Episode 145: Creating Your Life With Pleasure Featuring Kat McLead

Kat McLead joins me today. Kat and I discuss her journey through overcoming severe abuse, transitioning from stripping to her dream life, creating highly profitable businesses, and helping stay at home moms nail their niche in order for them to create their own highly profitable business. Kat comes from a psychology background. And believes that moms can have a succcessful business working 2 hours a day or less so that they can be a mom first.

*(There are some swear words in this episode.)

Transcript

This is when I found out 20 years ago that when you niche you grow rich. So instead of my clientele going down, It round up skyrocketing. My level of clientele like the people I was attracting were so much better quality. I over doubled my already high rates and I wound up running a multiple six-figure business for the next five years, A fetish business. Hey there, I'm Steph and I want to welcome you to the Beautifully Changed podcast. This is where we explore how ordinary people do big things. Welcome to your tipping point. Well hello there, Awesomesauce. Thank you so much for joining me today. It's always such a pleasure to have your participation, Your listen, And I really strive to make sure you're getting something useful out of this podcast and that it is valuable to you and your time. And if that is the case, Please remember to leave me a review. Today I have the lovely Kat McLean as my guest and we're going to talk about how stay-at-home moms, When they're ready, Can tap into creating a business that they can add into their life that can help them bring in abundance. That's Kat's specialty. She helps stay-at-home moms create a business for pleasure and high profits. And as you hear Kat's story, You're going to hear that she came from severe abuse and did not let that get in her way. She still created successful businesses for herself, So much so that she was able to pay the full $450, 000 down payment on her dream house. And she currently lives her dream life with her husband and her son. And because she's been able to do it, She wants to help other stay-at-home moms do it too. Kat is funny, She's relatable, She's smart, She's the whole package. And I'm really looking forward to receiving your feedback. And remember, If you have any follow-up questions or you want to give Kat some love, Please do so. You can find her on Instagram at Kat McLean. She's also on Facebook and I have her links for her website and her Instagram on the show notes if you want to check that out. BeautifullyChanged. Com slash Kat McLean. Okay, Well let's dive in. First of all, Kat, Thank you so much for taking your time to be here with me today. I know you have quite an incredible story that is going to inspire anybody who listens to it because you have gone from severe abuse to living the dream life. You've also ran several businesses very successfully on your own. So much so that you were able to come up with a $450, 000 down payment on your house. That is all you. And now you're helping other moms be able to live a fulfilling and profitable life while still being a stay-at-home mom and dedicating the majority of their time to their most precious treasure in their life. So welcome to the Beautifully Changed podcast and I'm so honored to have you here. I'm really excited to be here with you. And before we dive into your story, I'm curious if you could start off by sharing something that you've learned recently that has really inspired you. Recently, I have learned to take the pressure off. Your worth is not your results in your business or your client's results. And I tend to be extremely type A, Extremely driven, Too much of a go-getter almost, And forget to bring in the pleasure. And that is why I totally focus on pleasurable businesses that feel really good because it is a reminder of myself. So I wouldn't say it's recently. This is like 15 years in the making and it's something that I do mindset work and must remind myself constantly. I do mindset work about this almost every day because I am a results-driven person and I need to remind myself that my self-worth is just in my self-worth and it's better to unfold your life, Your business, All aspects from a place of pleasure and feeling good and enjoying the journey. Because if you're always rushing to that destination, You miss out on almost all of your life. Mmm, I love that. And that has so much truth to it because you're right, So many people just like, Hurry. Like, What was that song? Like, I'm in a hurry to get things done, Right? Like, Always trying to hurry and forget to take those moments to play and have pleasure in the process. So speaking of that, What is an actionable step that you do that allows you to tap into, Like, The pleasure or the fun of the process? I start every single morning positive journaling so that I journal on how I want my results, Which we're talking about letting go of, But what I want to unfold in my life is really what it is. And I start every morning, I roll out of bed, I'm all grumpy, I, Like, Grab my journal and I talk about what it is I want to invite into my life, How good I'm going to feel about it, How amazing it feels as if it already happened. And that just helps put me at the start of the day feeling really good. And before I do interviews or write posts, I like to make sure that my energy is really good so that the energy that I bring out into the world and with my clients is positive, High vibe and feeling good. And that doesn't mean that I don't have mindset slips. Even though I work on a lot of mindset, I have a master's in psychology, I still have my own mindset slips and that's how I can effectively help people get through them. I wouldn't be able to if I didn't have those tools from doing my own mindset stuff. I love that. Okay. So, And I also really appreciate that you share, You like get out of bed all grumpy and then you, You know, Dive into your journal because not everybody is a morning person, Right? But you can still be aware of that and do something about it. So can you share with somebody who has never done that before what a sentence might look like, Like how they would actually write out the sentence? I always start out, I'm so happy and grateful, Blank. So whatever it is that you're inviting and I encourage your listeners to invite one thing at a time. Really put the energy in one thing at a time because where your focus goes, That's where your energy goes and your focus. You're going to be able to grow that. If you're trying to change 10 things all at the same time, Number one, It's super overwhelming. And number two, You're just diverting so much energy that you're going to see very little change in that one part. So pick your focus for the day. Pick your focus actually for 90 days is the most ideal. But I'm just going to say, Even if you do start doing it weekly, Instead of the three things, Pick the theme. And you do one thing at a time, One step. I call them three-foot tosses and I'll get into that more later in our talk. That is actually going to get you way more results than trying to do it all at once. It just doesn't work. And then it leads to overwhelm and burnout and a lack of results that can make you feel like this isn't working. So start out the morning, I am so happy and grateful, Blank. I love that, Kat. And I think what you said has so much power behind it because we want to be tempted to be like, Okay, If I focus on these five things, Then maybe one of them will work out for me. But it can also divide your attention. And so it's like you're saying, If I have my focus, Like there's an end goal, Right? There's a big goal that you're going for. And if I have my focus on that day, On the thing, The one thing I want to invite in, It's going to bring me towards that goal at a much faster rate if I focus on that for 90 days than if I spread myself thin all over the