We're born into a social species.
Being cooperative and caring for others is hardwired into our DNA.
So it's not surprising that when we see them suffering,
Sometimes that suffering causes compassion to rise in us for them.
But what if it's us that's suffering?
What's self-compassion?
And how can we encourage that in ourselves?
Put simply,
Self-compassion is the power to be kind to ourselves.
But interestingly,
I find that in guided meditations,
Putting oneself in the place of receiving that compassion can be very hard for many people.
And yet.
.
.
Self-compassion is needed for anything that causes suffering.
And carers suffer.
They suffer mentally,
Emotionally and physically at times.
The most common causes for mental and emotional suffering is feelings.
Feelings of guilt,
Feelings of frustration,
Inadequacy,
Self-criticism,
Anger and sadness.
To help us accept self-compassion more fully.
I'm going to talk a little about why we need it.
And what we can do.
To help us get it.
Our bodies have marvellous systems and one of the greatest is the defence system,
The fight or flight response.
This response is a survival mechanism and it amps up the body ready to run or fight anything that threatens.
And that includes our thoughts and feelings.
Without this fight or flight mechanism,
We wouldn't have survived well as a species.
But for many of us,
These systems are activated if we feel challenged from others or ourselves.
It can come when we feel pain.
You'll know that if you resist pain,
It can become more intense.
And suffering can happen long before and well after the pain stops.
If we can accept that there are times when things can be painful and difficult and be with that pain and be with that difficulty without blame.
We can come to a greater ease with it and ease the suffering that attends it.
So get comfortable if you're not already,
Maybe relax a bit,
Put your feet up.
First of all,
It's important to give yourself permission.
Permission to look after yourself,
To look after you.
Your life's important.
And sometimes it can be hard to affirm that.
So just take a moment right now.
And consider that and say it to yourself,
Even if right at this moment you're not feeling it.
It's okay to look after yourself.
It's okay for you to look after you.
Now hopefully,
In your busy life,
You're already taking some time to relax a little.
The usual things,
Going for a walk,
Talking or meeting with friends,
Reading a book,
Settling down on your own to a lovely meal or drink.
Another way you know that you can bring comfort to yourself is to bring your hands around your stomach.
Or cross them over your chest.
In a sort of a self-hug.
In fact,
Any physical touch can bring comfort and a sense of security.
Even just putting your hand.
Over your head.
Try that.
Okay,
Now let's move into how to bring more compassion into you,
For you.
One of the ways to do it is to bring whatever is going on in you,
In your mind,
In your feelings,
Into awareness.
It can be hard at first to recognize when the mind is perhaps going through its usual story of,
Oh,
I should have done this or I shouldn't have done that and the associated guilt or self-criticism for not doing enough or for feeling frustration or anger at your situation.
It can be hard to notice all of those feelings,
That anger,
That frustration,
Or that sadness.
But when you do,
Name it.
Note it by saying the word to yourself.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Frustration.
Frustration.
Weariness.
Weariness.
And when you do,
Just stop whatever it is that you're doing and pause.
Take a deep breath right down into the belly and hold it a few seconds before you release it.
And then simply ask yourself.
What's happening here?
What's triggered this reaction?
And then offer some kindness,
Offer some compassion.
Ask yourself further,
What do I need right now?
What is it that can make me feel a little bit better?
And can you give it?
You may not have the answers straight away and that's fine.
Just by recognising,
Stopping and asking those questions,
You can separate your involvement in the reaction that's going on in you.
In time,
You can build a certain ability to see more clearly what's triggering you.
And once you know it,
You can move into questioning where that trigger came from.
Ultimately into a deeper understanding of what is motivating your behavior,
Which will give you balance and choice,
A choice to go along with the habit that has triggered you or not to.
The aim here is rather than having one a little space in yourself,
Rather than continue with the often habitual reaction.
You instead bring your conscious mind into play,
Which allows you to choose rather than run on the habit.
So in time,
Having noticed a reaction or a feeling and stopped.
Taking a breath.
Recognised and named that reaction,
Mood or behaviour that's been triggered.
Take some time and make a space in yourself.
You can use a simple relaxation technique or just focus on the breath and the feelings of breathing in and out for a few minutes.
But continue to be open to whatever's going on in you because now you can observe it rather than be lost in it.
With awareness comes insight.
With insight comes understanding.
And with understanding comes self-compassion.
Applying self-compassion,
A gentle acceptance,
A warm understanding of yourself.
Is an ongoing process.
The process can be helped by journaling your day-to-day thoughts and feelings.
These forms of self-compassion will help you to achieve not just a little more of balance in your life.
But a life that has more well-being and more happiness.
So let's finish with a short meditation.
Remaining or now sitting in a relaxed position and if you're comfortable closing your eyes.
Bring to your mind an image of yourself.
It could be whole body or just your face,
Face and shoulders.
A picture of you Now hold that image in front of you,
Facing you.
You and you face to face.
Now allow yourself to feel loving toward that face.
Allow yourself to begin to perceive and understand the challenges they face in life,
You face in life.
Allow yourself to feel compassion.
For that life.
Allow yourself.
To feel love.
For that life.
To feel the weight.
Of that care.
And then.
Say these words,
Or your own if you prefer.
To that face May you be safe.
And protected.
May you be safe.
And protected.
May you be safe.
And protected.
May you be healthy and well.
May you be healthy.
And well.
May you be healthy.
And well.
May you be rested and peaceful.
May you be rested.
And peaceful.
May you be rested.
And peaceful.
Thank you for journeying with me today.
