Unleash Authentic Connections By Embracing Your True Self

Are you tired of feeling disconnected and drained in your relationships? Join this live session to uncover the keys to authentic connections, as we explore the power of the 3 Principles to liberate you from imposter syndrome and embrace your true self.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the CalmCast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Clare Downam,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out head teacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The CalmCast is a series of short explorations,

Gently guiding you back to your natural state,

Which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music,

With an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So today is the day I start a new exploration on relationships.

And I used to find them all a lot of hard work,

If I'm honest.

I never used to think of it in terms of the relationships,

But the other people really.

What is wrong with other people?

Was generally my mantra as I went through life.

And it's really funny,

Actually,

Because I've just had a moment this morning with Bruce.

Just before I came on here,

He'd moved something to the wrong place and because he thought it was something that it wasn't,

Despite the label on the thing being quite clear.

So we have a packet of B12 that we take.

You put it under your tongue.

It's supposed to be more absorbable under your tongue.

It's B12.

There you go.

Every day is a school day.

And he had,

I'd left it in the bathroom on his bathroom cabinet where all his bits and bobs are to remind him to take it.

And he'd moved it to the top of the stairs.

I went,

Why,

Why have you moved that?

What's the B12 doing at the top of the stairs?

And he just said,

I thought they were Ethan's vitamins.

I thought they were Ethan's vitamins.

I don't even know how you would like.

So I'm like,

Like,

I know he's not doing it deliberately now,

But in the moment I'm just like,

Why?

It says B12 on the packet.

What's wrong with you?

And I now know,

Like,

I can I can be compassionate to myself,

First of all.

And I think that's going to be key in this exploration around relationships,

Because self-compassion is so important.

When we,

We are human and we are sometimes going to,

Because I just went,

What do you mean?

It clearly says B12 and I wasn't going,

Then I had to come down and do this session.

So I just love the way life hands me with these moments to to share with you so we can explore together.

So I'm not,

You know,

I'm not the queen of calm all the time.

I still have these moments where other people just don't make sense to me.

But what I'm seeing more and more about that is that that underneath all of that,

It's all good,

You know.

And really.

When I'm talking here about embracing your true self.

I mean that there is something beyond,

Beneath,

Above,

I don't know,

Within this persona that we have.

That is so much more than my psychological reaction to Bruce's,

To Bruce's misplacement of the B12 this morning.

Like that there is there's more to us than that.

And I think that's really helpful for us to see for ourselves.

But it's also helpful for us,

Really helpful for us to see in our connection with other people.

So,

You know,

We are going to sometimes react to other people.

We are going to sometimes,

You know,

Experience other people from a place of a place of separation and from a place of reaction,

From a place of our thinking.

Like,

Why would why would somebody think the container packet that says B12 says children's vitamins on it?

Just well,

Because in the moment he saw the green packet,

They are very similar.

Apart from the words,

They are very similar to the same brand.

And he just,

You know,

He didn't even read the packet,

Really.

He just saw something in a place he didn't think it belonged.

And of course,

My brain goes,

Well,

Well,

Why would I?

Why would I?

Because,

Of course,

It's all personal,

Isn't it?

Why would I be stupid enough to put Ethan's vitamins on top of your bathroom cabinet?

I would put those at the top of the stairs or I would take them downstairs.

So I've already,

Like in my psychology,

Created this massive story about how Bruce thinks I'm an idiot.

And I'm just laughing because it is funny,

Isn't it?

How much,

How quickly,

How quickly we can do that.

And I did do that very,

Very quickly this morning.

I went from nought to 60 in about half a second.

But there's something really cool when we start to observe that and we start to realise that that isn't the true self.

Like that's a passing,

Like that's not the solid bit,

Is it?

There's something about the difference between something that is not permanent because nothing is.

It's something that is solid and something that is flowing.

And my momentary caught up thinking about the placement of the B12 packet is temporary.

That's not my true self.

But all the time,

Because I'm able to talk to you about this in this kind of,

Oh,

Let's look at what silly things Claire's done this morning.

There's this seeing that there's something more permanent or more solid and more.

It's a bit like it's a bit like the bed of the river.

Like,

Yeah,

Not the sandy bit that's flowing about and moving.

But underneath that,

There's this rock,

There's rock,

Isn't there?