place. Absolutely. I've seen it time and time again and I know this for myself. That is how you really invite the change and see the change happening. I love that. And now I'm curious because I want to hear a little bit of your story and how you were able to start applying some of these tips that you share with your own clients to your own life so that you're able to get the results and live this dream life that you have today. So however you feel comfortable, Wherever you want to start in your story, Because I know it's an incredible one. So the floor is yours and I'll just kind of jump in with questions. I'll start from the beginning. I grew up in an extremely abusive house. I was beaten regularly with a bamboo stick, Had black eyes. I was belittled, Told I was a piece of shit, Constantly fearful for my life for real, Thought I was going to be murdered in my family's home, Did not feel safe, Did not feel loved, Could not wait to get away. So I was pretty screwed up in my late teens. I mean, The whole time I was keeping this all a secret. I felt like it was my fault if I was just good enough or a good enough girl that this wouldn't be the case. I started dating a 30-year-old man as a teenager. I started stripping in college because I ran up some credit card debt. I was afraid of telling my parents and I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it because I grew up with my father basically telling me I was fat, Stupid, And ugly. And this led me to have the confidence to move to Los Angeles on my own as soon as I finished my undergraduate and get out from my father's financial thumb. So it was a double-edged sword. On the positive side, Stripping gave me the confidence to move to a different state, To the West Coast where I really dreamed of living. On the bad side, My first real adult job netted me hundreds of dollars an hour, At least over $100 an hour, And I never had made less. So when I moved to LA, It's lap dancing only here. Where I first started, There was no lap dancing. I do not like to be manhandled, As you can imagine from having an abusive father. So lap dancing was just not going to fly for me. So I answered an ad to be a dominatrix. And there's no touching in most forms of domination, Except for me beating people or doing what I do to people. And at first, I really actually enjoyed it because it was turning the tables on the abuse, And I felt really powerful and strong. After about six to nine months, I felt really burned out. I did not want to do it anymore. I pretty much hated it, But I liked the money. It made several hundred dollars an hour. I decided I couldn't do it any longer. I decided to continue with this business, But to pare it down to only the things I most enjoyed or tolerated. And at this point, I thought, Okay, I'll have to get my first real job, And I'll be able to do these things on the side for extra income. Because at the time, I had an undergraduate in psychology. I mean, It doesn't make a lot of money, And I was used to making a lot of money. This is when I found out 20 years ago that when you niche, You grow rich. So instead of my clientele going down, It wound up skyrocketing. My level of clientele, Like the people I was attracting, Were so much better quality. I over doubled my already high rates, And I wound up running a multiple six-figure business for the next five years, A fetish business. The work itself, Okay, Again, I enjoyed it at first. It felt powerful to get paid so much money for something, Stuff that came so easily to me. It wasn't like killing me the way domination was, Because I really didn't enjoy that after a while. Again, After a few, I don't remember, Like a few months or a year, I really felt unfulfilled. I wasn't living a purposeful life. If you're really into men's fetish, I guess it could be purposeful for you, But it just wasn't for me. I was solely doing it for the money. And it took me four additional years to make a change, Because I was just so in that money trap. And I really grew to hate it. I was depressed. I had an eating disorder. I was getting a lot of therapy during all of this time. Otherwise I would have been a mess. It was just not for me. I did not want to make a living off my looks. I just felt like I was not living a purposeful life at all. My regulars saw that I was getting increasingly unhappy, Because remember some of these clients I had for five years. So one actually hired me, And this was my only like quote unquote normal adult job. And I wound up going into corporate, And I used all my skills from running a mini fetish empire in corporate. And I was able to blow up a division of his company that he had me run. And to this day, Over a decade later, It's still highly successful. I just had coffee with him about two weeks ago. And so that was the good news. The bad news is I really did not like having a boss, Especially someone who I was used to being in the power position for five years, And now I had to be at the office at a certain time. He would be micromanaging me. I just was not for me. So I decided to go to graduate school and get a master's in psychology and possibly be a therapist and help other people who were screwed up like myself. As my second year project, I chose to help women transition out of the sex industry. I knew how hard it was to transition out. I had friends in the industry and myself. It took me many years and starts and stops to transition out because we're used to making hundreds, If not thousands. Like there's high end escorts. I never did escorting, But there's high end escorts that make thousands an hour. And it's extremely difficult to leave that money behind and that very limited work hours behind. So I was forced to become a business coach. I never expected to be a business coach. The only way I could get these women to transition out and help them is to help them become entrepreneurs where they would still be their own boss, Still make very high profit for the time spent. None of these ladies wanted to move into a full time position. Well, A few of them, The younger ones did transition back into school. And that's just a separate thing. I'm just going to focus on the entrepreneurs. So that's how I became a business coach. It's actually the basis of my framework today, Working with Pampered's day at home mom. So I don't know how my Pampered moms will feel about that, But that is the truth. I learned how to do businesses that were high profit in short periods of time, Helping women transition out of the sex industry. Well, I was just going to say, I would think that the Pampered moms would find a lot of respect for you because you were able to just approach any female that you were working with with like love. And you were able to see them with potential and say, Hey, This, This doesn't have to be it. They still have a high profitable lifestyle, But doing something that really speaks to you that, Cause you focus on people's like talents and natural gifts that they're already doing, That they're overlooking that they're not even realizing this could be profitable for them. So I'm hoping any of the women that you currently work with or anyone in your future to work with would hear your story and say, Hot, Dang, This girl knows what she's doing. And she comes from a place of love and knowledge and just like believing in you. And she's going to push you because she's not scared to push you. Well, Thank you for reflecting that when I was first getting started in this business, I was afraid to share my past because it is so different. And my husband's semi-conservative and we agreed to bury it really when, Especially after we had our son. And I feel called to be transparent because my bigger legacy is to help women understand that you create your life. You truly do. Cause I really did create it, But it is very nice for you to reflect that back to me because I did work with a challenging population. So you moms out there who think