Chasing External Validation Is Sabotaging Your Manifestation

Constantly second-guessing yourself? In this episode of Healing Waves, "The Path to Wisdom," we’re diving deep into how to cut through the chaos and reconnect with your own inner guidance.

It’s easy to get caught in cycles of confusion and fear, but clarity is closer than you think. If you’ve been struggling with uncertainty or seeking direction, this episode will hit home with some seriously simple, yet powerful strategies. We walk side-by-side through calming mental chatter, trusting our intuition, and letting go of beliefs that weigh us down.

By the end, you'll be armed with practical actions to start reducing anxiety, embracing clarity, and creating more space for abundance and ease in your life. Let this episode be your reminder that you do have the answers—they’re just waiting for you to tap in.

Ready to move from doubt to trust? Hit play, and let’s walk this path to wisdom, together.

This audio features William Parker's voice.

Transcript

Chasing external validation is something so many of us do without even realising it.

We grow up believing that our self-worth depends on how others view us,

Whether that's our family,

Our friends or society at large.

But have you ever stopped to ask yourself,

Whose opinion truly matters?

Why are we so concerned with the feelings or judgements of others when the real power lies within us?

Today we're diving into why obsessing over what others think is sabotaging not only our peace,

But also our ability to manifest the life we dream of.

Now I know it seems almost natural,

Doesn't it?

To seek approval from others.

It's something we've been taught since we were kids.

From the moment we're born we're conditioned.

The praise we get for doing well in school.

The cheers from our parents when we achieve something.

It all feels good,

So we learn to chase that feeling.

But here's the thing about that.

Once we let the opinions of others shape our decisions,

We lose touch with the most important guide we have.

Ourselves.

The need for external validation puts us in a mental prison where our self-worth becomes tied to someone else's judgement.

Every compliment lifts us up and every criticism takes us down.

It's like being on an emotional rollercoaster.

And it's exhausting.

This is where we lose our personal power.

When your focus is on how other people see you,

It's easy to forget about your own desires,

Your own truth and your own vibration.

And you see,

Manifestation requires you to be in a high vibration.

Authentically aligned with what you actually want,

Not what you think others want for you.

As soon as you give away that power by letting others influence your journey,

It makes it nearly impossible to stay in that high vibrational state where you can really attract the things you desire.

It's the fear of criticism that is one of the biggest killers of success.

That constant need to gauge how others are responding to you and allowing their approval,

Or lack thereof,

To dictate your choices holds you back.

It creates hesitation,

Doubt and fear.

All of which are low vibrational energies that can totally disrupt your ability to manifest the life you want.

In other words,

You're no longer manifesting from your true self.

You're manifesting from a place of insecurity.

Let's look at this from the perspective of energy.

Your personality creates your personal reality.

Imagine for a second that you spend most of your time adjusting who you are,

Who you're pretending to be,

Based on outside validation.

What happens?

You become disconnected from yourself.

You dilute your authenticity.

And when that happens,

Your energy gets out of sync.

Your ability to attract what you truly want in life diminishes because the energy you're putting out isn't coming from a place of genuine alignment,

But from a place of fear or the desire for approval.

What happens then is what we call energetic misalignment.

You're not in tune with yourself and that confusion reflects outward.

The universe,

Which responds to your energy,

Doesn't know what to give you because you don't know what you truly want anymore.

You're too busy seeking approval,

Following society's standards for success,

Or chasing goals that aren't really your own.

That's why chasing external validation threatens your ability to create the life you want.

But seeking approval from others doesn't just lower your vibration.

It also creates dependency.

We often think that by pleasing others we will feel better,

Or we'll feel worthy.

But what we fail to realise is that this satisfaction is fleeting.

It never lasts.

It's like trying to fill a cup with a hole in it.

You might get a quick surge of fulfilment when someone compliments you,

But the moment that external validation stops,

So does your sense of worth.

You find yourself constantly searching for that next wave of approval and none of it is ever enough.

People overestimate how important other people's opinions of them are.

We often think,

If I get approval from this person then I'll be happy.

