The Importance Of A Father Figure

In this 15 minute talk, Zoe shares her reflections about the Importance of a Father Figure.

Zoe recognises that a ‘father figure’ can be a parent, grandparent, coach or some one in the community whose unwavering

The message goes beyond one's family. It is the universal call for us to care for one another.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Zoe Jack and I'm here to talk about the importance of a father figure.

I am the founder of Zode Kinesiology,

A home-based clinic in Maroubra in Sydney's eastern suburbs in Australia.

I work with children,

Teenagers,

Adults,

Predominantly women and my sole focus for this work is to use kinesiology and shamanic energy and a number of different tools that I have in order to help people return back to themselves,

To reclaim who they've forgotten and to allow that connection to come from their heart.

I emigrated when I was 11 years old in 1978 from England.

It was a decision my dad made and for me it's proved very positive and successful.

So let me now take you on a journey.

A journey that delves into a fundamental yet often overlooked aspect of our lives,

The profound significance of a father figure.

As we navigate through this exploration I invite you to reflect on your own experiences,

Beliefs and the role that your own father figure has played or continues to play in shaping who you are today.

If it feels okay I invite you to close your eyes and I'm going to start with a simple question.

What comes to mind when you imagine a father figure?

Think back on your own journey,

Your own father,

A biological father,

A stepfather,

A grandfather,

A mentor,

Someone whose belief in you was unwavering,

Whose steady hand and warm heart guided you through life's turbulent waters.

Perhaps you see a source of discipline or authority or maybe,

Like many,

You know the ache of absence,

The void left by an empty chair at pivotal moments.

The truth is,

Whether their influence was positive,

Negative or painfully absent,

Father figures leave an indelible mark on who we become.

You may open your eyes.

Atticus Finch,

The father figure in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee,

Is unquestionably one of the most beloved father figures in movie history.

He embodies the father archetype,

Strong but gentle,

Self-sacrificing but not emotionally demonstrative,

Adored by his children but somewhat distant,

Providing more than being there,

He transcends mere authority.

My dad was like this.

My dad was there for us,

A source of guidance and advice,

Humour and love.

He worked a lot,

Often travelling around England as one of Her Majesty's inspectors of schools.

As I said,

We moved to Australia in 1978 when I was 11.

Dad's stress increased significantly during this time and his work became a focus.

He worked hard because he wanted to provide a better future for mum,

My three sisters and I,

But that came as a cost.

Some of my fondest memories as a child was when dad stayed home.

We would take extended holidays to the Lake District or Cornwall,

Sometimes Europe,

Seeing family and having long hikes,

Equipped with backpacks and boots.

We had to climb mountains,

Dad guiding and encouraging us.

One Easter,

Dad got up early before breakfast,

Walked up the mountain and placed Cadbury cream eggs in a rocky outcrop.

Walking back in time for breakfast,

All of us none the wiser.

When we all arrived at the rocks for a break,

We were so excited that the Easter Bunny had arrived.

You see,

My dad instilled magic in my world.

He was a source of guidance,

The protector and wisdom holder.

We went to him for sage advice or if we really needed something.

Mum gave us love and nurture and care.

She educated us.

But dad,

He gave us validation of who we were.

Research has consistently shown that a positive father figure can have a transformative impact on a child's life,

From instilling values of integrity and perseverance to providing emotional support during times of uncertainty.

Fathers contribute uniquely to a child's emotional and cognitive development.

They serve as role models,

Showing through their actions what it means to navigate challenges with resilience and grace.

But the importance of a father figure extends beyond the immediate family dynamics.

It influences broader societal outcomes.

Children who grow up with involved caring fathers are more likely to excel academically,

Exhibit healthier social behaviours and have a stronger sense of empathy and self-esteem.

These foundational qualities not only shape individual destinies,

They also can contribute to the fabric of a compassionate and thriving society.

Yet we must acknowledge that the concept of a father figure is not confined to biological ties.

It encompasses any individual who assumes a nurturing,

Guiding role in someone's life.