you don't have a skill, Talent or gift, Let me tell you, You do. I've seen it time and time again. It's just that when it is natural for you, It is so hard for you to recognize it. Like one of my current clients on our last call, She was like, Kat, I cannot believe that people are paying me for this. It's so easy. And she was feeling almost guilty or bewildered by this. And I'm like, Hun, It's not easy for them. It's hard for them. You're helping them. This is a perfect example of something that for my client, It's so easy that she cannot believe people are paying her thousands of dollars to help them with something that comes so easy for her. But the value is it is not easy for them. And I reflected back that business coaching is so easy for me. Being an entrepreneur, Starting businesses is my superpower. It is so easy for me and it is valuable, But that doesn't mean it's easy for someone else. So that's always something to take into account for you. Listeners who are starting out, You do have a talent, A gift, A skill that is just so natural for you that you don't recognize that it is something that people will pay for. And I love to bring up Marie Konda. I hope I'm pronouncing her name wrong. Right. Cause I don't watch her show, But I know that she makes a killing off of like rolling socks and bringing people joy through organizing their house. And it's right. She's like the perfect example of taking like something that who would think like being a neat freak in an organizational thing can make you have a popular TV show that everyone quotes you. So this is just another example of how it is best to start with something that comes naturally for you. Oh, Such a good example. I love that. Okay. Cat, I'm sorry. I interrupted your story. So you work with Pampered Moms, But started with helping women turn into entrepreneurs. Okay. Where did you want to take it from there? Oh yeah. I mean, It just almost to the end arc where I am now. I met and married my husband. And as you mentioned, I had 10 times more money than he did when we got married and he's nine years younger than me. So no one rescued me. No, It's the complete opposite of when I was dating a 30 year old man as a teenager and I married someone nine years younger and he is amazing provider. He's definitely a go getter. When we got married, He was very smart, Intelligent. I knew he was going to make something of himself. And he totally has. But I, I planned on being a Pampered stay at home mom. My son went into preschool. I had me time and I was bored. I was restless. I was spending hours reading stupid gossip stuff on the internet. I just, I had too much stuff. I wasn't done. I'm not done. And that's why now my son's in first grade. I'm ready to scale my business. I'm actually taking on more clients than I have in the last many, Many, Many years because I've always been mom first and I help my clients start businesses that keep them mom first. I don't start any businesses with any of my moms that require 20 hours or more a week. All of my moms work less than 20 hours a week. I work right now about 15 hours a week and that's just, I believe in being mom first. I love that. And I, For me, As I was like reading your website and just getting to know you more, That was something that really stood out is that you're like, Hey, I don't want you to be doing something that's going to cost more, Take more than two hours a day because you understand that if you're a stay at home mom, How much you know you want to be able to providing to your kiddos and your family and also the mom guilt that can come with it when you're taking too much time away and you're saying, Hey, Let's do something you're already really good at. You're loving and it's profitable. And you also tie in that it like that pleasure piece, Which I think makes you very unique and also just looking at it from a completely different perspective and just honoring people for who they are as individuals, But still having this like template people can follow to be really successful. I definitely believe in pleasure first, Because as I mentioned, I made multiple six figures at a business that I really hated that was draining my soul. And now we're all moms. Well, My clients are, We're all moms and being a mom is amazing and it is draining. So and it pays nothing. I believe in fulfillment and pleasure and meaningful business first. And then I marry that with high profit because it feels good to make good money to share your gifts with the world. It feels good. It feels terrible to make peanuts in my opinion. Yeah. Like when you were talking about when you first got your undergrad in psychology and like the pay is so low. So I mean, I, As well, I'm in the behavioral health, Mental health field as well. When I was working before I started to do my own things and it was like, Wow, My husband couldn't believe how can you have your masters that only get $16 an hour? Like that does not make sense to me. And where he has no degree and he's making way more than that. He was like, Because people would say, Because I'd stay home versus him and they're like, But she has her masters. Why isn't she the one working? And he's like, Because we want to be able to eat. So you know, It made a huge difference with, I mean, So I get where you're coming from with wanting to find a way to use your skills to actually help women feel profitable because that feels really empowering also to be able to have the money to treat yourself or you treat your family or whatever. I agree with you and think about what the skills that you got your masters with. When you go off on your own, Think of how much money you can make versus that $16 an hour. Right. Right. Exactly. And okay, So Kat, You have, Like I said, Your stories incredible. You shared so much there and I'm wondering if you can share some of the takeaways that helped you because obviously you had to be looking at things a different way than somebody who also has been in an abusive situation or just in a tough situation, Not even abuse, Just something where it feels unfair, Where you're struggling with your self worth. You're struggling with feeling love that you can actually provide some quality goods to the world. And how are you able to like identify that in yourself and start putting that to practice instead of buying into the story that you are unlovable and you don't have anything to offer? This really needs to come within and it's tough. It can be tough. And I definitely with you creating your life, It doesn't matter where your past was. So like you said, It doesn't matter if you were abused, If you were a drug user, Whatever your mind is telling you is the reason why you can't have XYZ that you truly desire. And I would encourage you to look at your desire and know that means that that part of you within yourself, That's the part that you need to make this decision from, The part that wants the XYZ. That's the part of you that's powerful, That isn't fully buying into the story of you not being good enough, You not being worthy because of whatever it is in your past, Whoever told you that bullshit, Whatever you were deluded to believe, Whatever it is that you did in the past at all. Because that's why I totally tell you that I was screwed up doing a lot of screwed up stuff in my past. That part of you that wants the better life, That wants to move forward, That's the part that needs to be filled. And that movement forward is when you decide. So sometimes the decision is just out of sheer hitting the rock bottom. Like you cannot take this anymore and you just start putting that proverbial one foot in front of the other to the better life. And sometimes that decision comes from inspiration or hearing a story like mine and saying, You know what, I do deserve that better life. And either way, It boils down to you deciding, Not hoping, Wishing, Wanting a better life, Like deciding that you are going to make the better