Fruit Salad Of Relationship (From 'Cooking With Love')

This is the second edition of my show 'Cooking with Love', where I use the metaphor of cooking to help understand that we are actually cooking (creating) everything in our lives. In this show, I give you the recipe and method to make a 'Fruit Salad of Relationship'. I talk about choosing who we should be in relationship with (only those who uplift and support us) and how to make your friendship or relationship as nourishing as possible for both of you. I hope you enjoy this show!

Transcript

So hello my darlings,

Welcome back.

I am Chell aka Akasha Love,

Intergalactic Yogi of Space and Love.

And today I am very excited to bring you the second ever edition of the.

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Drumroll.

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Kukui Love with Akasha Love.

So today we're going to make a fruit salad of relationship.

Fruit salad of relationship.

So relationship,

By relationship I mean relationship,

Intimate relationship,

Friendship,

All kinds of connections that you have in your life with anyone basically.

Our lives really are all about relationship.

We come as souls down to this earthly plane to go on the human journey and a major part of this human journey is relating with others.

And what do we hope to get from relationships?

Generally I would say from a good relationship we want to be changed in some way.

We want to experience alchemy in our relationship.

So with the other person that we are relating with we want to receive something from them and give something to them.

And as a result of this interchange of giving and receiving we grow into the next version of ourselves.

This is the goal of relationship really.

The goal of good relationship is this,

It's alchemy let's say.

So before we start our salad,

Our fruit salad of relationship,

I just wanted to read some really powerful words from Anthony Hopkins,

English actor,

Famous for many many roles but one of my favourites is Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.

So he has this to say about relationships.

Let go of the people who are not prepared to love you.

This is the hardest thing you'll have to do in your life and will also be the most important thing.

Stop having hard conversations with people who don't want change.

Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence.

I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you but it's a boost that steals your time,

Energy,

Mental and physical health.

When you begin to fight for a life with joy,

Interest and commitment not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place.

This doesn't mean you need to change what you are.

It means you should let go of the people who aren't ready to accompany you.

If you are excluded,

Insulted,

Forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to,

You don't do yourself a favour by continuing to offer your energy and your life.

The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.

That's what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love.

You will know how precious you are.

The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to,

The more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.

There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.

The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow,

A background option or a therapist for emotional healing,

The longer you will stay away from the community you want.

Maybe if you stop showing up,

You won't be wanted.

Maybe if you stop trying,

The relationship will end.

Maybe if you stop texting,

Your phone will stay dark for weeks.

That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship.

It means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it.

This is not love,

It's attachment.

It's wanting to give a chance to those who don't deserve it.

You deserve so much.

There are people who should not be in your life.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy,

Both of which are limited.

When you give your time and energy,

It will define your existence.

When you realise this,

You begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people in activities,

Places or situations that don't suit you and shouldn't be around you.

Your energy is stolen.

You will begin to realise that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Make your life a safe haven in which only compatible people are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone.

You are not responsible for convincing them to improve.

It's not your work to exist for people and give your life to them.

If you feel bad,

If you feel compelled,

You will be the root of all your problems.

You will be the root of all your problems.

Fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted.

It's your only obligation to realise that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.

Self-love is what he's talking about here.

Decide that you deserve true friendship,

Commitment,

True and complete love with healthy and prosperous people.

Then wait and see how much everything begins to change.

Don't waste time with people who are not worth it.

It will give you the love,

The esteem,

The happiness and the protection you deserve.

I just wanted to start out this show today with that reading from Anthony Hopkins because I just think it is really,

Really very important and those are very wise words from him.

The point is here that not everyone is for us and we're not for everybody.

We are here in life to grow,

To evolve,

To expand into our greatest version.

But we can only bring along the people on that journey who are supporting that path,

Who are on the same path,

If you like,

Let's say.

If you are on a path of growth and evolution and expansion and love and joy,

Then you can't be in relationship with someone who is not consciously choosing that path,

With someone who is in more of an energy of jealousy,

Of competition,

Of criticism,

Of lack of respect for themselves and for others.

You just won't be able to be in relationship with such a person because it just won't work.

So we have to choose our people really wisely.

Choose the people that we are in relationship with wisely.

Are they good for us?

Are we good for them?

Do we need them in our life?

Do they need us in their life?

Is our energy together uplifting us both?

And if it's not life is short,

Move on,

Find somebody who is on that same path and that uplifting energy.

So let's make our salad.

Let's have a look at our relationship salad,

Fruit salad of relationships.

So ingredients in a good relationship.

Now here I'm talking also about friendship and also about family relationships.

It's all the same.

To have a healthy connection with somebody,

You need to have all of these elements active in that connection.

So ingredients,

You need respect is the first really,

Really important one.

Curiosity,

You have to be interested in the other person.

They have to be interested in you.

Love,

There has to be love.

There has to be giving and receiving of love.

