4 Ways To Calm Overthinking

19:26

19:26

4 Ways To Calm Overthinking

by Emma McAdam | Therapy In a Nutshell

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5

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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Overthinking can look like worry, intrusive thoughts, rumination, or over-analyzing. No one likes feeling the anxiety that comes with overthinking, but most people struggle to stop doing it. That’s because your brain secretly believes overthinking is protecting you. In this video, I cover 4 types of overthinking and the practical, psychological skills to calm each type. Please note that this video is for educational purposes and does not replace professional mental health care.

Overthinking Anxiety Mental Health Mindfulness Cognitive Defusion Intrusive Thoughts Trust Values Based Action Overthinking Management Rumination Management

Meet your Teacher

Emma McAdam | Therapy In a Nutshell

Provo, UT, USA

Meet your Teacher

Emma McAdam | Therapy In a Nutshell

Provo, UT, USA

Transcript

Everyone hates how overthinking makes them feel, But most people struggle to stop doing it. And that's because your brain secretly believes that overthinking is protecting you. So let's talk about four types of overthinking and four psychological skills to train your brain to quiet down. You Okay, The four types of overthinking are worry, Intrusive thoughts, Overplanning or overanalyzing, And rumination. So let's start with worry. Worry is the fuel of anxiety disorders. Worry is where you're constantly thinking about what could go wrong in the future. And worry turns on chronic stress in the body. Even though nothing bad is currently happening, Worry triggers the perception of danger. And when your brain thinks about danger, It triggers that same physiological response as a low-level threat. Turning on stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. And chronic stress can have damaging effects on your health, Your sleep, Your energy, Your mood, Your blood sugar, Your appetite, All sorts of things. So even though your body doesn't like how worry impacts you, Your brain thinks that it has to keep worrying. You see, When you worry about something catastrophic happening and then the catastrophic thing doesn't happen, Your brain does some brain math and thinks, Phew, All that worrying kept my human alive. I've got to do that again so that she doesn't die again. " And the cycle of worry just triggers over and over. So, Here's the skill. Okay, Just kidding. Most people have tried to just stop. It doesn't work. Our brain actually doesn't know how to do subtractive commands. It rarely works to tell your brain to stop thinking about a delicious mouth-watering cheesecake. Or a pink elephant, Right? Don't think about that. The skill, It just doesn't work. So here's the real skill. Scheduled worry. You tell your brain when to worry. Every day at a regular time, Like 5 p. M. , You're gonna sit down for 20 minutes and worry on paper. Write it down. Your brain and body are actually really capable of handling acute stress, Stress that comes in short bursts. Instead of worrying a little bit throughout the whole day, Which keeps the stress response high, You're gonna train your brain to worry each day at a certain time. If you catch yourself worrying during the rest of the day, You just tell your mind, We'll worry about that at 5 p. M. Now I think it's really helpful for the first couple of weeks of doing this to set a mindfulness bell on your phone. The chime helps you check in and see if you're slipping into worry throughout the day without realizing it. So the bell dings, You check your thoughts, You realize, Ooh, I'm worrying. And then you say, Brain, We'll do that at 5 p. M. Today. Okay, So there's the first skill. With worry, Do scheduled worry and a mindfulness bell to catch yourself and redirect. If you do this for a month, You will retrain your brain to worry much, Much less. I think this can reduce anxiety by 80%. Okay, Now let's talk about intrusive thoughts or unwanted thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are super common. Large studies with thousands of participants have found that 95% or more of people experience unwanted or intrusive thoughts. These commonly include scary thoughts, It's like, What if I hurt someone else? What if I do something sexually inappropriate? What if I swerve into traffic? What if I don't really love my partner? What if I touch some bad germs? What if I lose control? Almost everyone has these thoughts, But there's a clear difference between all those people who have intrusive thoughts, And those thoughts don't bother them, And those who develop problems like OCD or anxiety around them. The people who handle them well brush them off. They're like, Oh, That was weird. Oh, Well. And they go back to doing what they were doing. The people who struggle, Struggle