Mindful Self-Awareness With Ashley Williams

Glen talks with Ashley Williams about mindfulness, meditation, and breathwork in plain terms. You will hear how mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment with acceptance, why meditation is not about emptying your mind, and a simple seven-count breath you can try at your own pace. Ashley also shares an easy way for beginners to start, a mindful eating exercise, and why being mindful is different from being hyper-focused. It is for anyone curious about mindfulness who wants a clear, practical place to begin.
This content is educational and is not a substitute for one-to-one professional care.

Transcript

Now, Before we jump into the topics, Could you just define for the audience three words? Let's start with mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability to pay attention to the present moment with total acceptance. The biggest words there are pay attention and present moment. And then the third is acceptance. Okay, You know, So paying attention to what's here with total acceptance, Without your judgment, Without the notes of the mind, Just letting it be. Okay, And how is acceptance a big part of that? Most of what we do is not accept. That's the pretty standard human response. If I want something to be this way, My emotional responses, My thoughts say, I can respond with anger, With fear, With shutting down, I can freeze. And that puts us in a state of resistance, Right? There's a neural pathway that we've developed in our brain that takes us into, And whatever shows up in your life. I mean, Life is all about bringing presents that you do not expect. And so how wonderful it is to be able to meet whatever that is with stability, You know, Like whatever comes my way, I can still be stable. I, I totally agree with that life is is challenging and downright it can be downright painful sometimes yet it's my position. This is what I share with my clients is the more present you are, Then the more power you have to cope with it, To deal with it, To heal, To move forward. So I love the way you just put that. Thank you. All right, Second definition, Meditation. Meditation is a very ancient technique. It's a tool, A resource that helps us to cultivate mindfulness. Not complicated at all. It's just a tool. It's a technique. And there are many different ways of meditation, Right? I like to practice meditation where I'm connecting my body to my breath. It requires me to close my eyes. Some people practice walking meditation, But again, It's just what helps us to practice presence. It's a tool that helps us to practice presence. Okay, Okay. Now, I have clients who say, Well, I can't sit still that long or I can't make my mind go blank. What would you say to them about meditation? Drop by drop, The bucket is filled. Meaning, You know, If it's difficult for you to sit in stillness, Sit in stillness for the amount of time that you can sit in stillness. And if that is 10 seconds, That 10 seconds is what leads to the 15. That 15 is what leads to the 30 seconds, To the 10 minutes and on and on and on. So you just have to get started. If you put no drops in the bucket, You put no drops in the bucket. So I get that if we're not in the practice of stillness, It's difficult. But things can be difficult and it's okay to be uncomfortable. It's okay to be uncomfortable. What was the second question? I'm sorry. Oh, One client complained that they couldn't make their minds go blank. Yeah, Yeah. And the thing is, Meditation is not about making the mind go blank. That's a misunderstanding about why we practice meditation. Meditation is about being with what is here. It goes back to mindfulness. It's about just sitting, And whatever comes up, Comes up. I don't have to go with what comes up. A very popular way of describing it has to do with the clouds, Which you've probably heard before. Practice meditation, You're just an observer of passing clouds, Right? Here's a cloud of a memory that comes up from when I was seven. Here's a cloud of a conversation that I had with my spouse earlier this morning. But typically what we do, If we're not observing the clouds, We're writing them. So I'm right there in that conversation that I had with my spouse, Which might've been an argument and I felt anger. And then I feel angry in that moment. I'm pulling the past into my present and my body becomes rigid with the feeling that I had three hours ago. So that's typically what we do in day to day. But meditation, Again, Is not about making the mind go blank. It's about observing what's already present in the mind. Okay. And so effective meditation requires a level of detachment. From what it is. We learn how to, So that's an outcome of meditation. You learn how to practice that, Yeah. Okay, Okay, Very good. And the third definition, Breath work. Breath work. So breath work is, Can be defined as connecting the body and the breath to induce the relaxation response in your brain. So every brain has a little button that you can press to alleviate all tension. And the breath is that button that you can press. And so breath work is the science of bringing your body into a relaxation state. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm taking mental notes here. Thank you. I'm pretty busy right now. Okay, Those are awesome. Thank you. Thank you. So, In your work. Generally, Is there a first step you take with new clients or? Or new people practicing. Yes, And it depends on the age group that I'm working with as well. So if I'm working with adults, The very first thing that I would like to establish is their why, Because the why is the engine It's the oil in the engine that keeps us going, Because there will be a day when you don't feel like doing it, Whatever your tool or your practice is. And so you have to have that why to keep going. So let's that's very foundational. Like, What is your why? Let's build on our skills from the why. So you're increasing your own level of self-awareness when you meditate. You're increasing your ability to self-manage, Which is really important. You're increasing your capacity to practice resilience. You're increasing your ability to make responsible decisions, Right? In the moment responsible decisions. You're increasing your own social awareness when you meditate. So this is about my relationship, One, With myself, My internal landscape. How do I navigate internally? And then once you learn that through the practice of meditation, You learn how to navigate the external world. And I mean, Navigate it gracefully. So that's the real gift. Is it gives us the key to navigating life in a place of stability and from a really graceful state. OK. Okay, Very good, Very good. Breath work is a tool to use to get you into meditation, Into that relaxation state. And when you're in that relaxation state, That