by the time I left,

I was drained.

I was exhausted.

I was like,

I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

And I typically would fall asleep in the car.

I would fall asleep when I got home.

And it was just a repetitive thing.

Yeah.

Right.

And it was just,

It's like a battery and the more stimuli,

The more you will,

Will drain now.

But with me again,

And it's weird because I think we,

We feel it kind of very differently,

Almost like opposite because me too,

Like I,

I will get sucked into the energy.

So like I will get even like more hyper or more like I will,

It'll overstimulate me,

You know?

And I will be like,

I'll like buzz it.

Like I'm like manic or something.

Like if I'm at a concert,

I'm in it,

You know,

Like I'm like,

You know,

And then,

And then afterwards you can like feel the energy.

Like I remember after any time I had something that had a lot of stimuli or like going to a theme park or something where there was a lot of people and it was fun.

It would take like all night.

Like my whole body would just be like pulsing and vibrating and you could just feel that energy.

And it would take like till the next day for it to kind of like wash off you.

And I mean,

That's an example,

Not everyone is going to feel it the same way.

I think anything intuitive,

Like anyone who's typing,

Touching anything intuitive,

You're not going to get it like everyone else.

It's just not how it works.

It's very personal.

To be fair though too,

I've also done a lot of work already on it.

So I think that I'm already,

So I feel a little bit different if I were to think back on when I didn't realize it yet and worked with myself on it is probably,

It was probably more like that.

It could be a combination too though.

I mean,

But like I think it's just,

I think there's a reality in just recognizing that if you notice that your emotion changes.

With other people's emotions.

With other people around you.

Yes.

That's a red flag.

That's a general,

It's a little feather that says,

Hey,

Right.

Look at this.

Right.

So like,

You know,

Again,

You go to a gathering at a restaurant with three friends and four people you don't know,

And you walk in and you sit down next to some strangers and you're like,

God,

I was feeling really good,

But now I'm kind of like icky or I'm feeling a little shy.

Normally you're not shy.

Right.

Like that's a really good flag of what are you taking on?

Yeah.

And then also I think a common example is maybe with like a partner or a spouse or,

You know,

They,

When let's say they come home angry from work or something and they,

You know,

You,

You will like personalize it and you go like,

They're venting about work.

It's not about you,

But then as they're venting,

You could snap back,

You pick up that anger and then step back.

And instead of being able to back out of that energy and allow your spouse spouse to have that,

To vent it out and,

And allow them and be supportive of that,

You,

We get sucked into it.

And then now we're part of the problem and not part of the solution.

And now we're fighting with ourselves.

Well,

And now the energy is just clashing and you're going to continue to clash.

It's,

It's,

It's not even just spouse,

It's anyone.

You should be living with your family,

You know,

Your brothers and sisters,

Your moms and your dads.

And somebody comes,

Everybody's fine.

And then somebody comes home upset or anxious or sad or whatever.

And it kind of drains the energy in the room.

Everything.

There,

There was a show that I recently watched that actually had that.

And my son had made a comment and he was like,

Wow,

Do you think that that person is changing the energy?

And I was like,

Probably.

But like,

It's just the truth.

Right.

And so I think it's just starting to look for those flags.

Right.

That's how a good way to realize it.

You know,

I remember the first time I went to Mardi Gras,

Which again,

I was,

I was young,

Very,

Very young.

And,

And I had gone and man,

I was like drained.

Like I slept probably for days.

Like it was just not a good thing for me.

And I remember going,

I hated it.

Oh,

I hated being like the people.

How old were you?

I was,

I was 21,

22.

I was,

I was,

I was baby.

So I went around that time.

I mean,

I went to Florida state university.

So I was 20,

19,

20,

21,

Like four years in a row,

You know,

But I like was,

I'm like,

I'm like,

I remember I sent you the,

That meme one time I like will light up.

It feels like the,

The national Lampoon's Christmas vacation,

Like the house.

That's how I feel.

Like,

I'm just like,

See,

I did.

I did.

I,

I remember when I was there that first time I felt the same.

It was that energy of being there.

It was like so great.

But then it became,

Oh my God,

I'm overwhelmed.

I just can't stop like being like,

It was just like an overwhelming sinking feeling and it just continued to go down.

And I was there for three days.

And by the third day,

I was like,

You guys just go.

I'm good.

I'm not going like,

And I couldn't like do anymore.