against them. They try to fight their brain or reason with it or force themselves to not think about it. Or they do a safety behavior to avoid avoid engaging in that dangerous thought. Now, The more you try to prove these thoughts wrong, The more your brain flags them as important. When we believe a thought is dangerous, When we think that a thought will harm us or make us take action, We accidentally show our brain that the thought is actually dangerous. Which it is not. And that tells our brain to make it louder. When we fear, Avoid, Argue with, Or debate, Or even believe these thoughts and take an action to avoid them, Our brain makes them louder. When we do safety behaviors, Like avoiding driving, Or avoiding cutting meat, Or avoiding touching stuff, And we don't die, Our brain accidentally learns, See, Those thoughts really were dangerous. I better make my human more anxious and pay more attention to those intrusive thoughts. So, Here's the skill. It's called cognitive defusion. Label your mind as a word machine. And when you notice an intrusive thought, Say, Thank you brain for that thought. Thanks for trying to keep me safe. I'm good. You notice it, You name it. That's an intrusive thought. And if it keeps yelling that something bad is going to happen, Just say maybe, Maybe not. Don't do the safety behavior. Redirect your attention just back to the present moment. This trains your brain because then when you don't die, It trains your brain to not be so anxious about these thoughts. There's a few other ways to practice cognitive diffusion. You can sing the thought in a ridiculous voice over and over. You could imagine the thought as a part and give it a name like, Oh, There's negative Nancy again, Or there's Bob. He's always worried. If you feel stuck believing that are actually dangerous, Then I'd encourage you to work with an OCD trained therapist who can help you practice noticing your thoughts and not acting on them, Not doing the safety behavior. So this looks like someone who has the thought, What if I cut someone? Going to therapy and holding a knife and not cutting someone, Right? As you practice this, You'll show your brain that thoughts are just thoughts. Your mind is a word machine. Thank you for those thoughts. Let's move on right that's what you're teaching your brain and when we show our brain by not avoiding those thoughts or arguing with those thoughts. You also don't die your brain learns those thoughts aren't that important and it dials down the intensity on them number three Do you find yourself going over every possible scenario trying to plan to make everything perfect? Like oh I need to get this exactly right over planning is when your brain runs scenarios makes lists rewrites messages and tries to avoid Mistakes now your brain is trying to control outcomes so that nothing goes wrong If I say it just right no one will be upset If I plan this trip perfectly, Nothing will go wrong. If I analyze enough, I won't get hurt. Now the brain likes this because it does two things. It pretends that it can control everything, And this is a great way to limit anxiety in the short term because it feels like you're actually in control. And two, Intellectualizing is a great way to avoid emotions. Analyzing is so much more comfortable than being present with your uncertainty or vulnerability or fear or hurt. So strangely, I consider intellectualizing as a form of emotionality. You're secretly running from your emotions by thinking about them instead. This is one of my favorite ways to pretend that I'm dealing with my problems by avoiding them. Okay, When we overplan, Overanalyze, We're seeking to manage our anxiety, Our uncertainty, By controlling the outcome, By making sure that we never mess up, By guaranteeing that the trip goes perfectly. And this accidentally shows our brain that we are fragile and can't handle it if things don't go smoothly. If we want to regain power over our anxiety, We have to transition from control to trust. From controlling outside circumstances to trusting that we can handle it when things don't go smoothly. We're putting all this effort into controlling the outside stuff, How people see us, How comfortable our life is, But we're accidentally training our brain to be less secure on the inside. Now here's the thing, We can't just tell our brain to chill out. We have to show it by taking action. Noticing things not going and then surviving. Then our brain learns through experience that we can handle it. Let me give you an example. For years, I've tried to manage social situations to make sure that people don't dislike me. I've hidden what I really think, I've masked what I really like, And I've tried not to say stuff that might be offensive. But little by little, As I've grown, I've started being more authentic, And I've focused more on saying things like, That one first rule of the Internet Do not read the