life. That is what happened for me. I decided, And it was not success only. I decided I had some back falling. I started and stopped numerous times before I got to this point. But the decision has to be there that you deserve better, That you are going to create better and you will make it happen. I love that. That is a really great point, Kat. And so what was kind of one of those first steps that you remember doing when you started the transition to creating the life you wanted? Do you remember if you think back to that, Like one of the first things you started to do? I do. So I started doing yoga and it's not because yoga is so magical or whatever like that. It's solely that I was doing something for myself. I started carving out this time in my schedule and saying no to clients. So my yoga classes could have cost me a thousand dollars for real. But I made that happen because luckily I had a wonderful assistant at the time and he would point out, You keep burning out. So this yoga class, Even though you are saying no to this client that wants to work with you and it's X'd out in your schedule, Is actually keeping you in the business more. And that made sense to me. So I put aside the stuff that was not filling me and started feeling myself first. So I think that that is a very good start and you don't have to stop what you're doing that you don't enjoy. You can just simply start adding things that you do enjoy. So I started carving out that time for me to practice yoga. And then I actually got certified in teaching yoga and started teaching yoga. So one of my jobs is teaching yoga was making me $25 an hour. My other job in fetish business was making me so many multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. And it was okay. That made me feel better, Even though to turn down that money to put myself first. So this is just like one of those baby steps where you just simply add something that makes you feel better. I don't know what that is. That could be a class that could be doing an online class, Moving you towards something that you truly want to learn. That could be developing on the side and allocating 30 minutes a day to your entrepreneurial journey and really making that happen and not putting pressure on yourself that you have to give up that life that you're used to now. That's a really good point. I love that example too, That you were doing the yoga for 25 an hour while still doing the fetish business at the same time during the transition, Because I could imagine that it's got to be, Especially with the background of not having control over your situation when you're in abuse, Right? To let go of this money that gives you the freedom and the control over your life and then to slowly transitioning out of that. So I think that's something that a lot of people don't talk about is you can do both at the same time. Start something that you feel really good about, Add it in before you start subtracting away and let yourself kind of grow in the process. I love that you brought this up because I've done a lot of podcasts interviews and this rarely comes up. So you've allowed that space for that actionable step where it is a baby step. And this is a good point time for me to bring out what I call three foot tosses. This can really help listeners who are trying to make a transition in their life. And I learned this in graduate school. I did not make this up. In graduate school, They brought out like a carnival game and it had three foot, Six foot, Nine foot, 12 foot, 15 foot tosses. And we were given rings. And the objective of course is to get the most points. And time and time again, The people with the most points were the ones that chose to use their three rings to do the three foot tosses. And it was a physical display of how when you choose to do three foot tosses, Very doable steps, You actually rack up more points. And that was how I knew to do the little steps. Now Ira's already doing that yoga on my own, And that's what got me to actually quit the business, Go into graduate school. But that's how I learned to coach my people. It is those baby steps that make them be able to make a change. When it's too big, Our bodies fight against it. We get overwhelmed. It's just too scary. Because even if we don't like our current situation, It's what we know and their safety and what we know versus even what we do want. And I'll bring up an example. One of my current clients, She's balancing corporate, Her business, And her family. And I know that if she could go half time in corporate or quick corporate, She could explode her business. How do I know? Because she consistently gets clients. But she's scared, And that's okay. That's okay. So we have a plan, And she's not even ready to execute this plan yet. But the plan is for her to do three days in corporate, Two days working on her business, And she's going to claim that she needs personal time, Whatever. Whatever it is that we decide that's going to be able to allow that personal time for herself to explode her business. And from the outside, It's like you're easily getting clients. You have clients. You're making money. You could do this. But 20 years in corporate to leave that is scary, Even if that's what you really want. So I'm using that example as whatever it is that you are moving away from. I don't know what it is for you, The listener. That could be doing work that you hate. That could be doing drugs. That could be anything that you do not. . . That could be a horrible eating disorder that you keep purging, And saying that you're purging, And stopping, And saying that you're not going to do it. Whatever it is, It's time to do those baby steps. Add in the healthy stuff. You don't have to do anything extreme. As a matter of fact, Extreme is not the way to go. Baby steps is the way to go for long-term success. Oh my gosh, Kat. I love that so much. Thank you for bringing that up, Because I even like to think of it as a puzzle. So anybody who's ever put a puzzle together, Did the puzzle just come in one step? No, That's not a puzzle. That's a picture. So you have to have all these pieces to put the picture together, To put the puzzle together. And it's like if you're trying to skip from step three to step eight, When you get there, You're going to be like, Where's all these puzzle pieces missing? And you're looking under the table trying to find them, Because you're trying to go too fast instead of letting the process work for you. So I love that. Baby steps count, People. They count, And they get you to where you're going. I love that. So I'm curious, I was just thinking, So as you do these baby steps, What's your take on taking a moment to acknowledge them or celebrate the accomplishments along the way? What do you think about that? I celebrate every win, And I'm not kidding. I do a lot of lives on this and posts on this. I don't know if you've ever caught one, But I celebrate with my clients every single step of the way, Because that's the way you're going to move yourself forward. Think about it, If you've beaten yourself up, Which we all have, You think it's going to move you forward, But it doesn't. It holds you back. I mean, I would be scared to move forward if I thought somebody was going to berate me for hours and days, Yet I've done that to myself, And my clients have done that. So I believe in celebrating every single step. So this can look like you tried something new, And you flubbed it, And you bombed it so bad. You celebrated. You did it. Who's going to have perfect success on the first time? This can look like you are in a new business, And you are reaching out to your first client, And you are stumbling so bad, And you can't even look at them. You celebrate that. Instead of beating yourself up for that, You celebrate that, Because you got on that call, Or you got face to face with that first client. You are starting a business, And you are. . . Anything that