Tinnitus And Language

In this track, I talk about how the word tinnitus can carry a lot of baggage, and invite you to experiment with describing what you hear as a sound in this moment rather than telling a story about a lifelong condition. I then lead a guided meditation on working with thoughts and emotions: settling into the breath, noticing thoughts as thoughts and feelings as feelings without getting carried away, and coming back to awareness when you drift. The practice includes a long stretch of silence before I invite you to open your eyes and reconnect with the room. This content is educational and is not a substitute for one-to-one professional care. Please do not listen while driving.

Transcript

So, I want to talk today about the role that language plays in our tinnitus distress. Now, That might seem very odd to you, But hear me out. So, As I say again and again and again, It's not about the tinnitus. Our problems with tinnitus are not about the sound of the tinnitus. We know it's not about the sound because a lot of people, Most people, According to Dr. James Henry in his latest book, Who have tinnitus, Are not bothered by the sound of tinnitus. And bother is not related to the loudness or the pitch or anything. It's related to something else. It's related to how our mind and our body are responding to the sound of the tinnitus. And I want to suggest that one of the ways that influences at least how our mind is responding to the tinnitus is the language that we use. In particular, The very term tinnitus is a term that carries a lot of baggage. And just saying, Oh, My tinnitus can change the way we experience our condition. So what I'm suggesting, It actually comes out of, I've been doing some reading of and some meditation practice with my meditation group, Jon Kabat-Zinn's latest book on mindfulness meditation for pain relief. And in one of the meditations, He tells the listeners to just drop the word pain from their vocabulary and just feel the experience of what is going on. Because the language we have here brings all sorts of baggage to the experience. So instead of saying tinnitus, Don't think, Tinnitus or my tinnitus is unbearable, You're building a whole condition onto yourself and all you're doing is experience is a sound at a particular moment. You don't have tinnitus. You have a sound at a particular moment in time. And if we can limit ourselves, Instead of telling a story about tinnitus, Just say, Oh, This sound is loud or it appears loud to me. It's not loud because no one else can hear it. This sound appears loud. And that's really just keeping yourself to a pure description of what's going on rather than telling a story about the tinnitus. And the very word tinnitus is loaded. It has a whole story about this condition that involves suffering and it's lifelong. And my God, I have tinnitus. I would think we're all better off excluding the word from our vocabulary. Just consider it. Now, I'm not saying we get rid of it on a large level. We don't banish the American Tinnitus Association, Tell them to change their name or, You know, Doesn't mean audiologists don't advertise. We deal with tinnitus. I think at a macro level, You know, Concepts can be very useful. You know, Concepts like race, Religion, You know, Gender can all be useful for societal reasons. Race, If we balance out use the concept of race in order to assure that there's equal representation among groups, It's probably a good thing at a macro level. But when we're dealing with a person one-on-one, We don't want to think in terms of race, Religion, Or gender. This is a person. I want to see this individuality, And I don't want to bring an overlay of this is what this race does, This is how a gender acts, This is how a religion believes. Fresh. And I think if we can eliminate this concept of tinnitus, It can change our perspective. It's a sound. And it's there at this moment. Sometimes the sound isn't there. Sometimes I'm so absorbed, Sometimes the sound sounds louder to me than at other times. So. . . Give it a shot, Right? You got nothing to lose. Just drop the word from your vocabulary and see what it feels like not to impose this burden of this condition on yourself, Like a very large backpack full of rocks you're hauling around. What you're experiencing is, In the present moment, You're experiencing sound. And I would even put it in the passive voice. Sound is being heard, Right? Sound is something akin to that. And that's what you're working with is sound in the present moment. And how can I work with that? Maybe I can focus on something else. Maybe I can take a breath. Maybe it's just there and I can do whatever I'm doing. And to think about in terms of what I'm working with in the present moment and not in terms of this whole lifelong condition that means I'm screwed. I mean, See how that works. I'm not saying it's going to magically change your life, But I really think it can reduce suffering a bit, And that's what we're about, Is suffering less. So if it doesn't work, Don't do it. Just a suggestion, Try it out. And so this is the meditation on working with thoughts and emotions having to do with pain. So we'll do this one. I'm going to mute everybody. So if you need to put on something, Please feel free to do so. I always suggest, Especially if you're starting out, That you engage in some sort of sound practice to work with the tinnitus. So settling in to whatever position you're comfortable in, Sitting, You can lie down and do this practice. Well, Begin by tuning into your breathing as you settle into the present moment, Working as best you can with any intense sensations that may arise. Trusting here in your own creativity and in your ability to stay with the process without the need to see immediate results. Seeing if you can simply ride on the waves of your breathing with full awareness over one or two or three cycles of in-breaths and out-breaths. And though this may be most useful when the tinnitus is very intense, It's also good to practice it at times when the tinnitus is not so intense. So it's wherever you're at right now. And as you settle in, Allowing your awareness to expand beyond the breath and the body to feature any thoughts and emotions that you may be experiencing. Placing them at center stage in the field of awareness. Perhaps you've already seen that your thoughts and emotions have a life of their own. They are simply fleeting events appearing and disappearing in the mind. They arise, Linger perhaps for a moment, And quickly pass away. But these very thoughts and emotions sometimes have so much power and energy associated with them that they can easily carry us away from attending uninterruptedly to