And the rock is you can imagine the rocks looking up and watching the water flowing like it's a bit like that.

There's flowing water that's flowing all the time.

I like the other metaphor I love is that,

You know,

There's the sky and the sun.

You can imagine that kind of watching the clouds go past.

I really wish they were going past today.

They're not.

Rocks,

They look like they're rocks.

They look like they're solid,

But they're not,

Are they?

Because even if it takes till September,

The blue sky will appear again.

And that's the true self.

That's more of a reflection,

The bed of the river,

The solidness.

And even then it's not solid,

Is it?

Because everything's temporary.

But this entity that's observing Claire being crazy this morning and having a fit about a packet of B12 vitamins.

That's who we really are.

So in this exploration of relationships,

I'll be pointing a lot in this direction of what is underneath.

What is underneath our psychology?

And so where is the space for authentic connection?

Well,

It isn't in our psychology.

Luckily I have a little mute button on my microphone because I had to sneeze then.

So that's why there was a strange pause.

I'm human.

I sneeze.

So there's something there in this exploration of relationships where we're pointing to where the separation is,

Where,

You know,

The authentic connections are not in the psychology.

We're not ever really connecting with somebody in our thinking.

The connection is deeper than that.

And when we start to see ourselves in this,

This truth,

This truth of who we are,

This awareness,

This,

This,

The sameness.

What's the same about us all?

Well,

What's the same about us all is that we're alive.

We're conscious and we think.

Those are the three universal principles,

Aren't they,

Of life.

There's nothing much else that is true for all of us.

Well,

We occupy this meat suit for a little while,

Don't we?

That's one of the things that seems to be.

But when you realize this thought,

Mind and consciousness thing is not just about us as humans,

It's about the other animals and trees and things like that.

Because when I say thought,

I don't just mean this noisy thing going on in our heads.

I mean,

Everything else that is,

That is alive.

And all the other animals and plants and things are doing this connection thing all the time.

You know,

Out in nature,

You can see it,

Can't you?

We went to an animal park thing a few weeks ago and we came across a lemur.

I can't remember which lemur it is,

But one of them.

And they call it the biggest pollinator because it manages to,

Because of the food that it eats,

The plants that it eats,

It goes from plant to plant and it spreads the pollen.

And it's called the largest pollinator.

I thought pollinators were bees and butterflies and things.

But how cool that there's an interdependency,

There's a relationship there between a lemur and a pond that needs pollinating.

And that's the connectedness and that's authentic connection.

And seeing that that is available to all of us too,

As human beings.

And you don't have to go hug a tree,

But just to see that there's this energy that connects us all,

That we all,

We are connected,

We are a universal energy,

We are all universal mind.

And that when we are more in that space,

We will create better relationships,

More authentic connections with other people.

And so that's how the two are connected really.

As you start to,

There's not a how to embracing your true self,

But it really is just noticing when you're not.

And it feels,

You know,

I felt when I had a rant about the B12,

I was caught up for a moment and it didn't feel good.

It felt irritating.

It looks like it's Bruce that's irritating,

But I know it's not.

I know that's me.

I know that's my thinking and how it's gone.

So,

And my state of mind,

Because Bruce had just shared a ridiculous email with me from somebody else.

Also,

My state of mind was already out of kilter.

And then something else happened and I reacted to it in a ridiculous fashion because I was not in that place of connection.

I was not my true self because my true self is calm.

Your true self is calm.

And it's like when we're not up in our psychology,

We're not in our thinking and we're in our essence.

That connection is just a natural thing.

It doesn't need really even unleashing.

It's just a natural thing.

It's just a falling away.

And what's left behind is this amazing connection with other people.

So,

Let's get started on exploring relationships from a three principles perspective.

Really excited about this.

I have got so much fun stuff coming up.

If you join me,

If you're catching this fairly soon after I release it,

There's always loads of live stuff available on Insight Time for you to come and listen with me.

And there's a growing bank of courses and a growing bank of free tracks.

This three principles paradigm shift is just like,

Oh,

It's so life changing.

Please do join me on that exploration.

Come and see what else I've got going on in Insight Timer and let's connect there.

Okay,

Take care.

Lots of love.

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you so much for listening.

There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.

This has been The Calm Cast with Claire Downer,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.