enhances your mindfulness and your self-awareness and can enhance your total health. That's right. Going back to my mission, Which is to help as many people as I can be joyful, Connected, Confident, And complete, Healthy on every level, The physical, Mental, Emotional, Even spiritual. When people are living in total health and they develop that capacity for self-compassion and compassion for others. How do you see that playing out in the world? When we are in total health and self-aware. You know, A healthy society is really just a group of healthy people. And if we want a healthy society, We have to be that group of healthy people. And so when you're taking care of your total health, Your physical, Your mental, Your emotional, Your spiritual health, You are creating a society. You know, We think of ourselves as an individual, But really what I choose to do as an individual impacts at scale. And so me taking care of myself is creating that foundation for my children, For my neighbor, You know, Just like allowing that to flow through me, It sets that example. So for me, I think my mission, My personal mission is very similar to your personal mission, And it is to impact society at scale through helping individual people, Because that's how we get there. So I think that Me practicing total health, You practicing total health, Helps our world to be totally healthy. Do you have any. . . Breathing techniques for beginners to induce that relaxation state. Yeah, A really simple one that I like to start with is just seven count in exhale. So you would inhale and this is at your own pace. So the way my sevens work will be a little different than the way your sevens work, You find you find the flow that works for you. So I'm going to inhale inwardly, I'm going to count to seven. I'm counting to seven, And then hold for a breath, And then exhale on a count of seven. And then you just inhale, Count of seven, Hold, Exhale, Count of seven. And you can do that for a few minutes. You'll notice immediately within your body how it feels. You'll notice like a lightness in your body, Like maybe like you're putting down some weights, You've been wearing something heavy and you're putting it down, Just like a free flowing inwardly, You'll notice that immediately. I feel it already. Okay. And do you have a recommendation for the types of meditation maybe a beginner should start with? Yeah, I always encourage beginners to just watch the breath, Really simple. And if you find it hard to like just sit with your own breath for a few seconds, We're not even talking minutes, Just for a few seconds, Guided meditations are really helpful because they give the mind what the mind needs, Which is something to follow. And that's perfectly okay, You know, Like if you wanna try a guided meditation. OK, OK, Very good. Very good. Now, What. Can you give us an example of an activity you use to demonstrate or induce mindfulness? To bring awareness to the present moment. Wow, So many different techniques. A really popular one is like mindful eating. So during when you're having lunch or dinner, To bring your full attention to the process in front of you. So noticing what does the fork feel like as you hold it in your hand? And what does the fork feel like as you pick food up with the fork? And what is the texture of the food in your mouth? And what happens through the process, And you can do this for food, You can do it while you're walking, You can do it in the grocery store, You're bringing your total focus to the present moment. So you're not You're not anxious thinking about what happened in the past. You're not worried about what's coming up in the future. You're just right here with what's in front of you. And so that's the training in bringing your full attention to whatever is in front of you. I have encouraged people to do this when they get in the car, Like right before you go to work, Just take a minute as you sit in the car to just notice. One minute, Like what do you notice? What does the chair feel like beneath you? How does your foot feel as it settles on the pedal? Will feel like beneath your hand before you get out of the car, When you go into your workplace, Sit for a minute. And it's moments where you're choosing to pause and to be present. You're teaching yourself to be in a space where you're not burdened by your own worries and anxieties. You're at peace with what is present. OK. Okay. Now, For the person who says that, If I'm mindful and I'm only paying attention to one thing, Say, While I'm driving, Then that means I'm not aware of anything else and that could be dangerous. It could be a problem. Well, I don't encourage you to practice this while you're driving. I'm sorry, Let me read. Let me clarify my question, Not just doing the deep breathing or getting quiet. But if we're if mindfulness is just being aware of what's in front of you. Maybe take driving out of the equation, And maybe cooking. So if you're mindful about cooking, Then you're not aware of who's coming through the door, Or if there's a siren going down, There's an emergency that you need to pay attention to. What would you say to that person who uses that as an excuse to not be mindful? So mindful doesn't mean that you can only hold your attention on one thing. Mindful means being present to what's here. So if somebody is at the door and that's what's here, You're aware of it. If an emergency is there, You're aware of it. What mindfulness means is that I can meet whatever shows up gracefully. There's an emergency. I can be responsive to that emergency, Right? I'm not overly afraid and anxious. I can be afraid and anxious, But I still have access to the that will get me through that emergency, That will be supportive and helpful to whatever arises. So it doesn't mean that my hyper-focused on one thing, That's not what mindfulness is. It just means that I have an awareness for what is present, For what is here. Thank you for that very clear clarification, Because I think people often confuse hyper-focus with mindfulness. And that gets them into more angst of what they're already experiencing. Okay, Okay. What else would you like to share with us? Um If you don't have a practice of mindfulness, Find a way to get started, Just in the smallest way, Because it just makes such a huge positive impact on your life, On my life, I'm speaking personally, That I just encourage it for everybody. Okay. And for total health, Emotional wellness. That's right. For a better individual, A better society, A better planet. That's right. Okay. Ripple in the pond. That's all right. Very good, Very good. Well, I mean, I'm taking all of this in and, You know, They say teachers learn more than the students because the teachers are repeating this, But I feel like I'm learning this more than when I teach it. So thank you so much for this.