I remember,
I remember when I first started dating and it seemed like everybody was looking for the one people wanted to be,
Other people's one and only.
I just thought,
One and only?
I mean,
When guys were wanting that,
All I could think is,
You're not even your one and only.
Those shoes seem too big for anybody to fill.
And then I was trying to understand because,
I was trying to understand why.
You see,
I never integrated into society,
Meaning I never identified with anything.
Never identified with family,
Never identified with being a daughter.
Identify is like taking on identities.
I never did that.
Never identified with being a daughter and what that meant.
Never identified with being a student or a race or a sex or anything.
I was just always like,
But what does that mean?
I understand that you gave birth to me and I understand that I'm here.
I'm trying to figure out why you're making it take on another meaning than that.
And then that is just your meaning or your perception.
And I had my own.
And I didn't feel the need to really,
No part of me ever thought like anything was wrong.
I didn't feel the need to replace my perceptions with somebody else's.
And then when I would look through things through their lens,
I didn't like it.
It didn't make sense.
It's like the one and only.
It seemed to me like it was like the concept of God.
The reason why I never used the word God is because I didn't want anybody,
Everybody that I saw,
That I knew who used the word God,
They didn't seem like they believed or knew whatever they were talking about or whoever they were talking about.
The AIs,
Right?
My friend Wolfie is making the AIs and he was explaining about how the human brain is limited space,
Limited space,
Right?
It's only so many synapses.
Only so many synapses,
Only so much wiring.
Okay,
But the AI is unlimited,
Unlimited space.
So they got to a point where the AIs could do single action or single task jobs.
So like a radiologist,
Like the AIs could do like a radiologist because it's a single task job,
Got multiple operations.
So then they realized the problem is the limited space of the human brain is limiting the ability of the AI.
So they started having the AIs that make the AIs.
So this is what I mean.
So that limited space,
All right?
So if the consciousness is low,
The consciousness is low,
Concepts like God,
The universe,
Love,
They're too big to comprehend,
To calculate because that's what the brain is for.
The brain is for understanding,
Calculating,
Right?
And so if the universe is too big,
The low consciousness cannot conceptualize that.
So it has to be reduced,
Reduced to something that can be understood.
And at that level,
That level of consciousness can only understand itself as itself.
So God has to become a man,
You know what I mean?
As opposed to the oneness of all that is everything.
Meaning the universe,
Everything that you know,
All of the galaxies that you know about is still only 0.
01%.
All of the gazillions of galaxies that are known is still only 0.
01%.
Because the mind cannot understand that vastness at that level of consciousness.
So if it's limited space and it's all occupied with all these identities that get taken on,
That leaves no room for God.
That's why it's called ego.
Ego is edging God out,
It's all the identities that the ego self takes on and leaves no room physically for God,
For God.
So it's the same with love,
Same with love.
So if at that level of consciousness,
God gets reduced to a being,
A being.
So the mind can't calculate beyond what it knows.
And even at that level,
You might not even know about the 0.
01.
Because God has to be somewhere in this place,
Heaven has to be like a room and then it has to be like a person.
It's as vast as it can be calculated.
So love is the same thing.
Love is the same thing.
It's too big,
Too big to be calculated.
So then it gets reduced to one,
Like God.
God becomes a one,
Love becomes a one,
My one and only.
But I didn't take on any identities,
I never have,
I never have.
The only person I know that's like that is when Sadhguru is talking,
But personally,
Not to,
Not to the 80% of the population that's still asleep.
Those concepts I can't get down with because to talk to the 80% that's still asleep,
All that is expansive has to be reduced to a finite and that I never understood.
So I wait until he's just talking about really his self.
And so he did the same thing I did.
And five years old,
One of my parentals told me,
Shit happens.
And I said,
What?
You mean to tell me no matter what I do,
Shit happens?
If that's true,
If that's true,
I'll take myself out.
This is a game I'm not willing to play with your God.
How about that?
So I took off.
I used to wear a Wonder Woman bathing suit.
I took off my Wonder Woman bathing suit,
I grabbed my lunch pail.
And I took off.
I didn't come back till that night.
Till that night I went out and I watched everything.
I'm in California,
So you know we have everything,
The beach,
The clouds,
The mountains,
Everything.
So I watched,
Just watched them all day.
And I saw that everything was in these cycles,
These circles,
Cycles,
Seasons.
The rain goes down,
But then it like gets,
Then it goes into the grass,
But then it goes up.
It fills up the clouds and it comes like rain.
It's like a cycle.
It's like a cycle.
So it's like,
Fruit,
Seasons,
Seasons.
Do we have fruit bears on trees?
So I was like,
They don't know what they're talking about.
I understood that life is fair.
It's exact.
It's exact.
It's not as emotional.
It's emotional,
Emotional,
It is a particular type of way.
It seems like everybody,
Everything was working with this harmony.
Everything was working in perfect harmony with each thing being itself,
Feeling no need to change the next thing.
All of these separate things,
I watched squirrels and birds in the trees.
And they'd all seem to be,
They're all using this one tree.
And also on that tree was ants.
There was ants on that tree,
There was caterpillars,
There was butterflies being birthed.
There was all kinds of life happening on one tree,
But nobody was trying to make anybody else do what the other ones were doing.
So the birds weren't trying to convince the squirrels to fly.
You know what I mean?
And the squirrels weren't playing chase with the birds.
They were doing their thing.
Birds were doing their thing.
You have like a caterpillar cocoon hanging on a leaf.
And they never bothered.
You had this whole underground network going on with the ants and everything individually,
But it was like this collective thing.
And the reason why it worked is because everything was allowed to just be.
To just be.
There was always,
There was this sheer perfection that already was.
They just were playing in it.
They were playing in it.
No person felt the need to change anything or any of the others.
And then I also noticed there was a lot of companionship.
Companionship.
But that all that life,
It,
It,
Even though the squirrels would be playing like in France,
It would be like always like two squirrels.
Maybe like three.
Probably three squirrels playing there,
Probably three.
And the same with birds.
You never just saw two things together.
You just never saw that.
You saw that they too had a certain kindred,
But that there was so much more than that.
And you saw these two birds.
They were like two little lovers,
But,
But they also,
But there was all this other stuff too.
