167: 7 Language Hacks To Transform Your Life

Language and how we mean things is a defining factor in our success and happiness. In this episode, Tudor Alexander shares 7 of the biggest breakthroughs and techniques in reframing and language that he's learned over the last 10 years to effectively handle problems and return to power.

Transcript

This is episode 165,

7 Language Hacks to Transform Your Life.

Happy Friday to you and welcome to another episode of the Dance of Life.

Today we are talking about language.

What an important part to life.

7 Language Hacks to Transform Your Life.

I have a wonderful quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It's going to ground us in our conversation today and that is,

Thought is the blossom,

Language the bud,

Action the fruit behind it.

I love this quote because mastering your language is such an important part of being successful and being happy.

Realizing the power of language was a huge,

Huge breakthrough in my own life.

And today continues to be a pillar for everything that I think about from my relationships to my business to how I handle my emotions.

Language is one of the key pillars and that's why I want to share with you guys today,

You know,

These 7 hacks,

These 7 language hacks.

It's kind of a cute name but really they're very powerful mental tools that I've learned from going to so many seminars,

Reading books,

Personal improvement books.

You know,

I've written a book,

The Gratitude Map.

You can check it out,

Thegratitudemap.

Com.

You know,

There's a habit in there.

One of the main habits to creating a daily gratitude practice is reframing.

You know,

Reframing constantly what we interpret with our mind.

This is a huge part to maintaining a gratitude practice.

One of the actually the 3 pillars that I mentioned in there for developing a state of appreciation which is your own mastery of what things mean to you.

So this is going to be a great collection of some techniques that I've learned in the last maybe 5 years,

6 years to reframe,

To find forgiveness,

To get unstuck and most importantly to take action.

Super,

Super,

Super stoked to share this with you guys.

So if you like this kind of topic,

Make sure you subscribe for weekly content.

Share this with one person in your life today who needs to hear this message on the importance of language.

It's so,

So important.

I cannot emphasize enough how big a role language plays in our life.

So if you know anybody in your life right now that could use this in their business,

That could use this in their life,

In their relationship,

They're struggling with the meaning of their mind.

Their mind is out of control.

Share this episode with them.

You never know the difference it can make.

You can also hit me up on Instagram,

Facebook,

At Tutor Alexander Official.

With your takeaway from this episode,

Your biggest breakthrough,

Let me know.

I'm always curious to hear what you guys have to say.

What difference does it make in your life?

I can't wait to get in touch.

And with that,

Let's jump into the seven language hacks to transform your life.

Here we go.

All right,

Guys,

Here we go.

We're going to jump right into this.

You know,

First and foremost,

I want to kind of position this that,

You know,

This is not something about tricking your mind.

You know,

This is not something where you're fooling yourself.

You know,

You're you have to realize that this is true.

We're being authentic here.

We're talking about language hacks.

I mean,

I use the word hacks.

It's a very trendy word.

But really,

It's these are techniques.

These are really strong,

Powerful techniques to reframe.

Wow.

Things mean to you have to realize the meaning is like a clay and the initial meaning that you make,

Which is unproductive.

You made that anyway.

You chose to shape it.

So when we're talking about reshaping it,

This is not tricking your mind.

You're just reshaping the clay.

So don't put a let you know if we say,

Oh,

This is just B.

S.

You're just tricking yourself.

You know,

It's not that you're really truly being authentic with yourself and changing what it means to you.

You have to realize that you have the power to create the meaning.

And that's a big distinction.

You know,

We have this label maker in our mind that is constantly labeling things all the time.

It's put a little label on this,

On that,

On this person,

On what they do constantly.

And unless you're aware of that and you keep it in check,

It will put a default label that's designed to survive,

To keep you small,

To keep you tiny.

And it can't create anything from that.

So this is not tricking your mind.

It's shaping your mind and training your mind to be very artful,

To dance your way through life.