breath sensations or to other sensations in the body, Whether they are pleasant, Unpleasant, Or neutral, Or from a sense of the body as a whole. So, As you sit here, Or lie here, Seeing if you can be in touch with the breath and the body, While also being aware of any thoughts and emotions that might arise. Linger for a moment or two, And then dissolve. And as best you can, Seeing if you can recognize each thought that arises as a thought. Noticing both its content and its emotional charge. Again as best you can just watching it arise and pass away without getting caught up in the content or the emotion of it. And if you do get carried away or lost, Which is bound to happen over and over again, Every time you notice it, Coming back again and again to the awareness of thoughts as thoughts and feelings as feelings. Even if we bring a very light touch to attending primarily to our thoughts and emotions, This can be hard work to sustain. So feel free to re-anchor yourself in the awareness of breath sensations at any point if you find it to be helpful and stabilizing. The fact is, The very noticing of thoughts as thoughts, And emotions as emotions, Is awareness itself. The moment you notice that your mind has gotten lost or the thought or feeling is direct evidence that your attention is already back. Of course, Our lives are complicated and we can have thoughts milling around pretty much about anything real or imagined. They can be about the past or the future or the present. But when we intentionally try to look at them directly and see them as thoughts, We may find that they are actually quite elusive, Like shy animals. It can take a degree of spaciousness, Stability, And stillness in our practice to detect them without immediately getting carried away by them. That said, If we manage to stay still in our attending, Even for brief moments, We discover that they are constantly appearing, Disappearing, Commenting, Reacting, Judging, Or yearning for something or other. And along with all those thoughts are many different emotions that are usually strongly tied to the thoughts we're having and the stories we're telling ourselves with those very thoughts. Can you sense that this might be going on right now as you allow yourself to be very quiet and still? In this meditation, We are bringing awareness to any thoughts and emotions that might arise, But especially to those related to the sensations you are experiencing in any given moment, Including the fact that the word tinnitus is a thought. For this reason, It can be very helpful to notice if you're having thoughts about the intense discomfort you may be feeling in your body and how often you automatically think of it as tinnitus. You might experiment with not calling it tinnitus when it comes up, At least some of the time. Since, As we just pointed out, The word tinnitus is itself a thought. It is not the experience itself. That can only be felt. So maybe you can investigate for yourself, Take a look and see whether when you do think of what you are experiencing as tinnitus as opposed to intense sensation, It increases the intensity of the sensation even more and perhaps the suffering as well. Can you experiment with not calling it tinnitus right now, Since that is just the thought rather than the sensory experience itself? Why not just take a peek every now and again and see whether this is true for you. How about now? Sometimes our thoughts about intense sensations can take the form of such statements as, This is killing me, Or I can't stand this any longer, Or how long will this go on, Or my whole life is a mess, Or I'll never be free from this tinnitus, Or there's no hope for me, We all have such thoughts at times. They are like storms in the mind, Mere turbulence. It's totally understandable that we have them, But it's also helpful to notice that they are just thoughts, Often very reactive thoughts, And not necessarily true either, Although we might think they are. And certainly none of these thoughts is the tinnitus itself. They are all thoughts about the tinnitus and also perhaps the story you may be telling yourself about it. In fact, You may not even realize that such thoughts and the emotions that accompany them may very well be contributing to your experience of both pain and suffering without you even knowing it. Just bringing awareness to your thoughts and emotions about the tinnitus may over time have a very dramatic effect in reducing the degree of suffering you're experiencing. So, Can you integrate awareness of thoughts and emotions into your mindfulness practice and recognize them as thoughts and emotions when they appear in the field of your awareness? It's the very same awareness whether you are choosing to feature thoughts, Emotions, Or sensations in the body, Or sounds, Or other aspects of life for that matter. When you see and feel the sensations you are experiencing, However intense they may be, As sensations pure and simple, You may see that these thoughts about the sensations can actually make things worse, Intensifying the experience of suffering. In recognizing them as thoughts and letting them be without either pushing them away or pursuing them, You are putting out the welcome mat for the sensations themselves, Simply because they are here anyway. Why not just accept them for now, Realizing that the part of you that is aware of the sensations, Thoughts, And emotions of tinnitus is not itself experiencing tinnitus or ruled by these thoughts or feelings at all. Awareness knows them directly underneath the conceptual labels and descriptions and stories we tell ourselves. The less you identify them with my tinnitus or my suffering or the truth about me, The more freedom you already have right in this moment. This awareness of thoughts as thoughts, And not the truth of things, And of emotions as emotions, And also not the truth of things, This very awareness is an innate capacity within which you can embrace and take a look at all aspects of your experience. Not just when you are cultivating mindfulness during a formal period of meditation practice at a specific time of day, But also informally in all the unfolding moments, Activities, And engagements of daily living. The invitation is also the same, To see if you can be aware of whatever thoughts and emotions arise as you keep up the meditation practice, Resting in awareness itself. And if you find it helpful and stabilizing, Staying grounded as best you can in awareness of breath sensations in the body, Moment by moment. So we'll sit here, Continuing to practice, Working with thoughts and emotions until I ring the bell. Alright, So when you're ready, Open your eyes and reconnect with the room.