How To Operate In Times Of Fear

We all have fears - and for many these times feel so scary (safety, war, elections, pandemic, being a minority). How can we help ourselves during these times and know what to do in a moment of fear. I recorded this episode on the anniversary of Stonewall, an LGBT uprising, and use it as a metaphor for all people to work with shifting from fear to peace.

Transcript

So as we talk about this tonight,

And the reason I wanted to remember Stonewall is because we're all,

Again,

In times that frighten us.

And though my metaphors tonight will be in line with the LGBTQ community,

We can all,

As allies and just as people,

All of us have been marginalized in some particular way,

Or feared of something,

Whether it be COVID or war,

Or any number of things,

Elections,

Everything coming up.

So Stonewall teaches us how to operate in a time of fear,

How to be proud,

And how to be at peace in ourselves.

Because for anybody that has been born in a way that they're different,

And in essence we have all been born in a way that we're different,

To be ourselves we have to bump up against expectations and lack of understanding.

And to be ourselves can feel like an assault on another person because they're not okay with it or they don't understand.

But I'm not going to leave understanding as an option on the table.

Because understanding is not what it's cracked up to be.

It sounds nice when people say,

I want to understand,

Tell me this,

Help me understand.

But what they're really saying is prove it to me.

Prove it to me according to my own standards of limitation.

If I understand something,

I have limited it.

Because who even understands themselves a hundred percent?

And it's who you are.

So understanding is not a requirement for acceptance.

And if you can get that for yourself about other people,

That you don't have to understand another person to love them and accept them,

Then you are actually letting go of judgment.

And when you accept that you don't have to understand someone to love them,

Then you can accept that you don't have to understand everything about yourself to love you.

And understanding is a gatekeeper from love.

And I'd rather love than understand.

Because the moment I think I've understood you,

I've just limited and put you in a label and put you in a box.

And I don't want to do that to myself or to you.

And it's not a requirement.

It's just a way of saying,

Wait,

Don't be you.

I need to be able to approve you.

And when you're trying to push understanding onto others,

Then you're telling yourself,

I can't be me until I understand.

And there is no mind on this planet that can understand the consciousness that you are.

There's no mind that can do it.

How are you to understand your oneness and your ability to move into a space of knowing,

To love beyond understanding?

Stonewall is an aspect of that in our history that we can look to in times of fear.

So let's take some breaths together.

Because if we're going to face fear,

We're not going to do it in a way that bypasses.

That's just happy,

Positive thinking.

Although I love positive thinking.

It feels way better than negative.

But our fears can be so intense that it's important that we take the time to get into the space of who we really are,

Which is way beyond our understanding.

Because our thoughts think fear runs the show.

And our thoughts tell us we can't do something,

We can't be something,

Because we're afraid of what we might lose or what might hurt us.

And life doesn't promise us no challenges.

Life is a challenge.

But when you move into the space of who you really are,

You are absolutely equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

So let's breathe together.

In whatever position you're sitting is fine,

Just be comfortable.

And take a deep breath in.

And then letting it out.

And letting the air,

Which is our support,

Fill our lungs.

And we feel that air coming into our nose,

And then down into our bodies,

Merging with our lungs,

And then merging into our bloodstream.

And from this space we can feel our heartbeat.

And this heartbeat reminds us of our rhythm with this planet.

That we have the right to exist as we are on this planet,

Without anyone understanding who we are.

That you,

In your very existence,

Is enough.

That there's no change that is needed for you to be qualified or validated.

Because you are here.

Because you exist is the validation of who you are.

That our validity is our existence.

Not our conformity.

But our existence is the validation.

So if you're here,

You are enough.

And you're so much more.

And the only way to perceive that is to let go of understanding.

Because your mind cannot understand that you are merged with the air that you breathe.

So letting go of understanding allows you to come to the edge of what is known,

And just fall over that edge into the unknown.

And as you fall over that edge into the unknown,

You begin to perceive emotions and feelings and awareness.

And that unknown space that you fall into is deep within yourself.

So as we breathe that air in and merge into our own bloodstream and hear our own heartbeat,

In the centered part of our being is that edge.

There's an energy there,

And a vibration there,

And a feeling there.

And ever how you notice it,

Without trying to understand it,

Just notice it.

Get closer to that.

And fall into it.

To that unknown space that you are.

Don't think about it.

Just keep merging in this space of such a peaceful,

Even rhythm.

And from this space,

We'll look at those fears.

So on the night of Stonewall,

As people knew what would happen to them,

They knew that they would be assaulted physically.

They had watched friends be beaten and die.

They'd been jailed for who they were.

And once again,

They were gathering.

And how many of them would fall?

And there's a stillness that takes over you when you're aware that your existence can get you killed.

And there's an awareness that you can lie and pretend and not be who you are,

But that's death too.

And there's a realness that fear brings us to.

Because you can't change it.

You can't control it.

And what do you do when you're that afraid?

Whether it be any particular reason.

Afraid to live.

Afraid to love.

Afraid to go out.

And that's not how you were intended to exist.