All this stuff that I always talk about,

To be nimble,

To be adaptable,

To be flexible,

Just like in the real world.

Also,

Your mind can be flexible,

Too.

So here we go.

Seven language hacks.

The first one is but versus and.

Man,

I love this one,

Because when you this is in terms of finding problems in your life.

When you find a problem,

We often say,

Yeah,

You know,

I want to do something,

But X,

Y,

Z,

I have this problem.

This is very,

Very dangerous territory,

Because the moment you say but,

You create a duality.

You say,

Here's my thing that I want,

But there's this negative thing that's in the way.

And now you create this duality where they're kind of versing each other.

They're fighting against each other.

It's this versus that.

Rather than but,

Say and.

Use the word and.

Think of your problem not as an obstacle that's fighting the thing that you want,

But rather is next to the thing that you want.

So here's my thing that I want,

And I have this problem.

It's next to it.

Now that gives you a chance to see them together and to create a solution,

Because the thing that we do when we say but is we say,

OK,

But I have this problem.

Now all of your attention is on the problem because of the way you phrased it in your mind.

You got to realize that language paves the way for our attention and our emotions to move in that direction.

It's very powerful stuff,

Guys.

And when you master your language,

You can master how you create in life and how you react to things.

It's a lifetime game,

But these kind of tools that we're talking about this episode will really empower you to do so.

So but versus and remember to use and instead of but so that you can see the whole picture and create a solution.

And when you say here's the thing that I want and I have I can't afford it.

Now it's a lot easier to think,

OK,

Well,

Now what can I do to,

You know,

Take action and create more money in my life or create a different income?

But if you say here's the thing that I want,

But I can't afford it now,

It's just like,

OK,

Well,

I'm done.

There's no more action to be taken.

So very different approach to your problems.

Number two is get to versus have to.

This is another situation where when you're feeling obligated,

When you have a problem,

When you feel like you have to do something,

The thing to realize is that you don't have to do anything.

And this may seem like you have to kind of some things that we are very emotionally attached to that we have to do.

This will be very difficult to let go of.

But when you get present to the fact that you don't have to do anything,

That you're already doing everything you have to do,

Which is breathing.

When you get present to that and you see that everything is a choice.

This is difficult in some areas and some other some areas is not.

But some parts of our life is difficult to see that that is a choice because we feel like,

Oh,

Life is making me do this or I have to do this to.

I have to pay my rent.

No,

You don't have to pay your rent.

If you don't pay your rent,

You get kicked out.

You can say,

Well,

I don't want to get kicked out.

OK,

Then I choose to pay my rent so I don't get kicked out.

But we don't think of it that way.

We tend to just put in a lot of this stuff.

You have to watch the automatic labeling that your mind does because it automatically says,

Oh,

I just have to do that.

And when you say you have to do that,

You're putting that power externally outside of yourself rather than saying I get to do this.

So this is another great technique when you're feeling overwhelmed by obligation.

It's transforming that obligation into opportunity.

So when I say instead of saying I have to do this,

I have to go to the store.

I have to go to the store and get some groceries.

What a chore.

Rather,

I get to go to the store and I get to go get groceries.

I'm safe.

I can buy my food.

I'm not threatened.

I can get whatever I want any time of the year.

I get to eat while other people starve.

That's a get to.

So you got to live a get to life versus I have to.

People who are living a half to life don't get anywhere.

They don't create anything.

They're not inspired.

They're not powerful.

And you're going to come into that vibration.

You'll be tired.

You'll be feeling like you have to.

So try to remind you this is where the gratitude practice comes in is you get to I get to do this.

Reframe your obligation into an opportunity instead of why me?

Why not me?

You know,

I get this opportunity.

I get this life lesson.

So very important thing is to constantly refrain.

That's what this all this stuff is,

Is constant reframing.

The third language hack I want to share with you that's made a big impact on my life is usage of the word create.

