The Power of Honesty in Your Love Relationship | The Wisdom Podcast | Season 1 Episode 5

A relationship requires ongoing attention, effort, and the willingness to give of yourself in honesty and loving kindness. In this episode we discover how Michael and Tara were able to acknowledge how what they were living was inauthentic, and how facing their personal inner truth would set them free to find new love; and to choose this based on what was right and best for each of them.
Namaste! xo

Transcript

The Wisdom Podcast is birthed out of the Wisdom Blog,

A digital healing hub of inspired consciousness,

Sacred wisdom,

And the divine teachings of authentic power,

Living one's truth and spiritual,

Or as we call it,

Unconditional love.

Many of the topics that we cover arise out of my work with clients who have chosen to live their life from a place of self-honesty and truth,

And in doing so,

They quite naturally began the journey inward,

Recognizing their authentic self and their capacity for being love and choosing to live as this in all moments.

This is what makes it possible to experience authentic happiness easily.

Each episode offers divinely inspired teachings and insight that will show you how to live consciously aware,

To access your inner wisdom,

And to help you make the best choices towards living a limitless potential.

Join me for consciously inspired truth,

Divine wisdom,

And new thought paradigms for living an infinitely abundant and love-filled life here and now.

In this episode,

We discover how Michael and Tara were able to acknowledge how what they were living was inauthentic,

And how facing their personal inner truth would set them free to find new love and to choose this based on what was truly right and best for each of them.

My client Michael diverted his eyes,

Gazing down,

Visibly recoiling into himself as if he was trying to make himself invisible.

He was unable to make eye contact for several moments.

Tears came to his eyes,

And he could not keep up with wiping them as more tears ran down his cheeks.

It can be difficult for us to admit our mistakes,

Our vulnerabilities,

And ultimately what we do that hurts those we love.

Perhaps for some,

This is a learned behavior,

A subconscious but real fear that originated in childhood,

Where admitting fault would lend itself to being scolded,

Perhaps humiliated,

And punished.

If we are not self-aware,

Then yes,

We may not realize how our actions and words affect and hurt another.

Or perhaps,

As Michael revealed of his own behavior,

We often do realize when we have potentially said or done something that is hurtful,

But avoid acknowledging and admitting this in the idealized hope that we are mistaken,

Or that we can avoid what would cause us to feel badly about ourselves.

Why do we have a difficult time acknowledging when we have done something that is not a true portrayal of the goodness that we indeed are capable of?

To acknowledge your mistakes is to have the immediate opportunity to right them.

Michael had sought my help to save his marriage.

It was weeks earlier that his wife,

Tara,

Had said that she wanted to separate.

Michael was devastated.

He was now desperate to do whatever he could to repair this relationship.

Only later would I discover that perhaps Michael wasn't at all surprised by Tara's decision.

It was difficult at first for Michael to admit outwardly the words and actions that had hurt his wife so deeply over the cumulative two decades that they had been in relationship.

It wasn't until Tara attended a session of therapy on her own with myself that she was able to explain how she came to make the difficult decision to end the marriage,

How she tried to rekindle the feelings of love that she once felt for Michael,

Despite his cutting sarcasm,

His finger pointing and blame,

His disrespectful words,

And a lack of loving actions that had been the catalyst for how her feelings changed towards her husband.

Holding in the hurt and the many letdowns that Tara continued to experience in the marriage meant an inevitable sadness and despair that grew into intolerance,

Disinterest,

And dislike.

Upon leaving her first therapy session with me,

Tara went to speak with Michael.

She later described how empowering it was to have found her voice and the courage to speak her truth.

Tara shared with Michael many examples of how he had been hurtful over the years and explained why she had stopped talking about her feelings and what bothered her.

Tara learned to hold back from expressing her sadness and hurt since,

As she explained,

It was repeatedly reciprocated with Michael's denial and hostility.

We can be in a love relationship,

And yet this doesn't mean that we are skilled at it.

A relationship requires ongoing attention,

Effort,

And the willingness to give of yourself in honesty and loving kindness.

A love relationship will also inspire personal growth and the desire to become a better version of yourself.

This is a calling that you must attend to.

It was largely Tara's words spoken with complete openness and honesty that Michael came to realize that he allowed his ego to get in the way of being honest,

Kind,

And vulnerable with the one person that had loved him unconditionally.

Back in my office after that pivotal meeting with his wife,

Michael admitted with remorse that he was finally ready to acknowledge the pattern of behavior that reflected a lack of kindness,

Respect,

And love.

As much as he had glimpses of the disrespectful and abusive way in which he conducted himself,

Michael would still attempt to dismiss his behavior,

Justifying his actions,

And unwilling to see himself as he was with honesty and clarity.

My client's life was an example of how we treat others based on the way in which we are with our self,

The end result of what we have been taught in our family of origin,

And our inability or unwillingness to be self-honest and to seek to make personal changes.

As an adult,

We can no longer blame our childhood or any earlier life experience as an excuse for how we treat others.

The work of therapy is to heal the past,

Including how we were taught to think and treat ourselves and others.

As we choose to adopt healthy and respectful ways of being and to treat others with kindness and consideration,

We build self-worth and reclaim a feeling of wholeness and pride in our ability to be loving kindness.

