Where To Find Consolation

Excerpted from Dharma Dialogues with Catherine Ingram. Recorded in Lennox Head, Australia in August 2018. From the opening talk: “What are the ways we find consolation in our lives? We need consolation, don’t we? This world can be tough. Life throws some hardballs.”

Transcript

Welcome to In the Deep.

I'm your host,

Katherine Ingram.

The following is excerpted from a session of Dharma Dialogues held in Lenox Head,

Australia in August of 2018.

It's called Where to Find Consolation.

What are the ways we find consolation in our lives?

So it's an interesting thought,

Isn't it?

How do you find consolation?

Because we need it sometimes,

Don't we?

This world can be tough.

Life throws some hardballs.

So there's,

Of course,

Any number of ways people find consolation.

Some people find it in nature,

Some in the arms of their loved ones or in some form of creativity or some kind of reflection,

Perhaps,

Countering the disturbing thought or the disturbing situation.

People can sometimes just change the way they're perceiving so that it lightens it a bit.

But I'd like to talk about a particular form of consolation,

And that is insanga,

The community of those on your frequency.

Whatever your tribe frequency might be,

Doesn't have to be spiritually oriented necessarily.

In fact,

I listen to a lot of comedians and interviews with them as well.

I like often they're some of the most honest social commentators around.

And I've come to know that they have a particular club.

Comedians really like to be with other comedians.

There's a certain thing that they're sharing that apparently nobody else quite understands.

And there's a story that illustrates this that Jerry Seinfeld told.

He was at some glitterati party in New York,

Just mob scene with all these famous people.

And he spied Chris Rock across the room.

And he made his way over there as fast as he could,

And he grabbed onto his forearms and he said,

Comedian.

And of course,

Chris Rock knew exactly what he meant.

Like,

Brother,

You're here.

And even if you're just sort of standing next to your buddy,

And you're not even talking about anything,

But it's almost like there's a silent hum between you,

Right?

And that's true in so many circumstances.

And it's certainly true when you're with your Dharma Sangha.

Your Sangha who are looking not only at the surface bubbles of existence,

But are also hanging out in the deeper quiet and being informed by that quiet.

That quiet is actually informing how you perceive.

And so when you do speak a few words together with each other,

When you do say something,

It has the sparkle of that kind of clarity.

And for many of us,

We're kind of like Jerry Seinfeld at that party.

It's very,

Very consoling to be with people or even one person who you share that with.

For one thing,

You don't feel as crazy about how you're perceiving the world.

You come to a gathering like this,

Right,

Where things are being spoken that you don't hear in most social contexts.

And it gives you permission to continue to see that way.

And instead of having to contort your vision to match the masses with whom probably most of you don't fit.

One wonders if any of the masses actually feel that they fit,

Right?

We don't know.

Consolation,

It is an incredible consolation.

The other ones are all good too.

It's nice to have a range.

You can't always have necessarily any one of them at hand.

But this one,

The sense of belonging,

The sense of having a communication however imperfect,

Right?

Because it's really very,

Very hard to speak your full heart.

We can approximate.

It's really hard to get the exact printout even to oneself.

But when you're with someone and there's a good approximation,

That is really,

Really salubrious.

You know,

We produce these podcasts.

This session will turn into a podcast.

And a woman wrote me the other day from England thanking me for the podcast.

I get a lot of notes from people I've never met around the world.

And this one in which she said,

I come home and listen to the latest podcast and it's like being with a friend.

So we can all feel that with any of the ways we feel inspired by those in the world who are on our wavelength,

On the shared frequency in the deeper places and give you permission to live there.

I thought originally I could say it's about death,

But then I think,

No,

I'm talking about my death.

And I've actually been reading a very interesting book by Marcus Aurelius.

Oh yes,

Love him.

Kind of like,

You know,

A third century Catherine Ingram and a Roman emperor and stuff.

But he makes the point that,

You know,

Don't worry about death.

You are so insignificant in time and place.

And even if you think,

You know,

I want to be famous when I die,

You know,

You're going to be famous to a small number of people who are also going to die.

So forget about death,

Just worry about that.

Now I understand that.

And you know,

I can also feel like,

You know,

Intellectually I'm not scared of being dead.

