Dealing With Work Place Criticism, A Meditation And Talk

Anger, embarrassment & feelings of threat are all possible when you receive negative feedback or criticism at work. The emotional reaction can create feelings of stress in the body. If you have ever felt stressed when receiving feedback, then you are not alone. We take a look at how to find a pause & calm before we make a response. Mantra & loving kindness is combined to cultivate calm & you discover that you can even plan ahead & prepare in advance of feedback to create that pause.

This meditation is intended for educational, relaxation, & personal well-being purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or professional healthcare advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or have concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

By following this meditation & talk, you agree to take full responsibility for your own health & well-being.

Transcript

Hello, I'm Lucy and this is a place for slowing down, Reflecting and growing. I work in the corporate environment and I'm going to look at how to reflect positivity into the real-life scenario of receiving feedback and criticism in the workplace, And why meditation and the science behind meditation can help. Then we will do a short meditation that will help to prepare you to deal with this particular scenario. So I'll do a talk for slightly less than 10 minutes and then a meditation which is also slightly less than 10 minutes. In that meditation we will bring to mind a slightly challenging situation, Nothing too dramatic. And consider a positive way of dealing with it. So, My real-world experience is this. I recall that on one particular occasion I needed to share a 40 page, That's four zero, Page document for comment at work. I had been working on this document for quite some time. It was a very important document for the company, And indeed to me. I had invested time and effort on it, And now people were keen to see the fruits of my labours. So I pressed the button to send the email with the document attached to, Well, Quite a lot of people. I had obviously spoken with most of them. Beforehand. But this finally was the great reveal and consolidation of all those conversations. I was very buoyed up by the responses that came in. Particularly when it was from people who were more senior than I. It was a great job all round. Or there was a minor tweak here and there, And in some cases there was a suggestion of an improvement and tightening up of a topic, Which I was really glad to receive and include. But then I got one response which stopped me in my tracks. My document had been redlined on almost every page by someone, And they had attached their redlined version and copied everyone back into the email trail. Well, That felt embarrassing. At least, That was my initial reaction. So I slept on it. The next day I started to look at the comments. Now, There is a very famous quote by Viktor Frankl, Who was a neurologist, Philosopher and Holocaust survivor. And he said, Between what happens to us and how we respond, There is a pause. In that space lies our freedom to choose. Now, My journey of meditation over the years has shown me that space. When you meditate consistently, You can find that you go through a transition that goes something like this. First, You realize that there is the opportunity to pause. Then your awareness travels to being aware of how your body reacts to a situation. And then you become aware of what your thoughts are in that situation. And then you become aware that you can change habits and you can make better, More wholesome and generous responses and decisions. And you can change. You become conscious that you are able to make alternative decisions. Not just reactive decisions. And this has been exactly my journey. When I got up the next day to write a response, I paused. And rather than labouring over every comment to either rebuff or agree, I wrote. Thank you for your comments. Best regards, Dr Lucy Hughes. And send that back to the world. It was the appropriate and professional thing to do. I had acknowledged their contribution. Without escalating anything into a potentially fully-blown email ping-pong. And full-blown war of pride and ego. And I realized that the comments from the individual said a lot more about that individual than it did about me or my documents. They had their own problems that I was in no position to fix. I prevented us both from looking unprofessional or petty. We both kept our self-respect. And guess what? There was no further response. I considered the comments in the round with all the rest. I know that for me, Without changing my perspective through the use of meditation, I might have reacted differently. This way I felt good. It was my document after all, And my choice to accept or reject comments, And hopefully they felt respected too. Can you guess what was an unexpected bonus for me, Personally? Well, It was this. The feedback did not control me. It didn't spoil my day. I didn't ruminate on it. Instead, I was able to concentrate on and to be present for my friends and family. I was there for them. Most of us have had the experience of working away at something which is very meaningful and very important to us. That work could be anything. A report. A presentation. Some writing. A painting. Redecorating a room or starting a new venture. Anything at all. What's important is that it's something we have created for the world, Or our family, Or our colleagues at work. And eventually it is time to do the great reveal of that work to others. And that reveal can be large or small, And in many cases, Whatever size it is, The thought of it can still result in a period of anxiety or excitement beforehand. After the reveal is completed, It can be followed either by relief and joy and satisfaction that everyone likes