How To Be Love

This is a very accessible and kindhearted wisdom talk about how to be love. Listeners will hear quotes from spiritual and philosophical traditions, and receive practical suggestions and anecdotal stories about how to embody love, as well as how to give and receive love.

This lesson was originally written and recorded in 2019 as part of a 30-day course, but that course was never completed, and as a result, this lesson was never made available as a standalone track -- until now.

Transcript

How do we begin to discuss love or learn about the infinite power of love in only 15 minutes?

Which aspects of love should we cover to efficiently get to the heart of the matter so we will better know how to be love when this recording ends?

How do we launch into exploring the very thing that penetrates all things in existence?

Let's begin with some powerful statements from a few sacred scriptures.

The Bible tells us God is love.

The Bhagavad Gita teaches us those who are steadfast in love and devotion are given spiritual wisdom,

The darkness of their ignorance is dispelled,

And their light of wisdom is illuminated.

The Dhammapada states hatred does not cease by hatred but only by love.

This is the eternal rule.

We now have an idea of how powerful love is meant to be,

But before we go further,

Let's make this personal.

How would you define love today?

And what does love have the power to do for you in your life?

Take the next few moments,

Think about this.

Now were you surprised by your answer or answers?

Did you realize you already may know how to be love?

Please place a hand over the heart,

Close the eyes,

Let's take a deep inhale together.

Exhale let it go.

Has anything you have heard so far stirred or awakened your heart in some way?

Have you remembered something that you already know?

Do you feel connected to the center of who you are?

Do you feel more alive,

More hopeful,

More willing to give and receive love?

Let's take another deep inhale together.

Exhale let it go.

Gently blink the eyes open.

Let's talk about what love can do.

Here are a few ideas about love from people who know what it is to be love.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Said,

Darkness cannot drive out darkness.

Only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate.

Only love can do that.

And he has said,

I have decided to stick to love.

Hate is too great a burden to bear.

Mahatma Gandhi said,

It is my firm belief that it is love that sustains the earth.

There only is life where there is love.

And he has said,

What is retained by love is retained for all time.

The law of love governs the world.

The Dalai Lama has said,

Love is a simple practice,

Yet it is very beneficial for the individual who practices it,

As well as for the community in which he lives,

For the nation and for the whole world.

Let's step back into history for another perspective on love.

Specifically,

In Greek philosophy,

There are three main types of love,

Which many of us will be able to relate to.

The first is philia,

Which is an affectionate regard or friendship type of love,

Usually between equals.

We could say it's brotherly love.

The second is eros,

Which means love mostly of the sexual,

Romantic or intimate type.

The third is agape,

Which can be translated as charity.

This can mean a supreme love.

For man,

As we would love God,

It's an unselfish,

Devotional type of love.

Which of these types of love is most prevalent in your life?

We can all likely relate to loving friends or having strong feelings for a community,

Which is philia.

We can all likely relate to feeling intimate or romantic love,

Which is eros.

We may all likely know a supreme love for God,

Family,

Love for our children,

Mrs.

Agape.

How do you love?

How do you show love to people you come into contact with each day?

How do you embody love?

Who in your life is loved with a philia type of love?

An eros type of love?

And last,

Agape type of love?

Take a few moments to think on these things and allow the answers to rise up from within you,

From your heart where we placed our hand moments ago.

Are you beginning to realize you know a lot more about how to be love than you may have imagined?

Are you beginning to realize the wisdom of the heart is rich and timeless?

Can I share a personal story about when I learned to be love?

About 10 years ago,

I did not know much about love or anything else for that matter.

I was in my early sobriety,

Yet I was beginning to find my path to life,

To recovery.

Around that time,

I heard a recovered alcoholic with many years sober share how he could not stay sober for most of his life,

But he was now sober many,

Many years and love was absolutely part of his recovery.

He shared how his life was filled with so many good things in recovery as a direct result of knowing love.

Then he shared he did not know love when he was stuck in the dark frequency of addiction.

He said love was the missing ingredient to recovery.

He shared that without love,

He felt as if we live life without air.

Life becomes stifled.

A loveless life affects our self-esteem,

Self-worth,

Self-confidence.

When we do not know love,

This is like a flower that does not get the sunshine it needs to grow.

The flower will not mature.

It will not know its full potential.

It will not give its fragrance to the world or its pollen to the bees or its beauty to the human eye.