I'm only a little bit scared of dying without dignity or in pain.

But I was actually thinking what I really sort of,

And I'm comfortable with,

Is the fact that I won't be alive because being alive is so fantastic.

And to think that one day I'll go to sleep and I won't wake up and I won't keep on doing this is something,

A bit of a worry.

And the question then is,

Is there a way of dealing with that other than just put it out of your mind and focus on the now?

Well,

I mean,

I could offer some countering questions.

First of all,

I do understand like the idea of not being,

Since being is all you really know and you're really grooving on it.

So there's that projected sadness,

Except that of course you won't be there to be sad.

So that's not an issue.

But another reflection and it's born of experience of me observing a number of people who have greatly loved life,

But they then come to a point where death becomes their best friend.

We can imagine that,

Right?

Even people who've just lived a very long time and are ready to go,

Who are tired.

One of my friends died two weeks ago in Switzerland.

He was 85 or six,

Something like that.

He had a huge life and a good life and just ate the world.

I mean,

Just was really a gourmand in every way.

But he came to a point where he was just plain tired.

His body was giving out and he was tired.

And here's someone who was such an enthusiast.

His wife had just sent me a photograph.

They were in Switzerland where they liked to go,

Some fabulous resort.

She just sent me a photograph of him on a bicycle a few weeks before the death.

And he's grinning away on the bicycle.

So I guess the point being that your assumption right now is based on this particular circumstance.

It could change and I would allow for that possibility.

Another reflection is that you mentioned very rightly the point about,

You know,

No one's gonna,

Even if you were famous,

At the point of your death,

The people who even knew that are gonna all be gone as well.

But another reflection is you don't know how the world is gonna go,

Right?

Could get really troubled.

It already is for a lot of people,

You know,

Who may not be that enthusiastic about hanging around here.

So these are the kinds of things about the assumptions we make in terms of this notion of how fabulous life is.

It's very conditional.

Now,

That said,

My way of playing it is I'm just grateful for the good days,

Right?

For however many there are.

I know they're limited,

Very limited.

They may be more limited than I suspect.

And that's of course true with everybody.

I'm often aware when I hear of a sudden death,

I'm often,

Like I will often find myself thinking,

What were they doing in the hours before?

You know,

They were just leading their life.

They were going on their errand.

They were,

You know,

Whatever.

Like what were they,

Their mind was just on a sort of normal track and then suddenly game over.

So these are the kinds of perspectives that I console myself with and that just throw me straight into carpe diem,

You know,

Just seize the day.

That's all you for sure have.

And this that you're bringing up is very particular to the human animal.

We're a creature that knows it's mortal.

And I think that any thinking,

Feeling,

Awake person is aware of death quite a lot.

So I totally would say to you,

It's somehow a question of balance.

Having the awareness is something you just can't help.

Some people are better at denying it than others,

But I found that the Dharma people,

They get it and always sort of did,

You know.

I think that's one thing that separates out the crowd.

I've not met many Dharma people in all these many,

Many years who don't have a pretty strong relationship with their own mortality,

With the knowledge of it.

But then you're just on this razor's edge of like,

Okay,

Still living my life as though you're in hospice,

Right?

Living my life,

Eating,

Tasting my food.

Wow.

It's like the old spiritual story,

You know,

Of the guy who's walking along and he starts being chased by a tiger and the tiger's gaining speed and he's on a cliff and he jumps off the cliff and grabs onto a vine and he's hanging on the vine.

It's a strawberry vine somehow.

Below,

He sees there's another tiger.

And the end of the story is he picks one of the strawberries and the last line is how sweet it tasted,

Right?

In that moment.

And that's really,

We're in that moment.

We have the tiger above and the tiger below.

We get to pretend now and again that that isn't the case,

But really it is.

And so the more clear you get as you go,

And especially with aging,

Where you're constantly,

Not only are your friends dying,

But your own body is changing.

And so you're getting many,

Many reminders.

So,

You know,

You just start to,

I like to say you manage your attention.

So when the attention is falling too much into issues about mortality,

Then move the attention somehow.

Like force it into tasting the strawberry in whatever way that might appeal to you.

