Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.
I'm Dr.
Robert Puff.
Do you ever just feel exhausted from the amount of information you're given in one day through social media and news and all the different sites that bombard us with things going on in the world and all the troubles?
If you are feeling exhausted from the outrage economy,
I want us to understand today,
Why is that and what can we do about it?
Our human brain evolved to care deeply about a small tribe of people and our immediate local surroundings.
But today we're bombarded with thousands of pieces of information daily,
From celebrity scandals to viral internet arguments,
And society pressures us to react to all of them.
We've been conditioned to believe that having an opinion means that we are both engaged and intelligent.
But in reality,
Forming an emotional opinion on things that don't directly affect us,
It's just a massive drain on our cognitive and emotional battery.
This comes with a cost.
When we spend all day passing judgment on strangers' internet posts,
A celebrity's mistake,
Or an office's rumors,
We arrive at the end of the day with zero emotional energy left for things that actually matter,
Our own health,
Our passions,
And the people right in front of us.
I was talking to a friend of mine who's a medical doctor,
And he says he sees so much these days when people come in.
Their main complaint is they're tired.
I kind of laughed because he was tired of hearing other people being tired.
We've been blessed with magnificent brains,
But,
Like even supercomputers,
If you put too much in them,
They crash.
But Dr.
Puff,
I want to keep up what's going on in the world.
I believe if we're honest and truthful,
A lot of things that we watch and we engage with aren't us really trying to keep up with the world.
It's like a catch-22.
We're being distracted by our own exhaustion.
So we watch more because we're exhausted,
And then we watch more because we're exhausted.
I mean,
How many people,
Perhaps you,
Come home at the end of the day,
Get in bed,
Totally spent from all that went on that day.
And what do we often do?
We get on our phones and watch things that will exhaust us even more and keep us up even longer.
Because we want to be informed and we create opinions about the things that we watch.
So it's an engagement,
Almost like a drug.
We just can't walk away from it.
So how do we protect our brains from this ongoing onslaught of information and having opinions about what we're watching?
We have to begin by creating a shield around us.
Marcus Aurelius was one of the most famous emperors of Rome.
And he had to deal with massive world altering issues because at the time he was emperor,
Rome was a vast empire spanning thousands of miles.
But he kept a journal called The Meditations and he wrote in this journal,
You always own the option of having no opinion.
There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control.
These things are not asking to be judged by you.
In other words,
He's saying,
Not everything demands judgment.
This is a radical concept.
An event happens.
A flight is delayed.
A co-worker wears a strange outfit.
A celebrity does something foolish.
The event itself is completely neutral.
It's not tapping on your shoulder,
Demanding you to get angry about it.
And this is where we develop a superpower of neutrality.
We have a profound,
Untouchable right to just look at the situation,
Shrug,
And walk away mentally.
I personally and professionally have to do this.
As a clinical psychologist,
I work with people helping to improve their lives,
And I hear a lot of stories throughout the day,
And I've been doing it now for over 30 years.
I love what I do,
And I want to be 100% present when I'm with my clients,
So I've learned over the years to shut out the external noise that's irrelevant.
When I hear or see something that doesn't impact me,
I just let it go.
And it makes my life so much easier.
It's also why I meditate.
Twice a day,
An hour every day at the minimum because I need time for my mind to be clear so that when I am doing my work,
I'm 100% present.
I mean,
Haven't you ever been with someone and you're talking to them,
They're not really listening to you and they're somewhere else?
When our minds get packed with so many external things,
We stop being present for the people that we care for.
When we create opinions about things that don't matter,
It's like a heavy weight is around our neck,
Weighing us down.
There's a famous Zen story of two monks walking together down a muddy road in heavy rain.
They come to an intersection and see a beautiful young woman in a silk kimono,
Unable to cross the mud without ruining her clothes.
Without a word,
The older monk picks the woman up,
Carries her across the mud,
And sets her down safely.
The two monks then continue their journey in complete silence for several hours.
Finally,
The younger monk can no longer contain his outrage and his opinions.
He explodes,
Saying,
We are monks.
We are not supposed to go near women.
It is dangerous.
Why did you do that?
The older monk looks at him and calmly replies,
I left the girl back there at the intersection.
Are you still carrying her?
The younger monk ruined his own peace for hours because he was carrying a heavy judgmental opinion about a situation that was already over and didn't actually harm him.
When we insist on holding strong opinions about what other people are doing,
We are mentally carrying them with us all day long.
There are real and significant clinical benefits of stepping back from these opinions.
First,
It helps lower our cortisol.
Every time we form an angry or judgmental opinion,
Our bodies release stress hormones.
Our brain just doesn't know the difference between a real physical threat and a frustrating argument in a Facebook comment section.
But we can reset our nervous system when we actively practice saying,
I don't need to have an opinion on this.
It acts as an immediate pressure relief valve for our nervous systems.
We are biologically protecting our peace.
We do this by practicing the art of not my circus.
We focus on where we actually have influence.
If we can't control an outcome and it doesn't affect our immediate life,
Doesn't deserve our mental real estate.
In other words,
We stay in our own lane and we also practice the dinner party pivot.
When people try to drag us into their outrage,
We don't argue.
We simply use a phrase like,
I really haven't given it much thought.
Or,
That sounds stressful,
But I'll try not to focus on things I can't control.
These statements immediately diffuse the energy.
Remember,
There's only so much energy we have inside of us.
And if we're pivoting it towards things that have nothing to do with us,
Or outrageous,
We're exhausting the little energy we have.
And then there's nothing left for the people that we love or our own self-care.
There's four things that we can do to practice the no opinion diet.
The first one comes from Socrates.
It's called the triple filter.
When someone brings you gossip or outrage,
Use Socrates' three filters.
Is it true?
Is it good?
Is it useful?
If they're sharing neither good,
True,
Or useful,
Refuse to hear it.
Stop the noise before it forces you to form an opinion.
Second,
We can use a 24-hour neutrality challenge.
Traffic,
No opinion,
Just keep driving.
If you see a frustrating headline,
Scroll past it.
Notice how light and energetic you feel by the evening.
This one you'll like because you really will see how much better you feel at the end of the day when you implement this 24-hour neutrality challenge.
It's really wonderful.
Third,
There's a physical redirection.
When we feel the familiar urge to jump into an argument or pass judgment,
Break the physical circuit.
Step away,
Go for a walk,
Sit and meditate for 10 minutes,
Or slowly and quietly prepare a glass of green tea.
Focus entirely on the physical sensation to remind the brain that your immediate reality is calm.
And then fourthly,
Reclaim your energy.
We take all the emotional energy we use to spend being outraged at the world and instead aggressively reinvest in our own lives,
Our reading,
Our health routines,
Our gardens,
And our loved ones.
In conclusion,
We don't owe the world our outrage,
And we don't need to carry the weight of a thousand unnecessary opinions.
The most beautiful,
Peaceful places in our lives are created by things we choose to ignore.
We can affirm to ourselves,
I release the need to judge the world around me.
I choose the freedom of having no opinion.
And I protect my peace.
With silence.
Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.
Until next time.
Accept what is.
Love what is.