Then he shared what happened.

When he was newly sober,

A man who had been sober a very long time told him with honesty and compassion that he was loved and he mattered in this world.

This other man told him you are love.

You are worthy of love.

You are meant to give and receive love and you will help a lot of people someday realize these very same things.

While I was one of the people,

This man helped to realize these very same things.

I heard him tell this story in my early sobriety and it woke up my heart.

I believed him.

I believed I was worthy of love.

Through his story of how another person was the embodiment of love for him,

I learned that to be love was possible.

And when he shared that message,

I saw it with my own two eyes that it was possible.

This man was love.

Now it's ten years later.

I have not had a drink since nor been stuck in a dark frequency of addiction for quite some time.

Love was and still is absolutely one of the main reasons.

Now if there is someone listening to this who has not heard that you are love and worthy of love and meant to give and receive love.

That you matter and your life matters and you will influence the world in an amazing way.

I want you to know these things from my heart to yours.

I want you to know you are love.

You matter.

Your essence is love.

This is what you are here to be.

When was the last time you said I love you to someone?

When was the last time you gave the gift of love?

Would people know you are love by your presence?

Would others know how you feel and who you are and what you are here to be if words were unavailable?

By your being,

Your presence,

Your essence,

Would they know your identity?

This is our goal with this lesson.

To learn to fully inhabit the qualities of love.

To radiate love,

To be love so that without words our presence will signify that we are love.

We are here to cultivate and offer love with each glance,

Handshake,

Every hug we give.

We are here to be love throughout all our affairs.

Now,

How do we do this?

How do we be love?

Let's look to the love language of poetry for a few ideas.

Sufi poet Rumi has written,

Your task is not to seek for love,

But merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Poet Mary Oliver has written,

Breathe it all in,

Love it all out.

And poet Kabir has written,

Love does not grow on trees,

Nor is it bought in the market.

But if one wants to be love,

One must first know how to give unconditional love.

And he has also written,

Listen my friend,

He who loves,

Understands.

Mother Teresa,

One of my personal heroes,

Has given us ideas.

One of those ideas,

She has written,

If we really want to conquer the world,

You will not be able to do it with bombs or with other weapons of destruction.

Let us conquer the world with our love.

Let us interweave our lives with bonds of sacrifice and love,

And it will be possible for us to conquer the world.

Now,

When Mother Teresa mentions interweaving our lives with love,

Anything we interweave into something becomes part of that thing.

It becomes stitched in.

If we stitch love into every ounce or fiber of our being,

Our being then becomes love.

We become love.

We become walking ambassadors for love.

Our words and actions exhibit love.

One last thought on love.

Zen master and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh has written many books.

Many of these books mention love.

He often shares four elements of true love.

They are,

First,

Maitri,

Which means loving kindness,

The capacity to offer happiness.

To be love,

Then,

Is to recognize happiness in oneself and bring happiness to the world.

The second of these four elements is karuna,

Which means compassion.

To be love in regards to compassion is to look and listen deeply to the pain and suffering in the world in order to transform it.

The third of these elements is mudita,

Which means joy.

To be love in regard to joy,

We can ask ourselves,

Are those around me,

Especially those I love and am loved by,

Are they joyful?

Or do I cause them pain?

Because to be love is to bring joy.

And the fourth of these elements is upeksha,

Which means equanimity or nondiscrimination,

Freedom,

Space.

To be love in regard to upeksha is to not impose ideas or regulations or expectations on others,

Which compromises their freedom.

To be love is to allow others to be free.

This is all the time we have.

I wanted to say thank you for your trust and vulnerability within this lesson.

And please take these ideas and meditate on them.

Sit with them.

Perhaps write in a journal your thoughts about these ideas.

Remember that none of us are perfect in any of these things,

Especially love.

Especially when we don't feel we're worthy of love,

Or if we're agitated or doubtful,

Or if we're stuck in fear.

All aspects of life affect how we feel about love.

Thank you so much for being here.

I look forward to being in conversation with all of you.

Thank you.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing your invaluable insights and experience Brian 🙏 Much appreciated ☺️
Such a marvellous and important topic to keep meditating on! 💛

thank you, in 15 min so much did get packed in about love and I especially appreciate Brian’s very personal story and then bringing that home to the listener. Very powerful, beautiful and worth revisiting and sharing.