You know,

There's a quote by Jane Goodall.

It says you cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you.

What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.

Now,

This is such an important quote because the word create is not just for the arts.

It's not just for artistic things.

It's not just for music or dancing or anything else.

Creating is a fundamental thing that we're always doing.

I'm creating CO2 right now as I'm talking into this microphone.

You're creating sound waves through your phone by turning it on and listening to it.

As you're driving your car,

If you're listening to this while you're driving,

You're creating emissions through your car.

We're constantly creating.

Like Jane Goodall says,

The question is,

What kind of creating do you want to do?

So by default,

You're creating,

But that creating is not meaningful to you.

So how can we create things that are meaningful to us?

And that's really important because creating is a fundamental aspect of life.

And when you learn to use the word create in such a way that you see even the things that you say as a creative act,

You get a lot more respect and power for the language that you're using.

Because when you're talking about something to someone,

You're creating a reality for them.

And when you're creating that reality,

You have a responsibility for how that permeates the atmosphere.

What actions does it lead to?

When you are talking and you're gossiping,

You are creating a reality for somebody else about somebody else.

Right.

And or when you're creating,

You're basically you're introducing yourself to someone,

You're introducing a project or a new when you're trying to sell something to someone,

You're creating a future for them.

You're constantly creating.

So learn to see that your life is a creative act.

Learn to see what are you creating when you talk?

What are you creating by the posture that you're taking on when somebody is listening to you?

What kind of creating what kind of emotions you're creating in that person?

What are you creating when you're writing on Facebook,

On your Instagram,

On your social media?

What kind of,

You know,

Reality you're creating for other people by the things that you share or that you talk about on a regular basis.

So learn to see creating as a fundamental part of your language and of your life.

Number four is prescriptive language versus descriptive language.

This is a very interesting distinction because prescriptive language has to do with how things should be.

Descriptive language deals with just describing the world as it is.

Basically,

This is kind of like that age old saying,

There's no right and wrong.

There's just right and left or being right versus being accurate.

You know,

Accuracy is a big distinction in my own life when I'm looking to be as objective as possible.

Because when we're prescriptive,

Meaning we're in the world of shoulds and shouldn'ts and opinions and rights and wrongs,

It's a world that's very murky.

It's not very measurable.

You know,

You it's all based on emotion and you can't really create from that space.

But when you're in the world of descriptive describing what is,

What happened,

What's the result,

What's measured,

You know,

Being accurate.

So the difference between being accurate and being right is that being accurate is something that you can measure,

Is something that you can see and describe in the physical world.

Being right has to deal with your own emotions and aligning with what you believe personally.

Very big difference.

You want to stay in the world of accuracy versus the world of shoulds and shouldn'ts.

Now,

Alongside with that is declarative versus imperative language.

So you got prescriptive versus descriptive,

Shoulds and shouldn'ts versus,

You know,

Describing the world as is like what actually happened rather than what's your story or opinion about it.

If you can separate those two huge,

Huge practice that is a continual life practice and a lot of resources to help you with that.

Landmark is a great seminar,

For example,

That I went to.

But that's just a constant practice to separate those two.

Opinion from what actually happened,

Descriptive language.

When you describe something,

Are you describing your opinion?

Your emotional reaction?

Are you describing what actually happened?

Are you being accurate?

Now declarative versus imperative is talking about something and just describing it all day or actually making a command and creating requests,

Agreements,

Promises,

Things like this.

So there's language that we use to just talk about stuff all day.

If you look at news,

If you look at YouTube,

If you look at everything else,

Most of the stuff out there is just echoes of something else.

It's just like if I if we sat down or if you sat down with one of your friends and you pulled out your phone and you both just sat there describing the phone.

Just engage in this mental exercise really quick.

You could literally describe the phone until both of you died and you wouldn't be done describing it.

You could describe it and describe it and talk forever and ever and ever about it,

Because what you're talking about,

You're just echoing that information.

