Peace and blessings everyone.
This is Lasanya with the Goddess Ki.
I hope you are having a fantastic day wherever you may be.
This is the Goddess Journey as I go deeper into my healing process and share that with you,
The listeners.
I was flipping through TikTok,
Came across a video about healing your childhood traumas or things that you may need to heal from your childhood.
And throughout the week I have been praying and seeking what more was it that I needed to heal.
Now I may have mentioned in previous episodes that there was or has been tension not getting along with my mother.
I am the only child and I want you all to keep in mind that my mother is a boomer.
She's a baby boomer.
And the way they were raised is quite different from how we do things now,
How we view the world,
How we do in society,
How we do parenting.
So the things I'm going to may speak about that may come up,
Keep that in mind that her programming at the time is quite different from the way she was raised compared to how she raised me and how I raised my kids.
Because I have children in each generation.
I have a millennial,
I have a Gen Z,
And I have a Gen Alpha.
So in each one of them,
Well my oldest son was raised a little bit different compared to the last two because they were here with me together.
But that's neither here nor there.
So I've been asking and praying like what more was it that I needed to heal.
And within the past year I have analyzed and really tried to,
Oh I did,
I want to say try,
I did take myself and look at my mother just as another woman,
Not necessarily as my mother.
Look at her relationships to how she was raised with my grandmother,
Not really having a relationship with her father.
I only met my grandfather one time like I was five or six.
I don't even remember what he looks like.
I met him and that's from her father on my dad's side of the family,
His father.
I met him a few times but I did not have a relationship with him or her father.
So I looked at all of that,
Her relationships with her father which was not really there,
And then having a relationship that spanned it from 1970 up until recently,
I want to say 2018,
2019 that she was with my father and at the end of their marriage they were separated for at least about 10 years plus.
And how that relationships and the things that went on in their marriage affected her from a woman's perspective and how I would have dealt with that being a woman.
Now me personally I wouldn't have stayed with my dad the way she did but again this is a boomer generation.
These were the things that they were taught that you stick it out and you deal with a lot of the things that come with that when you get married to your husband,
You don't get a divorce,
That kind of thinking deep-rooted in Christianity,
Especially being here in the South.
So I looked at all of that last year and got a much better understanding of when people are hurt,
They hurt the closest thing to them.
So I took that into account to start to unravel and let some of that go.
And also she was not a physically loving mother,
I was never told that I was loved by her or my father really.
Every blue moon like when I was a teenager he might would come and say that but never being told I love you like I tell my kids all the time.
That was just non-existent.
My mother first told me she loved me I was 25 years old and I was sick and she thought I was having one another episode where I was getting sick a lot in my early 20s and she took me to the hospital left me there and kind of found out my appendix was getting ready to bust and they had to have emergency surgery and then she was sorry and that's when she said that she loved me.
But when you're 25 and you have said things and did things that was not so nice and kind there was really no bonding bonding.
You saying that you love me at 25 really didn't too much matter to me at that point especially when you're 25 you're young you really don't really care and that's what my mindset was at that time.
So coming a little bit along in this journey of healing from my childhood because a lot of stuff as far as relationships with men,
My actions,
Things that I've done with friends and intimate partnerships and things like that I have really gone through and check myself to make sure that I'm trying to be or make sure I am being the most upright person,
A good friend that someone can call on but also having my own boundaries and understand their boundaries as well.
So this is the last part of my journey of going back and really unpacking a lot of things that went on in my childhood.
So I'm coming up to the point now where my divine purpose and destiny of what I'm supposed to be doing and my earliest memory and this is where some of my self-esteem and thinking how people will perceive me or how I'm being viewed will come to surface because my earliest remember of me remembering telling my mother what I wanted to do and I believe every child is coded knowing what they came here to do if you will listen to them especially when they're between when they have good communication skills between the ages of five and seven they will tell you what they want to do if you really really listen and I told my mother that I wanted to report the news I wanted to act I wanted to sing initially I wanted to report the news this is what I told her I wanted to I wanted to tell the news and I remember her telling me oh you don't read very well how are you going to do that and I never pursued it and the whole time I'm doing my school from elementary school to high school we didn't have middle school when I was growing up so you went from first to eighth grade um first to seventh grade and eighth grade to 12th grade and my whole time in school I was always labeled as someone who didn't read very well and it wasn't that the fact that I couldn't read very well it was the fact that I would get very nervous about reading in front of the class when the teachers would call on you and you would have to stand up and read or read something and back then in the 70s and the 80s we didn't have no anti-bullying if you messed up or if you didn't know a word or you stumbled then you were picked on you was made fun of and if they didn't do it in class they surely did it after class or it will carry on from class to class you being the the the joke of the day so I would always get nervous and scared about reading in front of the class because a second thing I was a big girl and that was very uncommon during that time so I'm sitting here and I'm listening to this thing on TikTok and I remembered what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be and then I remember my mom saying you don't read very well which just knocked my confidence away two I was putting things on ACX for audiobooks how many people was reaching out to me to be the voice of their book their book and it just made me come full circle and to really start to heal that process that yes Sonja you can do this you can be this this is what you always said that you wanted to do so if it's something out there that you're passionate about that you told someone and they just made you feel less than or made you go in a different direction or second guess what your thoughts were what your plans were were what your dreams were go back and revisit go back and heal go back and look at that time and start the process to complete your journey complete your destiny complete your purpose whatever it may be so this is what I'm doing I hope you come along and join me on the goddess journey journey and again this is lasagna please follow me where you'll be able to get more spiritual information more spiritual tools some affirmation meditations so I hope this message find you well and until next time peace