Once you know what to do,

It's a different story.

Being able,

You know,

That speaks to being able to allow and accept and to be able to roll with the energy and be able to like back up out of it when you need to,

Because when things do become overwhelming,

You need,

Well,

Do you want to,

We can go into like how we deal with that.

I think we can probably talk about the basic techniques on what to do.

Right.

And I always go with number one,

Ask yourself,

If you recognize that I am walking in and I feel a certain way.

And the minute I start feeling a different way and I notice there are other people around,

Even animals,

Because animals can affect you too.

You need to ask yourself,

Is this mine?

Yeah.

That's what I,

That's what I ask.

It's my first question.

It sounds so simple,

But just that check in with ourselves and having that awareness is really powerful.

And so like I say the exact same thing and we've never even talked about this before.

I would say,

Just say,

Is this mine or somebody else's?

No,

But it's true.

It's true.

You need to ask yourself,

Is this mine?

Right.

And to this day,

I still do it.

I mean,

I was recently out with some friends and we were out and I was,

I was happy.

And then all of a sudden I was like,

Why am I so mad?

And I had asked myself like,

Is this mine?

And I'm like,

And then I knew that it wasn't right.

And then I knew like next steps,

What do I do next?

Right.

Right.

And so my,

My first go-to is I do two things.

First,

I try to let the energy go.

And so I really do,

Um,

Ground and just feel myself ground and release.

Um,

And just kind of feel that other energy because you don't want to tense up into it because then you're,

You're taking it in and holding it.

So that's what I do.

I try to,

I try to just kind of like,

Loosen my body physically and just breathe it and let,

And I,

In my mind,

I'll be like,

Let it go.

Totally.

And what I always,

What I always recommend is,

Is wherever you're at and you're feeling it and you have already asked yourself the first question,

Which is,

Is this mine?

The number,

And you say,

Yes.

Number two is I need to step away from this moment,

Go to a private place.

And I always tell people,

Go to the bathroom.

I mean,

Like,

I love the bathroom,

But go to a stall,

Right?

Like it has to be a private room where you can shut the door and you can just sit and then just breathe it out.

Right.

Like ground it,

Feel it leave you.

Um,

That,

That is my number two.

Yeah.

So,

And I definitely agree with that,

But I always,

Um,

I talked to clients too about like backing up out of that energy.

So even if you're not able to like leave the room and go to a separate quiet place to be,

To like,

Imagine,

Imagine like we have our energy fields around us.

Right.

And so like,

Say going back to maybe you're at the house,

Like with the family,

Spouse,

Siblings,

Parents,

Whatever.

And imagine that they are carrying this,

Like,

You know,

It's not just their body energy.

It's not just their physical being.

It's that energetic field around them.

And you have to physically back up out of it,

You know?

And so,

And imagine that around them and then imagine your energy field too.

And like,

Just remove yourself and back up out of that energy and visualize separating your energy from their energy and then allow them to have that energy.

Right.

It's like allowing them to go through their emotion,

You know,

Allow them without you being sucked into it,

Personalizing it.

So then that way you can be part of the solution,

Not part of the problem.

I like that.

I will tell you,

So I have something very similar,

But a little easier.

Okay.

I think it's easier.

I just start to envision that I'm surrounded by an egg.

Like,

Like there's just like,

I,

There's an egg around me and I'm not feeling anything.

Like Mork and Mindy?

Yeah.

Or Glinda and her little bubble.

Like he was in an egg.

I know.

I remember the show.

I used to watch it on primetime.

I remember I used to love that show.

I loved it when they had kids and their son.

But like,

I just think like if you envision yourself,

You kind of instinctively,

Your energy will automatically pull back.

And so it's just creating that safe space for yourself.

So that would be like when we guide clients to,

You know,

Create like a shield or create them,

Create,

You know,

You have,

Um,

You're protected by,

You know,

White light or,

You know,

You're in like that protective safe space bubble.

Totally.

So,

And I think that that visualization really helps to separate that energy and to realize it's not yours.

Like it's pretty powerful.

The thing that I just remind people is remember we are energetic beings,

Right?

So if we're energetic beings,

That means we know how to work with energy.

It's a natural thing for us.

And so it's just,

It's muscle memory,

Right?

The energy knows what to do.

You just have to tell it what to do.

Yeah.

Right.

And so if you can envision it,

You'll create it.