you're doing, It doesn't even have to be starting a business. You are releasing your eating disorder, And you have decided that I'm not going to be rigid about this. That's a celebration, Instead of that black or white thinking that's gotten you nowhere. It can be like. . . Yeah, It's just any celebration along the way. I totally am into that. I totally believe in it. I even believe in bragging in my community on Fridays. I like to do something called Braggity Brag, Brag, Brag that I learned from another amazing woman. It's amazing to celebrate our wins, Really feel them. It's sexy, It feels good, And it brings in more. I love that, And it's such a solid point about even if you bomb it, Celebrate it anyway, Because you showed up. If you showed up for yourself, Or you showed up to try to do something that's bringing you towards your goal, Even if it didn't go smoothly, Celebrate that anyway. Let's talk for a moment, What does celebrating look like? Celebrating for me is usually sharing it with someone, Because I'm extroverted, And I like to jump up and down, And I want to get a hug and jump up and down. Celebrating something big is saying, I deserve it, And taking myself to a facial, Or a spa, Or something that feels good for me. Celebrating can look like going out to dinner. It's whatever feels good for you. It can be dancing around the house. It can be doing anything that fills you up. I just want to point out that it's okay sometimes to celebrate and still feel sad, Or cry about whatever didn't exactly go your way. This is not something where you have to delude yourself that you're not disappointed. It's just celebrating that, Yes, I'm disappointed. Let's just say you got on your first live video, And you are sweating, You're stammering, Or you landed your first podcast interview, And you said every other word. It doesn't mean that you can't be slightly disappointed about that and still celebrate it. Instead of beating yourself up where you're going to not want to do it again, You celebrate that you did it. You can look at it and go, Okay, Next time I'm going to try to say every third word. That's it. I love that. That's actually a really good example, Because I used to tell people, If it's your first podcast, Do not listen to this to beat yourself up when you listen to when it comes out, Because you're going to hear yourself say um or think for a moment. If your only takeaway is how many um's you said, You missed the point of the gift that you gave everybody who listened. You have to be able to have that gentleness with yourself too. But I love that, Kat. It doesn't mean you can't be disappointed. You can still feel sad and put on a song and dance it out or whatever. Those are really great. Can you share why you think celebrating is important, Especially because you have a background in psychology? What about that actually makes a difference? Why would somebody want to actually try it? Celebrating makes a huge difference mentally. Most of our creation of any element of our life is mindset and mental work, Because we are our worst enemies and get in our way. When you're constantly telling yourself, Oh, I can't do that. Oh, I screwed that up. Oh, That didn't go according to plan. I'm worthless. I'm not going to make this happen. Think of how much that holds you back. Whereas you bring in that other element. I said every other word on that podcast interview, But I was on that. I got an interview. Yes. And celebrate every step along the way. The unfolding of your business, The unfolding of your family, The unfolding of a relationship, And you just feel good. Who cares about the results? That is life. Our life is so much more than just the results. I am guilty of being very results driven. I speak what I need to practice. When we can feel good as much as possible, And that doesn't mean that we pretend everything's rosy. That means authentically feeling good and celebrating us moving forward, No matter how clumsy that might be, Because it's going to be clumsy. It's going to be ups and downs and clumsy when we're doing something new. When we can really celebrate that, Even if it wasn't exactly what we wanted, That's how it's really going to move us forward. Most of us can have examples. There are lucky of us that had wonderful parents, But most of us can relate to being scolded, Punished, And all this stuff. And it doesn't make us feel confident in ourselves and drive us forward. It actually makes us scared and pull in. When you can be that cheerleader for yourself and come from that higher end and root for yourself, No matter what the results are, It's actually going to move you forward. And it's going to make you a happier person. Yeah, I love that. It's like the pleasures and the silver lining. So if you can find some of those silver lining moments, And that's how you're talking about even tying in the pleasure to all of it. I think that is so great. So thank you for sharing that, Because sometimes people want to push it off, Right? Like, Well, It's not humble if I celebrate, Or it's this, But you know what? You have to take the time to acknowledge what you're doing. Or it just is not productive for you to keep going if you're not finding those little moments of the goodness. And I love how you said, Even if it was a bomb, Celebrate it any way that you showed up. I think I hadn't even been celebrating those aspects in my own journey. So thank you for sharing that, Because now I will definitely start being like, Hey, I showed up and did that, And it was awesome. And this is the stuff I want to work on and correct in the future, But I also did this as well. The truth is, If you bombed, That means you're doing something new, And that is worth celebrating. If you're never bombing, Never making mistakes, You are not growing and doing something new. Let's face it, Right? Whenever you do something new, It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be messy. And that is a celebration. To be stepping into our bigness, Like screw being humble. Like seriously, Screw it. That's just some brainwashing that we got. We're not coming from like bragging place to be like cocky jerks. We're doing it from a place of feeling good and allowing ourselves to shine and allowing other women to shine bright and not hold back all our greatness. And I mean, We can, I think most of us women can relate to this where you almost dim down all the good so that you can relate to somebody going through pain. And I am seriously guilty of this too. And it's like, Why? I feel better when I see people shining. I love watching women shine. So who am I to hold back my own shininess that's going to hold back other people's shininess and no, This isn't always easy. And no, I don't get this a hundred percent right. And yes, I can fall into my own shit. And yet I just know that unfolding from a place exactly like you said, If you are flubbing, That means you're doing something totally new and you are doing it despite your fear and you're taking action. And yes, It's going to be messy and yes, It deserves to be celebrated. So good. I love that. Love that. Thank you. And for also addressing how important it is to shine so other people can allow themselves to shine. And it really lifts us up. Like I don't usually hang out with other women when they're sharing something awesome with me and being like, Oh, Like I'm usually like, Yes, Go get it. That's what we want. Like do it. You've got this, Right? It just builds you up and builds that energy. So you said something that I think is really important to focus on for a second. And I think you probably have some really awesome things to say. So when that fear comes up for us and like, Let's say we want to start a business and you know, Because you've started several. So that doubt and that negativity can start sneaking in and it can like throw us off track or freeze us in our tracks. And how did you move through any fear and doubt that you