Brené Brown's Eye Opening 10 Minute Mental Health Tip

Do you every feel like you could benefit from feeling a bit more love, joy and connection in your life? These feelings are at the core of our mental health and happiness. Today I’m going to share with you, what the international bestselling author, Brené Brown, says is a key understanding and practice to bring more love, joy and connection in your life starting today – stay tuned.

Transcript

Okay,

So Cassandra Bernay Brown.

Yeah,

You heard me say that right?

If you didn't know that.

First name being Cassandra.

Is American research professional.

She made her big splash initially.

You remember it from that gigantic TED Talk on the power of vulnerability.

Really touched millions and millions and millions of people.

Inevitably went on Oprah,

Wrote incredible books that have touched so many people about the power of shame and understanding shame in our lives and being able to move toward it and hold it in a different type of light so that we can find healing and really find our own courage,

Sense of courage and power in this world.

And recently she came up with a new book that became an HBO special as well called Atlas of the Heart.

And in that book,

She talks about this term that you've heard before called schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude is a German word means harm joy.

Harm joy is the experience of pleasure,

Joy or self-satisfaction that comes from the learning of or witnessing the troubles,

Failures or humiliation of another.

It is a borrowed word from German with no direct translation that originated in the eighth century.

Schadenfreude has been detected in children as young as 24 months and may be an important social emotion establishing inequity aversion.

So in this particular term,

What that happens is we're walking along and we see someone trip and we laugh,

Or we are on social media and we see an influencer make a wrong step and get a lot of negative reviews or something like that.

And we feel good about that because that heightens our place in the world or maybe someone fails publicly and we're like,

Oh,

That feels good.

Like for example,

When Will Smith made that famous slap on Chris Rock,

It may be possible he felt like,

Oh,

Good.

Someone in power is kind of getting their due or something like that.

So that's that experience of schadenfreude that's there.

And inevitably what happens is we get a kind of an initial hit from it and then it has more depleting returns after that.

It's not what builds us up.

It's not what makes us stronger.

It's not what leads to mental health.

It's not what leads to joy,

Connection in this world.

And so what is the opposite of that?

So in Atlas of the Heart,

Brene Brown talks about this term called Freudenfreude,

Which is this idea of feeling joy for other people's joy.

And this also has its roots in a Sanskrit term called mudita,

Which means selfless joy,

Having joy for other people's joy.

So there's something that happens with that.

If we go around in our day,

And this is something that I've been doing for quite some time because it's been an essential part of my own personal practice.

And also within the program that I mentioned before,

The Uncover the Power Within program,

One of the essential threads of that is being able to be on the lookout for other people's good moments and even encouraging people to share their good moments,

Which we don't get to do very often in our life,

And then allowing yourself to feel a sense of joy for their good moment,

Even sharing that.

And so one of the things that she brings up in Atlas of the Heart is this idea of Freudenfreude,

This idea of fanning the flame,

Even within yourself of other people's good moments.

I even did a video earlier that you can reference right here that speaks to a little bit more about how to do that in our daily lives,

But we'll talk about it here too.

And so we're basically on the lookout for people's good moments.

I take a walk on the beach oftentimes because I live closer to the ocean,

And even people who are jogging,

Who are taking care of their bodies,

I might take a moment and say like,

Hey,

It's good for you.

That's really great that you're having such a good moment.

Or I might find that people are having a certain accomplishment.

And I say in my mind,

Like,

Hey,

You know,

Good for you.

That's really great that you're having that accomplishment.

And so this is one of the things that we can actually do.

What Brene Brown talks about is how this is a predictor of deeper connection in our lives.

And my research has found that connection is at the epicenter of wellbeing.

She talks about a great example with her kids around how she would tell her kids when they were like in third or fourth grade,

She would have them hold their hands open like this and say,

Imagine there's a flame in there.

That flame is like your essence.

And what we want is we want to surround ourselves with people,

So this is the big point here.

Surround ourselves with people who are going to fan that flame.

And what we wanna do is surround ourselves less with people who are blowing the flame out.

You say,

Oh,

You know,

I've got this really great grade or I got this really good accomplishment at work.

Oh,

All right,

Well,

That's not so big of a deal.

Blowing that out.

Or,

You know,

I've really been taking care of my body a whole lot lately.

Oh,

Well,

You're still looking like you're a little overweight,

Blow it out.

So our major point is that what she says is we don't want flame blower outers.

We want people to surround ourselves with that are gonna support the good moments in our lives.

They're gonna be encouraging to the good moments in our life.

So I'm gonna just sum this up in a couple things that are going to support your mental health today and bring more joy,

Love,

And connection into your life.

