When You Stop Drinking and Don't Quite Recognise Yourself When you stop drinking or significantly change your relationship with alcohol so that your life doesn't revolve around it anymore,
It can end up feeling like you've lost a big part of yourself.
You can get through the hard early days and have a lot of confidence that you can keep going,
And then quite unexpectedly,
There's a wee voice that pops into your head.
Who the heck am I?
When the physical habit's gone,
It can take a while for the brain to believe it.
And as the brain catches up,
It makes it really hard to embody this whole new person that you're becoming.
And who is the person you're left with?
They might feel like a stranger when you're so used to them having a glass in their hand.
And I know from personal experience that it takes time to get to know yourself after you've made such a big life-changing choice,
Like stopping drinking alcohol.
It's a bit disconcerting.
When you've worked so hard to rid yourself of something that was making you so miserable,
Something that was having such a negative impact in so many parts of your life,
That you're not automatically feeling aligned with that version of yourself that you imagined would magically appear.
But let's just think about this for a minute.
If you're like me,
And you've spent decades drinking alcohol and years feeling guilt,
Disappointment and ashamed of yourself,
There's a good chance you've also spent years listening to that voice in your head that's told you you're such a failure,
You're weak,
You're worthless,
And every other nasty mean comment that your inner critic can come up with.
And what's worse,
You believe it.
Everyone who stops drinking will say that they love how much clearer their mind is.
Not so many admit that along with that clarity of mind comes the realisation of just how negatively they've been speaking to themselves.
The inner critic has been like white noise up until that point.
It's there,
It's familiar,
And it's got a really big impact.
In sobriety,
That inner voice suddenly becomes crystal clear.
It's not very kind to say the least,
And you're exposed to how hard you've been on yourself for years.
That's where self-love comes in.
Now I know that phrase can make some people's eyes roll,
But stay with me for a moment.
I'm not talking about affirmations or bubble baths,
Although both are absolutely great.
What I'm talking about here is being able to say,
Well,
That didn't go as well as I thought,
But I'm not going to tear a strip off myself over it,
Or I'm feeling a bit awkward right now in this situation without drinking,
But I'm still okay,
Or even I don't actually know who I am without alcohol,
And that's fine.
I'm finding out.
Sobriety isn't just about what you stop doing.
It's about how you start relating to yourself.
And if you've had a moment recently where you've thought,
I don't quite recognise myself,
You're not doing anything wrong.
This adjustment can feel strange because it matters.
Learning to be okay with yourself,
Learning to like yourself,
And then over time,
Learning to love yourself.
And let me leave you today with a quote from author Louise Hay,
Who said,
Remember,
You've been criticising yourself for years and it hasn't worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
Thank you for listening.
