44 Sense And Sensibility Read By Stephanie Poppins

When Mr. Dashwood dies, he must leave the bulk of his estate to the son of his first marriage. This leaves his second wife and their three daughters Elinor, Marianne, and Margaret in difficult circumstances. They are taken in by a kindly cousin, but their lack of fortune affects the marriageability of practical Elinor and romantic Marianne.

When Elinor forms an attachment for the wealthy Edward Ferrars his family disapproves and separates them. And though Mrs. Jennings tries to match the rich and kind Colonel Brandon to Marianne, she finds the dashing and fiery John Willoughby more to her taste.

In this episode, Willoughby arrives in a great state of agitation, and persuades Elinor to listen to his story.

Transcript

Hello.

Welcome to Sleep Stories with Steph,

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Come with me as we immerse ourselves in a romantic journey to a time long since forgotten.

But before we begin,

Let's take a moment to focus on where we are now.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out with a long sigh.

That's it.

Now close your eyes and feel yourself sink deeper into the support beneath you.

It is time to relax and fully let go.

There is nothing you need to be doing now and nowhere you need to go.

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Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen Chapter 44 Chapter 44 Eleanor obeyed the first impulse of her heart in turning instantly to quit the room,

And her hand was already on the lock when its action was suspended by his hastily advancing and saying in a voice rather of command and supplication,

"'Miss Dashwood,

For half an hour.

For ten minutes,

I entreat you to stay.

' "'No,

Sir,

' she replied with firmness.

"'Willoughby,

I shall not stay.

The servants,

I suppose,

Forgot to tell you Mr.

Palmer was not in their house.

' "'Had they told me,

' he cried with vehemence,

"'that Mr.

Palmer and all his relations were at the devil,

It would not have turned me from the door.

My business is with you and you only.

' "'With me,

' said Eleanor in the utmost amazement.

"'Well,

Sir,

Be quick,

And if you can,

Less violent.

' "'Sit down and I will be both,

' he said.

" Eleanor hesitated.

She knew not what to do.

The possibility of Colonel Brandon's arriving and finding him there came across her,

But she had promised to hear him,

And her curiosity,

No less than her honour,

Was engaged.

After a moment's recollection,

Therefore,

She walked silently towards the table and sat down.

"'Pray be quick,

Sir,

' said Eleanor impatiently.

"'I have no time to spare.

' "'Your sister,

' said he with abruptness,

A moment afterwards,

"'is out of danger.

But is it true?

Is it really true?

' Eleanor would not speak,

So he repeated the inquiry with yet greater eagerness.

"'For God's sake,

Tell me,

Is she out of danger?

' "'We hope she is.

' "'Had I known as much half an hour ago.

"'But since I am here,

What does it signify?

Miss Dashwood,

Tell me honestly.

' A deep glow overspread his cheeks.

"'Do you think me almost a knave or a fool?

' Eleanor looked at him with greater astonishment than ever.

She began to think he must be in liquor,

And with this impression she immediately rose.

"'Mr.

Willoughby,

I advise you at present to return to Coombe.

"'Whatever your business may be with me,

It may be better recollected and explained tomorrow.

' "'I understand you,

' he replied.

"'I am very drunk.

A pint of porter with my cold beef at Marlborough was enough to overset me.

' "'At Marlborough?

' "'Yes.

I left London this morning at eight o'clock,

"'and the only ten minutes I've spent out of my chaise since that time "'procured me a luncheon at Marlborough.

' The steadiness of his manner and the intelligence of his eyes he spoke,

Convincing Eleanor he was not brought here by intoxication.

She said,

"'Mr.

Willoughby,

You ought to feel,

And I certainly do,

"'that after what has passed your coming here in this manner requires a very particular excuse.

"'What is it you mean by it?

' "'I mean,

' said he,

With serious energy,

"'if I can to make you hate me one degree less than you do now,

"'I mean to offer some kind of explanation,

Some kind of apology for the past.

"'I've not always been a rascal.

' "'Is this the real reason of your coming?

' "'Upon my soul it is,

' was his answer,

"'with a warmth which brought all the former Willoughby to her remembrance,

"'as in spite of herself it made Eleanor think him sincere.

"'If that is all you may be satisfied already,

For Marianne does.

"'She has long forgiven you.

' "'Has she?

' he cried in the same eager tone.

"'Then she's forgiven me before she ought to have done it.