And so I think that that's the key to it.

So I would agree with those two.

We're talking about like being in situations,

Like being in places like,

Um,

Mardi Gras or concert and things like that,

Or interactions with people.

But this could also be things like we're picking up on TV with the news,

Especially like with the news and everything,

All even social media,

Every so much,

Just a onset of a flood of information that is overwhelming and usually very negative.

And remember like they want it negative so that they,

It instills fear within us,

My,

And it continues,

You know,

And then that keeps us watching because we need to know what happens.

Fear is true.

And,

And I,

I agree.

And I always,

What I always do,

I thought I haven't watched the news since 1988.

That was the last time I remember I was done.

I was a TV news reporter for in producer for six years before I went back to school to be a psychologist.

And so I have not watched the news since I left the field.

I mean,

Because it was so awful and toxic.

Let's clarify though,

Because it's not just the news on TV.

Right.

It could be social media.

It could be anything or anything that you're overhearing or witnessing or seeing,

You know,

It could be very removed,

But you're feeling that weight week and you can feel like a responsibility to do something about it.

Or,

Or you feel that weight,

Or you're hearing sadness or fear about,

You know,

Other people,

You know,

In other countries or something like that,

Or politics or whatever it might be that gets you.

Um,

Mine would be like,

If I hear something on animals or something,

I'm like,

And then you feel,

You feel that,

Um,

Sadness,

Guilt of obligation.

Yeah.

I will tell you,

But I think one of the big ones like that I always recommend is,

Is like,

You have to start listening to the energy.

And if you starting to notice that something is upsetting you and you're feeling the energy of that emotion,

You have to start cutting yourself from it.

So,

You know,

Like you can't watch something that's like that.

No.

And,

And sometimes it just happens.

And like,

That's like what it is,

But like,

You have to start removing yourself from the energy that doesn't feel good.

That's self-care.

Right.

That's important.

Um,

And,

And I,

I,

I have a great example of this last night.

I woke up in the middle of the night.

Yeah.

That's another story.

And we,

I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like,

Oh,

So I was just scrolling my phone and I saw this like horrible fight where these kids were beating up on this one little boy and it like,

I felt it.

Like I had to block that from like my thing.

And then I was just like,

Oh my God,

I need to move that energy because I couldn't believe what I had just seen.

Yeah.

Um,

And I mean,

I was up for like probably two hours after that,

Just because I couldn't like make it move.

Um,

And,

And so I think like you,

To me,

If that happens to you,

You gotta block it.

You gotta stop watching it.

It's not worth it.

TikTok,

Facebook,

Anything,

Anything that has any type of visual,

You just gotta block it.

If it's not,

If it's,

If it's hindering your self-care and your self-preservation,

It needs to be removed.

At least at a minimum,

You would,

You would limit it greatly.

And then you assess how you feel because a lot of people will go,

Well,

I want to be informed,

You know,

I don't want to be ignorant to what's going on in the world.

And there's a difference between being informed and then going down the rabbit hole and watching every detail to this information.

So,

You know,

And ultimately,

You know,

And then we're going into another topic.

I don't want to digress too much with that one,

But you just have to assess your own,

Your own well-being and then take and be proactive about it.

It's,

There's,

There's a joke in my house because like most of these people can watch anything.

And some of my friends,

They're like into like serial killers and like that type of thing.

And like,

So it becomes a thing in my house to be obsessed.

And I'm always like,

And I'm going to leave.

I won't be a part of that because the minute I see one thing,

Like my problem is that it's in my mind and I won't let it go.

Like it will stay there.

Yeah.

Like it's,

It's horrible.

And so like,

That's the caution is like,

You just need to know.

So like everyone who lives with me knows that if it's going to be something violent,

Hurtful,

Something that's like real,

Like real is the best way to describe it.

I'm out.

They won't even put it on when I'm in the room.

Yeah.

Cause I can't do it.

So empaths.

Yes.

Check for your flags,

Right?

Let's make sure that you know what your flags look like.

And if you need help,

You can always reach out to us.

We'd be happy to kind of guide you.

Post your questions.

Posting your questions is an amazing thing to do.

And until next time.

Have a great day.

Bye.

Reviews

Great talk but I’d love to hear more from you rather than this host. He kept using the example empathy think the angry person is mad at them. Not always, sometimes they just take in the anger in general which I think is more in line with what you mean your message to be.