Information is coming to you from the phone that you see,

That you sense,

That you're picking up.

And your mind is making meaning out of it and letting it out in the form of words.

And that flow can happen forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

That's why we have so much talking about politics.

We have talking about stuff online and gift unwrapping,

Video game,

YouTube,

Whatever else,

Strategies,

Constant talking about stuff.

But when you have imperative language,

When you use language to make promises,

When you make requests,

When you make agreements,

When you're taking action through language,

Language that demands action.

Right?

So if I say,

Hey,

Can you please give me those papers by Monday at 9 p.

M.

?

That is language that creates action in the world.

Now,

Whether that happens or not,

By the deadline or not,

That's a different story.

But your language now created action in the world.

So this has been a very powerful distinction for me because as we look at the things that we talk about,

Most of the time it's very easy to just talk about stuff rather than take action and create action with the words that we use.

Again,

Very,

Very easy to talk about stuff,

Much harder to make requests,

To make agreements,

To create promises,

All these little language tools,

These tech mechanics,

Let's say language mechanics that allow us to create action in the world.

Language is so interesting.

You know,

It's such an interesting,

It is the blueprint for how things happen.

And when you control the blueprint,

You have access to creating a lot more in life.

So be mindful of the kind of language you use.

Are you talking about stuff all the time?

Are you consuming your time with talking about stuff or are you creating through your language action and requests and promises and deadlines and agreements?

Are you moving things or are you just the effect?

Are you at effect or at cause?

That's a really important distinction,

Too.

Now,

The next one,

We got six.

This is the sixth one.

We got more after this,

One more after this.

That's being careful with generalizations versus accuracy,

Especially with the verb to be.

All time,

You know,

So if I look at to be,

It is an all time type of verb.

So to be is just forever.

That's it.

So the important part with that is when you are describing someone like,

Hey,

Or let's say you describe yourself and say,

I am stupid,

I am angry,

I am fat,

I am ugly,

Whatever else.

That,

You know,

That is a very dangerous statement when you used to be without a time specific.

Descriptor because you're basically saying you're like that for all of time.

You say,

I am stupid.

You are now creating that state for yourself forever.

Now,

This is very dangerous because subconsciously you're programing your mind and your life to be a certain way.

And this works in the reverse,

Obviously works in a positive way.

So if you want positive results,

You know,

They always,

We all,

So for positive things,

We use the word to be in a non time limited sense.

Like I am wealthy,

I am abundant,

I am worthy of love.

You know,

If you do mirroring exercises in the mirror,

If you're doing those kind of things,

You use that without a time descriptor.

But for negative things,

You know,

For things that don't work,

For things that are ineffective,

It's much better to be accurate with them.

For other people,

Let's say somebody did something,

You know,

Like they behaved stupidly,

Whatever else.

That's still an opinion,

But let's say we go with that.

Well,

You don't say they are stupid.

You can rephrase that and get your mind to be more specific.

Say what they did in that paper on that particular sentence was not very effective at conveying the point.

Right.

So you see,

That took a lot more thought and analysis and mindfulness.

But what that does is it allows you to pinpoint the problem and to take action on it.

Because when you're generalizing with the words,

Oh,

They're just stupid or this paper is stupid or this thing is ineffective,

That doesn't give you an outlet for action.

The more general it is,

The less ability you have to take action.

The more accurate is,

The more you can pinpoint the issue and take action upon it.

So very important.

And remember,

If it's positive,

It's okay to be generalized.

So it's okay to look in the mirror and say,

Hey,

You're worthy of love.

You're awesome.

You're amazing.

You're beautiful.

Those kind of things.

I've tried to incorporate that in my own mirror practice and it's made a big difference.

It's so crazy how,

You know,

When you're brushing your teeth in the morning,

The things that go through your mind as you look in the mirror.

We're so used to conditioning the mirror as being this place that we look to for what's wrong.