"'But she shall forgive me again and on more reasonable grounds.

"'Now will you listen to me?

' "'Eleanor bowed her assent.

"'I do not know,

' said he,

"'how you may have accounted for my behaviour to your sister,

"'but when I first became intimate in your family I had no other intention "'than to pass my time pleasantly while I was obliged to remain in Devonshire.

"'Your sister's lovely person and interesting manners could not but please me,

"'and her behaviour to me,

Almost from the first,

Was of a kind.

.

.

"'It is astonishing,

When I reflect on what it was and what she was,

"'that my heart should have been so insensible.

"'But at first I must confess my vanity only was elevated by it.

"'Careless of her happiness,

And thinking only of my own amusement,

"'I endeavoured by every means in my power to make myself pleasing to her,

"'without any design of returning her affection.

"'Miss Dashwood at this point,

Turning her eyes on him with a most angry contempt,

"'stopped him by saying,

"'It is hardly worthwhile,

Mr.

Willoughby,

For you to relate,

"'or for me to listen any longer.

' "'I insist on your hearing the whole of it,

' he replied.

"'My fortune was never large,

And I had always been expensive.

"'Every year since my coming of age,

Or even before,

I believe,

"'had added to my debts.

"'And though the death of my old cousin,

Mrs.

Smith,

"'was to set me free,

"'yet that event being uncertain,

And possibly far distant,

"'it had been for some time my intention "'to re-establish my circumstances by marrying a woman of fortune.

"'To attach myself to your sister,

Therefore,

Was not a thing to be thought of.

"'And with a meanness,

Selfishness,

Cruelty,

"'I was acting in this manner,

Trying to engage her regard,

"'without a thought of returning it.

"'But one thing may be said for me,

"'even in that horrid state of selfish vanity,

"'I did not know the extent of the injury I meditated,

"'because I did not know then how it was to love.

"'But have I ever known it?

"'Well,

It may be doubted,

For had I really loved,

"'could I have sacrificed my feelings to vanity,

To avarice?

"'Or could I have sacrificed hers?

"'But I have done it.

"'To avoid a comparative poverty,

"'which her affection and her society "'would have deprived of all its horrors,

"'I have,

By raising myself to affluence,

"'lost everything that could have made it a blessing.

' "'You did then?

' said Eleanor,

A little softened.

"'Believe yourself at one time attached to her?

"'Yes,

I found myself by insensible degrees,

"'sincerely fond of her,

"'and the happiest hours of my life were what I spent with her.

"'Even then,

However,

When fully determined "'on paying my addresses to her,

"'I allowed myself most improperly "'to put off from day to day the moment of doing it,

"'from an unwillingness to enter into an engagement "'while my circumstances were so greatly embarrassed.

"'At last,

However,

My resolution was taken,

"'and I determined as soon as I could to engage her alone.

"'Justify the attentions I'd so invariably paid her,

"'and openly assure her of an affection "'which I had already taken such pains to display.

"'But in the interim a circumstance occurred,

"'an unlucky circumstance,

To ruin all my resolution,

"'and with it all my comfort.

"'A discovery took place.

"'Here he hesitated and looked down.

"'Mrs Smith had somehow or other been informed,

"'I imagine by some distant relation,

"'of an affair,

A connection,

"'but I need not explain myself further.

"'He looked at her with a heightened colour and inquiring eye.

"'You have probably heard the whole story long ago.

"'I have,

' returned Eleanor,

"'hardening her heart anew against any compassion for him.

"'I have heard it all.

"'And how you will explain away any part of your guilt "'in that dreadful business,

"'I confess,

Is beyond my comprehension.

"'Remember,

' cried Willoughby,

"'from whom you received the account.

"'I acknowledge that her situation and her character "'ought to have been respected by me.

"'I do not mean to justify myself,

"'but at the same time I cannot leave you to suppose "'that because she was injured she was irreproachable,

"'and because I was a libertine she must be a saint.

"'If the violence of her passions,

"'the weakness of her understanding,

"'I do not mean,

However,

To defend myself.

"'I have injured more than herself,

"'and I have injured one whose affection for me "'was scarcely less warm than hers.

"'Your indifference,

However,

"'said Eleanor,

"'towards that unfortunate girl,

"'is no apology for your cruel neglect of her.

"'You must have known that while you were enjoying yourself "'in Devonshire she was reduced to the extremest sorrow.

