Hi,
This is Clay Stevenson and welcome to Of Mice and Moments,
A podcast that finds significance in the small moments.
Have you ever had a good neighbor?
The person who when you're outside is able to come over and make pleasant small talk,
Ask you about yourself and then bow out graciously before the conversation gets too long or awkward?
They engage you for the perfect amount of time,
Not monopolizing your afternoon but making enough of a connection that you know you have a friend.
They're available if you need to borrow something and they occasionally leave a gift on your doorstep when it's Christmas or when a family member has reached a special milestone.
If you've had one of these neighbors then you are intimately aware when you have the opposite and imperfect neighbor.
Fortunately,
I've had great neighbors over the years but unfortunately I've also had some not so great neighbors.
Years ago I moved into a house and was excited to get to know the folks around me.
My hope was to build ties to the community for myself and my young family.
Shortly after we moved in a few of the neighbors readily made themselves available and welcomed us with gifts or kind greetings.
This gave us hope and though we didn't feel like we connected especially well with anyone we were excited that the community was cordial.
Our closest neighbor looked about our own age and when we saw him working outside Angie and I got excited about the possibility of meeting him.
As it sometimes happens our first interaction was from a distance.
I waved with a big smile on my face hoping that he would recognize me as being the new guy in the neighborhood.
To my dismay he looked at me and then turned away not acknowledging my wave or engaging me in any way.
Perplexed I turned to Angie and commented that perhaps he didn't see me otherwise I couldn't understand why he wouldn't engage that had to be the answer.
A few days later I happened to see him again and again I waved from a distance another huge goofy smile on my face only to my dismay once again I was dismissed and ignored.
This time it was obvious he had seen me and it was even more obvious that he didn't want to be bothered.
Over the next few weeks I was very conscious of the opportunities I had to engage with this neighbor and after a few more attempts I gave up on the idea that our closest neighbor would be a friend.
When your neighbors are unfriendly it's very disheartening because home should be a refuge and when things at home are not comfortable and there's obvious tension your entire life is set off kilter.
Try as I might I couldn't figure out a good way to win this guy over.
He obviously didn't want contact with my family so I was hesitant to take him something or continue to try to engage.
In adding salt to the wound it seemed like he was always outside when I was washing his car or working in his backyard on some woodworking project.
One day he and I were both in our backyards working when I found myself at a standstill with a minor woodworking project of my own.
I needed a very specific tool for a very specific task.
While trying to figure out if I could find it at the hardware store I remembered I had seen my neighbor using that same tool.
Not wanting to go buy this specific tool for one task I found myself moving toward my cranky neighbor.
Before really thinking it through I was standing in front of him.
He took off his ear protection and stared at me and momentarily I was at a loss for words.
Slightly uncomfortable and in a bit of shock I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
Do you mind if I borrow that tool?
He looked down and then he looked at me briefly paused in contemplation and said.
Sure no problem.
The genuine and honest response and kind intonation of his voice caught me off guard.
I followed up with a question about the project he was working on and we began a very nice conversation about his interests and the work I had been doing in my backyard.
Through that conversation I gleaned a lot of information about him.
One was that he wore very thick glasses.
I hadn't noticed these glasses before and honestly when I was waving and grinning at him from a distance he most likely did have trouble seeing me.
What I had interpreted as rudeness may have been a misunderstanding on my part.
I also noticed that he was much more of an introvert than me.
His way of speaking and mannerisms didn't come across as someone who was exuberant and overly outgoing.
This information truly helped me understand and realize why I had mistakenly considered him a not so great neighbor.
I would not have imagined it early on but we became good friends hanging out with each other supporting each other and overall exceptional neighbors.
So how about you?
Are there people in your life that come across as rude or unfriendly?
Do you find yourself judging them based on a few negative interactions?
Maybe like me you've been judging incorrectly.
Maybe taking the time to get to know these people would give you insight into their lives providing reasons for why your interactions have gone so poorly.
Maybe this knowledge would allow you to have more understanding and to care for these individuals.
And there's a chance that by putting aside your initial negative impressions you could open up,
Be a good neighbor and find a new friendship you deserve.
