Cultivate Healthy Relationships

To Attract Healthy Relationships we can't be the same person we've been up to now, we need to shift those patterns and personality that lacks boundaries and unfortunately attracts Narcissism, this is not who you are, this has been inherited. In this Track you will learn how to set boundaries more efficiently, through Fear Identification, journaling and an easy Self validation technique you can use to create new Neuro pathways and feel safer being your True Authentic Self.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Beatriz,

I'm a family consolations facilitator,

And today I wanted to speak specifically about what is a narcissistic person,

What does that mean,

And why would someone keep attracting a narcissistic partner in the romantic way,

In the romantic area,

Or in general,

Like narcissistic people.

And this has a lot to do with childhood.

That person was likely to experience a narcissistic parent,

Either one or the other or both.

So when this person or this woman hasn't felt seen in childhood,

Always doubted herself,

Felt dismissed,

Not heard,

Invalidated,

Like her feelings were invalidated over and over again as a child,

Does it make sense that that became a familiar dynamic inside of this person as a conflict,

And that she would attract narcissistic relationships because this feels familiar in her energy system.

So even though she wants a healthy relationship,

She wants to feel seen,

Like every woman and every person in the world wants to feel seen,

Heard,

Validated,

Loved,

Cared for,

And all these wonderful things,

At the same time,

If the person already feels like this energy of not feeling seen and validated,

Their emotions feels familiar,

Then the rest of it,

Like the wonderful things would feel unsafe,

Especially if the person doesn't feel worthy of being treated in this way,

Of receiving love,

Care,

And all these wonderful things,

Since it doesn't feel familiar to their nervous system.

So if you're in this situation,

What to do?

So this is narcissism,

Not feeling seen,

Feeling invalidated,

Manipulation,

For instance,

If you say you call someone out for their behavior,

You're hurt,

And it's valid,

And the other person does not want to see their inner child,

Does not want to see themselves,

That would mean that they would have to see their lineage,

And even subconsciously,

Even though they don't know it consciously,

In their subconscious,

People tend to know that and feel,

Not know,

Feel that they would have to be really uncomfortable in order to apologize genuinely,

Right?

So what happens is they use certain control strategies,

As in dismissing the person,

Pretending that their emotions don't exist,

Just talking about something else,

Telling them to forget about it,

To not make a big deal,

You're making a big deal,

You're overreacting,

You're overthinking,

Like all these words tend to be more narcissistic than not.

So this is important,

Because when we recognize what's going on,

Then we're able to move forward,

To heal,

And to attract new relationships.

So with that being said,

Once again,

If the person has been manipulated up to the age that they are in this now moment,

Then does it make sense that they feel familiar with that already,

And yes,

They can get out of it,

Although it takes inner work.

And once again,

Narcissistic people,

There's levels of narcissism,

But more narcissistic people tend to feel unsafe with emotions,

Like they have a really difficult time feeling their emotions,

And feeling uncomfortable,

Right,

And seeing themselves,

Something that was not embodied to them,

And even though some people can do it,

Some people just feel like they can't,

Like it's extremely difficult,

And this is what leads to narcissism,

To if the person does not want to feel their own emotions,

Does not want to see their own inner child,

Their own parents,

And take their parents out of the pedestal,

Then does it make sense that they would not see other people either,

They don't want to see other people either,

Or get vulnerable,

If someone else gets vulnerable,

They would dismiss it,

And try to get themselves out of it however they can,

And yeah,

This can feel very dismissive and hurtful to the other person.

So once again,

It's very important to recognize these patterns,

And to,

For the person to actually stop attracting these relationships,

These dynamics,

First,

It's very important to set boundaries,

And the way of setting boundaries is first,

Identifying the fear,

What is the fear,

Why am I not setting this boundary,

So start journaling,

Okay,

First step,

What are my fears,

What are my fears of leaving this relationship,

What is my mind telling me,

What is my past telling me,

And when we let ourselves feel those fears,

And we sit with them,

And we write them down,

Then we're able to move past them.