There has to be interest,

There has to be both parties have to be interested in the inner life of the other party.

There needs to be affection.

People need to show each other their love,

Hugs,

Kindness,

Touch,

Whatever it is for you.

It also needs to be humility.

You need to be open to learning from the other person because each of us is a teacher and a student of each other.

So you need to be open to learning something from that person as well as teaching them something.

And I think there also needs to be some synchronicity.

So you need to be on some kind of a,

There needs to be some synchronous vibration,

Some agreement that you are in this connection together for the right reasons.

So let's just imagine this grapefruit is a grapefruit of respect.

Let's say we've got what?

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five ingredients here.

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven,

Eight.

And we've got eight down here.

So let's say this grapefruit is a grapefruit of respect.

So where's our bowl here?

Respect,

Curiosity,

And love.

Let's say this is a grapefruit of three things.

It's an amazing,

It's amazing multidimensional grapefruit.

A grapefruit of respect,

Curiosity,

And love.

A red grapefruit,

Red is the colour of blood,

Colour of love hearts.

So that's a good colour for our first ingredient here in this fruit salad of relationship.

So I'm going to put in respect,

Curiosity,

And love.

And we have to remember also that in making this fruit salad of relationship,

We need to also be every day first making the same fruit salad of relationship with our inner self.

So first we make our small version,

Let's say,

Of the same salad.

We make that with our inner self.

So we need to have respect,

Curiosity,

And love for ourselves first before we can make this fruit salad of relationship and bring those elements out into our connection with others.

What next?

Apple.

Let's say this is the apple of,

This is a golden and delicious apple.

Very,

Very golden and delicious.

It's the first apple of New Seasons apples here in autumn.

So apple of interest.

There has to be a mutual interest from both parties for this relationship to work.

If there is not interest,

If you are interested in the other person,

But they are not particularly interested in you,

Then it's not going to work.

It's going to be one-sided and a frustrating experience for you.

It'll be an experience of you giving out your interest and not receiving any interest in return.

So an apple,

Golden and delicious apple of interest in yourself and in the other person who you are relating with.

Let's put it in the apple of interest.

All right,

So we have respect,

Curiosity,

Love,

Interest,

Affection,

Nectarine.

Let's imagine this is a nectarine of affection.

So we need to have that element of love,

But we need to also express that love in whatever is our way.

So you might have heard of the love languages,

Five love languages.

Some people it is touch,

Some people it is words of love,

Some people it is gifts,

Some people it is acts of service.

That's four,

I think.

What's the fifth love language?

Touch words,

Gifts,

Acts of service,

Touch words,

Gifts,

Acts of service.

Maybe physical.

No,

That's touch,

Isn't it?

So if you know the fifth love language,

Leave that in the comments.

Let me know.

So this is the nectarine of affection.

So we have our love,

But we also need to express that love,

Which is the affection,

Affection piece that comes in to our fruit salad.

We need to express our feelings about the other person so that they know.

So that might be saying that you love them.

It might be giving them a hug.

It might be making them a dinner.

It might be inviting them out for something beautiful.

We need to express that love.

So openness,

Let's open this box of strawberries.

So let's imagine these strawberries as openness.

We need to be open to the other person in the relationship.

We need to be open in our heart,

Heart center,

To them.

If we're not open to that person,

Then there can be no relationship.

There has to be openness within us to receive that person.

So let's imagine this is our strawberries of openness,

Openheartedness,

Open towards that other person that we are in connection with.

Beautiful luscious,

Sweet strawberries of openness.

So we also need in this fruit salad of relationship,

We need to be on some kind of a similar life journey,

Let's say.

So if your friend is their main goal in life is perhaps to,

Might be to go as fast as they can in running and win the Olympics.

And this is what drives them forward.

That you want only to have,

Or not only,

But you want to have a quiet life at home with your family,

With your husband and children or wife and children,

And connect with your community and live a really quiet life.

So it might be then difficult for you to be in sync,

In synchronicity with somebody such as an Olympic athlete who perhaps is traveling around the world,

Perhaps doesn't have a family and is following after this goal of their Olympic dream.

It's just because your lives are not going to have synchronicity.

Let's say they're not going to really connect in many ways in many places because you just,

You're traveling different paths.

So we need synchronicity in our friendship or relationship for this friendship or relationship also to work.

You have to be more or less on a fairly synchronous path.

And of course for relationships like family members,

This might not be the case because you have no choice with your family members.

You cannot choose and they are just there.

They are set in stone if you like.

You can't swap out your family for someone else.

So they might not necessarily have very much in common with you.

They might not have a lot of synchronicity with you.

That might and that might create problems in your relationship.

But if you have all the other ingredients in our free salad,

If you have the love,

Respect,

Interest,

Curiosity,

Affection,

Openness,

Humility,

Then this aspect of synchronicity hopefully should not get in the way too much in between you having a harmonious and beneficial relationship with your family members.

