Episode 17: Acceptance With Tracy Brady

Acceptance can be connected to feelings of loneliness, because let's face it we all have to be alone at some point in our lives. Acceptance defined (short version) is receiving what is given. So why is that so hard to do?

Because it's about how we perceive that and what we tell ourselves about that acceptance. And this can cause one to feel as if they have no hope. Acceptance doesn't mean we have to like it. Our brains and our egos are always trying to get us to a place where we can be happy.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm curious Cass and this is curiosity junkie today's guest is a sought-after speaker and leader She is a psychotherapist who meets her clients at the intersection of spirituality psychology and science She's also a very dear friend of mine.

Please welcome Tracy Brady Hi,

Tracy,

Wonderful to have you back again Good to be here.

Yeah Fantastic.

Let's again jump in we were just talking about loneliness and kind of into that depression piece and That led me into acceptance.

And so I want to talk a little bit about maybe some things or Or your thoughts on how what is it that gets people to the loneliness Loneliness Well,

You know,

That's a that's nice because people don't want to feel lonely It's not a good comforting feeling um,

But uh just to say right off the bat that uh,

It's something that we all feel And it's something that can be a very fulfilling feeling.

It doesn't always have to feel Lonesome Or lonely it can feel uh where you're kind of with yourself and present without the distractions of others and and that can be a very fulfilling feeling but you bring up,

Um acceptance and that very much ties into uh,

Can tie into a feeling of Loneliness that we're all kind of probably grappling with or at some level we're all dealing with because we are having to or some people don't do it,

But we're You have to be alone at some point even without the covid You know,

We can't control uh situations we can't control other people coming and going And so at some point,

You know your children will go Try to be on their own or your partner will decide that they don't want to be around anymore Maybe you'll decide that or there'll be a disease or death or something that brings us to a place of feeling lonely And acceptance is a can play a big part in that Acceptance defined is is something like um receiving what is given And so if we are receiving what is given Great But it's again going back to what we talked about.

I think in our last episode about how we perceive that what we tell ourselves about that So,

You know if you say to yourself,

Um,

I must accept something And you're telling yourself that it's horrible and there's nothing great about it and it's just awful and you're Portending the future of a future based on this acceptance of uh of doom and gloom and horror horrific things It's very hard to accept Very hard.

Um And so that can make you feel very isolated and alone it can uh cause you to feel like you have no hope Cause you to feel like you have no hope that you can't even take care of yourself with your best faculties at your best thinking that you cannot even Bring yourself to a place of having some Motivation For moving forward and that can lead to a longer more deep depression But on the other hand You know Paying attention taking yourself out of the equation personally and paying attention to what you're telling yourself Or what your brain is telling yourself about situations that you are attempting to accept or reject Is important because we have to make sure that you know or pay attention are we Attempting to accept something that's not true or partially true And our tendency to Go down the rabbit hole or segue or doom and gloom or you know is is Is as we've talked about in previous episodes something that we do in response to fear and fear is always Always at its core a good thing.

It's meant to spark us to action but when it Moves us to Actions that aren't in balance with reality That's when it can have a very Devastating effect on our psyche our soul our lives everything and so when we talk about acceptance Nobody wants to accept something that they see as bad Nobody I mean you can't fool yourself and to say this is good You know my my son developed a brain tumor out of the blue when he was 12 years old and died at 13 There was no way I could accept that there was no way while I was going through that There was any part of that that I could see as good in any possible way However There was a time at which my sanity my peace of mind Was threatened To a level that was unacceptable to me So I had to come to some Point Where I could at least say to myself that this is the reality acceptance What i'm trying to say is acceptance doesn't mean we have to like it All right.

Yes Our brains and our egos are always trying to get us to a place where we can be happy And we can have you know,

We're telling ourselves that we have to be joyful and if we're not joyful We're sad and and it's that's not true there is a place of complete contentment I guess in each moment that I think is a That that people don't realize um is more real and more sustainable in the long run These ups and downs and you know,

This is good.

