Embracing Your True Self For Good & Brave Leadership

This talk will help you to redefine what’s important to your leadership and ensure that you remain true to who you are. it will help you to design an approach that will help you become a strong and brave leader that will inspire others to follow.

Transcript

Hi and welcome to Insight Timer.

I'm Ciara Conlon,

A high performance leadership coach and author.

Good leadership is relevant in all parts of our lives,

In our jobs,

As parents,

In our communities and our countries.

But it is important that we show up as our best selves daily without playing a role or towing the company line as many find themselves doing.

So how do we embrace our true selves as authentic and purpose-driven leaders that will inspire others to follow?

I'm going to present you with a couple of questions that will help you to redefine what's important to your leadership and help you to design an approach that will ensure you are the brave leader that will inspire others through embracing your own truth and uniqueness.

The questions I pose to you today are what is it you want to achieve,

Who is it you want to be and how does that version of you show up each day?

So firstly,

What is it you are trying to achieve?

One of the simplest truths of leadership is the ability to translate your purpose and vision to your people so that they feel as inspired and motivated as you to work towards that vision.

Now some say good leadership takes great presence,

Charisma or personality.

But much more important than that is that leadership requires great clarity,

Communication and connection.

These leadership traits are your secret weapon because too few leaders understand what drives team performance.

Firstly,

Let's talk clarity.

This core trait can shift the performance of any team and lead your company to get far superior results.

But what do we need clarity in?

We need clarity of vision,

We need to be clear on our goals,

Our priorities as well as our roles and responsibilities and even the boundaries.

The more clarity given to people at the outset,

The less questions you will receive,

The less meetings you will need to hold and the less mistakes will follow.

Even Einstein promoted clarity in his famous line when he said,

If I had an hour to solve a problem,

I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions.

So clarity is like oxygen to a fire for your team.

If you can help your people understand where they are going and how they're going to get there,

Your people will become more inspired and passionate than you have ever seen them.

Clarity is a great driver of motivation and of course good two-way communication is how that clarity is delivered.

When you have clarity about what you and your team are trying to achieve,

Then deciding who it is you want to be comes next.

As leaders,

We need clarity of vision.

So who is that person?

While I'm sure she is strong,

Smart and savvy,

What other traits does she have?

What traits do you think will get the most from your team and what traits do you want to be remembered for?

Well,

I'm sure she's got a lot of things to learn.

She's got a lot of things to learn about.

What traits do you think will get the most from your team and what traits do you want to be remembered for?

Understanding who you are as a leader is an essential part of reaching your potential because you will want to create a culture that inspires your team not only to reach high performance but also to fulfill their own potential.

But what many leaders don't realize is the crucial role their behavior plays in creating the culture on any team or in any organization.

So defining the culture that you aspire to through your values will help you to then identify the behaviors that will embody these values.

So what values do you want to live by and are your current behaviors representing those values well?

You see,

The more open you are to feedback,

The easier it will be to answer these questions.

If you are brave enough to listen to your team,

They can let you know how your behavior positively or negatively impacts them and their performance.

For example,

If your inability to manage your own time is negatively impacting their ability to deliver their tasks on time,

Then it is critical for you to acknowledge their challenge and improve your own time management skills.

Anywhere you are not living up to your own values and standards,

You can always set goals with your coach or mentor to work on improving these behaviors.

With clear,

Positive,

Two-way communication,

Removing the barriers of rank and allowing freedom of expression,

You can create an environment of psychological safety where your team feels safe to speak out and take risks.

You want your team to trust that you have their backs,

But this all starts with you being open enough to listen to their feedback and vulnerable enough to take on board their suggestions.

This will increase their respect for you and foster a much more positive connection.

But take care because as a leadership coach,

I often see a big disconnect between the values on the boardroom wall and the ones being personified.

We have our ideals and then the reality is very different.

The behaviors we want to portray are clear on paper,

But much more difficult to carry out in a world where masculine traits have dominated and been more valued in both politics and business.

I regularly observe strong female leaders become a version of themselves that isn't true to who they are because they feel the need to behave super assertively or to be even aggressive to get what they want.

There is a perceived idea that as women we must adopt masculine behaviors in order to be recognized or in order to get ahead.

And it's true in certain environments the masculine is celebrated.

