You survived in your own hiding.
Your trauma body didn't want to die,
But it did want to disappear.
But it did want to disappear.
You,
Your being,
Didn't want to die,
But it did want to disappear.
It wanted to minimize your existence and take up the smallest space it could.
It just wanted to become invisible.
To be in a state where you couldn't be seen or noticed.
Where your footprints would vanish in the dust.
You were instinctually moving to a cellular level of existence where the outside madness couldn't reach to you.
Where outside unbearable impact couldn't reach to you.
Where the pain would bounce off you,
Leaving the smallest impact possible.
You made yourself small.
You made yourself the tiniest possible target to hit.
Intuitively,
Your posture bent into a slouched position.
Into the smallest position.
So you're not so visible.
So you're not a big target.
You rarely spoke.
So you're not a big target.
And none of this was your conscious choice.
Your body,
Your sacred body,
Knew how to vanish in order to protect you.
To keep you safe.
In the best way it could.
There's nothing outside of your body was safe.
And that's resiliency.
That's the resiliency.
Think about the way your body moved and disappeared in order to survive.
Your body.
And resiliency is not a heroic place from a mystical saga where you stand atop a fortress waving a victory flag.
That's a movie.
That's a TikTok.
That's not life.
That's not life.
Resiliency is a place where you survived.
Even more so,
When you survived in your hiding.
In making yourself small,
You won.
Through your body intelligence,
You became your own hero.
And you are my hero.
I bow to you.
I bow to that intelligence.
You survived in your hiding.
You survived in your hiding.
I am Ana Melo,
Somatic Experiencing Therapist for PTSD and Trauma Recovery.
And until next time,
Be gentle with yourself and bow to your own hero inside of you.
Take care.