So for instance,

If you're not setting a boundary with someone,

That is basically stepping on your boundaries,

And being very disrespectful,

And you're not saying anything,

Not expressing yourself,

Not speaking your voice,

Then instead of being hard with yourself,

Which would make everything worse,

You would tell yourself,

I'm so sorry that you don't feel safe setting this boundary,

And then write down,

What am I afraid of,

I'm afraid of this person attacking me,

I'm afraid of this person,

Either verbally or physically,

Or I'm afraid of,

You know,

Whatever it is,

Make sure that you get clear on this,

And then you start telling yourself,

I'm so sorry that you feel afraid of this,

This happening,

I'm so sorry that you feel to yourself,

Like self-compassion,

I'm so sorry that you feel afraid of this person being rude to you,

Or mean to you,

Or attacking you in any way,

So once you do that,

Then you can even imagine setting that boundary over and over again,

In the mirror can be a way,

And practicing this again and again,

And letting yourself feel that discomfort,

Actually,

And when you find yourself in this moment,

And you don't do it,

Try again,

You know,

Don't be hard on yourself,

Because this won't,

It won't improve anything,

Being hard on yourself,

It will actually make everything worse,

Because the way of doing it is self-compassion,

The way of getting out of it is self-compassion,

And recognizing that,

You know,

For so many years you didn't feel safe,

And you weren't embodied,

This energy at home doesn't make sense,

The body doesn't feel safe,

It's not something that people can control,

And,

You know,

It takes time,

It takes inner work,

It takes practice,

So that,

And also,

When you make the decision to get out of these narcissistic relationships,

And you follow these steps,

Like identifying your fears,

Letting yourself set your boundaries,

Practicing ,

Remember,

Practice,

Practice,

Practice,

Over and over again,

Until you feel more and more courage,

There will be times that you will feel like there's a setback,

There's setbacks in the way,

Because it's not a linear process,

And that's okay,

You know,

You may feel stronger to set a boundary in one moment,

And then the next day you don't,

Or the next month you don't,

And then you feel,

You feel frustrated,

This is,

It's important to,

When you do,

Take a step back,

And validate your emotions,

I'm so sorry that you feel frustrated,

I'm so sorry that this is difficult for you,

I'm so sorry that you were not embodied this energy as a child,

So all these things are very,

Very important for you to move forward,

And eventually feel comfortable setting your boundaries and speaking your voice,

Because this will definitely transform your life,

Anyone's life,

Actually.

So,

That is,

Like,

One of the most important steps,

And also,

Ask yourself,

What do you want?

Like,

What do you want in a relationship?

What do you want in your relationships in general?

Do you want to feel seen?

Do you want to feel honored?

Do you want to feel heard?

Do you want to feel cared for?

How would that feel?

Ask your body,

Like,

When you're meditating,

Ask your body,

How would that feel,

To feel cared for,

To feel seen?

How would you visualize yourself?

If you don't visualize,

Or you have a hard time visualizing,

How do you see yourself?

How do you feel yourself in your body when someone is honoring you,

When someone is respecting you?

And when you ask that question over and over again,

Then you will start getting familiar with that feeling,

And attracting more relationships that honor you,

And respect you,

And see you for who you are,

Right?

Respect your authentic self.

So,

The more that we do this,

The more that we practice the ways that I've described,

The closer that we get there,

Right?

This is,

Once again,

This is,

It's very important to be patient,

Since this is not a linear process.

This takes time,

And sometimes it will feel like a setback,

And sometimes you will feel stronger than other times,

You know,

And there is many factors that influence this process.

So,

That is the way of actually getting out of this cycle of narcissistic abuse,

And attracting relationships that honor you,

And this will transform your health.

It will transform the way that you look to yourself in the mirror,

As in energetically,

Like how do you feel with yourself?

You will feel,

This is a self-love process,

Like you will feel better,

Like you will feel more peaceful,

More comfortable,

You know,

Speaking up,

Right?

Especially if,

You know,

For a really long time,

You didn't feel safe to do so,

And when you do this,

You will also attract people that honor you,

And when they don't,

It's important to speak up,

And see their red flags,

And yeah,

That's actually the way that I feel.

The way,

Because when we have fears,

And we don't channel them,

We don't work on them,

We don't let them go,

What happens is we are likely to attract more narcissistic relationships,

And doubt ourselves,

Since that's the most common way that people feel when they attract narcissistic relationships,

They tend to doubt themselves a lot,

And they think,

And think,

And think about it,

And try to make sense of the situation without understanding that the reason why they're attracting these relationships is because they are in fear,

They're in survival,

And not only they are in fear,

They also don't trust themselves,

And it's a process to get out of that cycle,

And start trusting their intuition,

Start trusting their feelings,

And trusting themselves,

Right?

Since when people don't trust their intuition,

And themselves,

Does it make sense that they keep following into these narcissistic dynamics,

And these other people that actually confirm their doubts,

And even make them feel crazy,

Right?

When their intuition is right on point,

And it's also important to be aware of their fears,

And their own tendencies.

It's not only about recognizing the narcissistic tendencies,

And the invalidations of other people towards us,

It's also important to recognize how we respond to vulnerability,

And our attitude in life with others,

That's also important to see ourselves,

To get to know ourselves,

What have we inherited,

So what is our attitude with other people?

Am I trying to control someone else?

Is someone else trying to control me?

Are they not honoring me?

Am I not honoring other people?

Why?

What's the fear behind that?

Because when that happens,

People get very tense with each other,

And there's no space there to even breathe,

There's no honoring,

It's all control,

So this is very important.

When someone tells us,

For instance,

I can't do this for you,

I'm so sorry,

I'm very tired,

Or I can't go to this event,

For example,

We wouldn't be pushing them to do what we want them to do,

Even if we want it so much,

Right?

They're telling us how they feel,

It's important to honor that,

Right?

So it all starts with ourselves,

It's not only about recognizing it in others.

First,

We need to start with ourselves,

And while we see it in others,

It all starts here,

With ourselves,

And then we start seeing it in others,

Actually.

So this is a very important part,

I think the most important part.

There's a lot of people that call everybody narcissistic,

And they don't see themselves,

So let's see ourselves first,

Let's see our inner child,

Let's hug the inner child,

Let's honor the inner child.

What did they need to hear,

Right?

What did they need to express?

What did they need to hear from their caregivers,

From their parents,

That they didn't?

What did they need to express?

Like all these things,

Healing the inner child is very important.

With that being said,

I hope that this helps,

And I hope to see you in my Insight Timer lives twice weekly,

And thank you for listening.