And don't have a sense that you have to eradicate this awareness or this,

Even this concern.

I think it's a fair concern.

And I love what you said about,

You know,

Wanting to die with dignity,

All those things we think about,

Of course.

You know,

With no guarantee of it,

We have to live with that uncertainty.

And there's an inherent disturbance in that.

We just have to honor and just say,

Okay,

Yeah,

That's good.

But do you then just spend what you have of your precious life being concerned about that time ahead?

No.

You're welcome.

I like what you said about your tribe.

Because so I've been going to,

Maybe that's the last 17 years I've been going to meditation groups.

And they're my friends.

And now many of my friends are there in America.

They're all over.

But when we connect again with them,

When I connect with them,

It's just like yesterday.

It's like timeless.

And I feel like I belong.

Whereas I know I'm not,

I don't feel mainstream that I belong in a box,

You know,

In a certain,

It's just not,

I just,

Yeah,

I just feel that I've always been different in so many ways.

And I'm very thankful to be here and for you to be saying those words.

Because I totally relate to those words.

Yeah.

Right.

It's the Happy Misfits Club.

Exactly.

But I wouldn't want it any other way anyway.

No.

I mean,

If one doesn't fit in with the lockstep of the culture,

Right,

It's very costly to try to fit in,

Right?

It leads to depression and frustration and feelings of separation with the others.

And yeah,

It's very,

Very painful.

That's why I'm saying it's a great consolation to find sangha.

And to your point about how you feel in the company of those people,

Even someone who's brand new,

Who's just walked in the door but is on that frequency,

You feel is your friend.

Yeah.

Funny when you asked the question,

What gives you consolation?

Of course,

The first thing that came up for me was chocolate.

But yeah,

Many things of which you spoke really resonate with me,

Obviously.

That's why I keep coming.

Yeah.

And my main tribe is sangha,

Which I feel extremely lucky that I can live a life that's.

.

.

For which that is the case.

Yes.

Because I know people that resonate with the sangha but they still have to go to work and.

.

.

Yeah,

And sometimes be in circumstances with people that not only do they not feel are their tribe but they feel very taxed by the energy.

Yes,

Exactly.

So I feel extremely lucky.

Yeah.

But what I also thought to mention is that Linda and I were in Canada and the US on holidays and we had the great good fortune to spend time in a lot of forests.

And I grew up in Holland in a forest town and my room,

Second floor of the house looked out over the treetops and I could sit in my windowsill and look out over the treetops.

So that's my roots.

Pardon the pun.

And living here by the ocean,

I absolutely love it.

I love going to the beach just about every day and get incredible nourishment out of that.

But being in those forests and being embraced by the energy of the trees was like coming home.

So that was a form of consolation that was entirely unexpected but it was so yummy.

That's beautiful.

Then I can attest how I just leapt it up.

And what I also found incredible consolation in those forests was that there were big trees,

Small trees,

All kinds of different species and they were all living together in such great harmony.

And it touched me so deeply.

It was like,

Why can't we just follow that example?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Apart from the sangha,

Nature and trees give me great consolation.

Yeah.

Me too,

Actually.

Me too.

I look at this creature behind me quite a lot in the day and it's such a reminder of just the power of life and of presence.

Not that it's intentional but I just feel such a privilege to just look at it and be reminded of an ancient being.

Hi.

Hi.

I just wanted to ask a question around when you're not around your tribe,

How to maintain that sense of wholeness and being when others around you are maybe out of alignment and behaving differently?

Yeah.

I mean,

It is hard.

It's hard to do that.

And it really has to do with just how habitual you are in your own calm.

So it's really good to get habituated.

And even then sometimes you get thrown off,

Especially if you're tired or if it's going on too long,

The circumstance,

You can get worn down.

I always recommend taking breaks.

I wouldn't recommend trying to be heroic in various circumstances,

Like thinking you have to be above it,

You have to be sort of beyond your own evolution.

I don't ever suggest that.

I'm very practical about these matters.

So if you're finding that you're just getting worn down by it,

Take a break if you can.

Even if it's five minutes,

Even if it's going to the bathroom and in the bathroom,

Just going into quiet,

Just allowing yourself to just stop and go still.