had or what is like a common step or theme that you've seen, Or maybe you recommend to people to move past that fear because the fear is just in your way. It doesn't mean it doesn't have to stop you. You can move through it. We already covered that the number one piece of advice is to make that decision for success and be consistent and move forward, But that doesn't address the fear. And the fear is what holds us back. So the best thing to do in that situation is to get help. I mean, That is the truth. I'm a business coach. It sounds like I'm pitching for myself and I see it time and time again. I help my clients get unstuck and keep moving forward. My clients have a tremendous success and they have helped. They have me holding their hand each step of the way. The fastest way to shortcut through lots of frustration and lots of fear is to find somebody that you completely relate to that you feel like can get you to where you want to go and support you along the way. If you don't have that, It makes it tougher. It doesn't mean that you can't do it. So I'm definitely not here to say that you can't do it along the way. I did not have a business coach, But I did do a lot of therapy. Now there as forward moving, But I did have support. I also had a tremendous assistant who I just shared with you helped encourage me mentally to do the baby steps of doing yoga, Get certified in teaching, Take the $25 class over the multiple hundreds of dollars that I could have made from a different session. That support system is so important. There are individuals strong enough that can do it all from within, Yet it's so much harder and those are fewer and far between. So really getting a mentor, Getting a coach, Really seeking help is the way to go. If that's not possible, Then it's time to dig in deep and it just has to make that decision. And the bottom line is you are going to be fearful. Your ego, That part of you that's known what you have now, Even if you do not want it, It just wants to hold you safe. So what it knows is safe and it is going to be scary. So I'd actually want you to reframe that fear as in, Wow, This fear is really coming up. That must mean I'm on the right track. So every time you feel that fear and you keep moving forward, You celebrate it like we just talked about, You celebrate it and you go, Wow, I must be really moving on the right track because I'm scared shitless right now. And all this stuff's coming up and all my like voices in my head are telling me I can't do this. Who do you think you are? Why would you think you can do this? All that stuff, It's coming up and it's actually great. It's great that it's coming up so it's not hidden within you. And then you can start addressing it. And I would encourage you to start strengthening another voice within you, That voice that really wants what it is that you're out to set out for. And that voice needs to be stronger than the negative voices. And it might not be at first and it's okay, But that voice is pulling you to your dream. That voice, I encourage you to tune into that voice as much as possible and always know that it's not success only. When you stumble back, It's not proof that you aren't good enough, That that was a stupid idea that you can't make that work. No, It's just proof that you're human learning a new thing and it's definitely not going to be perfect. For those of us who are moms, We don't expect our kids to get on a bicycle and like ride it the first time around. That it's just, You expect falls, You set up bumbles. Yet as adults, We don't allow that for ourselves. We think that means we're not good at it. We're not doing good. And that's just ridiculous. It's just those baby steps. And to reframe that fear as in I'm on the right track, I'm doing something new. Of course it's scary and it's exciting to reframe it as excitement, As a new adventure. Oh, I like that. Because once you do that, It just changes it so much. And what you're willing to do, What you're able to push yourself through, If you change it to like, I'm excited, I'm going to do this. Of course you're going to feel scary because you haven't done it before. Of course you're going to suck at it at first because you haven't done it before. I mean, There's very few people who do something for the very first time and nail it. You know, Like, I mean, Even look at a kiddo when they're walking when you use that mom example, Right? Like our kids fall a bazillion times when they're learning how to walk and we're not like, Well, You might as well just give up walking because you obviously don't got it. Right? So it's pretty, I feel like we can learn so much from our kids that if we take those lessons and start applying it, It's awesome. But I love also what you said, Getting support, Support's a huge thing and like getting a coach or a mentor so that you can get those hows into place and kind of break it down into a process instead of just looking at the end and focusing on the fear of it. So that's, That's huge. Support can change so many things. Okay. Can you share with me like a limiting belief that you've had that you had to work through? I'm not good enough. That is my main limiting belief. It still comes up. So I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I've worked through it. It still shows up. And I was basically told this from the time I was very young and I truly believed it. And it's, It is definitely the main thing that runs through my head in it. I mean, It only holds me back. Now I know that voice isn't mine. I've done a lot of therapy. I've done a lot of work around it yet. It still can hold me back. When I flub up something, When I know better and don't do better, This voice will pop up. So this is a voice I think a lot of us have this, I'm not good enough. And it does keep us still. It really truly doesn't serve us except to keep us still, Which still it thinks is safe. So a good way to reframe this is to not look at it as an enemy. Just look at it as more proof that you are on the track to do something new and be bigger and shinier. And it's scared shitless again. And it wants to hold you still and steady in mud so that you can survive. Cause it's some archaic lizard brain of ours, Right? Or on top of this, Like in my situation, And I think in a lot of our situations, We were told this by somebody, Somebody made us feel this way. We were told this, This not truth and we ingrained it. And another way is to remember that, Oh, This isn't mine. In my case, Like this is my dad's voice. He's crazy, Whatever. Like I am good enough. Like I determined that I'm good enough. And this takes a long time to work through. So if you're struggling with this and this is like, I mean, Basically this I'm not good enough story is what keeps most of us still keeps people with eating disorders, Trying to be somebody that they're not on drugs, Whatever it is, Whatever it is that you're choosing that doesn't really, Truly feel good for yourself. This is usually the underlying cause. And it's something that needs to be addressed. And it's just not true. It's truly not true. And I still struggle with it from time to time. This is definitely my main work for my own mindset. I like that. The truth of that, That it is a process that you don't get to just go to one day focusing on working through it and then poof, It's gone forever. It's a process because different parts of your journey will bring it up, Especially when you least expect it. You're like, Whoa, That kind of blindsided me. So I love that. It's a process and just continually to work through it and not let it overpower you or stop you from creating the life you want. I think that is a really good point. I'm glad that you brought that up because every few steps will say on your journey, This voice will keep popping up. It's like an upper limit limitation where it's like life is getting too good and that's scary. It gets too scary. Like, How could my life