So allow yourself to imagine one of your fears.

And my metaphor will be around being LGBTQ,

But you know your own fears.

But as you're imagining that,

Find the steady pattern of breath as you breathe in.

And it's important to notice this,

Because this is how you can live in the same space as fear without being afraid.

You find that space inside yourself by following the breath and that space of stillness and peace.

That space that knows that life and death are not opposites.

We think,

Oh,

We're born,

Then we die,

And that's a life.

That's understanding,

Which is incorrect,

Because there's only life.

When death comes,

Then you take your last breath here.

It's your first breath,

Your first inhale into a different space.

But you don't cease to exist,

And that's beyond understanding.

See the importance of letting go of understanding.

And it makes logical sense to avoid your fears.

That way you're safe.

Breathing.

Because avoiding everything you're afraid of makes you safe.

That's logic.

That's understanding.

And it's completely incorrect.

But we can accept the space that exists inside of us.

We can accept the stillness that knows there's only life.

And that when this life appears to no longer exist here,

That doesn't mean you don't exist.

Beyond our understanding is the awareness that you existed before you were born.

And that you'll exist when death comes to hold your hand.

And that this space of stillness that is beyond understanding is the space of peace.

That you cannot be destroyed.

Yes,

The body can be.

But you cannot be.

Which is beyond understanding.

And understanding becomes less valuable as we realize peace and stillness is where we can exist.

So since we are not promised safety,

And there's no need for a promise of safety,

Well,

There's a desire for it,

For sure.

But there's not a safety feature in life.

And this is beyond understanding.

Because why wouldn't we design a safety feature into life?

What would have to be known or understood?

Understanding.

What would have to be known and experienced to realize there's not an absolute need for safety?

Something beyond the mind to label.

That since you exist,

You will always exist.

That you always have been,

You always will be,

And you are.

So as we remember again Stonewall in a group of people who were used to being assaulted for who they were,

And without the words to get people to understand,

They stood solid in who they were,

And they fought for themselves.

And it was the love of themselves that was really doing the fighting.

The respect of their right to exist and be They stood up and said no more.

But there was not safety.

They didn't do it in safety.

They did it from a centered,

Still space.

And they may not have acknowledged it with their mind,

But it was time.

And when a movement happens spontaneously is when there's been enough consciousness to say it's time.

And anyone who says that gay people are more accepted now because they're understood is full of crap.

Really.

No one understands me more now than when they hated me.

It's just that consciousness has reached a level that it accepted,

But they didn't understand me.

No one understands me more now as a gay person than in the 90s when I came out.

So the acceptance of the LGBTQ community has been spawned by self-acceptance and self-awareness and the stillness of consciousness.

Because when you accept yourself,

And you accept your right to exist,

It changes the environment around you.

And suddenly people think they understand.

No.

The energy has changed.

So once again,

We're back in a time where it's scary.

But it's scary for our trans brothers and sisters.

It's still scary for LGBTQ people,

You know,

Gay or lesbian.

People are still working through that.

It's scary for our allies to stand up for us.

It's scary in a pandemic.

It's scary in times of war.

It's scary when we see the rage that is all around us.

But it's not scary in stillness.

This rage that is all around us is the byproduct of consciousness expanding,

Dropping of gender roles.

And all that wishes to cling to those roles is fighting it.

And that's the course of nature in some ways.

If we could quickly quit trying to understand each other and just love and accept each other,

It wouldn't be quite so scary.

But you don't have to be afraid.

Because as you accept yourself and honor and respect your own right to exist as you are,

Then you quit trying to analyze and understand yourself.

And you just go ahead and love you.

That still space expands inside of you.

And it begins to affect the way your heart beats,

The way your mind thinks,

And how you express yourself.

And how you allow yourself to be things you didn't understand you could be.

You have no idea,

And this isn't to shame you,

Because I have no idea all of who I am.

And I sure love discovering it without trying to understand it.

I had no idea how much I could love me because I was taught to dislike and hate myself.

And I was taught I was an abomination.

But that stillness inside of me knows I was perfectly and wonderfully made.

And I was made for this time as you are made for this time.

And you are made in such a way that you are completely capable of facing the fears that are true for you.

That understanding won't get you very far.

But that stillness,

That space inside of you that's centered,

When you breathe in and operate from that space and let's do that,

Just breathing in and exhaling out.

Falling into that stillness,

That comfort,

That peace.

And there,

Bring up a fear that you have,

Something you're afraid of.

And just be with it.

Don't try to change it.

Don't try to fix it.

There's nothing to fix about a fear.

There's nothing to change it.

Just being with it.

And let it express without buying into it.

Just let it tell you it's fear.

And just notice,

How does it make your body feel?

You're not going to merge with it because you're going to stay in that still,

Centered space that you are.

Just notice that that fear has a breathing pattern and you don't want to move into that breathing pattern.

You want to stay in the rhythmic breath that says you belong,

That you exist,

That you're here,

Perfectly and wonderfully made.

No change is needed.

And you observe that fear.

And you notice what it would allow you to do and what it says.