If people like what I do,

I'll be successful.

But the truth is,

No matter how much approval you get,

It's never enough because it's not coming from the inside.

And every time you rely on someone else's approval to make a decision or feel secure,

You're handing over your power.

You're giving others control of your self-esteem,

Making them the keeper of your peace,

Your joy and your sense of success.

An example that comes to mind,

In such a big way,

Is Jim Carrey.

You know him as one of the most successful comedians and actors of all time.

But did you know,

At the height of his success,

He realised something was missing?

Despite all the fame and fortune,

He realised he'd been chasing approval.

He talked about how he was always wanting others to like him,

Always needing people to laugh at his jokes,

To think he was funny.

But eventually he reached a point where all of that success felt hollow because it wasn't enough.

It was only when he shifted away from seeking outside approval and began focusing on his inner journey that he truly found contentment and authenticity.

And that brings us to another downside of seeking external validation.

It weakens your authenticity.

When you're living for someone else's approval,

You're never truly living for yourself.

You're following the paths that society deems worthy,

Or that others suggest.

Yet the more you do this,

The further you stray from the most important thing you have,

Your authentic self.

Over time,

These choices can lead to deep dissatisfaction and a painful realisation that you've been chasing the wrong thing all along.

We've just been talking about Jim Carrey,

But another great example is Elon Musk.

Think about him for a moment.

He was a guy with some pretty out-there ideas.

Electric cars,

Space travel,

Solar energy.

He was ridiculed,

Criticised.

People told him over and over again that his plans wouldn't work.

But here's the difference.

Elon never let their opinions redirect his path.

He wasn't chasing external validation.

Instead,

He trusted his internal vision,

His own beliefs,

As a result he's pioneered companies that have revolutionised entire industries.

If he had relied on outside approval,

Think about how much the world would have missed.

So what exactly causes us to seek so much external validation in the first place?

One major reason is simply that we don't feel enough on our own.

Our self-esteem becomes conditioned by what others think instead of becoming something we build within.

The term self-esteem can sometimes sound abstract,

But really it's just about the way you perceive yourself,

The value you assign to yourself.

If your self-worth is based on external praise or criticism,

It'll always go up and down because other people's opinions fluctuate.

Unworthiness is something that lives in the mind.

It's not who we actually are,

But rather who we think we are.

And we often seek external validation to try and fill that feeling of unworthiness.

But of course,

That's a losing game.

When you depend on others to make you feel better,

You avoid addressing the deeper beliefs you hold about yourself.

That maybe you're not good enough,

That maybe you can't trust yourself.

This is why it's crucial to shift our focus to internal validation and reclaim our sense of self-worth from the inside out.

Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.

When your thoughts and energy are always focused on what others think,

You're pulling your manifestation energy outward instead of inward,

Where it belongs.

Manifestation requires you to be aligned with your inner truth,

Confident in your desires,

And steady in your beliefs.

But it's difficult to do that when your attention is constantly being pulled by outside influences.

So how do we break free from this cycle of needing validation and start building internal validation?

The first step is bringing awareness to it.

So often we're not even conscious of how much we depend on others to feel good about ourselves.

We're constantly seeking reassurance from co-workers,

Compliments from friends,

Likes on social media.

But once you start noticing this pattern,

Incredible shifts in your life can happen.

Oprah Winfrey is one powerful example.

Despite being one of the most successful women in the world,

She too faced a turning point where she realised that external success wouldn't bring her true joy.

She talks about a time in her life when she was trying to fill her inner void with external success.

But once she recognised that the real work was changing how she saw herself,

Everything shifted for her.

Oprah began to place her energy on fulfilling her soul's purpose,

Listening to her inner voice rather than following what society expected.

There's a moment of freedom when you learn how to give yourself the permission and validation you've been seeking externally.

That's the second step,

Intentionally tuning into your own voice.

Instead of asking,

What do others think of me?

Begin asking yourself,

What do I think about this?

How do I feel about this?

This process allows you to reconnect with your real desires and separate them from the ones imposed by others.

Small simple habits help shift your attention inward.