And there may be trickles or maybe someone has said something that is so off,

Right?

Or has said something mean or has said something that's not true or whatever.

And so here you are now in the bathroom.

First of all,

Another reflection can help,

Which is that often we react and there's a feeling,

There's a natural human thing of like,

This is unjust and I don't want them to get away with this,

Right?

This is unjust.

It's really helpful to see the suffering which is the root of their action or their words.

It's really helpful.

And it often can just give you a little bit of like a breather from your own outrage.

Although sometimes outrage is needed to effect action against something,

But it's good to do it with this understanding as well.

So you don't let bullies just get away with things if you can stop it,

Right?

But at the same time,

You can understand that the bully is a bully for some reason.

Maybe that bully was bullied or just not loved,

Right?

So it's really helpful to kind of just take a break,

Reflect,

You know,

Tell yourself,

Believe it or not,

They're doing the best they can.

That's always a really useful line and it's always true.

They're doing the best they can with what they know at this moment.

And you can think to yourself,

They should have known,

They've known before,

They're this age or that age,

They've been through all this other stuff,

They've been to all these retreats or whatever.

There was a guy,

I was involved with Buddhist practice for a long time,

But many years ago.

And there was a guy in our scene who was so difficult and he didn't get along with anyone.

Just really difficult,

Just a cantankerous,

Angry person.

And one time I said to our meditation teacher who was also my friend,

I said to him,

Our teacher,

I said,

I can't believe he's been practicing for five years.

And our teacher said,

You should have seen him before.

And it's kind of like that,

You know,

That everyone's just where they're at at the moment.

And we know this in our own case.

We have said to ourselves,

I should have known that,

Right?

I should have known better.

But you didn't.

And even though you may have had the lesson before many times and you thought you got it,

You didn't yet.

But there may come a point where you finally did,

Right?

And even for fast learners,

That can take a long,

Long time,

Let alone slow learners,

You know?

So these are the kinds of reflections you can engage with.

Now that said,

I also,

Again,

Know heroics.

I don't recommend seeking out the company of people with whom you don't really have that kind of sensitivity.

Because when you're a sensitive person,

When you're someone who's empathic and generally plays fair and tells the truth and thinks of the greater good for everyone,

Not just yourself,

Strangely you're a little bit vulnerable when you're around more rough and tumble playmates.

Because they will take advantage of your good nature.

And so it's really best to play with the sweethearts,

You know?

Play with the dolphins instead of the sharks.

And yet,

As Marianne is pointing out,

Not everyone has the privilege of mostly just being with the dolphin crowd or the sweetie pies,

You know?

Many,

Many people in the world have to be in all kinds of circumstances with others.

So then it's just managing the best you can and not forcing yourself to think that you should be above it.

That you should be able to just be with anyone,

Anywhere,

And endure it.

You know,

The more sensitive you become,

The more you pick up cues about the vibe.

You pick the cues up as soon as you see them.

You know,

I just mentioned I listen to lots of things.

I listen to all kinds of lectures and I've always been kind of a student of life,

You know?

So I'm always ferreting out different little rabbit holes to go down to educate myself about some obscure thing.

But I'll notice within a few sentences of listening to someone,

I'll know whether I'm going to continue or not to listen to that person.

And it's not the words or the concepts they're saying,

It's just the sound,

The frequency that's coming out.

And even though sometimes what they're saying,

If I were to read it,

Might be interesting to me,

But because the voice and the vibe of the speaker is not resonant for me,

I'll turn it off.

So to have no apologies about that,

It may be that you get used to spending time alone a lot,

Or just in the company of people who really,

Who like I said,

Who you're standing next to and there's just a quiet hum going on.

Beautiful.

I'm just fascinated how you stay within that frequency that you're talking about.

Is that habitual?

It's pretty habitual.

I mean,

I am privileged to live alone.

So it's like a retreat space,

You know?

And I must say,

I mean,

I don't have a lot of tolerance for nonsense or for banal conversation.

And I can engage in that as necessary as we all find ourselves in circumstances where that is necessary sometimes.

And I do all the things I've just said to you.

