Empathizing With Ourselves And Others

Many lovingkindness instructions don't encourage us to connect empathetically to ourselves before we start to wish ourselves well. This meditation teaches the art of self-empathy, which helps our innate kindness to flow more easily. And once we have empathized with ourselves, we find it much easier to empathize with others, and then to genuinely wish them well.

Transcript

So in this period of practice we're going to work first on cultivating empathy for ourselves,

And then on developing kindness for ourselves,

And then we'll extend that to other people.

So first of all,

Making sure that we're sitting with a compassionate posture,

A posture that's relaxed,

Letting go of any unnecessary tensions in the body.

So we should be upright,

But we're not holding ourselves upright,

And we're not trying to force ourselves into what we think of as a perfect posture.

We're not trying to impress anyone.

So we're sitting comfortably,

But also we're sitting in this way that allows us to be upright and open and to breathe freely.

So being aware now of what's around us,

Just briefly acknowledging the sound and the light and the space,

Accepting whatever is arising right now,

Just letting our experience be,

And now turning our attention inward,

Allowing our awareness to connect more fully with the experience of sitting here,

The experience of the body,

Physical sensations arising from all over the body,

The feet,

Legs,

The hips,

The abdomen,

The chest,

The arms,

And the hands,

Being aware of the face and the rest of the head,

Just being open to whatever is arising from the soles of the feet up to the crown of the head,

And within this body,

There may be feelings arising,

And just noticing now whatever feelings you're bringing to this period of practice,

Just noticing,

For example,

Whether you're feeling at ease or not at ease,

And whatever you're feeling right now,

It's fine.

Even if you don't know how you're feeling right now,

That's fine.

There are pleasant feelings and unpleasant feelings,

But there are no right feelings or wrong feelings,

So we just allow our feelings to be there and accept them,

And now I'm going to suggest a couple of reflections.

These are just thoughts that you can allow to sink into the mind,

Just noticing whatever effect they have.

So the first of these thoughts is,

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy.

We're just recognizing that there is something we want in life.

Happiness may not be quite the right word for you.

We all have different goals,

Different idea of an optimum state.

Perhaps for you it's a sense of peace or well-being,

But there's something of this nature that you want,

That you desire.

So just checking in with your experience in this moment.

Do you want to be at peace,

At ease?

Do you want to be happy?

Do you want to have a sense of well-being?

If you're not sure,

Think about times in the past when you've been unhappy.

Was that what you wanted?

What kind of experience would you have preferred?

So we're empathizing here with our own deepest longings,

This deep-rooted desire for well-being of some sort.

And the second reflection I invite you to drop into the mind is that it's not easy to be happy.

It's not easy to be happy,

Or to be at peace,

Or to have a sense of well-being.

It doesn't happen as often as we would like.

Very often our days are woven through with strands of suffering of various kinds.

Irritability,

Frustration,

Longing,

Anxiety,

Confusion.

And we can accept that this is a natural part of the human condition.

That happiness is not easy to find.

And if this is an uncomfortable thought,

Just allowing that discomfort to be there.

So in cultivating these two reflections,

That we want to be happy,

And that happiness is elusive,

We're empathizing with the fact that we're doing a difficult thing in being human.

Life isn't easy,

And it's not our fault.

It's just the way things are.

So as we recognize that we're doing a difficult and challenging thing simply in being human,

Can we wish ourselves well?

Can we give ourselves support and encouragement?

And one way we can do this is to drop into the heart phrases that embody well-wishing.

We can offer ourselves support and encouragement by dropping in phrases like,

May I be happy,

May I be at ease,

May I be kind and loving toward myself and others,

May I be at ease,

May I be kind and loving toward myself and others.

So you can use those phrases or any phrases of your own that are meaningful for you.

Phrases that help us to feel a sense of kindness and empathy and support for ourselves.

And so now I invite you to call to mind someone that you care about,

Someone whose well-being is important to you,

So that when they're unhappy you care about that.

When they're happy,

You're happy.

So you can see this person in your mind's eye,

Or you can just imagine that this person is sitting beside you right now.

You can just feel their presence.

And we can just reflect that this person is in exactly the same situation as yourself.

This person you care about wants to be happy.

They want some kind of state of well-being or peace in their lives.

And this is their deepest yearning.

And for this person too,

Life is difficult.

Happiness is elusive.

So this person too is doing this difficult thing of being human.

And we can extend our support to them,

Our encouragement.

May you be happy.

May you be at ease.

May you be kind and loving to yourself and others.

May you be happy.

May you be at ease.

May you be kind and loving to yourself and others.

Just dropping in these phrases.

Offering this person our kindness,

Our support,

Our encouragement.

As they do this difficult thing of being human.

And if it feels appropriate,

You can see your friend looking back at you with kindness.

You can see this friend recognizing that you too are doing this difficult thing of being human.

So you're doing this together,

Supporting each other.

And now you can simply be aware of the space around you.

The space and the sound and the light.

And if there are any signs of living beings in this space,

Perhaps we can hear voices or the sounds of traffic or even just passing airplanes.

You can be aware that each of those beings is like you,

Like your friend,

A feeling being.

Each of these beings has their deepest yearning,

A desire for some kind of well-being or happiness.

And each of these beings finds life challenging,

Difficult.

And we can pervade our entire awareness,

This awareness of space,

Light,

Sound,

Other beings,

With a sense of kindness.

So that whoever we were to meet,

We would meet them in a kindly spirit.

And we can even drop into the mind phrases like,

May we all be happy.

May all be at ease.

May all beings be kind and loving to each other.

And just bearing that desire,

That desire for beings to be happy in mind.

Meeting all beings with kindness.

Whether it's that we see them in the mind's eye or meet them in our daily lives.

May we meet all beings with kindness and empathy,

With friendliness.

And so now as we're aware of this space around us,

The light,

The sounds,

The sounds of the mind,

It's preparing to rejoin more fully this external world of the senses.

I'm beginning to move the body,

Easing away any tensions that might have developed through sitting still.

Moving slowly and mindfully with gentleness.

And then when you feel ready,

Allowing the eyes to open.

Reviews

A wonderful meditation, felt very useful for me today. Thank you 🙏

Beautiful loving kindness practice made more accessible by acknowledging our similarities, our shared humanity, not only in the things that we want in life, like happiness, health & freedom from suffering, but also that achieving these things isn’t easy - acknowledging the ‘difficulty of this being human’ that we all experience. 🙏🏻🌺

Thank you. It set my day to be kind to myself and all I meet. To be mindful of that kindness ❤️

How lovely to see new practices from Bodhi! Very gentle loving kindness meditation. Thank you. ☮️💖🙏🖖🪷