Greetings,
This is Lasanya,
The Goddess Key here on Inside Timer.
I'm going to explore dealing with a narcissistic mother.
I have a narcissistic mother and it is becoming particularly challenging as she ages,
Especially when one of the traits is the lack of empathy.
Her lack of empathy has deeply affected me during my childhood and adulthood.
And in the past,
I have tried to make sense of where this lack of empathy stems from.
I have considered the generational trauma that has been passed down from generation to generation,
Especially for those of African-American descent.
From slavery,
To Jim Crow,
To the Civil Rights Movement,
To the War on Drugs,
Survival often required a certain behavior.
During slavery,
For example,
A mother couldn't fully love or nurture her child as they may have wanted to,
Knowing that at any moment that child could be sold or killed.
And this harsh reality meant that emotional bonds were often suppressed,
Not by choice,
But by a means of survival.
Reflecting on my own family history,
I could see some of these patterns showing up in my great-grandmother,
Who was born in 1912,
My grandmother,
Who was born in 1935.
And though these times have passed,
The effect of these survival mechanisms still linger.
The lack of empathy that my mother exhibit could be seen as a form of this inherited programming,
Deep-rooted in our collective DNA.
This inability to connect emotionally or respond to her child needs,
As well as the demissal of the feelings,
Are all a part of the legacy that has been passed down.
One of the most beneficial,
Essential gifts a mother can give her child is unconditional love.
When it's not received,
It can leave damaging effects.
My mother's concept of love was not nurturing,
And even to this day,
She still continues to lack empathy.
The real reason I'm on this journey is because she is aging rapidly and her health is declining.
When I moved back to Georgia after my divorce,
I made a conscious decision to start to limit my interactions with her and establish boundaries to protect myself and my children.
Now as she declines further,
I'm faced with difficult questions.
What are my options?
How do I show up?
How do I respond to her needs?
Being that I am her only child,
I do have other family members that have been a phenomenal support,
But being around her could potentially reopen old wounds,
Leaving me vulnerable and unhealed,
And revisiting and trying to overcome things that I have worked so hard to get past.
So I hope you join me on this ongoing journey.
If you have a narcissistic mother or parent or have been in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic,
I would love to hear your feedback.
When we're in a relationship with a narcissistic partner and we didn't have any kids or things of that nature,
You can kind of move on from it because you can cut them off and never hear or see them again,
But when you're dealing with a parent,
There is some level of feeling guilty and how do you cope with that?
How do you maintain your boundaries and how to use the tools in the process to keep yourself safe?
So again,
This is Lasanya,
The Goddess Key.
I would love to hear your feedback,
Your comments.
Please make sure you share and follow me here on Inside Timer.
So when I post another talk,
You will be notified.
And until next time,
Peace.