what you've done Or, If the challenges come in, They can erode some of your confidence and undermine your work, And sometimes it can feel personal. You can, In fact, Feel overly concerned and focused on one harsh word, Even though all the rest of the feedback is fantastic. Now from a scientific point of view, All this comes about from our natural tendency to look out for trouble. As you may well know, This is driven by our amygdala in our brain, Whose job it is to look out for trouble and to keep us safe. And that threat doesn't have to be physical. It can be a non-physical threat, Such as when it's a threat that appears to attack our own self, Our ego, Our pride, Our intelligence, And so on. These non-physical threats can have a very strong stress response. Indeed, We get the same stress reaction as we do to a physical threat. We know from scientific studies that consistent and appropriate meditation can calm the amygdala down. And this allows you space and time to engage other parts of your brain in order to make decisions. So in summary, Before taking up meditation, Some of my reactions felt automatic. But meditation helped me notice physical sensations, Thoughts and emotions arising. And that awareness created choice. And choice led to kinder, More considered responses. So now it's time to do a short meditation on this topic. And the theme is that meditation doesn't just reduce reactivity, It can increase compassion. And compassion is a really wonderful thing. You can do this with your eyes open or closed. So let's begin. Settle into a comfortable seated position. Be aware of your body. Your chair. And the ground beneath you. Perhaps notice where you contact the chair. Perhaps your back against your chair. Or your legs on the chair. Notice the contact points of your feet on the ground. The chair and the ground are supporting you. You can allow them to hold, Support and cradle you for the next few minutes, So you can rest in this experience. If you feel comfortable, Either close your eyes or focus your gaze on a non-moving spot in the room. It might be the floor or the wall or anything else you want to gaze at. Allow your gaze to soften. If you have closed your eyes, Would you change your mind? You can open them at any time. And then softly gaze at a non-moving spot. Be aware of any sounds around you and let them come and go. You have nowhere else to be and nothing else to do. So breathe normally. In your own time and at your speed. There is no need to speed up or pause or slow down. Simply breathe as you want. When you're ready. Begin to notice your breath in a part of the body which feels comfortable to you. This could be at your mouth. Your nose, Your chest. Your abdomen, Or somewhere else. You may be aware of the air moving across through your nostrils. You might find you follow the breath up and down through your body, From your nostrils to your chest. You might become aware of the movement of your muscles in your chest and abdomen. If your mind has wandered to thoughts, Feelings or the sounds around you, It's okay. Gently begin again. And return the focus to your breath. It's now time to think of an occasion when there has been a minor misunderstanding. Perhaps a tone of voice, Language, Or tone of an email. Which made you feel that a person had challenged you in some way. Choose a minor, Simple misunderstanding. An awkwardness, If you will. It may be one that you can laugh about now, But was awkward at the time. And if you can't bring to mind any such situation, Try to imagine one. We often use the term felt or feel when we talk of these things, Since the reactions and sensations can appear and be felt in the body. We felt that they challenged us. We felt confused by what they said. Well, You know what? We just weren't sure what to think or feel. Become aware that your body and mind is reacting to this imagined awkward situation. What are the physical sensations that you feel? You're changing heart rate. Temperature. Your breath might change. Feeling somewhere in the body. In the stomach. Somewhere else. Do you have an emotional reaction? Do you feel angry? Annoyed Upset, Embarrassed? Are you happy for the challenge? Or something else. What are your thoughts telling you? Do you have any thoughts telling you something? Do you have questions? Are you figuring out how to respond? When you're ready, Bring to mind the following mantra. And silently repeat. May I have a respond wisely may i respond kindly May I be at ease. May I respond wisely. May I respond kindly. May I be at ease. May I respond wisely. May I respond kindly. May I be at ease. May I respond wisely. May I respond kindly. May I be at ease. When you are ready. Begin to be aware of the chair on the ground again. Become aware of your breathing once again. Note any difference in sensations that you feel in your body. There might only be a tiny difference, But that is all it takes, And a consistent practice can assist in finding the pause and help to respond with compassion. And slowly open your eyes. In the workplace environment, You rarely have the opportunity to pause and do this in real time. Instead, What you could do is to practice the mantra for 5-10 minutes on a regular basis, In order to prepare you in advance of a feedback session. As it will allow you to be more open. And follow the transition of awareness and compassion. And then just before a feedback session, You can pause for a few minutes with the mantra, May I respond wisely? May I respond kindly? May I be at ease before going in? Because it's not only good for you, It's also good for the people around you. Do send me your feedback and let me know how you get on. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. I'll see you next time with more meditation in the workplace. Until then, Be well. And remember. Meditation is the greatest gift. You can give to yourself.