This is bad.

And this is you know The brain loves that stuff the ego loves that stuff because it can get us to try to motivate ourselves To action and doing I could fix this and I can make that happen But when we come to things that we have to accept that are out of the box We come to things that we have to accept that are out of our control Do you keep banging your head against the wall or do you turn and face the things that you can't control?

And so acceptance is a A very useful tool number one when you Are accepting what's real not just trying to accept something that you're telling yourself?

You know Because we we want to attempt the brain wants to attach meaning to everything You know,

Well this means that and if they don't call me this that means that Right,

And if they don't call me or they don't like me and then that means something about me And and it's simple.

It's a simple.

They didn't call me in the two minutes or five minutes or five days that I expected them to You know,

And so we've got all the way over here to I'm depressed now because I've told myself something So if you're if you're telling yourself something about Reality that's true Fantastic,

But you don't really know that by yourself.

Sometimes we have to talk to a professional somebody that can have an objective view And help us to get to a place where we are facing reality as it is and not just Suffering because of all the stuff we're putting on it ourselves I know that's a lot girl and that's probably more than you asked for no No,

It's great.

And what kind of came to my mind is a conversation I was having around death and how I Know we're all gonna die.

I know that but I have such I don't like to go to funerals.

They feel heavy And I think it's stuff.

I'm telling myself About death.

I don't know but It just seems like that's one of those things we need to accept and the reality of it is Is that person is gone?

Yes,

It hurts and you have a loss and loss can be not only death This was part of that conversation.

It's not only death.

It can be a divorce.

It can be Children leaving home.

It can be it can be a lot of different things.

It'd be an animal passing Loss is a heavy Thing and so how do you get to?

Acceptance with the loss The loss infers meaning And we need meaning it's important it motivates us it drives us to be loving All sorts of things but when meaning gets in the way of acceptance We have to change that meaning and be willing to release the meaning we've attached for example When my son died one of the losses that I had besides the obvious ones was I realized I was no longer a mother to a son I was still a mother But I was no longer a mother to a son.

So the meaning I had attached about myself being a mother to raising a boy A man I had a lot of stuff that was that I thought was wonderful that I had put On top of who I was and said that's who you are that I had to Accept that I was no longer that So that is a is a big deal because when we try to accept a loss Any something outside of ourselves or inside of ourselves?

We have to pay attention to what we're telling ourselves about it and what meaning we have attached because that feels like a loss And who are we without that?

And that becomes a whole couple of sessions At least at least Yeah,

No,

But I I can see how we have attached stories to that Person being in our life or that thing Being in our life.

It's what we've told ourselves.

We are with them Or it Yes,

Or in jobs right now,

You know people are with their jobs and You know,

They've they have to redefine who they are Yeah,

You know this is calling this situation any situation that involves the acceptance of Something that's not a problem Any situation that involves the acceptance of something different?

Especially when it involves meaning about who we are It is just a very fertile ground for growth Movement And it for most many of us it can feel very odd and strange like we're going crazy and so I would encourage anybody who this resonates with to get some Somebody to you know professional or somebody who can help them navigate this because it's you're not always going crazy It just feels that way sometimes because these these things we identify with this meaning It it's attached to us in such a way that It has it's been so important to us and it's driven so many of the things that we've done throughout our lives that to just Take it off feels like we're dying And it doesn't feel right yet to to keep it to keep it that way It's not in line with reality,

You know if my job is my value and what everything i've fought for and worked for and put so much into and gotten my degrees or my training and it's everything that's supported my family and Given me everything and you know,

Giving me self-esteem and stuff and I don't have that anymore Just to say oh well What that's impossible Wait,

We're we can't it's don't don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you can't do that Right,

Right.

That's not something that we can do easily or at least I can't No,

Yeah,

I completely agree.

And I I do think there are a lot of people with covid right now that are struggling with a lot of change and That detaching from the meaning that we've given ourselves So what what are what would be something you would recommend if someone is feeling?

