Listening To The Body When We’re Not Being Met

Sometimes our body recognizes a relational mismatch before our mind has words for it.

In this reflective talk, I explore how “not being met” can feel in the body — the sinking, reaching, collapse, urgency, anger, checking, confusion, or numbness that may arise when something in an interaction does not match what our system expected.

This track is an invitation to listen to the body’s messages with curiosity rather than self-blame. These sensations do not mean we did something wrong. They may simply be clues that our system expected to be met and is registering that something did not match.

Transcript

Today I wanted to talk about how it can feel in the body when we're not being met. So I'm describing not being met as when two people are in an interaction. But they're not quite on the same wavelength. And There's a lot of. . . Behaviors and. Stories that can come up in response to that. A lot of times our body knows what's going on before our mind does. So you may not have words for something yet, But something shifts in the body. And a good example that I think of is when I was in Middle school, I remember my parents had just gotten divorced. And there wasn't a clear plan on who was supposed to pick me up from school. And I remember waiting on the curb. And just looking around the corner and I kept looking, I kept checking, I kept hoping. My energy was very much out in front of me. And I was expecting to be met. No one showed up, And so there was a drop feeling. I felt that in my. . . Solar plexus and in my chest, Just kind of like this caving inward. And that's a common way that I can feel like a sinking or a heaviness collapse. It can feel like shoulders being pulled inward. And alongside that drop, Sometimes there's also a reaching at the same time. A part of you may still be moving toward the other person trying to close the gap. And make the connection happen. And so those two things can happen together. And if you've learned to overreach or over-adapt, This may feel completely normal. And you may not even notice that it's reaching. You just may recognize yourself starting to explain. And trying harder. So just bringing awareness in that, Oh, I'm starting to explain. I'm feeling like I need to try harder. I'm starting to spin my wheels here. That can be a clue as to what's going on. And for some of us, It doesn't even feel like collapse at first. It can feel like anger, Irritation, Urgency, Anxiety. There can be a lot of checking, Like I was describing, Looking for the car coming around the corner. Sometimes you can just go blank or disoriented. Confusion can come up. And none of these responses mean that you did something wrong. It just means that your system was expecting to be met. And that's registering that something didn't match. So when you can notice the body sensations, You have more choice. You don't have to immediately chase, Explain, Collapse, Blame yourself. Or most importantly, You don't have to make it mean something about your worth. So that's what I'm going to talk about next is what to do when you recognize that you're not being met. And ways to be aware if you start to tell a story about yourself as a result of this. So thanks for listening and I hope this was helpful.

Reviews

Very helpful, Ginger😃❣️Just the simple tool of noticing what’s happening in the body at the time of the event, is powerful to me.💝Love hearing your voice too🥰. Look forward to learning more. Thanks 🙏🏻 so much💐🤍

Loving this series. Very helpful and well explained. Thank you 🙏 💕