What's on your face?

How does your face look?

Am I good enough?

Am I clean enough?

Am I looking okay today?

Rather than that,

How do you look in the mirror and practice self-love?

So that's a really important thing as well.

The final language hack to transform your life,

Guys,

Is are you soft versus are you certain?

You know,

This is about basically your own cadence,

Your own,

The way that you talk.

You know,

When you say,

When you use words like maybe kind of,

Sort of,

I guess,

Like versus affirmative,

Certain black and white words like I will,

Yes,

No.

You know,

That's really important.

Being soft versus being certain.

If you're uncertain,

If you're soft about things,

If everything you give has a provision to it.

You know,

That's not going to inspire confidence in the way that you think because what you say is a reflection of how you think.

Also,

Watch your phrasing.

Lots of interruptions.

If you think of your sentence,

You're like,

Well,

Maybe and kind of,

You know,

Like this kind of stuff really shows that you're either your mind is running faster than your mouth,

Right?

So,

You have to be able to practice your articulation so that you can articulate yourself.

What it all comes down to,

Guys,

Is confidence.

You know,

Your language is,

Mastery of your language is a huge part of your confidence in business,

In relationships,

In creating anything.

You know,

Language is the tool.

And if you can't express yourself properly,

If your mind has this very vivid environment but what comes out is very bland,

That misalignment is going to cause you a lot of stress,

A lot of anxiety,

A lot of worry,

And a lot of sadness.

You know,

So learn to be certain in what you say.

Be decisive.

That's going to train you to be more decisive about it.

If you say,

Oh,

Well,

I kind of sort of like,

Yeah,

You know,

This and that.

You're not very decisive about that.

You know,

It's not going to be motivating you to take action.

You say,

Well,

I guess I'll do it tomorrow.

Then,

Even if you mean to do it tomorrow,

Guess what?

By saying to yourself,

I guess I'll do it tomorrow,

You're subconsciously giving yourself a pass to be okay with procrastinating if something comes up tomorrow.

And guess what?

Something probably will come up tomorrow because you opened it up that way.

So when you set intentions,

This is very important for intention setting.

When you write down on your journal,

When you reflect,

Be very specific with your goals.

Be very certain.

I want to make X amount of money per month in six months from now.

Or I will do this tomorrow at 3 p.

M.

You know,

Schedule everything.

Be specific and certain so that you have room to take action so that you know when the action is going to happen.

And if you fail,

Then you can take the proper action to correct it.

If you are leaving it wide and open,

Then you are in the world of softness and ambiguity and grayness.

And it's a lot easier to avoid and when you fail inevitably,

To not know how to take action and correct it.

So,

Six,

Seven language hacks to transform your life.

But versus and,

Get to versus have to.

Learn to use the word create and create everything in your life.

Prescriptive,

Shoulds and shouldn'ts versus descriptive,

Meaning describing what is being accurate.

No right and wrong,

Just right and left.

Declarative versus imperative,

Meaning talking about stuff versus making agreements,

Requests,

Promises,

Commands.

Generalizations versus being specific and accurate,

Especially with the word to be,

You know,

So be specific when it's a negative.

Like if something happened that you don't like,

Describe it very specifically so you can take action on it.

And for the positive things,

You can be very general in the sense of like self mirroring work.

Be okay with being generally.

Yes,

You are beautiful.

I am put yourself in that permanent state of beauty and abundance and allow that state to program your mind that you are those ways.

And finally,

The seventh language hack to totally transform your life.

Be certain,

Not soft be very decisive avoid words like,

I guess,

Like,

Kind of sort of maybe don't be soft with yourself be very clear,

Especially the things that matter to you.

Be decisive about what it is you want to what you don't want about when you're going to do something about what you're going to do about how you're going to do it.

All those who,

What,

When,

Where,

And why questions be decisive about that be certain and practice,

You're phrasing practice how you express those things.