In many of the organizations I have worked in,

The Human Resource Department will devise a people strategy with a great vision and values.

They will spend thousands of dollars on a plan to grow their people with values of being people focused,

Empathetic and caring.

Only to then promote the brashest,

Most forceful leaders again and again.

They speak one thing and do another.

Leaders often expect their words,

Not their actions,

To be noticed,

But you can never expect someone from your team to do something that you don't do yourself.

If you want your team to go home at 6pm you need to leave the office before they do.

If you want them to clean their desks you should have a tidy desk.

Video speaks louder than audio.

So have you decided how you are going to show up?

Those of us who work or have worked in corporate or political environments will know that the masculine strongly dominates.

Often masculine traits are more valued than the feminine ones.

It's important to acknowledge the masculine and feminine in all of us.

We all have masculine and feminine traits within us.

Regardless of who you are or how you identify,

Finding your true self will require you to find your own balance of these traits within you.

Call them what you like.

Natural masculine traits include confidence,

Strength,

Responsibility,

Focus,

Clarity and assertiveness.

Natural feminine traits include understanding,

Kindness,

Intuition,

Creativity,

Surrender and flow.

All of these traits we all have access to.

Often we see an overplaying of both the masculine and the feminine.

The masculine can become aggressive rather than assertive,

Controlling,

Unsupportive or confrontational.

The feminine,

When overdone,

Can act needy,

Oversensitive or over emotional.

All of these traits have a sweet spot where they benefit us and those around us.

Remember we are not talking specifically about men or women here.

All people can have all of these traits.

But for you to be your true self,

You will do well to identify where you naturally sit and what traits you may be overplaying or underplaying.

For example,

I overplayed my masculine traits when I started my first business.

I got interested in productivity and goal setting.

I became very action oriented.

I felt the need to move fast and stay focused.

But I often pushed myself too hard,

Worked too many hours until I crashed.

When I started to embrace more feminine traits,

To have more compassion for myself,

To embrace my intuition and to allow time for my creativity,

My business started to flow.

I now had the discipline of the masculine traits,

But the flow of the feminine ones.

I knew how to get things done,

But also how to allow and surrender when necessary.

So take a look at what's working for you.

Do you feel like you are always pushing yourself to be someone you are not?

There is only so long you can do this without it causing too much stress and strain on your body.

So make a list of your own leadership traits and mark the ones that may need tweaking.

For example,

If you've overplayed the masculine traits in your position,

How can you bring more feminine into your behaviour?

If you have become a little aggressive in your dealing with others,

Consider dialing it back,

But remaining assertive without the aggression.

On the flip side,

If you have relied too much on your nurturing and kind side with your team and you're not getting the results that you need,

What masculine traits could you use to encourage more action?

So embracing your true self does not mean sitting back and telling people to accept you as you are.

Embracing your true self means being more confident and confident in your values.

Embracing your true self means being clear on your values.

It means working on the traits that will help you to feel more authentic and at peace with who you really are and have the confidence to embody these traits daily.

Good leadership requires clarity,

Communication and connection with your people.

Your vulnerability and the connection with your team will inspire them to follow you.

So take some time to decide who you want to be as a leader and identify the balance of behaviours that will allow you to embrace the authentic leader in you.

Thank you for listening and I hope that you will check out other talks and meditations on Inside Timer at work.

Reviews

Wow, very helpful. I am a therapist. I have been working on less aggressiveness with clients who are struggling with addiction. As you say, I am maintaining assertiveness. I am naturally nurturing. So, I utilize that often. Thanks so much!

I really needed this today as I am a leader for a band of mail musicians and my confidence has been pulled down by them for years how do I step up and be compassionate powerful creative and fun and bring Focus and pride into the band moving forward.

Very power concepts and messages. I will listen again!

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. So awesome to have a female business coach. I would have never thought I’d find my perfect coach inside this app. I love this space.

Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏽 Have a blessed day!

Thank you.

Truly motivated by this one! Thank you! Can’t wait to check out more of your talks!

Wonderful! Inspired

Goood leadership meditation

Thanks for the encouragement to refocus by looking at things with French eyes hand seeing how and when feminine vs masculine traits are beneficial

I really enjoyed listening to your coaching and value you insights. I will certainly look for your other talks and meditations. Thank you 🙏🏻💜😊

Your voice is very soothing and I enjoyed listening