Boundary Awareness & Activity (Meditation Or Journalling)

This is a timely talk & activity on setting boundaries, this can be used as a journal prompt, meditation, or listened to as a wisdom talk. I discuss types of boundaries & why these matter & are linked with our needs, discuss examples & encourage you to consider tangible examples in your own experience.
This is for you if: You wish for more conrol over decisions? Do you want to be able to set clear boundaries for yourself?

Transcript

Hi and welcome.

Today's little activity can be used as a journal activity,

Can be used as a reflective meditation.

You might listen to this on the bus or while driving to work.

All of those things are okay.

Towards the end there is a space where you can do a little meditation,

Just a couple of minutes.

This might be something that you can do as a meditation and keep your eyes closed or you may prefer to skip over that part if you are in a busy situation or you are driving and that's okay too.

Feel free to pause the track as you go,

Particularly if you are going to be using it for a journal prompt to give yourself some time to reflect inwardly and consider some of the ideas and questions being suggested.

So this talk is around setting boundaries.

Some of the examples that I've given revolve around Christmas because it is Christmas or Christmas time and the holidays but this can be used at any time where you are wanting to step through some problem solving around potentially why you are being taken advantage of or saying yes too often and it can be used for that too so that's okay.

So we are going to consider boundaries as three different boundaries,

So energetic,

Emotional and physical.

We will consider times when we have felt frustrated or triggered and using our curiosity to consider when we might have had some control to minimize the triggering or the frustration and use this to create a boundary.

So firm understanding with yourself about what you will no longer accept and we will develop a way or ways to establish this boundary or boundaries.

So we will firstly clarify the need which underpins almost all if not all behavior and then the boundary.

Clear needs mean clear boundaries.

Some of the warning signs or some of the things you might find you suffer with if you are not setting boundaries or setting clear boundaries or holding strong to your boundaries is that you do say yes when you really want to say no.

Other people's problems become your priorities.

We neglect important concerns related to home or work.

We suffer physically because there is so much outward focus that we are not listening to our inner self-care needs.

Just the basics like sleep,

Exercise,

Eating sometimes gets put by the wayside,

Particularly meditation and then things like that that we see as at value in our lives.

So we also can accept negative relationships and abusive relationships or being treated with less respect or no respect at all.

We can become overly apologetic and don't speak what we truly feel and what we need.

So physical need or the physical boundary is there a need for physical protection,

Like physical space.

Perhaps you are exhausted at the moment and this will take time away from rest.

So when you're in a situation,

Thinking about that.

So emotional,

So does this bring up negative emotions,

Shame,

Anxiety?

Is it making you feel a particular way?

Will the need to support others mean you minimize your own feelings and wants in this instance?

Energetically,

So how are you sharing your energy?

What kind of energy will you be sharing from others?

Will this be positive energy and a reciprocal exchange?

Or will this take important energy from those who you wish to share your energy with?

So consider a recent frustration or trigger.

A couple of examples are a recent event that you attended,

A party or a dinner,

Conversation about Christmas lunch or the money being spent on presents.

So just having a think about something that's happened recently that you've really felt triggered and frustrated by that really violated a boundary.

And feel free to pause the track,

As I said,

Anywhere along here if you need some time.

So we're then going to think about what kind of boundary this might be.

So is it an energetic boundary?

So if it's about a party,

Thinking about what the vibe is or was at the party or is going to be,

And will this vibe or this energy feed you and your energy?

Or will it deplete your energy?

Do you even like the people that are attending this party that you've been invited to?

Will you end up expending your energy to meet somebody else's need unnecessarily?

Is it a physical boundary?

So could you set a physical boundary?

Will attending this party exhaust you?

Maybe it would remove the opportunity to be truly present when you are with those that you do want to be switched on for and that you do want to spend time with.

And finally,

The emotional.

So does the present conversation bring to the surface feelings of shame,

Financial balance?

Does the silly season trigger in you the need to please everyone and say yes to everything?

So again,

Just having a think about that,

Pressing pause if you need.

