The Architecture Of Serenity: Building Inner Peace That Last

When you walk through the historic cities of Europe, you are surrounded by massive cathedrals that have survived wars, storms, and centuries of time—all because the architects spent years pouring deep, heavy foundations before they ever built the beautiful spires. But in our own lives, we often try to build our happiness like a temporary tent, propping it up with a fleeting good mood or a fun weekend, only to watch it collapse the moment a storm hits.

In this episode, we are going to explore the 'architecture of serenity,' and learn how to do the deep, unglamorous foundational work required to build an inner peace that is completely unshakeable.

Music by Aonescape from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Have you ever had a fantastic week or maybe even a really great day where everything was just going your way? And then something happens, Perhaps a rude comment from a coworker or a flat tire on the way home, And your great mood changes rapidly to the opposite. And sometimes not just for a few minutes, But for days. I think most of us can think of times where this has happened to us, But why does this happen to us? How can our mood change so rapidly by a single event? Event. When I was younger, I used to do a lot of backpacking. And when you backpack, You sleep in a tent. And though the tent can keep us from the elements, It doesn't guarantee our safety. I remember once I was camping with a friend of mine in the Mojave Desert and a huge storm kicked in before we were able to put up our tents. What normally would have taken a few minutes, Took over 30 minutes to get our tents up and they were not stable throughout the night. I'm not sure because of that tent flapping and the wind blowing and the rain pouring on us. That I slept a wink that night. I'm sharing these stories because our happiness is often built like a pop-up tent. We rely entirely on the external circumstances, Like the weather, People being nice to us, Our plans working out, To keep our tent standing. But like weather, The truth is we cannot control the external circumstances of our own life, But we can completely control the structure of our mind. If we really want lasting peace, We have to stop pitching tents and start building cathedrals. I just got back from a trip traveling through Belgium and France visiting some of the most beautiful cathedrals in the world like the one at Strasbourg and Notre Dame. I can barely describe the awe of standing inside those ancient, Towering structures. They're breathtakingly quiet, Solid, And majestic. One thing that I always like to do when I visit cathedrals is find a quiet place and just sitting and meditating for 30 minutes. While other tourists are taking pictures of the stained glass, The high ceilings, The actual secret to this very old cathedral's survival is the underground. The original builders spent years digging into the dirt and laying massive heavy stone foundations that no one would see. So when the winds, The rains, And the storms batter against these majestic cathedrals, They don't even notice it. Some of them are hundreds or even over a thousand years old. You may be wondering, Dr. Puff, How does this relate to my mental fitness? It's the deep, Unglamorous work of daily meditation, Sitting in silence, Practicing patience, Studying and reading the ancient texts of both philosophical and spiritual sages which build our foundation. Does anyone ever applaud us for meditating in our living room? But that unseen work is what keeps us standing when the storms of life inevitably hit. One of my favorite mystics lived in the 1500s. She's from Spain and was named Teresa of Avila. If you ever study her life, She faced immense physical illness, Deep political friction, And constant chaos in her life. Yet she possessed a profound, Untouchable inner peace. She wrote a masterpiece called The Interior Castle, Perfectly mirroring this architectural metaphor. She taught that the human soul is like a massive fortress made of a single diamond. Castle walls might be raging with war, Stress, And anxiety. She taught that if we've done the finitional work to unlock the deepest rooms of our own minds, We can retreat into an absolute unshakable sanctuary. She didn't pray for the storms to stop. She just built a stronger interior architect to withstand them. But for many of us, We are living in tents right now, Not in expansive cathedrals. So the friction of construction can seem overwhelming. Building a foundation of peace of flowing with life, Of not fighting life so much, Can be hard, Dirty work. When we start practicing mindfulness or try to stop our anxiety from spiraling, It feels difficult and frustrating. But that mental friction is simply the dirt being moved to pour in the base for our cathedral. We don't build that foundation because it's so easy to distract ourselves. And then we're forced, Without change, To live in the tents for the rest of our lives. A couple friends of mine work in hospice. If you know much about hospice, It's when we're at the end of our lives and dying. And usually it's when we're much older. And one would think after living so many years, There would be a very strong foundation for that person's soul. But truthfully. Even people that are in their 80s or 90s can still be living in pop-up tents. Any of us are capable of building a very solid foundation for our lives so when the storms come, We are good. We handle them well. But this takes work. This takes effort. And so often, It seems so much easier just to distract from the pain. I live here in Southern California and there are a lot of people that live in tents here even though it's one of the wealthiest places in the world. My parents worked with homeless people for years so I definitely have a heart for these people but they didn't get there by building a solid foundation. They got there by making choices that kept them from moving forward. And getting better. They live day by day instead of building that foundation of mental health. But it isn't always about lack of money. Just yesterday a dear friend of mine asked my advice. She's a writer and she wanted to know if she should tackle this new book she was thinking of writing. It was set in Los Angeles many decades ago when the parts like Beverly Hills were really starting to take off. And this woman moved here from Utah. She had inherited a great deal of wealth and she built one of the most magnificent homes ever built in Los Angeles. But she was also known never ever to reveal her face to anyone. She wore a veil her entire life. Even the people that worked with her had never seen her face, And she would rarely leave her home. And even though she was one of the wealthiest people that ever lived in Southern California. Her heart lived in a tent. So if we want to build a cathedral around our hearts, How do we do this? How do we pour our foundation? The first thing we have to do is the daily brickwork. We cannot build a cathedral in a day. We have to choose one tiny daily habit. That builds our foundation and never misses it. It could be a five minutes of silence before we go to bed or mindfully drinking our morning green tea without looking at the screen. Laying one brick every single day. I've had the privilege and honor over the years as a clinical psychologist to work with some incredible souls, People that have come from very challenging backgrounds and they come in weekly and I see them for a long time. And their lives just keep getting better. Because they have so much damage in their background. It doesn't heal overnight, But they do keep getting better and better that their own anxious, Worried self is almost unrecognizable. The second thing we can do is practice on the small storms. We don't have to wait for a major life crisis to test our foundation. When someone cuts us off in traffic or we spill our coffee, We can use that minor annoyance as a drill. Take a deep breath. Observe your frustration and practice not letting it knock down our structure. And then thirdly, We can cultivate the external view. We feel overwhelmed, Remember the lifespan of a cathedral. It exists for centuries. Zoom out and look at our current stress through the eyes of eternity. Ask ourselves. Will this matter in a year? This instantly shrinks the storm. And solidifies our peace. Over the years, I've been to Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris many times. I remember the first time I went there, I was just sitting quietly, Meditating. And in the background. The monk started chanting. He was such a mystical. Beautiful experience for me. And then on April 15, 2019, It caught fire and much of it was damaged inside and out. A few years ago I went there to see it, But I couldn't go inside because they were rebuilding it. Last week, I went there again. And I went inside. And my heart dropped. It was so beautiful. Not only did they repair it, In my opinion, They made it even more beautiful. We can be like the Notre Dame Cathedral. No matter what we face. We can overcome it. And what we'll find. Is that through these challenges, Through these life events. We will become stronger. And even more glorious inside. The path I'm describing. Isn't easy. But it's possible for any of us. No one can keep us from building. Cathedral all around us. Except ourselves. When we stop trying. Please don't stop trying. Never, Ever give up on yourself and keep building that beautiful cathedral. Around that beautiful heart of yours. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. Until next time. Accept what is. Love what is.

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