I'll consider,

Especially if someone is behaving in such a way that I'm just,

You know,

Amazed at how inconsiderate and selfish,

Usually strangers are out and about in the world,

You know,

I'll just think,

Well,

We must have really,

Either they're having a hard day or a hard life,

Right?

Things like that.

But I get out of the way,

I steer clear of them.

Is there compassion for you in that moment or is it just a recognition?

Compassion for me or for them?

It's really more a recognition.

If I happen to know the person and know whereof they have suffered,

Then there would be perhaps more of a chance of compassion arising in that case.

Thank you.

Your comment about you have the privilege of living alone.

And I get Marianne's laughter.

Sometimes I think she wishes she did live alone.

I'm a little bit of a chatterbox.

And sometimes there's no filter between my thinking and speaking.

And that can be a challenge.

For people who are deeply involved in what they're doing.

But I had,

As Marianne said,

We had had a great time in Canada,

In the States,

And we did attend Gangaji's five day silent retreat,

Which was,

Yeah,

I was thinking,

Was there any consolation in that there for me because I was absolutely not looking forward to the concept of being quiet.

And whilst most people that go there,

They relish that.

And I know that when I am on my own with my own thoughts,

I drive myself crazy.

So I kind of appreciated the blessing of the.

.

.

And how did you do?

How was that for you?

Well,

Yeah,

I survived.

And it was,

Truthfully,

It was very challenging.

But the realization and I guess the consolation was that in the times that I was,

You know,

With what you say,

You crazy aunt in the attic,

That was painful.

That was really painful.

And I couldn't really express,

You know,

That I couldn't express anything.

And that was the tough part.

We had a boat ride that was in silence.

Even the guy that was the pilot,

He honored that.

And we were out in the middle of South Lake Tahoe.

And I'd been taking photos and going in my mind going,

Wow,

Wow,

This is amazing.

Oh,

Look at that.

To yourself,

Yeah.

And I wish Marianne was here.

We could talk about that.

And what happened was that there was this really,

And your words came to me actually while I was there was,

You know,

Being in the,

Hanging out in the deep waters of your own being.

Yeah.

And effectively,

That's where we were.

Actually in the deep waters.

In the deep waters,

Yeah.

But all of a sudden,

There was no boat.

There was no people.

There was just me and,

Yeah,

In the lake,

In the mountains and the,

It was like,

Wow.

Yeah,

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

And it was that real authentic feeling of belonging.

It's lovely.

Yeah.

And there was sadness because I thought about all the times that I didn't belong.

And that was kind of in everything,

My family,

You know,

High school work,

Straight world,

Gay world.

It was like I was different.

And your words were you feel different to everybody else.

And the recognition that Sangha is,

I mean,

When I'm with people like that,

It's not there.

There's a knowing and a deep gratitude.

But what I also realised was that most of the words that I speak and perhaps other people speak are,

They're redundant even before they come out of your mouth.

So true.

And that's what I realised was that my thinking,

Unfiltered speaking of those thoughts was such a waste of time.

Such a waste of time.

And yeah,

So more awareness of sometimes most,

At home it's different,

But just being with myself and being okay with it,

You know,

And the crazy aunt and the addict is a little quieter these days.

And so I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to experience that silence.

And I love that moment for you on the boat where the satisfaction or the,

I mean,

I'm just obviously these are not,

These are just words we're going to say to approximate.

But to have that experience,

It almost gives you a pattern to have that experience often.

So even anything you're doing.

Because,

You know,

When I was younger,

I was very romance addicted back when I was young.

And so if I wasn't in a romantic relationship,

Any beautiful circumstance that I might be in,

I really couldn't fully enjoy because I would have a story saying I want anyone,

I want someone to share this with.

So it would be this kind of half-life I was living.

I mean,

I could be sitting on a beach in Hawaii in front of the most beautiful sunset.

You could dream up.

And the story would be running,

Oh,

If only,

If only I had someone here.

Right?

And that habit has shifted over the years,

Over the many years,

Such that I feel like I can just immerse in beautiful moments,

One after the next,

In my own solitude,

Without a story,

Also without a me story saying,

Isn't this great that you're experiencing this,

But without a story that says that anything needs to be different about this experience.

So if someone's there to share it with,

Well and good,

How is that?

That's fantastic.