"'But upon my soul I did not know it,

' "'he warmly replied.

"'I did not recollect I had omitted to give her my direction,

"'and common sense might have told her how to find it out.

"'Well,

Sir,

What said Mrs.

Smith?

"'She taxed me with the offence at once,

"'and my confusion may be guessed.

"'The purity of her life,

"'the formality of her notions,

"'her ignorance of the world,

"'everything was against me.

"'My visit ended in a total breach.

"'By one measure I might have saved myself.

"'In the height of her morality,

Good woman,

"'she offered to forgive the past,

"'if I would marry Eliza.

"'That could not be,

"'and I was formally dismissed from her favour and her house.

"'The night following this affair "'was spent by me in deliberating "'on what future conduct I should have.

"'My affection for Marianne,

"'my thorough conviction of her attachment to me,

"'it was all insufficient to outweigh "'that dread of poverty "'which I was naturally inclined to feel,

"'and expensive society had increased.

"'I had reason to believe myself secure of my present wife "'if I chose to address her,

"'and I persuaded myself to think "'nothing else in common prudence remained for me to do.

"'I was engaged to dine with you on that very day.

"'Some apology was therefore necessary "'for my breaking the engagement,

"'but whether I should write this apology or deliver it "'was a point of long debate.

"'To see Marianne I felt would be dreadful,

"'and I even doubted whether I could see her again "'and keep to my resolution.

"'Why did you call,

Mr.

Willoughby?

' "'said Eleanor reproachfully.

"'A note would have answered every purpose.

"'I could not bear to leave the country "'in a manner that might lead you "'or the rest of the neighbourhood "'to suspect any part of what had really passed "'between Mrs.

Smith and myself.

"'The sight of your dear sister,

However,

"'was really dreadful,

"'and to heighten the matter I found her alone.

"'I had left her only the evening before,

"'so firmly resolved within myself on doing right.

"'A few hours were to have engaged her to me for ever.

"'Her sorrow,

Her disappointment,

"'and deep regret when I told her "'I was obliged to leave Devonshire,

"'I never shall forget.

"'Oh God,

What a hard-hearted rascal I was!

' "'They were both silent for a few minutes,

"'and Eleanor first spoke.

"'Did you tell her you should soon return?

' "'I do not know what I told her,

' "'he replied impatiently.

"'Less than what was due to the past,

"'beyond a doubt,

"'and in all likelihood "'more than was justified by the future.

"'Then came your dear mother to torch me further "'with all her kindness and confidence.

"'I was miserable.

"'Miss Dashwood,

You cannot have an idea "'of the comfort it gives me "'to look back on my own misery.

"'I owe such a grudge to myself "'for the stupid,

Rascally folly "'of my own heart,

"'that all my past sufferings under it "'are only triumph and exultation to me now.

"'And so I left all that I loved "'and went to those to whom at best "'I was only indifferent.

' "'Well,

Sir,

' said Eleanor,

"'and this is all?

' "'All?

"'No,

Have you forgot what passed in town?

"'That infamous letter?

"'Did she show it you?

' "'Yes,

I saw every note that passed.

"'When the first of hers reached me,

' "'he went on,

"'my feelings were very,

Very painful.

"'Every line,

Every word "'was a dagger to my heart.

"'To know that Marianne was in town "'was a thunderbolt.

"'Marianne's note,

"'by assuring me she was as constant "'in her own feelings "'and as full of faith "'in the constancy of mine as ever,

"'awakened all my remorse.

"'I say awakened because time and London,

"'business and dissipation,

"'had in some measure quieted it,

"'and I had been growing "'a fine-hardened villain,

"'fancying myself indifferent to her.

"'But this note made me know myself better.

"'I felt that she was infinitely dearer to me "'than any other woman in the world,

"'and that I was using her infamously.

"'But everything was then just settled "'between Miss Grey and me.

"'To retreat was impossible.

"'All that I had to do was avoid you both.

"'I sent no answer to Marianne,

"'and for some time was even determined "'not to call into Barclay Street.

"'But at last,

Judging it wiser to affect "'the air of a call,

Common acquaintance,

"'than anything else,

"'I watched you all safely out of the house "'one morning and left my name.

"'Watched us out of the house!

' "'Eleanor exclaimed.

"'You will be surprised to hear "'how often I watched you.