A stepfather,

Grandfather,

Mentor,

Teacher,

Coach,

A supportive community member.

The impact of their presence can be just as profound.

In our increasingly diverse world,

Where families come in all shapes and sizes,

The role of a father figure becomes even more nuanced and essential.

It's about the quality of the relationship,

The consistency of support and the belief instilled in the potential of those they guide.

It's in the magic that shines from the connection between a father figure and a protege.

However,

Amidst this celebration,

We must also recognise the challenges.

Not everyone has had the privilege of a positive father figure.

Many have faced absence,

Neglect or abuse.

Addressing these gaps require collective action,

From policies that support parental leave and family-friendly workplaces,

To community initiatives that foster positive male role models for at-risk youth.

As a teenager,

I went a bit off the rails.

Dad was always working,

Mum worked too and I became a latchkey kid.

Dad's drinking had increased,

Stress was high and arguments came and went.

I started drinking around 13 years old,

Just like my dad.

He was still being my role model,

But it was more dysfunctional now.

He still created magic on wonderful trips around Australia.

He guided me and offered protection and he provided for us,

But he was more absent emotionally.

It was like we weren't the focus anymore.

Work had taken over from family.

According to research,

Girls' confidence can plummet to 30% between the ages of 8 to 15.

Dads are often better at seeing this confidence drop,

If they are present and emotionally available.

But what of those children who haven't had a positive father figure?

A role model who inspires,

Protects,

Validates and nurtures them?

This is where each of us has a role to play.

Whether you're a father,

A mentor or simply a compassionate neighbour,

Your actions matter.

Your words of encouragement,

Your willingness to listen,

Your belief in someone's potential.

This can change the trajectory of a life.

So what can each of us do to harness the power of a father figure?

First,

Let's celebrate and honour those who have positively impacted our lives.

Let's amplify stories of resilience and compassion,

Recognising that every act of love and guidance matters.

That sharing our stories inspires the next generation to do it just a little bit better.

Second,

Let's commit to being that guiding presence for others,

Whether as parents,

Mentors or community members.

Let's make time to shape futures,

Build character,

Shower children with love and validation,

Respect one another and instil a sense of magic in every child's life so they know,

Without a shadow of a doubt,

That they are worth it.

It is within our power as individuals and societies to create this reality.

In closing,

My dad was an amazing man.

He taught me,

Guided me,

Protected me,

He provided for me and filled my world with magic.

I didn't see my dad as much as I wanted to.

He was ageing in West Australia and I was in Sydney,

Raising my own family.

In April 27,

He was at his eldest granddaughter's wedding.

He was proud,

Emotionally present,

Protective and guiding.

His cheeky smile and white hair showed the magic of a life well lived.

On the 28th of July 2017,

My dad passed away with 19 family members around him.

He didn't get to meet the next generation.

I had never felt so connected to my dad in that moment.

I had become what he had wanted,

The guide,

The teacher,

The protector,

The one filled with magic.

I held my dad's hand as he took his last breaths.

I spoke to his icy blue eye.

I kept him alive long enough for my sister to arrive to say her goodbyes.

The shadow of a man on a physical level,

But still a father figure of great love and guidance to his family.

So I call to you all now,

Make the time to connect and guide your children.

Reach out to the neighbourhood kids and to those young people around you.

Let them know that you're there and perhaps give them a little bit of love and validation.

And find the time today to hug the father figure in your life because he has clearly taught you well.

Thank you for listening.

This talk may have triggered you in some way.

If it has,

Please reach out for support.

As I said,

I'm in Maroubra,

But I also work online and my contact details are on the screen there.

And perhaps this has simply sparked your interest and it's given you a little flicker,

A flicker of hope or desire to go and connect with somebody and be their father figure.

Thank you so much for listening.

Reviews

My father story was repeated in my marriage. The real story of healing for me was in opening my eyes that I was living in addiction. I was the puzzle piece that went with the addict. I'm in Wisconsin and I'd probably love your clinic. All the best to you