Thinking about this incident that triggered you,

Can you think of a space or a time within this frustration where you could or could have enacted a boundary?

So stepping through the whole process from start to finish,

You know,

When the party maybe was first brought up right to the end where you then got home and were exhausted the next day or snapped at your partner because you were exhausted.

Thinking about the stages within that and the lead up to that and was there anywhere you could have enacted a boundary?

So maybe that might have been intentional consideration of the invitation,

Consideration of the event,

Mindful awareness of what would be expected of you and perhaps the energy that it would expel to attend and to meet that expectation.

Maybe it would have been thinking about and having awareness of other commitments that you had at that moment.

So when you've thought of some of those stops or pauses or spaces where you could have interjected and intervened,

Really think about what it would have looked like.

How would you establish this boundary next time?

Thinking about this example in retrospect,

Knowing there were spaces there where you could have made a different choice or said something differently,

What would that have looked like?

How would you have established that boundary?

It might be as simple as politely refusing the invitation or making a plan to attend but to leave by a certain time.

Maybe you arrive early so you don't have to be seated next to that person from work that you don't like or create a plan with a trusted friend to attend at the same time,

Sit next to each other and give each other an excuse to leave if you need.

Maybe it's being brave and talking about the want to bring Christmas back,

To spending time together rather than buying presents for that family member who's always needing to buy big expensive gifts,

Knowing that you have often the need to feel perfect,

Like you're meeting everybody's expectations all of the time and saying yes to everything and spending a lot more money than you should be.

Maybe you have that conversation with a family member,

With a friend,

Practice it with that trusted person and then have it with the family members.

It's okay to say I'm not buying Christmas gifts this year or I would like to just buy Christmas gifts for the children or avoiding it by doing a Secret Santa where you buy one present each and everybody gets something with an agreed upon budget,

Reducing the amount of stress for everybody in that way as well as respecting your boundaries and your needs.

So if you are journaling,

Potentially pause here.

If you're not and you're just having a think,

Just have a think from start to finish about the triggering event,

Where you might have implemented a boundary and what that might have looked like to protect your emotional,

Physical or energetic space.

Now we're going to have a little moment to reflect and meditate,

Have a mindfulness minute.

So if you are in a position to get comfortable and to lay down or to find a comfortable seat,

Then do so.

Closing over the eyes if it's safe and appropriate.

So when we know what we feel,

We can begin to know what we need.

When we're slow enough to consider and listen,

To be curious,

We're doing inward work.

Awareness of need and how to ensure that you can get what you need starts with turning inward.

This practice that we've stepped through today has allowed you the space,

Quiet and reflection to begin the work of self-awareness with a focus on needs and how boundaries can support those needs being met.

So as you lay or sit here,

Watch us quietly contemplate,

Feel a sense of accomplishment and calm wash over you.

Feel this both in your mind and in your physical body,

Accomplishment and calm.

Today you have used this practice and used this time to encourage intentional introspection.

Just breathing in and breathing out.

Breathing in and breathing out.

I'd like you to repeat silently,

Speaking directly into your heart space these affirmations.

I matter.

I matter.

My feelings matter.

My feelings matter.

My energy matters.

My energy matters.

My health matters.

My health matters.

I matter.

Take a moment here to consider the boundaries you've developed with this practice,

The self-care and the self-preservation strategies.

It is okay for me to say no and I do as I need to do.

My needs are important.

It is okay for me to say no and I do so as I need to.

My needs are important.

Breathing in and breathing out.

Feel the breath,

Feel your whole body as you breathe in.

Feel the sense of contentment in the whole body as you breathe out.

Breathing in to fill the whole body right down into the little toes,

Tips of the fingers,

Content in the whole body as you breathe out.

I matter.

My feelings matter.

My energy matters.

My health matters.

I matter.

Gently bringing awareness back into the body whether you are sitting or laying down.

Just taking it easy as you come back.

If you'd like to stay here a little longer that's okay too.

If you'd like to continue journaling that's okay too.

Reviews

Amazing 🤩

Thank you so helpful