"'How often I watched you,

' replied Willoughby.

"'I avoided the Middletons as much as possible,

"'as well as everybody else "'who was likely to prove an acquaintance in common.

"'But the next morning brought another short note "'from Marianne.

"'Still affectionate,

Open,

Artless,

Confiding,

"'everything that could make my conduct most hateful.

"'I could not answer it.

"'I tried,

But I could not frame a sentence.

"'And that evening,

What agony it was!

"'Marianne,

Beautiful as an angel on one side,

"'calling me Willoughby in such a tone,

"'and Sophia,

Jealous as the devil on the other hand,

"'looking all that was.

"'Well,

I ran away from you all as soon as I could,

"'but not before I had seen "'Marianne's sweet face as white as death.

"'That was the last,

Last look I ever had of her.

"'Yet when I thought of her today as really dying,

"'it was a kind of comfort to me "'to imagine I knew exactly how she would appear "'to those who saw her last in this world.

' "'A short pause of mutual thoughtfulness succeeded.

"'Then Willoughby,

First rousing himself,

"'broke it thus.

"'Well,

Let me make haste and be gone.

"'Your sister's certainly better,

"'certainly out of danger.

"'We are assured of it.

"'Your poor mother,

Too,

Doting on Marianne.

"'But the letter,

Mr.

Willoughby,

Your own letter,

"'have you anything to say about that?

' "'Yes,

Yes,

That in particular,

' he said.

"'Your sister wrote to me again,

You know,

"'the very next morning.

"'You saw what I said.

"'I was breakfasting at the Ellison's,

"'and her letter with some others "'was brought to me there from my lodgings.

"'It happened to catch Sophia's eye.

"'before it caught mine.

"'She opened the letter directly "'and read its contents.

"'She was well paid for her impudence,

"'and she read what made her wretched.

"'Her wretchedness I could have borne,

"'but her passion,

Her malice.

"'At all events,

It must be appeased.

"'And in short,

What do you think "'of my wife's style of letter-writing?

"'Delicate,

Tender,

Truly feminine,

Was it not?

' "'Your wife!

"'But the letter was in your own handwriting.

' "'Yes,

I had only the credit "'of copying such sentences "'as I was ashamed to put my name to.

"'The original design was all her own.

"'But what could I do?

"'We were engaged,

Everything in preparation,

"'the day almost fixed.

"'I'm talking like a fool.

"'Preparation,

Day.

' "'In honest words,

Her money was necessary to me.

"'And in a situation like mine,

"'anything was to be done to prevent a rupture.

"'After all,

What did it signify to my character "'in the opinion of Marianne and her friends?

"'In what language my answer was couched.

"'My business was to declare myself a scoundrel.

"'And whether I did it with a bow "'or a bluster was of little importance.

"'Such were my reasonings.

"'And in a sort of desperate carelessness,

"'I copied my wife's words "'and parted with the last relics of Marianne.

"'Her three notes,

The lock of hair,

"'that too I had always carried about "'in the same pocketbook,

"'which was now searched by madam "'with a most ingratiating virulence.

"'Every memento was then torn from me.

"'You are very wrong,

Mr.

Willoughby.

"'Persisted Eleanor.

"'You are very blameable.

"'You ought not to speak in this way,

"'either of Mrs.

Willoughby or my sister.

"'You have made your own choice.

"'Your wife has a claim to your politeness "'and your respect at least.

"'She must be attached to you "'or she would not have married you.

"'To treat her with unkindness "'is no atonement to Marianne.

' "'Do not talk to me of my wife,

' "'said Willoughby with a heavy sigh.

"'She does not deserve your compassion.

"'She knew I had no regard for her "'when we married.

"'And now do you pity me,

Miss Dashwood?

"'Have I explained away any part of my guilt?

' "'Yes,

You have certainly removed something.

"'You've proved yourself on the whole "'less faulty than I believed you,

' "'said Eleanor.

"'But I hardly know the misery "'that you've inflicted.

' "'Will you repeat to your sister "'when she's recovered "'what I have been telling you?

"'Tell her of my misery and my penitence.

"'Tell her my heart was never inconstant to her.

"'And if you will at this very moment,

"'tell her she is dearer to me than ever.

'"

Reviews

Oh my…wasn’t expecting That… he’s still a buffoon, but good to hear he has some sense 🙄🙏🏽❤️