Of Mice And Moments (Ep. 8) | Pet Lessons

Of Mice and Moments - a podcast that finds significance in the small moments. In this episode, Clay shares about the growth of his young family. Through ups and downs, a pet is unsurprisingly a positive influence.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Clay Stevenson,

And welcome to of Mice and Moments,

A podcast that finds significance in the small moments.

After eight years of marriage,

Angie and I realized that we would never be ready to have kids,

And that's when we knew it was time to try.

Going into that process,

We were confident about our chances to conceive and began to ready our lives for the introduction of a sweet infant.

We ran through names,

Bodie for a boy,

Gemma for a girl.

At the time we were cool,

We were into surfer names.

After all,

Our German Shepherd's name was Roxy,

After the surf brand.

One month in,

We were sure Angie would be pregnant.

We eagerly anticipated confirming our suspicions,

But to our shock and amazement,

When the time came to find out,

Angie wasn't pregnant.

We chalked the outcome up to bad luck,

And when the surprise wore off,

Our excitement and desire for a child was renewed in earnest.

After the second month,

We were again confident of the outcome,

And again just as surprised when Angie wasn't pregnant.

At that point in time,

Doubts and uncertainty began to take hold.

Were we doing something wrong?

Are we missing something here?

I mean,

We're both late-twenties healthy people.

When I look around,

I see a lot of people having kids,

How is it that Angie isn't pregnant?

Ultimately,

We consoled ourselves with the idea that sometimes these things take time.

We then assured ourselves that after a few more months,

Angie would definitely be pregnant.

And I would say true panic didn't set in until those months passed with no pregnancy.

At that point we sought help,

We went to doctors for advice and testing and found no glaring reasons for why we had not conceived.

Though the doctors suggested that perhaps my body wasn't cooperating,

They encouraged us to get a year into the process of trying before we sought other options.

This provided some solace,

But the idea that we would never be able to naturally conceive became more present in our minds as the months went on.

The idea that we wouldn't be able to experience a new life,

A baby that we could pour love into,

The idea of missing out on birthdays,

Holidays,

And the innocence of a child's first experiences in this world was depressing.

We weren't ready for this.

We weren't expecting to have trouble with pregnancy.

What had we done wrong?

Had we damaged our bodies in ways that weren't repairable?

As the year came and went and the guilt and pain set in,

We were faced with new decisions.

According to our doctors,

We now qualified for fertility treatment and with those options we wondered about the risks.

We could end up with multiple pregnancies and we wondered how the medication would affect Angie.

And as we ran through the options of starting a family,

We began to seriously consider adoption.

Maybe this was the universe telling us we were meant to take in a child that may not otherwise have a loving home.

Instead of spending countless thousands of dollars on fertility treatment,

Maybe we should invest into the life of another child.

But through these conversations,

I found myself wrestling with the idea of loving someone else's child as my own.

Would I be able to change diapers,

Get up at all hours of the night,

And console a baby that wasn't my own?

Would I be able to walk with this person through life,

Giving them the love and attention they need if they weren't my own flesh and blood?

What if this human ended up so unlike me that I was unable to connect with them?

Looking back,

This all sounds shallow,

But these are the things I struggled with.

I was thinking about these concerns one evening as I was taking Roxie,

Our German shepherd,

Out for a run.

I actually wasn't running with her.

I grabbed a laser pen and took her down to the LA River.

In the dark,

I pointed the laser at the ground and let her chase it to her heart's content.

She loved chasing that light so much that I had to stop before she drove herself to exhaustion.

That nightly ritual was what Roxie most looked forward to in her day.

After expending that energy,

She could come back to the apartment,

Settle down next to us,

Watch a movie,

And just be present in that space,

Keeping us company as I would pet her head.

She was a special part of our family.

We had taken her in as a puppy and cared for her through thick and thin.

If you have an animal,

You understand the commitment that goes into truly caring for one.

It wasn't always glamorous,

But the troubles were worth the moments of quietly being together and knowing that Roxie loved us as much as we loved her.

This German shepherd was part of our family.

We'd invested years of ourselves into her and her into us.

She was a companion,

A protector.

She was family.

And that night,

I realized that if I could love my dog to the point of sacrificing so much for her to the point where I treated and accepted her as one of my own,

Why would I think that adopting a child would be any different?

Of course I could and would love an adopted child,

Of course.

This epiphany inspired me and gave me new hope.

I was ready to reach out to the agency about adoption,

So Angie and I started the process.

Through the process,

We found out that adopting was not cheap and there was quite a bit of paperwork.

One of the requirements was to get a letter of recommendation from someone who could speak to our character and our marriage.

So we made a trip to Bel Air Presbyterian Church to see the associate pastor about giving us a recommendation.

When we arrived,

The pastor called us into his office and spoke to us about our situation.

As he was signing off on the paperwork,

He said,

You know,

I've had a lot of couples in my office through the years asking for the same thing you are,

Recommendations for adoptions or talking about infertility.

He said,

Often when these couples start the adoption process,

They find themselves pregnant.

We chuckled to ourselves,

Knowing that we were already a year and a half into this and at this point for us,

That would truly be a miracle.

We were not planning or looking for that at this point.

But maybe this pastor was onto something,

Because a few months later,

And she confided in me that there was a chance she was pregnant.

We kept it to ourselves as it was early on.

But there was hope.

Maybe against all odds,

Two years in and after starting the adoption process,

We might actually conceive our own child.

If you've gone through something like this,

You know that there's a time between conception and the first doctor's appointment.

That is tenuous and uncertain.

As hopeful and potential parents,

You want everything to go smoothly.

You want this to be a baby and you want the pregnancy to stay.

During that interim period,

I got a call from Angie while I was at work.

When I picked up the phone,

I could immediately tell that something was very wrong.

She said,

Clay,

I'm bleeding a lot.

What do you think is wrong,

I asked.

Through tears and pain,

She suggested that it might be a miscarriage.

I rushed home,

And we went to the ER as her pain was almost unbearable.

The staff took us to a back room,

Spent some time with Angie,

And when the doctor came out he confirmed our suspicions.

Angie broke down,

And the emotional pain she experienced then was more intense than any I had ever seen before or any I have seen since.

The silver lining?

We could conceive.

It was possible,

But the pain of the miscarriage,

Both emotional and physical,

Took a toll on Angie.

Regardless,

Time,

Care,

And love heals.

A few months later,

Another pregnancy was confirmed,

And this time it stuck.

The adoption process was on hold,

And we basked in the beauty,

Wonder,

And excitement of expecting a child.

And nine months later,

Macy was born healthy and whole,

And parenthood has been a more wonderful adventure than expected.

The doctors can't tell us how and why we were able to conceive after nearly two years of trying,

But I give a little credit to Roxy,

Our high-strung German shepherd.

She had taught me that love and family aren't as superficial as shared genetics,

But born of time,

Commitment,

Sacrifice,

Attention,

Affection,

And shared experiences.

It's odd that the timing of the pregnancy happened after I embraced adoption fully,

And I wonder if perhaps the lesson I learned provided something that ultimately led to our firstborn.

So if you have a dog or a treasured pet,

Think hard about your experiences with them,

Because there are lessons they are ready to teach if you're willing to learn.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing your story Clay. I also miscarried 3 times, so know that pain, I subsequently had two beautiful boys who have lightened my life. I'm just considering getting a dog at the moment, so this has given me more food for thought... love and blessings 💙 x

What a precious and inspiring story of love and faith. Thank you for sharing. 💜

Clay I listened to 3 of your podcasts this morning. What a wonderful gift to me. Your voice, delivery and inspiring words are delightful and thoughtful. Namaste o