comments, But I do read the comments and that's okay, Right? I have other mantras that help like it's okay If I'm not perfect, I can feel anxious and do it. Anyway, I can practice going with the flow I've focused more on embracing my inner experience and showing courage to my inner anxiety then on Manipulating the external world to make me comfortable last fall. I went to Harvard to be on a panel for this Summit and I had the goal not to say something stupid and guess what happened? I accidentally did in a panel discussion about content creation I said the algorithm is not inherently biased and I was quickly informed that it actually is I had a blind spot and they let me know in a rather public way and I was super duper embarrassed I wanted to run away. I wanted to hide my face and never see any of them again But instead, I handled it better than ever. I reminded myself, Okay, It's okay if I'm not perfect. I stayed present, I connected with people, I learned more about things I didn't know, And I was gentle with myself. Mistakes are human. And I stayed with it. I sat with it. Now, I haven't done a lot of public speaking, But what I learned from this experience is that I can handle my own feelings when I'm not perfect. I actually came away so much more confident because I no longer have a rule that I have to handle things perfectly or else it's the end of the world. And now I believe I can show up authentically, Offer what I have, Be imperfect, And I can handle that discomfort. I feel much more confident because I'm letting go of that control a little bit. I can trust myself to handle big feelings like embarrassment when things aren't perfect. Okay, So here's the skill. Focus on building up trust, Not control. Trust in yourself that you can handle it. And the way our brains work is you can't just tell your brain to do this. Your brain is like a child, Right? They learn more from what you do than from what you say. You have to show your brain that you can handle uncertainty by doing something imperfectly. So there's a few ways to practice this. Go on a spontaneous trip without having every detail figured out. On purpose, Say something silly in a social setting and watch how people don't actually care. Make a beautiful piece of art and add an intentional flaw. Publish a video to YouTube that isn't perfect. Watch yourself and the anxiety you feel around it and just say something like, I am getting so good at being imperfect. I'm getting so good at tolerating uncertainty. I can do hard things. Today is a great day to feel a little discomfort. Over time your anxiety will decrease and so will your need to overthink, Over plan and be so dang perfect. Okay, Let me give you one more example. This guy Zha, I hope I'm saying his name right, Practiced desensitizing himself to rejection by intentionally getting rejected every day for 100 days. Day two, Request a burger refill. This is where I went to a burger joint, I finished lunch, And I went to the cashier and said, Hey, Can I get a burger refill? And he was all confused. I'm like, What's a burger refill? I said, Well, Just like a drink review, But with a burger. And he said, Sorry, We don't do burger refill, Man. So this is where rejection happened. I could have run, But I stayed. I said, Well, I love your burger, I love your joint, And if you guys do a burger refill, I will love you guys more. And he said, Well, OK, I'll tell my manager about it. Maybe we'll do it, But sorry we can't do this today. Then I left. By the way, I don't think they've ever done burger refill. I think they're still there. But the life and death feeling I was feeling the first time was no longer there, Just because I stayed engaged, Because I didn't run. I said, Wow, Great, I'm already learning things. The more he practiced getting rejected on purpose, The less he feared rejection. He built up trust in his ability to handle discomfort instead of trying to control everything to be comfortable. Okay, Lastly, Rumination. Rumination is literally chewing on the past, Where you keep dwelling on your past mistakes or the wrongs you were wronged, Where you wish you'd done something differently or had taken a different path or just had the eagles drop you off at Mordor. Rumination is like a deep rut in a muddy road, Or like an icy ski path. The more you travel it, The harder it is to escape. And rumination can be the fuel of depression, Hopelessness, And despair. When this happens, Our thinking patterns can get stuck, And they can be really rigid, And that can be hard to escape. Now, You have to admit this, Rumination secretly feels good. When there's nothing you can do about the past, Your brain likes to ruminate because it pretends that it IS taking action. By thinking about it. Once when I was in college, I'd been on a handful of dates with this guy, Let's call him Alexander. Things did not go anywhere after that. Then, Like six months later, I'm