Meditation and journaling are vital tools for clear self-reflection.

When you sit quietly with yourself,

Without noise from the outside world,

You begin to hear the whispers of your true desires again,

Desires that are your own.

Meditation provides an opportunity to get beyond our analytical mind which helps us access that deeper internal guidance.

It's in these moments of stillness that you can start building a deeper connection with yourself and stop seeking external validation that no longer serves you.

And from this quiet space,

Another powerful technique comes forth,

Setting intentions.

Intentions rooted in your own core values,

Not shaped by the expectations or opinions of those around you.

Here's the secret.

It's not enough to have a dream or want something.

What really matters is the energy behind it.

When you set intentions authentically,

You fuel them with an energy that's aligned with your heart.

That's where the magic of manifestation really begins to happen.

Now that you've started recognising those moments where you're seeking approval from others,

Let's dive deeper into how you can reclaim your personal power by building internal validation.

This is where the real shift happens and where you begin to step into your full manifestation potential.

Because when you're no longer reliant on what others think,

You become unshakable.

Your energy becomes stable,

Consistent and aligned with your authentic desires.

And that's the key to manifesting the life you dream of.

So what exactly is internal validation?

It's when you learn to assess your self-worth based on who you are,

What you value and how you see yourself,

Rather than relying on others to define it for you.

It sounds simple,

But in practice,

Creating internal validation takes a bit of unlearning.

We've spent so many years letting external forces determine how we should feel about ourselves that it can be challenging to start relying on our own voice.

But here's the good news.

It's entirely possible to shift that.

One of the most important practices for building internal validation is self-reflection.

I'm talking about creating space in your day to check in with yourself authentically and ask,

What do I value?

What do I stand for?

And what do I really want in life?

Once you begin asking those questions,

You'll start to notice when something feels off,

When decisions are being made to please others rather than to honour yourself.

You know that we can literally rewire our brains by shifting our focus.

It's what makes self-reflection so powerful.

When you overcome your personal limitations,

You create a new future.

By consistently engaging in self-reflection,

You're rewiring your brain to observe your thoughts,

Take back control of them and direct your energy inward instead of outward.

This is the start of reclaiming your power and increasing your manifestation abilities.

Another key to establishing internal validation is setting intentions that come from your inner values and desires,

Not what society or people around you think you should want.

This is where you ask yourself,

What fires me up?

What makes me feel alive and excited?

This might sound simple,

But it's crucial.

So many of us are living lives based on other people's definitions of success,

When in reality,

True success is unique to each of us.

And intentions,

When set from your authentic self,

Are so much more powerful.

When you set intentions with your life's bigger picture in mind,

You are aligning yourself with that purpose and the universe responds to that alignment.

Now here's where many people get stuck.

They think,

Okay,

I've spent my whole life chasing validation from others.

How do I even know what it feels like to rely on myself?

One essential practice is mindfulness.

Mindfulness allows you to come back to yourself over and over again.

It's the practice of observing your present experience without judgment.

When you practice mindfulness daily,

Whether through meditation,

Deep breathing,

Or simply being present in your moments,

You start to detach from the noise of the outside world and reconnect with your internal guiding system.

When you're mindful,

You're not basing your decisions on someone else's expectations or opinions.

You're relying on the connection you've cultivated within.

And this brings immense clarity.

When you aren't distracted by the need for approval,

You have a clearer path to stay true to your manifestation goals.

I love how Oprah Winfrey describes this process.

She says clarity is power and she's right.

When you're clear about what you want because you've tapped into your own inner wisdom rather than external validation,

Your manifestation journey flows with ease.

From that place of mindfulness and authenticity,

You can take your internal validation practice to the next level by embracing vulnerability.

And yes,

That might sound a little counterintuitive,

But it's important.

Brene Brown teaches us that vulnerability is not a weakness,

But the birthplace of connection and courage.

When you allow yourself to embrace your imperfections,

When you stop pretending that you need to be someone else for the world to like you,

You become more powerful than ever.

Vulnerability takes practice in everyday moments.