be? How could this be working out? I have to work through this because I'm living a dream life now and it does feel almost, It feels uncomfortable. It feels uncomfortable living such a great life when I grew up in such discomfort and I just want you and the listeners to know that when this voice pops up along each step of your journey, When you get to the next level, It's completely normal. It's happens to almost all of us. I would say at least the ones that acknowledge it and that's okay and it's still untrue. It is the bottom line, It's still untrue and it's something that needs to be worked through with almost every part of your journey as you move to your dream life and keep expanding beyond that dream life and being bigger and shinier. I like that. So Kat, Whenever you're thinking about your work or working with moms, What do you feel is underrated? Consistency. It's not sexy. No one talks about it and the number, If you wanted to know the real key thing to success besides the decision and I brought this up twice, It's consistency. Taking that consistent small action over and over and over again is going to get you there. I mean, That is the bottom line. Yeah, That's good consistency. And yeah, I was going to say like, What do you think? Like what is consistency? But I guess that kind of shifts for each person, Whether that's a daily thing or a weekly thing or a monthly thing, Just whatever your work is. So how would you break that down? I really like to look at consistency and this might not be a popular view. I like to look at consistency as a daily thing. It's a daily habit, Like brushing your teeth. Yes, I advocate. Okay, I understand for in the regular workforce, A weekend is very important and I do advocate for family time and weekend time. However, We'll just say consistent action, Five days a week toward your goal, Whatever that is, Is really paramount to success because it's just like brushing your teeth, Showering. It becomes something that you do, Something that you crave, A consistent habit that you do. And that habit leads to success or whenever, Yeah, In your version of success, That habit leads to success. So I really do believe in consistency on a daily basis. And yes, That almost means seven days a week for me personally. Yeah, But it's doable, Right? Like we brush our teeth every day, You know what I mean? Stuff like that. So once it just becomes part of your daily routine, The thing that you do, And if it's something that's bringing you pleasure anyway and it's taking you towards something you want, Why not make time to do it every day, Right? It's only good. Even though it'll have bumps and disappointments on the road, But the main theme of it is it's uplifting your life. Exactly. We're not talking about a corporate job where you're doing some kind of eight hour grind that you don't enjoy every day. We're talking consistent 30 minute hyper-focus period every day, Something like that, Something that feels good. Maybe on Saturday and Sunday, That looks like 15 minutes and that's still consistent action, Still pulling you there. Or maybe on Saturday and Sunday, You don't do the traditional hyper-focus. Instead you're out with the kids, You're watching them play soccer or whatever, And you're thinking about inspiring things that you want to talk about or something to move yourself forward. That is still consistent action. It doesn't have to look like a certain form. For me, A weekend, I'm not posting on the weekends or a scheduled post, But I might think of something I want to share with my clients and I will put them on a memo on my phone. A post is like a one to two minute voice memo and that could be my consistent action for the day where I just keep feeling like I take these little actions and they result in big results. I love that. And I love that you demonstrated that it can have creativity within the consistency. It doesn't have to look the exact same every day for it to be consistent. Oh, That's so good. Okay, So I want to talk a little bit more about what you do specifically. I know that you offer nail your right idea calls and that you have nail your right idea framework. So can you share a little bit if there is a listener who is intrigued by you, Who wants to work with you, What are they going to expect at like if they even do the nail your right idea call with you, What would they expect? My superpower is nailing your right idea. It really is because of me starting my business coaching with the sex workers and needing to nail these right ideas and just by chance getting it right 20 years ago when I started my first business and I have just found that I can look at the subset of people's niches that are going to make them the most money. I've just either trained my brain to do this or it's just a natural gift. And lately I've been doing it for multi six figure and even a seven figure podcast host on air. I nailed her right idea on air. So this is just a gift I have and I love sharing it with my people, My clients. And that just means taking that skill talent gift that you have and finding the subset of it that is going to make you the most money like that Marie Kondola that we've talked about. And this is the way to do it. This is really the easiest way to unfold the business. I'll bring up an example of somebody in my community that's in the group and she did not nail her right idea. So she was struggling for so many months trying to get her first paying client. And after our first call together, We narrowed down that niche. She was so afraid that if you narrow your niche, You're going to eliminate your clients. But that's not true. When you narrow your niche, That's when your people know you're actually speaking to them. And don't worry, You're still going to get people outside of your niche. I just shared that I have a corporate client, Even though my niche is Pampered stay at home moms. So if they resonate enough with you, You're not going to eliminate them. The day after we truly narrowed her niche to what she had the most expertise in based on her offline expertise, And now she has an online business, She got her first paying client the very next day. I'm not exaggerating. She got two clients within two weeks and three clients within three. And now she's done because that's all she needs for her goals at this point of her life because she is mom first to two kids. I love that. That is awesome. So Kat, If somebody wanted to contact you to get ahold of you, Where would they find you? They would find me at sahm entrepreneur. Com. That stands for stay at home mom entrepreneur, Sahm entrepreneur. Com. There I have a 50 minute training for the four key steps to starting a fulfilling and profitable, Meaningful business for as a love token for all of the listeners and everyone because I want everyone to have this fulfilling business. And if you want my help on my work with me page, I have more information about me and how to book a call to see if we're the right fit to be together. And if you want to be with your illustrious host and myself, You can hit the community button and join my community where I am in daily. Awesome. Awesome. And so just a kind of a fun question. What's something you wish everyone knew about business or just in life in general thing that comes to you because you've experienced quite the life? I want everyone to know that life without ice cream is not pleasurable. And people think it's crazy that I eat about two scoops of ice cream a day. And this is an example of living your life in pleasure, Not living in these thoughts of like, Oh, Why shouldn't I feel guilty? People find it crazy that I do something like pleasurable like this. And I love my ice cream. I feel no guilt about it. I literally indulge in it. I mean, Sorry, I wholeheartedly indulge in it. I love it. And there's nothing wrong with taking that pleasure in your life at any age and really embracing it and owning it. I love that. And