Meditation On Transforming Anger Into Love And Compassion

Ven. Thubten Damcho offers a breathing meditation, followed by an analytical meditation on transforming anger into love and compassion. She invites us to recall an incident that was annoying, disturbing, or harmful to us - and consider whether the person causing harm was acting out of happiness or misery; if we grew up in the same circumstances as that person, whether we'd behave any differently; what their feelings and needs may have been in the situation; and to offer them what they need, love, and compassion.

Transcript

All right, Welcome everybody to sharing the Dharma day. As Venerable Chuni mentioned, We are working on a book called Working with Anger written by our abbess and founder Venerable Thubten Chodron. And we are in a section of a book called Coping with Criticism. That's what we're getting into today. But for the guided meditation, We'll review some of what happened the last month. And what we went through last month, If I recall correctly, Was to figure out how to empathize with someone who might have harmed us or who is harming people that we love or care about. And instead of responding with our habitual hostility, Hatred, Aversion, To see if we can And try and understand where that person might be coming from as a way to cultivate a different response. Because I don't know about you, But when people are harmful and hurtful, Yelling at them doesn't really seem to have an effect. Or it doesn't seem to affect change. I don't know, You can think about that one. So we'll start with just doing some things to settle the mind and steer it in a virtuous direction. I'll set a motivation. We'll focus on the breath to settle the mind. And then after that, I'll lead an analytic meditation where I'll just bring up some points to reflect on. And again, Since we're looking at, You know, It's a difficult topic. There's people who have harmed us, Who have harmed people we care about. Know that we don't have that much time together. Please do not pick the most traumatic incident that has happened in your life that you're going to find difficult to safely wrap up in the course of about 20, 30 minutes. Minutes. So just pick something that you feel ready to work with. You know, It could be some small annoying incident, Right? It's just something, Yeah, It's kind of like going to the gym, Right? You need to know what weight you're ready to carry. Do not bench press something way too heavy that will leave you with a back pain that incapacitates you for the week. Start with what you're ready for, Okay? So that's how we'll approach this session, Knowing that it is a difficult topic and it takes time to get familiar with these different ways of thinking. So let's find ourselves in a comfortable position. If you're in a chair, You might want to have your feet flat on the ground. And you can scooch forward a little bit if that helps you to keep your spine straight. Sometimes if you're leaning too far back, You know, The mind tends to get drowsy or you will start to curl up over in the chair. So make sure your spine is well supported. You can have your right hand over your left with the thumbs touching, Resting in your lap. And you can tuck your chin in very slightly. So that your neck and spine are aligned. And just lower your eyes. And let's just take a few moments to connect our bodies and minds with the space that we're in. Setting aside thoughts of what happened before this. Or thoughts of what we're about to do. And so often when difficult or disturbing things happen in our lives, We might turn to external solutions. Something outside of us to alleviate that pain. Maybe for some of us, We turn to food. Or drink. Or we go running. Or we cry into a pillow. Or sometimes we do things that might not be beneficial to ourselves or others because we're in so much misery. So today we're going to explore a different approach. Where instead of following those habitual reactions, Some of which we know really do not serve us, We're going to open our hearts to turning to love and compassion. Turning our hearts to wisdom when difficulties arise, What might that look like? And these are all qualities that we already have in our minds. They may not be fully developed to their greatest extent, But every single one of us has the seed and many, Many seeds really of love, Compassion, Wisdom. All some already fully flourishing but ready to keep growing, Extending, As long as we keep watering these good seeds and removing the weeds that get in their way. So settle back into your meditation position. And let's take a minute just to check in with the different parts of our body as a way to center and ground the mind. So you can relax any tension you find. Going from your feet to the crown of your head. Or from the crown of your head to your feet. Whichever direction works well for you. Just check in with each part and relax. And now that we've spent some time relaxing the body, We can relax the mind from all kinds of thoughts by resting it on a single object. So you can put your attention on the rise and fall of your belly with each breath. Or the feeling of air going in and out of your nostrils. Pick just one spot. And anytime your mind wanders away, Know that that's perfectly normal. In fact, Be very glad that you noticed it. And just bring the mind back to the breath. Firmly and gently. Without getting into any story or criticizing yourself. Just bring the mind back to the breath. We'll do this for about 10 minutes or so. So now that we've spent some time settling our bodies and calming our minds, We're not just going to rest in this sense of peace and calm for ourselves to feel good. But we want to use our human intelligence to investigate how the mind works. How we perceive events and people around us. And to see if we're perceiving things accurately. And if not, Whether something needs to shift. And so in this safe space of meditation, We can use this opportunity to look back on an incident that was difficult or disturbing. Wanting to practice with it. To see if we were perceiving it accurately or if we might be able to respond in a skillful or different way in relation to that situation. So bring to mind an incident where someone did something that was annoying. Disturbing. Or harmful to you or those that you care about. And as you reflect on this incident, Try and consider whether the person engaging in those actions was happy. The person doing those things you find annoying or disturbing or downright harmful. Are they acting from a place of happiness or misery? And as you hold this person in mind, Try and imagine that you grew up in the same kind of family they grew up in. If you grew up in the same society or community or the time in history that they lived. Experiencing the same cultural conditions that they did. Would you be behaving any differently? And as you put yourself in this other person's shoes, You know, Trying to imagine going through their life. All the way up to that incident. Where you had a disturbing interaction. Or a situation where you came out feeling harmed. What do you think that person's feelings and needs were in that situation. Based on all their conditioning. Their family life, Social life. What do you think they actually need or want? What are their deepest concerns? In that difficult interaction that you had with them. And now that you might have a little better understanding of where this person is coming from. What they might be feeling and needing. See if you can make some space in your heart right now in this safe, Peaceful environment to offer whatever they might need to them. Instead of shutting down, Running away, Or wanting to strike back. Knowing that this person is driven by their own feelings and needs, Dealing with pain and misery. See if you might imagine offering them something that could help them. To alleviate whatever is going on for them. And if you find yourself open to offering love and compassion to this difficult person, You can rejoice. And if you find a lot of resistance coming up, That's just fine, Too. It's more information about where you are. And what you want to work with in relation to this person and the situation. There's no one right or wrong response. And so we can really rejoice that we took this time to explore. You know, What was a difficult situation in the past. And instead of hanging on to it with resentment or misery, We took this time to explore some other ways of relating to the situation or someone we find difficult, Opening our hearts to what the other person might be going through. And that is huge and profound. I mean, Imagine if more people did that, There would be so much less violence and conflict that we see tearing the planet apart right now. So really rejoice in your personal contribution to peace, In yourself, In your community, In the world. You can imagine all this virtue you've generated through this meditation session as brilliant light at your heart. And you can send it out. Into the world. Maybe especially to all others experiencing this difficult situation similar to what you've gone through.