visiting my parents on Christmas Day, And guess who knocks on the door? Alex. I had no idea he was coming and I was pretty surprised to see him. It was pretty weird. But we found a quiet place to catch up on life. We talked for a little bit and he said, Oh, I really wish we had tried to see if this relationship would work. I really regret that we didn't keep dating. Now, Just to clarify, I didn't break up with him or anything. We just never were exclusive. We still lived in the same town, So I basically just said, There's no reason we can't try dating again. We're both single. I'm willing. Then he got super awkward and he said something about needing to go fix something on his car and basically that was the end of that Now for all I know he had a dozen reasons why he didn't want to date me. That's cool But if we take it at face value what he said is the essence of depressive rumination You dwell on your regrets but you do nothing about them in the present moment. The essential skill to escape rumination is to identify the value and take action on it here in the present. What do you do with the regret that comes from making a mistake? Rumination. I ruin everything. Why can't I do anything right? Okay, So what do you really value? A value is something within your control. I value trying hard. I value learning from my mistakes. I value taking responsibility. And the best thing about values is that you can always take action in the present. So what is the present moment action? Fix one small part. Apologize. Learn one thing. By acting on your values, You shift out of rumination toward action here in the present moment. Okay, Here's another one. I should have. Rumination. I should have said something. I'm such a coward. What do you value? Honesty, Self-respect. What's your action? Write what you wish you had said. You're practicing a different action when you reflect and when you write. You're training your brain to act differently. You could also say something small but honest now. You could speak up in the next tiny moment. You practice the value now instead of beating yourself up for before. What if you snap at your kid? The rumination says, I'm a terrible mom. I always mess this up. I shouldn't have yelled. The value underneath is being a caring parent. Emotional safety, Repairing relationships. So what's your present moment action? Go give a hug! Apologize, Say, I'm sorry I got loud. Make repairs, Sit on the floor and play for two minutes. Live that value of love and compassion by treating yourself with patience and with compassion. Or scheduling some time for self-care so that you can respond differently next time. Now, None of this erases the past, But you're embodying that value of connection now. You've got to redirect your attention from the past to the now and then just do one dang thing. Okay, Now I get it. Rumination and overthinking can be really deep ruts to get out of. Sometimes we just can't make ourselves do it. We need some support. So there are some good medical treatments for depression that seem to help create new neural pathways. SSRIs, Which is a form of antidepressant, Were previously thought to help depression by fixing a chemical imbalance. But now the theory is that they help with neuroplasticity. They make the brain more adaptable so it can make new connections. Ketamine therapy seems to help increase BDNF, Which is brain derived neurotropic factor. It's basically fertilizer. It helps neurons grow new branches and form new connections and repair damaged circuits. And all of this can help your brain be more flexible at building new thinking patterns. So can TMS, Transcranial magnetic stimulation. This is a treatment that can be done in the office and it has relatively few side effects, But it can help people really improve their ability to build new thinking patterns and get out of depression or even anxiety. One of the psychiatrists I've collaborated with said that these treatments are like when you get fresh snow on a ski hill. It's easier to get out of the icy ruts and create new pathways and new thinking patterns. But these medical options really are best when they're paired with cognitive therapy. Working with a therapist to help change how you think so that you can ski these new mental trails. Okay, So there's four ways you can get stuck in overthinking or intrusive thoughts and four skills to get unstuck from them. I do want to mention a fifth skill. Mindfulness is a daily practice to notice your thoughts and redirect your attention to the present moment. A daily mindfulness practice is strength training for being able to do these other skills. It's like building up the mental muscle memory to be able to notice your thoughts and redirect. I'm personally using Insight Timer for some free courses on that. They are not a sponsor, But I like them. Okay, I hope that's helpful. Thank you so much for watching and please take care.