why are you focusing on moms? I'm a mom myself. And I really resonate with with being a stay at home mom and being mom first. And I want other people to be able to be stay at home mom entrepreneurs. That just means to me that you're at home, You're an entrepreneur, And you're able to be mom first and you're rocking a fulfilling business. And this is my group right now. Will I always be in it? I'm not sure because I totally believe that you can pivot your business and be able to do that just fine. Like I encourage whoever's getting started, Do not get stuck on nailing your right idea. Make a decision, Get help, Hire me or make a decision and go with it. Because once you know how to run a successful business, I'm perfect proof of this. It doesn't matter if it's some crazy fetish business, Whatever business it is, You will have those key steps. You will know how to do it. And people pivot along the way. I just shared with you on air, I helped the seven figure podcast host narrow her niche even further. And we just she just updated me that she changed marketing with that like a few days ago. And I had another client who's a multi six figure seven figure mindset coach and we did an intensive this is not my usual client again. So don't worry about niching down. I'm giving you examples of clients not in my normal niche, And yet they were still clients. And she's also changed marketing and one of them got to 5000 I mean, To five figure clients within two weeks of changing that because all the reason I'm pointing that out is narrowing your niche or changing your niche can happen at any point in your business even when you're at multi six seven figure level. So there's no reason for you to get stuck on meeting the perfect idea this amazing to that hold you still make a decision. See that out learn the skills of starting a business start with my free training those give you the four steps and then do not fear because you are not chained to that business forever. I fully plan on evolving my business as I evolve and everyone most likely will be doing the same. I love that. That's a really, Really good point. I'm glad you brought that up. So it's kind of speaking about like how your business grows with you as you grow and as you just like learn new things and just like develop as a person and all of that. Do you have any exciting projects you're currently working on that you'd like to share? I've just opened up my one on one coaching sessions to the most I've taken ever because I've always been a mom first and now my son's in school six and a half hours a day. So I'm taking on four clients for the remainder of 2019 then I'll be full till 2020. And I'm also developing my first group coaching program which I've never done before. I'm truly excited for so that I can help even more moms start fulfilling businesses and have that group support and that fun of it. So that's my next project. Awesome. And do you have like a piece of advice that somebody has given you that you find yourself kind of playing in the back of your mind often? Yes. My favorite piece of advice is that you cannot fail in business unless you quit. This is truthful. And any point of your life you cannot fail unless you quit. That doesn't mean that you work something that just cannot be worked and that you're not you don't pivot. It means that as long as you're able to show up every day take consistent action and you don't quit you will find success. Oh I like that. And so last question. Did you have anything that you wanted to share that we didn't already talk about or a takeaway from your life experiences whether that's business or just moving through abuse to having an incredible love story a dream life anything like that. Was there one more tip or takeaway that you wanted to share with us. My main legacy is that you create your life. I hope that that's been very clear that how I've created mine you really create your life and this will be saved for another show. But when you put your intention on something extremely sometimes it can happen and it doesn't have to be baby steps. I broke up with my ex fiance that I was with for four years and six months later I was married to my husband who I've been happily married to for almost a decade and we met and married in just a little over two months. I had my intentions very set that I was going to meet and marry my ideal husband. I told everyone that I was husband hunting. I had no time for anybody that wasn't a match. So sometimes in life when you are super ready and that could be the point for one of your listeners or listeners out there you can make that decision and it can happen immediately so it doesn't always have to be baby steps. But if it's a you don't you have to be so aligned with that decision. Just a fun tidbit that you do create your life even an element like that. I love that and I love that that's like a success story because usually when people hear a story like that they're like oh that's dangerous but I love that you met and married in two months and I don't know I guess a part of me would say perhaps you were putting in those baby steps ahead of time. Oh yeah. Get yourself to a place where you could say I know exactly what I want. So sometimes when you're ready for those big intentions you've already done the other work that needed to be done and now you're just open to it. So that's awesome. I don't know Kat. I just appreciate you taking your time sharing your story giving us little helpful tips and just being available for moms to reach out to and work with. And if you want to I would also suggest following you on Facebook and your Facebook group. Do you want to share that real quick with us. Oh just go to the SAHM entrepreneur dot com and click on that community link and I'll take you right into my Facebook group where you will see both of us. And Kat will do lives and she gives helpful tips in them. So definitely if you want more Kat there is available to you to dive in and just really enjoy it. So thank you so much for your time and your wisdom and your heart and your encouragement. I really feel like you're the whole package and you're showing us what it is like to create our dream life. So thank you. It was wonderful to be here with you. It was such a pleasure to have Kat on as my guest today. And I want to thank you for hanging out with us. And if any questions came up for you or you have a comment that you'd like to share with us please feel free to. You can find either one of us on Instagram to share. Mine is at beautifully changed and Kat is at Kat McLean. So why don't you go ahead and leave us a comment if one is on your heart. And if you'd also like to leave me a review that would be phenomenal. I'd love to hear your feedback what you're enjoying about the podcast and what you want more of. And I hope that you have a phenomenal day and that you're able to find your own baby steps your own three foot tosses and that you're able to start applying them and you are moving past any fear or limiting beliefs that are getting in your way that are keeping you stuck or taking you further away from the goal that you have on your heart on your mind. And if you don't know what your three foot tosses are you have Kat who would be happy to help you figure those out for you. And you know I'm always cheering you on. I hope this fall is being good to you and that you have a phenomenal day. And I'll talk with you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to today's episode. Remember you're welcome to download share and subscribe. As always you can connect with me through Instagram at beautifully changed or through my blog at beautifully changed dot com. I'm sending so much love and positivity your way. Remember you are enough. The world needs you and you make a positive difference. Now go out there and create your best life. Bye.

Reviews

Great Talk! Even though my sons are grown, this is still very inspiring. Thank you 💜