The Art Of Detachment: Loving Without Chains

Have you ever noticed how we can deeply love a vacation or an experience, but we don't feel the need to own it? Yet, when it comes to loving people, we often fall into the trap of possession, clinging tightly and fearing the inevitable changes life brings. Today, we'll explore how shifting our perspective on love can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

Transcript

Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. If you were to take a few moments and think about the best vacation you've ever had, What would it be? Particularly in regards to the place you stayed at, Where it was just beautiful, Tranquil, Amazing, Gorgeous. Perhaps you stayed at a gorgeous resort overlooking a lake. Perhaps you have memories of traveling somewhere around the world and got to stay at a castle. We have wonderful experiences sometimes in life when we go on vacation. If you've been following me for a while, You'll know that though I'm not adverse to you doing well in your career and succeeding in life, What is far more important is enjoying the journey of life. And that means going out and taking vacations. Because we work hard, Our vacations can really be the pinnacle points of our year. We enjoy them, We savor them, And they really add joy and bliss to our lives. Two summers ago, I had the honor of spending two weeks in Iceland. It was so beautiful. I really can't even describe how beautiful it was. It was beyond almost anything I'd ever seen before. Another memorable experience I had on vacations was when I went to Tahiti and stayed on the island of Moria next to Bora Bora. The place I stayed at had beautiful cabins that were right on the water, Literally. Part of the cabin's floor was actually glass, So you'd look down into the ocean and see the beautiful fish swimming right beneath your feet. And if you wanted to, You could go out on the balcony and just step right into the ocean and swim right off the cabin. It was so beautiful and the water was crystal clear. And I'm sure you have your own memories, Too, Of wonderful vacations that just melt your heart when you think about them and you're hoping someday to go back to them, Even though it doesn't cause you distress that you're not there right now. When we're on vacation, We don't own the property. We're just using it for a limited amount of time and we can't take it home with us. We have to leave it when the vacation's over. And I think for many of us, Vacations are often our favorite memories throughout life. We really enjoy a beautiful vacation with family and friends at beautiful places. They're just wonderful. They're magical. And for many of us, We don't even mind it when we go on these vacations by ourselves because we learn that the experience in and of itself is just magical. When we go on vacation, We don't desire to possess the vacation. We don't desire to control the vacation. We don't even desire to make it permanent. And yet, Though we may like the vacation to go on a little bit longer, We're okay coming home. And we bring those memories back with us and we have a wonderful time, Even though we have to leave everything there. It is true that some people actually do move to vacation type spots because they really enjoy it there and their lives go well. But for most of us, We don't mind coming back home. And we have wonderful times, Even though we know we're going to be leaving this beautiful place and these wonderful experiences. We may wish it could go on longer, But we don't suffer because we have to come home. We just realize that's what we have to do. That's all the time we have. And maybe when we retire, We can go for longer stays. But for now, We're okay when our vacation comes to an end. We get back into our routine and then we, With time, Plan our next vacation and look forward to that one. So what does this have to do with happiness? It's all to do about the illusion of possession or the art of detachment. Let me ask you this question. Why don't we come back miserable from our vacations? Why don't we look back on them and say, I wish I'd never gone? It's because when we go on vacation, We realize it is a temporary experience that we don't possess. We don't own. It's not going to last. It's just an experience we're going to have that we can greatly enjoy if we choose to. Of course, We all know people that go on vacation and have a miserable time. But for many of us, Vacations are the joy of life, Even though they're particularly impermanent. They do not last. So even though they can be absolutely wonderful, Even though they can be such joys in our life, Even though we may have to work 50 weeks a year to have those two weeks of joy, We're willing to do it because they're so much fun. The key why this works is because we know it's temporary. We know it's not going to last. And we know that we're going to come home. We're going to go back to our lives, That the vacation is a gift, A gift that we get to enjoy. Some of us go more than others, But we get our gift of vacation and we enjoy it. We're thankful for it. And then when it's over, We let it go. We don't hang on to it. We don't cling. We don't possess that vacation. We let it go when it's done. And we look back on it fondly. I know there are a few people out there that when they come back from vacation, They're truly miserable. But for most of us, We realize that's just the rhythm of life. We work. We get vacations. Sometimes we get older. We get to go on more vacations because we retire and we have a little money saved to go on trips. But we never even then possess the vacations. We're glad that they come. And then we let them go. And like I said, For most of us, It causes no distress and it actually brings a great amount of joy. Then the big question today is, Why don't we do that with everything in our lives? The one thing that life guarantees for all of us, Sooner or later, Is that life is going to change. The few people who do come back from vacation and suffer are the ones clinging onto the vacation. They want their life to be a constant vacation and they feel miserable when they come back home. Instead of most of us feeling thankful for that