The the loss of a job a loved one The loss it in any way Which can create the loneliness which can create depression,

You know,

Just like it always is You know,

It just like it all kind of rolls into what is something that someone could do at home?

Just small step that they could take to start shifting That thought Um,

I think You know,

None of these are small steps,

Um But acknowledging Maybe and being aware that this is something that Has been very important to me and but yet it's going to kill me or Drive me insane to try to continue to fight it or hope for it or i've got to turn in another direction One of the things that I I would encourage is that people Ask To be shown the universe higher power god buddha Anything you believe the trees whatever you believe is a little bit stronger than you and guides the winds of change And and makes the moon and sun rise and fall Ask whatever Power that is to maybe show you some strength Maybe show you something that You know this this does not mean that you are empty This means that you Maybe need to turn your gaze Onto things that you can do You know,

There's a serenity prayer grant me the serenity and it says god But grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference So maybe a small step besides the awareness of it is to turn in that direction or ask for guidance In looking for something that really is a one way to do that is a gratitude list I know that's trite and people are like but Just for this moment do I not have the ability To sit up straight I do wow.

Where's that come from?

You know?

Do I have the ability to feed myself something today?

Yeah.

Wow,

That's pretty important That is pretty freaking important and I like what you shared and I think our last one of our last one of your last episodes where You talked about calling someone else As as long as there's no expectations Associated this is something we do to get out of our own ruminating Detrimental,

We're terrible selves,

But truthfully when we do something water the grass Give life to nature when we feed our animals or pet our animals when we walk the dog When we help someone else contribute to something Throw a piece of paper away that someone else is discarded just the smallest act Can can give us can empower us and record and touch that place in us that knows that we are not just Our job That knows that we have value beyond what we have attached ourselves to and that can be enough spark To get you to want to do it more Yes now and and anyway,

That's just one of the things that comes to mind for me Yeah,

No,

And I I like that because I I think if you can start your day with a piece of gratitude For even the smallest thing even if it's just you opened your eyes today and you get to start another day whatever your Peace the thing that you are thankful for if you can spend time thinking about that And then I think another big one is don't be afraid to ask for the help we talked about that I think in the last video and Don't be afraid To reach out to someone Even just to talk but I like that you added without expectation They're not there to save you you're reaching out just to say hi just to connect with another human being Just to be able to talk to someone to connect with another human being just to Bring you back into The now I think is a good way to put that like bring you back to reality Get you out of your thoughts I I think that's it changes your perspective and that's what we need is a change in perspective when we get so bogged down with those habitual I'm no good.

What am I going to do?

I'm powerless and truthfully powerlessness is not Something that we like so it makes sense that we would want to get bogged down and trying to fix that but when it gets to a place of And you've got to have a change of perspective I mean if you just focus what is that thing about looking at an elephant a blind person?

Or someone who's never seen an elephant if you just give them like a little tiny little piece of Of the side of them or the tail there's no way they could see the whole thing You know,

They can't know what you're talking about.

So we we we tend to get very You know if this is my problem,

You know,

And I and I have it here Well,

It makes sense for me to want to get really close to it so I can you know Do every possible thing I can do to try to fix it,

Right?

But how much can I see beyond this when I get this close to my problem?

I can't right,

So I mean Yeah,

It helps to have somebody help you out and if you're going to reach out to somebody If you're going to reach out to someone it's it's to help you get a different perspective and help you know that your problems are Not the only thing in the world happening right now,

Although it feels like it,

Right?

Absolutely Thank you so much tracy for coming on again and talking about acceptance and we tied it in with loneliness and depression and a Few other things so thank you for sharing your knowledge with us again today.

My pleasure.

Thank you for having me Absolutely And for all of you if you're looking to connect with tracy for some counseling You can reach her at tracybrady.

Com I highly recommend Working with her if you have the opportunity And again,

Stay safe and stay curious my friend