But if they're not,

Right,

And you're just alone in it and you're seeing something so amazing,

You know,

You just allow full immersion,

Like you've just described,

You know,

And that that becomes more and more how you're experiencing this totality.

And so even when you're with somebody else,

You have quite a reserve of that experience.

It's still really your own wordless reflection.

Right?

Because no matter,

Even if there is someone there,

You have no idea what they're perceiving.

You know?

You can have,

It gives you a sense that you're sharing it,

And yes,

To some degree you are,

But probably the majority of it is,

I said I was speaking about this recently,

I think in Melbourne or somewhere,

How other creatures are experiencing the world so differently.

You know,

Eagles can see like a mile or two,

Is it?

Or,

You know,

Dogs can smell things we can't possibly smell.

They can smell from a distance.

The other creatures have different sense doors that are operating in different ways,

And certainly within each breed there's a range as well.

But like in our own case,

We don't know if,

You know,

We can agree that that table is tan,

But I don't really know how,

What color you're seeing.

You're not seeing tan,

Okay?

Right.

Yeah,

But it's like that with everything,

You know,

Whatever,

You know,

You could be listening to a piece of music with someone,

And there might be just,

There's just different things going on inside your being,

In what notes you're hearing is emphasizing.

Or,

I mean,

This applies across the board.

We're very uniquely designed.

Each one of us is a unique one-off in the universe.

And so we're,

The whole apparatus in all its functioning and its mental construction and certainly its conditioning is all completely unique.

So to really honor that and to know as you're experiencing something,

That's another part of the immersion is just letting,

You know,

Letting the information just soak through on this being.

Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

That's a different angle and I like it.

Oh,

Good.

Yeah.

Thank you,

Gither.

Because,

You know,

Really,

I mean,

It's so beautiful.

Your relationship is so full of love and it's so,

I'm sure,

Comforting,

Talk about consolation.

But as you probably know,

At some point,

Unless you happen to die together,

One of you is going to be gone.

I'm first.

You know,

And so it's also really good to come to terms with one's so-called aloneness,

You know,

To really make friends and celebrate.

And,

You know,

One of my girlfriends is,

She's a real recluse,

Really a classic recluse.

She is,

Listening to her sometimes,

I feel like I'm friends with,

You know,

Thoreau,

Because she speaks a lot about the power of solitude and she just delights in it.

I mean,

She just,

She lives alone.

She's not at all social.

She doesn't really,

She loves animals and she loves plants and she loves gardening and that's her world.

And she studies history and she reflects,

She's quite erudite.

But she lives in very deep space of solitude and really loves it.

It's very inspiring.

And by the way,

That's not to say to all of you,

You were coupled up,

That's a beautiful life as well.

To find a partner in life,

You know,

Who's loving and supportive,

Who gets the beauty of your trip,

Who cares if you got home from the grocery store or not,

All those things,

Right?

In the deep water,

Right?

Yeah.

That's huge.

That's really lucky in a life,

Really lucky.

And for those who don't have that,

Count your life as lucky as well,

In a different way.

I was just wondering if part of some of the problems in this world come from the fact that we all have this desperate urge for connectedness and how you get there is you can get in different ways.

You might get your connectedness through a love relationship with another person or you may get your connectedness by going for a boat ride or a trip into the forest.

But when people get frustrated about why can't everyone be like me or why will this person not connect with me because I want to connect with them and there's a barrier whenever that's when you get the frictions coming up.

So I just wonder if that's part of the issue.

You don't necessarily need a lover to get that,

But you've got to,

And you can find connectedness with the world by being on your own,

But as long as you,

I suppose,

You work out what you want.

A lot of the ills of the world,

And maybe most of the ills of the world,

Are due to people feeling kind of fractured inside,

Right?

And alienated here.

Just that we want it to not be able to.

.

.

And a lot of the projects of mankind,

Which a lot of it has been incredibly destructive,

And especially the mad consumption that is now the norm,

Right,

Is driven,

I would say,

By this sort of paucity of feeling connected that basically there's some promise that having more stuff or having some sort of platform on which you're manifesting your grandness of self is going to give you that feeling that humans naturally crave.