vacation, Realizing it came, It went, We had a wonderful time, And now we get back to what's going on in our lives right now. When we try to possess something, When we cling tightly onto something and say, I need this, I need you in my life to be happy, We're setting ourselves up for potential suffering. Because the big question in life is, Is there anything that is truly permanent that's external to us? I mean, Can't we lose our homes? I think we can. Right now, I live in Southern California and this past week, We had horrible fires here and thousands of people lost their homes. The tighter we cling to things, The more we suffer. Life changes. We meet people that we fall in love with. And for a variety of reasons, These relationships sometimes end. We can have the wonderful job that we just love, And in a heartbeat, It's gone. We have no more job. Our health can be perfect, Exceptionally good, With no extra pains. And one day, Something changes. We get in an accident, We have an injury, And our lives have changed. The main reason we suffer though, Isn't the events in and of themselves. And I'm not negating that having change come, Like losing your home, Like losing your job, Or like losing someone that you deeply love, Is painful. But the way we can soften that pain, The way we can get through these tragedies of life that all of us are sooner or later going to face, Is by developing the art of detachment. But detachment doesn't mean you don't care. I believe when we create a healthy form of detachment, We love better. We enjoy our lives better. That's why vacations are so wonderful, Because we're not attached at all. We know it's going to end. We know we don't possess anything about a vacation. It's all on rental, And often just for a couple weeks. And yet, Some of our best memories of life are when we're on vacation. Now what I'm going to suggest next, Though it may be difficult to do, Because we've been conditioned to be attached. We've been conditioned to possess. But if we're able to begin to develop the art of detachment throughout our lives, What we'll find is two things will happen. The one thing is, That which is in our lives, Whether it be a loved one, Whether it be a job, Whether it be a home, Whether it be our health, We will really appreciate it, Because we know it's a gift. It's not permanent. It could change in a heartbeat. And so we're so thankful every day for the gifts life gives us. And the second wonderful gift of the art of detachment is when life does change, And things that we love are taken away from us. We're better. We still will miss these things. We miss it when we have to come back from vacation, And we think about them fondly. But we don't go into despair. We don't go into morbid depression. We realize that life changes, And it's impermanent. And we're so thankful for the time we had, And now it's gone. And we'll face new adventures, New things, And that nothing is permanent. Things change. And when we don't hang on too tightly, Then what we do is, I believe, We love the things we're given so much better. That's why we have such a nice time on vacation, Because we know we may never go there again. And we want to see things. We want to experience things. We want to have joy and fun. And we do. Could you imagine that if we saw the people in our lives, Not as someone permanent, But someone that we met on vacation, And we don't know how long they're going to be in our lives? So we savor them. We love them. We enjoy them. I've met some great friends when I've been traveling over the years, And I'm thankful for meeting them and having that time with them, Even though it's likely I'll never see them again. I've had some great experiences staying in beautiful places, Much nicer than my home, And I never get sad when I leave. I'm just thankful when I get to stay in them. What if we saw everything in our lives as a gift? A gift for today, Not for something we can hold on to, Not a possession, But a gift that God, The universe, Is giving us today. And we're thankful. We're grateful for that gift. We savor it. We know you may be gone tomorrow, But I'm thankful you're here today. Imagine how much more beautiful, How much more exquisite our lives would be. Because so often when we take things for granted, We really stop enjoying them. Haven't we all been on vacation and met someone that lives there, And we say, It's so beautiful here. And they'll say, I don't even notice. I've lived here for many years. It's no big deal to me anymore. If we can keep the newness in our hearts, We can continue to see the beauty all around us, No matter where we live. And if we can keep the newness in our hearts with people that we love, Our family, Our friends, We'll cherish them so much more deeply because we'll realize they may not be here tomorrow. And often they aren't. So when they do go, Our hearts are better because we didn't try to possess them. We just love them, And we're thankful for the time we had with them. And then we love them better because we know they may be gone someday. This is truly a beautiful way to live life. And we do it all the time when we go on vacation. But instead of going on vacation, How about if we live life as if life were the vacation? Wouldn't life be so much more different, So much more beautiful? I know what I'm suggesting today may seem very difficult to do, But it isn't difficult. It's just that we've been conditioned to possess, And that possession causes us to suffer. But we do the art of detachment all the time when we go on vacation. We have to do it, Otherwise we'll suffer on a vacation. And most of us don't want to spend our free time suffering when we're on vacation. So why not live our lives as if we're on vacation? We don't possess anything. We don't possess anyone. Life changes. We flow with life. We savor life. And each day we're thankful for the experience of life. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.

Reviews

A wonderful perspective of how to live one’s Life! ………”Live Life as if Life were a Vacation!!!” Thank you for beautifully sharing. ❤️

Great way to perceive life 🙏

Thank you 🙏

Wonderful talk on impermanence

Lovely perspective and insight. I will remember this! 🙏✨