But it may do if you are just on completely,

Completely different paths and there's no ability for understanding each one of the other.

There's no ability for synchronicity even in the times when you meet.

And perhaps this relationship with family members also will be difficult or might not work.

So this I guess is the case in our relationship free salad which is often the most difficult because our family members,

We don't choose them.

The universe chooses them for us.

And so they might be very different people to us and it might be very challenging for us to build a healthy fruit salad together with them.

This often will be the biggest challenge in life for many people is to find a common ground with their family members.

So what about our method for making this fruit salad of relationship and connection?

So in our method we have use I statements.

So when connecting,

Communicating with your friend,

Your family member,

Your intimate partner,

When speaking about your own feelings,

Use I statements.

So say I feel like this,

I feel like that,

I feel sad today,

I feel happy today,

I feel confused,

I feel troubled,

I feel anxious.

Rather than pointing to the other person and saying you make me feel this way.

So own your own feelings,

Don't lame or project any of your feelings onto other people.

So it is the case of course that sometimes things that people do or say do create an emotional reaction in us.

But in that case we still we own that feeling and we explain to them that this whatever they might have said or done was a spark for that feeling to arise in us and we own that it is ours but then we can also bring up this the spark which is what they offered us and we can hopefully come to some understanding of that if we bring that up in conversation.

But that other person of course needs to have enough interest and curiosity represented here by our grapefruit,

Interest in us and curiosity for them to be interested in our reaction to whatever might have taken place.

If there is not enough interest in us or not enough curiosity in the other person then we may not be able to resolve that issue whatever arose.

So also in our method of making this fruit salad a relationship we state what our needs are in the relationship and don't expect the other person to know what are our particular needs.

We need to own those our own needs and explain them to someone,

State them to someone and particularly in an intimate relationship in a family relationship if you are building a family together with somebody for example it's really important that each party knows what the needs are of the other party and so that they can work together to help each other to meet those needs.

Then if you are able to speak your needs clearly and truly and honestly and something arises a conflict arises between you two you both know already what your needs are in this relationship so you are able to address those,

Able to address whatever aspects of the relationship came up in the form of a conflict and then you can have that empowering conversation based on owning your feelings based on not projecting and not blaming but also knowing that each person has clear needs and those needs do need to be met for the relationship to continue.

So just as Anthony Hopkins said when you begin to fight for a life with joy,

Interest and commitment not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place.

This doesn't mean you need to change who you are it means you should let go of the people who aren't ready to accompany you.

If you are excluded,

Insulted,

Forgotten or ignored by the people you give you time to you don't do yourself a favour by continuing to offer your energy and your life.

So don't continue to make a fruit salad a relationship with people who exclude,

Ignore,

Insult or forget you.

It's just it's not going to go anywhere.

That salad is not going to be a tasty thing for you to eat or for them to eat if they are treating you in this way.

So if you have people who ignore you,

Exclude you,

Insult you,

Forget you in your life,

What's the solution?

You just stop making the salad with them.

So you just stop offering your interest,

Offering your love,

Offering your affection,

Your curiosity,

Your everything.

You just take back all of those aspects of that salad.

Take them back into yourself.

Hold them there.

Give all of those things to yourself before you find a another person,

Somebody who is interested in making this fruit salad a relationship with you.

And as Anthony Hopkins said,

That's not everybody.

So just clear away our ingredients here.

When you have your made your fruit salad a relationship with your friend,

Your lover,

Your family member,

Your work colleague,

It should be.

So basically this is the physical manifestation,

If you like,

Of your mutual energy,

Of the energy of the two people.

So then when you eat this fruit salad of relationship together,

It enriches and nourishes both of the people who eat it.

So if your friendships or relationships are not feeling like they are nourishing or enriching you,

Then go back to this list of our ingredients and see if you have all of these ingredients in your relationship and see if that person,

The other person also is putting in all of the same ingredients.

And that's the way that you will know what is lacking in that relationship because we need all of them there in order to have a nourishing and nurturing and fulfilling relationship,

Which makes us better people.

Let's say,

Let's try it.

Very good.

So the purpose of relationship is alchemy,

Is growth,

Change,

Development,

Expansion.

So this fruit salad that you've both made together should alchemize you internally to grow,

Expand,

Keep moving on your life path and feel fulfilled in love.

Enjoy,

And in your power.

That's what you want this salad to help to make you feel.

And this one,

Yeah,

It's tasting fresh,

It's tasting nourishing,

It's tasting uplifting,

It's tasting beautiful.

Stay open,

Stay loving,

Stay spacious and stay connected with yourself first and foremost in all and any relationships.

We relate from our centre,

We relate from our inner self,

We relate from our connection with us.

If we don't have that,

We can't make any fruit salad at all.

So stay centred.

Sending you all my love and peace and wishing you a beautiful day and I will see you on the next edition of Cooking with Luv.