No,

No.

You can't do that.

And it operates without understanding.

It operates in fear.

And if you're looking at a situation that is life-threatening,

A fear that is like that,

The only place to face it with sanity from is from your centered,

Peaceful space that you are.

So if you're going to face something terrible,

Face it with your whole self,

Your whole accepted,

Self-loving being.

And in that awareness,

When you perceive the fear,

Whether it's scared you'll fail or scared you'll die,

There's something about that fear that doesn't know you.

Because if it knew you,

It wouldn't be afraid.

So get to know how it functions,

How fear functions.

And being beings that are vibrational.

And that's what we know about ourselves with physics and quantum physics.

Knowing that you have a vibration and that that vibration is like a magnet that attracts or repels things or shifts them.

Fear has a different vibration and attraction.

So you don't have to be in a space of fear.

From this peaceful space,

Notice that fear.

And what it attracts is different than what you attract from a place of peace and self-love.

And the environment around you is shifted when you operate from a place of peace and self-love.

And a situation that's happening around you is affected from the space that you face it from.

Because if you are in a centered and peaceful and loving space,

It changes the environment around you.

It is impossible for it to not change that environment.

Because of vibration.

You pick up a tuning fork and you hit it and you put it near something,

It's going to change what it touches,

What's near it.

Same thing is true for you.

And that doesn't make you a promise that what you're facing won't harm you.

And I'm just letting that rest.

Because there's no promise of safety in life.

Because beyond our understanding is that death is also safe.

And that doesn't make any sense.

But you won't die.

Not the being that you are.

But isn't it a more whole place to face it from?

In peace and love for yourself.

And in that space you think differently and you function differently and you interact differently and you change the space around you.

Because let me just guarantee you that the positive things that have happened for LGBTQ folks did not come from external understanding.

It came from the group consciousness that accepted itself.

And once you do that,

You affect everything around you for acceptance of yourself.

Now again,

We can see how that self-acceptance transmuted the perspectives of society to be more open to gay people.

But gay people have died between the time of that and now.

And still people are harmed.

So it's not a guarantee that you're going to be absolutely safe from any harm just because you loved yourself.

But if I'm going to face a fear,

Let me face it from a place of love for myself so that in all situations I am loving me,

Accepting of my own existence and not responding from fear.

Because fear will pinch off the energy that can flow through you to form a more peaceful existence.

Love you.

And wouldn't it be wonderful if I could say,

Hey,

If you love you,

You're always going to be safe.

And in one way that's true.

But I want to be real.

Sure,

We can love ourselves and harm come to us.

Because life is a challenge.

But how much pleasure and joy can you return to your life when you do not function in fear?

Because living a fearful life is not living.

So let it,

That awareness that we have no guarantee of anything,

Let that bring you joy and pleasure to living.

Live every moment fully.

Because the guarantee is you will go on.

Maybe not as you had imagined,

Maybe not as your mind planned,

But you will exist and you will continue.

And is the importance of this life to be safe and live without fear?

Or is the importance of life to live with joy in an unstructured,

Unsafe,

Fearful environment that you don't have to be afraid of?

See,

If we think this life,

Because our understanding wants to say,

This life,

It's about getting the house and the cars and the spouse,

The partner,

The lover,

The job,

The accolades,

The recognition.

Is it that?

Because only a few of us are going to get that.

Does that mean 90% of us don't?

Or is the point to become more aware of you,

Aware of your fears,

And to love yourself through them?

To be aware of what scares you and love yourself through that?

To live in the face of everything that's different,

Scary,

Frightening,

Fearful,

Aggressive.

And to live with joy and stillness and peace that doesn't require safety.

Because then what might you do?

Because when you transmute the energy of fear in your life,

Then you'll learn what real living is.

And it's way more than you understood.

But it's not way more than you know or can be.

But you can only be it when you don't have to understand and you don't have to be safe.

Fear will exist as is its right.

But you don't have to live in that.

You are here to love you and transmute any energy by the name of fear,

Hate,

Anything.

Any emotion that gets in the way of you becoming that which you can only be when you let go of those things and embrace what makes you different,

Weird,

Wild,

Crazy,

Madly in love with yourself.

And that's not a world to fear.

So now let's look back at that fear that you brought up for yourself and smile at its right to exist,

But not its right to be your vibration.

It will live around you and it will come talk to you sometimes.

But you don't have to tune to that vibration.

Tune into that peace and that stillness and then reach out there and pull in that fear to that space and tune that fear to acceptance and love and watch it melt and surrender.

It was only afraid to be itself.

And you don't have to be.

Be you.

Be different.

Be whole.

And to those who have loved themselves enough that they lost their lives,

Thank you.

And know they still walk among us.

We don't have to be afraid.

And I wish that I could promise you that if you loved yourself that all would work out perfectly and be safe.

But I can promise you that if you love yourself it is working out perfectly and you have nothing to fear.

And don't even try to understand that,

Just enjoy it because you know it's true.

And I love you.

Reviews

I really appreciated your insight regarding acceptance and understanding. Thank you