In some cases,

I think those people are thinking there must be some comfort to get out of material things,

Because otherwise,

Why is everybody out there madly jumping all over each other to get material things?

So that must be the answer to our life.

Yeah,

That is what people think for sure,

That more stuff and more money and more power and all of those things are going to provide the kind of satisfaction that we're talking about here.

It just doesn't happen to be true.

And the ones who can tell us that the most clearly are the ones who have all that stuff and are not happy,

And who then often,

Some of them anyway,

Turn to a very different interest in matters like this,

Basically.

But the rest of the world is just scrambling to get to climb those mountains of.

.

.

And they're hustling,

They're hustling.

Hustling has become exalted.

In previous times,

Hustlers were seen for.

.

.

It was a low-class activity,

But now it's in fashion.

One of the things I feel like I do here in these kinds of conversations,

And thankfully others who come here do it as well,

Is just challenge all the assumptions of the culture.

The culture is just stark raving mad and getting worse.

And the things we're talking about are so simply accessed,

Strangely.

It's all about just how you're using your attention and reflecting in certain ways and behaving in certain ways and being kind.

And they're all things that we've heard over the years,

But that very few people actually employ as a means to happiness.

In fact,

It is the only means to happiness,

And yet people just somehow get deluded.

And I often point out,

We're dealing with the most powerful advertising media ever in history.

It is coming at us everywhere we look,

And especially on our screens,

As we all know.

You click on something,

Whether it's a new bucket that you're going to order for your DIY projects or whatever.

And from then on,

You're getting bucket advertisements,

No matter how weird a thing you might be on.

Like you're on something completely unrelated,

And you're getting a bucket advertisement.

And it's all going in so fast and so subliminally.

But the message in all of it is,

You shouldn't be happy because you haven't got text.

That's right.

That's right.

That's how things are sold.

You have to think that you're not quite enough and that you can't really be at ease until you get this other stuff in order for you to want to go to all the trouble and all the expense to get it.

There has to be some sense of lack about a specific item or a situation or whatever.

And so people are just chasing the objects and experiences endlessly and they're having to work really hard.

Many,

Many people,

Not everyone,

Some people are very rich,

But a lot of people are working really hard.

I told this story,

You weren't there this last time I was in Melbourne.

I told this story just recently there.

I was driving,

I was coming in an Uber from the airport to the city,

My friend and I.

And I was noticing,

Because I hadn't been in the city for a few months.

I hadn't been in Melbourne.

I've been out here.

So I was noticing all these fancy billboards and all this very fancy stuff on the billboards as we're driving by on the freeway.

And they're just incredible shiny objects that are gorgeous,

Like beautiful BMWs and Italian belts and shoes and the whole range of fabulous stuff.

And it is,

Well,

These are works of art and they cost a ton of money.

And when you think about what you would have to do,

The amount of sweat hours to get one of those things,

And is it going to give you that kind of pleasure?

Yes,

It might be,

At first it will.

You'll probably be kind of jazzed at first after you've spent all that time and all that money.

But after a point,

Your happiness set point is going to go right back to where it was before.

That's how it works.

Your happiness set point just resets itself,

Whether it's gone up or down.

And so now you're that much poorer and your happiness set point is just where it was before.

So there's a way in which you start to rework the entire production in your mind and heart and go toward contentment,

Like go the opposite direction.

So instead of saying,

I want,

Saying,

I'm so grateful for what's here.

This has been In the Deep.

You can find the entire list of In the Deep podcasts at katherineingram.

Com,

Where you can also book a private session by phone or Skype or make either a one time or recurring tax deductible donation.

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We would also appreciate a review wherever you're getting yours.

Till next time.

Reviews

This is great consolation. As a solitary recluse myself who endeavors to engage in social and political issues, I ache almost all the time. I love the sense of validity this talk gives me.

Very thoughtful and supportive reflections, thank you.

Thank you, enjoyed this very much. My tribes include church, a community memoirs writing group, and the place where I do physical therapy and wellness, plus my family. I resonated very much with your insights. I find much of value and meaning in Buddhism and also in Judaism. Makes for a very rich life.

So very helpful. Listening to you Catherine puts me back into the right space of heart and calms my spirit during this crazy consumer-driven holiday time.