As we practice kindness directed inward,

As we find the good in ourselves to dwell upon and feel positive about,

It becomes easier to be this with others,

And to treat others perhaps not the way we were treated,

But the way in which we should have been treated.

I help clients to fix or change a problematic situation.

Often,

This is a result of how they are not able or at times willing to act with compassion and love,

And ultimately to correct the behaviors that cause much suffering unto themselves.

This change begins with awareness of the impact of one's words and actions unto their self and others.

When you awaken,

You see yourself with honesty and accuracy.

Understanding highlights what thoughts or actions have contributed to your suffering.

Being self-aware allows you to choose how you will be different and what is needed in order to have better relationships,

To improve your current life circumstances,

And ultimately how you think and feel towards yourself,

Others,

And the world.

In therapy,

Together we conduct what becomes a personal discovery in order to achieve awareness,

To shed light on a situation and yourself,

And to see everything with a clear and accurate perspective so that you can begin to draw insights into how you are living your life that reveals just how you are causing your own suffering and often the suffering of others.

We teach others how to treat us by how we respond to their words and actions.

If you want to build a solid relationship of open,

Honest communication,

Then you must also be willing to listen to the other person tell you when you have done something that has hurt them,

Even when you do not intend to hurt someone or think that your actions were wrong.

By taking account of what someone is telling you and being willing to look at yourself,

You learn so much.

You begin to see yourself with different eyes.

You become attentive to the actions and words that were once an automatic response.

This is another important way that you learn about yourself through the eyes of loved ones who you can trust to be truthful and willing to speak openly with you,

But only as you take heed of their feedback and as you are willing to examine what is being told to you.

For Michael and Tara,

Their relationship was broken beyond repair.

Tara,

Despite her efforts to rekindle love,

Admitted that she felt indifferent at best towards her husband.

What was helpful through this process of discovery and truth seeking was that both Michael and Tara were now able to dialogue in an open and honest way,

Their conversations now pertaining to their roles as parents and how they would physically prepare to separate.

Michael revealed that perhaps for the first time in this or any relationship,

He experienced a growing ease as he made an effort to communicate and to share his feelings and thoughts in kind ways,

Rather than blaming others for how he felt or for what was happening in his life.

Michael would still find himself feeling anger and the undertones of aggression,

But acknowledging first to himself how he felt helped bring greater awareness to the situation and to what his actions needed to be.

Expressing his true feelings was helpful for Michael.

Practicing self-honesty was healing.

His awareness of his feelings helped him to take ownership of what he would do to help himself feel better,

Rather than continue to take his frustrations out in blame on others.

Tara was also challenged to continue being self-honest.

Her feelings of disappointment,

Sadness,

As well as annoyance and anger were all too often bottled up.

She now felt empowered to speak her thoughts and feelings with Michael and others,

To use her voice,

And to validate rather than deny or diminish her feelings.

Tara reminded herself that speaking her truth within a future healthy love relationship would be received respectfully and with positive attention.

Honesty curates relief and the absence of suffering.

Honesty serves as a foundation for mutual trust with the person that you've chosen to be in a relationship with,

And to nourish the experience of being able to feel heard and understood as your partner honors your truth.

Honesty does not preclude having disagreements,

But it does set the tone for a respectful exchange of truthful ideas and thoughts that serve to deepen one's knowledge about the other.

And finally,

A note for offering feedback to a loved one.

Please remember to be gentle,

Compassionate,

And kind.

You can convey how you are feeling,

Including how you have been hurt,

By using words that are respectful and considerate.

I feel and I am feeling are examples of how to express with honesty your feelings without pointing blame at another.

Often it is in sharing how we feel and think that misunderstandings and incorrect perceptions can be corrected with ease and heartfelt communication.

It is in this way that both members of a couple relationship can learn from one another while maintaining a respectful and healthy line of communication.

All names to reflect clients have been changed to protect their identity.

Some aspects of their story may have been altered in order to ensure their privacy.

Sending you all of my love,

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.

To hear more,

Please check out the other episodes here.

And then join me at DorothyRatusny.

Com where you can share your questions and feedback from this or any episode with me.

And where you'll also find the Wisdom Blog,

The inspiration for this podcast,

The latest online courses that I teach,

My YouTube videos,

An extensive library of free guided meditations for you to experience and enjoy,

Plus other special offerings of love.

Please also visit me on social media and say hello.

Allow yourself to go within,

To access your inner wisdom and to live this.

Awaken your authentic power,

Live your truth and be loved.

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.

Reviews

Honesty is 'honestly' a really important part of a relationship :) and thank you for shedding light on this story and these takeaways. It really helps me reinstate the importance of being heartfelt with my partner about the way we both feel

Thank you, I will listen to more/

Honesty the best policy.

Thank you.. so much!!

I really related to all of that. Thank you

Wonderful!! 🌸💜

She sounds wise for me...thought provoking

Excellent message which I needed tonight! Honesty as the path to freedom!

Thank you so so much for this unique meditation and the podcast really works better than streaming on my iPad ! Namasté !

true that! it helps to remember that the truth sets us free but first it hurts and if it doesn't hurt, it's not your truth ... ah, but the setting free is so worth it! thanks for this podcast