So they come out very clearly in your mind because that's a reflection of how they're organized in your own mind.

So those are the seven language hacks to totally transform your life.

Alright guys,

Well that wraps up today's episode on language,

The language hacks.

Remember that language shapes everything we experience,

You know,

Your mastery over the things that you the things that you make mean in your life is the key to your happiness and success.

Oftentimes when you're feeling stuck or unproductive or unhappy.

A lot of it has to do with an unproductive meaning you've placed on yourself on the situation on another person.

And so your mastery over the things that you make mean is so important,

You know,

My goal for this episode was to empower you with some practical tools,

You know,

These tools I've used in my own life I continually use them.

They're not perfect every day it's a struggle sometimes.

I have to continually remind myself of these tools like,

You know,

Shifting my frame from having to get to learning to be accurate rather than being in the world of shoulds and shouldn'ts,

You know,

Letting go of my expectations,

All these kind of things have constantly have to reframe,

It's a tool that never goes away but it's really one that you can practice and help you put positive labels because that label maker is acting constantly.

I know that you have gained some powerful tools at least one.

And if you if you really enjoyed this episode,

Let me know which one worked the best for you,

You can tag me on Instagram or Facebook that's at tutor Alexander official.

Which tool was the best for you which one made the biggest difference for you.

Also,

Don't forget to share it with one person in your life you know this episode is a lot of powerful tools and experience from my own last couple years of really pursuing personal growth so I really aim to help people make a huge difference in life if you know somebody today from this conversation in your own life that that really could use this message share it with them.

They never know the difference that will make in their life.

And let's remember today's quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson,

Beautiful quote thought is the blossom language the bud action,

The fruit behind it.

I love this quote because reminds me of the ripple of destiny which I often refer to which is basically that your thoughts,

Lead to actions which leads to habits,

Which shape your character,

And which ultimately determines your destiny so you know the words that come out of our mouth of the first real things in the world,

And they dictate how we act,

How we think how we behave with other people so it's very important to master our use of language kind of like that's the first barrier.

The first step to that whole process and they shape our destiny so I truly hope you've enjoyed this episode guys.

It's been a pleasure sharing this with you.

Thank you so much for listening I hope you have an awesome rest of your day tune in on Monday.

As we continue this idea a little bit further we talked about building a daily gratitude practice habit number nine re framing we're going to it's perfect timing.

If you enjoyed this episode and a little bit more about how to incorporate that into your life.

That's from my book The gratitude map.

You can check it out the gratitude map.

Com free book,

And many course so we're going to continue this conversation on reframing such an important habit fundamental habit for your life and success.

So,

Remember,

Life is a dance and reframing is going to help you dance it well,

Love you guys,

And see you next time.

For more episodes and weekly content,

Stay connected at dance of life.

Com

Reviews

Lots of inspiration…self reflection…Grateful!🙏🏻♥️

So inspiring. Thank you. Will save this as a reminder time to time.

Excellent and helpful tips, all of them. My problem: I have a great ability to express myself or win an argument very effectively in writing... but (“and”) I fumble with my spoken word. I can’t find the same confident flow verbally as I do with my penmanship. Thank you for all your advice.

Wow. That was impressive. I never really thought about how my language habits are shaping my life.

Great tool
Kit thank you 🙏

Really useful language tools, thanks Tudor. Love and blessings 💜 x

Nice. Thanks for the reminders!

Super helpful as always! Thank you so very much. 💚

Good reminders for us all to allow our language to be an asset. One more for you and especially when adults are speaking with children. Use 'i don't mind' instead of 'i don't care'. The implications of 'i don't care' are deep and can set up resonance of significant adults who simply don't care! 'I don't mind' offers more thought and less emotion into the language equation...especially in young minds👍

Very helpful and inspiring! Thankyou 😀

Thank you for the podcast. I will use these tools to help my search for personal growth.