Instead of trying to control every perception of you,

What people think,

How they see you,

Practice letting go.

The more you let go of what others think,

The more you'll make room for your own voice,

Your own truth.

And that truth,

That's where your power resides.

When you stop performing for others,

You start showing up for yourself.

And trust me,

The energy you put out in those moments is unbeatable when it comes to manifesting the life you want.

Now,

A huge part of reclaiming your power is being aware of the inner dialogue running through your mind.

So often,

We don't even realise how much of that dialogue is shaped by old patterns.

Like our need for external approval,

Pay special attention to moments when those limiting beliefs creep in.

Our old selves are often tied to those limiting beliefs,

Keeping us in the same patterns,

Attracting the same circumstances.

But the minute you're aware of them,

The process of shifting and manifesting a new reality begins.

One way to start transforming this inner dialogue is by practising a simple yet profound habit.

Talk to yourself like you would a close friend.

Encourage yourself.

Uplift yourself.

Instead of focusing on what you didn't do right or how you might look to others,

Celebrate the small victories.

Be kind to yourself.

This mental shift takes you out of the loop of seeking external reassurance and it strengthens your internal dialogue,

Which is an essential part of internal validation.

Once you stop relying on others to make you feel good or to determine your worth,

You're developing what I like to call a non-negotiable foundation.

And having certain non-negotiables in your life is what will keep you steady,

Empowered and consistent on your manifestation journey.

Here's an actionable tip.

Create daily habits that fuel your internal power.

These are habits you commit to no matter what external accolades or criticisms are happening around you.

Whether that's journaling,

Practising gratitude every morning,

Meditating or engaging in one form of activity that brings you joy,

Make these habits non-negotiable.

These practices will serve as a constant reminder that your personal power comes from within and that no matter what others think,

You're staying grounded in who you are.

So here's something I want you to remember.

The world is filled with noise.

It will always want something from you.

People will always have opinions,

Both positive and negative.

But none of that defines you.

The moment you start walking in your own truth,

Fueling your manifestation with your own validation,

Is the moment your whole life transforms.

You can live a life of abundance,

Peace and joy on your terms.

And this shift from seeking approval externally to finding validation within creates stability in your energy.

When you are stable,

It means you're in alignment with what you want to manifest.

The universe naturally responds to this level of certainty,

To the trust you've developed with yourself.

Elon Musk didn't wait for people to tell him his ideas were worth pursuing.

He knew when his ideas were great because he believed in them himself.

And the same goes for you.

The moment you trust yourself is the moment everything becomes possible.

Wherever you are in your journey,

Whether you're just starting to identify where you seek validation or whether you've been on this path for a while,

Know that you're exactly where you need to be.

There's no rush.

Take it one day at a time,

Continue observing your need for validation and slowly begin replacing it with inner belief,

With self-guided confidence.

As you do this,

You'll begin to operate not from a place of fear but from a place of abundance thinking.

When you pursue your goals,

Your dreams and your desires based on your inner wisdom,

You move away from the fear of rejection and into a space of knowing that limitless potential is available to you.

And in this state,

You're not attracting from scarcity,

Insecurity or doubt.

Instead,

You're opening yourself up to infinite possibilities,

Guided by your internal wisdom where there is no need for approval outside of yourself.

Remember,

It's not the circumstances or the people in your life that determine your success.

It's your inner state of being.

When you change your energy,

You change your life.

When you root your energy in self-trust and inner clarity,

The universe will mirror that back to you.

So today,

Let's commit to that shift from needing validation from others to knowing and owning your worth.

When self-love and personal power are your foundation,

Everything you want to manifest becomes not only possible but inevitable.

As we wrap up this journey together,

I encourage you to take some time to reflect on the areas in your life where you may still be seeking approval.

What can you do today,

Right now,

To start tuning inward and reclaiming your personal power?

Remember,

Your manifestation journey is uniquely yours and the power to create the life you want is already within you.

Stay rooted in your truth and keep tuning into your internal guidance system because that's where the real power lies.

You,

My friend,

Are more than enough.