So the first thing is be on the lookout for people's good moments.

This could be your kid,

This could be a family member,

This could be a coworker,

This could be just a stranger on the street.

Someone's jogging,

Say,

Hey,

Or taking care of their body,

Say,

Hey,

Good for you.

You're another human being who's taking care of yourself.

Someone shares an accomplishment with you.

See if you can just say to yourself like,

Hey,

That's really great.

Or say to them,

Hey,

That's really great.

Or share it on a text.

Share it in places,

It feels so good.

It actually makes you feel better.

And it could be,

Again,

Could be anything.

Now,

That's the first thing.

It's really about seeing,

Be on the lookout for people's good moments and see if you can fan their flame.

Hey,

That is great.

Even if it's just within yourself,

Great.

If you can share it out loud because it's something you care about or know,

Even better.

And the second thing is be on the lookout for people who are also encouraging your flame.

So we wanna surround ourselves with people,

Make contact with people,

More frequent contact with people who are supportive and encouraging our flame.

We have a good moment,

We're taking care of our bodies.

We want people who are like,

Yes,

Good for you.

We're taking care of our mental health.

That's awesome,

Good for you.

We have accomplishments in life.

That's great.

I'm so happy for your accomplishment.

We wanna see if we can be on the lookout for those people.

We have a whole community in our Uncover the Power Within program that is full of those people.

It's the atmosphere we encourage in there.

And there's maybe people in your own life and you can even voice it to them.

Like,

Hey,

When I'm having,

What I need is I need some encouragement.

So if I'm sharing a good thing,

Please,

See if you can like say that,

That's so great.

I'm so happy for your good moment.

If it's people that you have frequent contact with that you feel close to,

You can share that need with them and see what arises.

So again,

First thing we're looking for,

Be on the lookout for,

Maybe it's actually three things.

We're being on the lookout for when we experienced Schadenfreude,

Right?

And we're saying,

Oh,

There goes my mind again,

Plant me a feeling good in the midst of someone's misfortune and then,

And we're taking note of that,

Softening our bodies,

Releasing and remembering our intention to be on the lookout for the Freudian Freud or the Mudita,

That's there,

That selfless joy,

Being on the lookout for people's good moments and being able to feel a sense of like acknowledgement of their good moment at the very least,

But maybe a sense of happiness that they're another human being that's having good moment,

Whether it's someone just laughing with their friends or accomplishing something or taking care of themselves.

And the third thing is look around and see like,

Hey,

Do I have people around me that are also supporting my own good moments,

That are supporting my own joy,

The good things in my life?

And if not,

Maybe where can I find some more of those people or if they're people close to me,

Maybe I can express that need to them.

So those three things,

Right?

If you can bring those three things in your life,

You are gonna bring more joy,

Love and connection into your life.

And you're gonna be a bit happier today and tomorrow and a bit more resilient.

Reviews

I love the idea of finding joy in the happiness of others. When friends share vacation plans or good vacation stories, I always respond by saying, “I’m happy for you.”

What a wonderfully clear description of Benė Brown’s writing. I loved your articulation of her great idea. Thank you!

Great concept to have a little more joy into our life and feel better. Thank you🙏✨💫

Thank you ! I needed to hear your words, clarity to tweak my people cheering skills.

Great practical tips to increase joy and connection in our daily lives.

Really enjoyed it. I am a big fan of Brene Brown and it was a good reminder of her book that I’ve red and truly enjoyed.
Thank you :)

Great theme. A little repetitive, it didn't need to be gone over so many times. Talking slower would have been good too

Definitely it’s a time to be resilient and supportive to ourselves and others.

Love Brene Brown . Thanks for sharing this wonderful wisdom! Recommended!! Nice to find this and you on I.T.💫💜

Sharing another small secret to happiness. Thank you.

Thank you for these critical insights. Keep up the good work! 🕯️

Love it! 🙏🏻💞

Thank you!

I loved this! I’ve been struggling so much lately to find my joy! It is affecting my sleep, and I believe contributed to gut issues. I also believe that my dog is also acting up as a result of me not finding my joy. I have been so stressed out. I forget about the joy that comes with every day even this lover that we can find. Thank you for this wonderful meditation. That is exactly where I’m at. Now stay to you may sleep in my gut issues resolve as I seek for joy.

Excellent, I’m going to spread this! Thank you

🙏

A much needed reminder. I do need to be more aware and practice this. 🙏😊☮️

Excellent. Very helpful. It will encourage me to stay off of social media :)

It inspired me to keep at it as that perspective has always brought joy and contentment to my life

Excellent! Totally rings true and a clear presentation. Thank you for this.

Love the concept