Overcoming Attachment To Reputation

Venerable Sangye Khadro, author of the book "How to Meditate," leads a meditation on overcoming our attachment to reputation that keeps us worried about what others think about us and out of touch with our inner values and true potential.

Transcript

Make sure you're sitting comfortably and in a conducive position if you can,

Keeping your back straight,

You're going to have your eyes closed all the way or leave them open a little bit so some light comes in.

Let your mind,

Your awareness settle in your body.

Let go of any thoughts that you might have about the past,

The future,

Other places.

Just let your mind be right here,

Right now in the present.

Good way of doing that is to be aware of your breathing coming in and going out,

Just the gentle natural rhythm of your breath.

And then bring into your mind or into your heart the altruistic wish to benefit all beings or as many beings as possible with your life,

With your actions of body,

Speech and mind.

Doing whatever you can to relieve their suffering,

Bring them peace and happiness and help them gradually progress towards awakening.

Let that be your motivation for the following activities.

So for our meditation this morning I thought it would be useful to meditate on the eight worldly concerns.

So the context of this is that we have this very precious human life with all the ideal conditions external and internal to be able to learn the Dharma,

The Buddhist teachings which show us how to achieve genuine happiness now and in the future,

How to achieve liberation from all suffering and its causes,

How to achieve full awakening,

Buddhahood,

So that we can benefit all other beings in the best possible way.

So try to get a sense of how fortunate we are that we have all these opportunities,

These ideal conditions in our life.

However,

The downside is that our life will not last forever.

It's very transitory.

It's changing all the time and at some point,

We don't know when,

It's going to end.

So if we do wish to make good use of our precious human life we need to do so as much as we can starting now and try not to waste our time.

Wasting our precious human rebirth would be similar to a homeless person who finds a precious jewel or diamond ring while going through a garbage can and then just throwing it away instead of using it to improve their situation,

Reduce their poverty,

Have greater experiences,

Positive experiences.

So it would be a great shame if we were to waste our precious human life because there is no guarantee that we will find another one next time.

So what does it mean to waste our precious human rebirth?

One meaning of that is by being so caught up in the eight worldly concerns,

Eight worldly dharmas that they become our priority in life and all our actions are geared around them.

So we need to recognize these eight worldly concerns in our experience and recognize how they are harmful to using our life wisely in a beneficial way and then work on overcoming them,

Reducing them and eventually being free of them.

So the eight worldly concerns consist of four pairs of opposites which are basically all about attachment to certain positive experiences,

Pleasant experiences and aversion to the opposite,

The unpleasant side of that.

So I thought to focus on just one of these pairs,

Attachment to a good reputation and aversion to a bad reputation or no reputation being nobody.

It said that this particular concern is one of the most difficult to overcome,

One of the stickiest in our minds.

But it's important that if we do notice we are concerned about our reputation,

What other people think about us,

It doesn't help to feel bad about that because for one thing you are not alone,

It's just normal.

Probably all human beings and ordinary beings,

Ordinary sentient beings have this concern in their mind and even the Buddha himself was once like that.

But he managed to become free of this concern,

Get beyond it and he has taught us ways that we can do it as well.

So let's start by bringing to mind an experience we've had where we were caught up in this concern.

We were very concerned about what other people think about us,

What other people say about us,

Our image in the eyes of others,

Wanting to make sure that we have a good image,

A good reputation and avoid a bad one,

People thinking badly of us,

Disliking us,

Putting us down and so on.

So bring to mind an actual first-hand experience of that in your own life,

Preferably something recent so it's still fresh in your mind.

Low- spiritual retreating and So when you look back on that experience,

Recalling what was going through your mind,

Thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

Concerns,

And also recalling how those thoughts and concerns affected your behavior,

How you acted on the basis of those thoughts and how your behavior may have affected other people around you.

So what does that look like from here,

From this present moment,

Looking back on that?

Do you feel you behaved wisely,

Skillfully well or do you feel some sense of shame,

Embarrassment,

And recognition that that wasn't such a good way to be,

To think,

To feel,

To act?

But be careful to not beat yourself up,

Hate yourself,

Criticize yourself for the way you thought and the way you acted.

That doesn't do any good.

What is helpful is to have a healthy sense of regret or unwise,

Unskillful things we may have done or said,

And a wish to work on this,

To improve ourselves and try to gradually become free of this kind of concern and this way of behaving and work towards being less caught up in this concern about our reputation.

But understand that it does take time.

It's not something we can do immediately right away.

Try to avoid self-criticalness,

Self-disparagement,

Self-hatred over this past experience.

And it's also helpful to recognize how this concern can interfere with our spiritual practice,

Our practice of Dharma.

So you may have already encountered that,

Observed how concern for reputation can compromise your practice of Dharma.

And if it hasn't happened yet,

Then you could imagine situations where you could in the future,

Such that your practice of Dharma isn't as full and perfect and pure as you would like it to be.

So now let's look at some ways we can work on reducing this concern,

This attachment to reputation.

So one of the best ways is to contemplate impermanence,

Which means that things are subject to change,

Things are changing,

There is no way we can stop things from changing,

That's just their nature.

Our bodies and minds,

The bodies and minds of others,

All our possessions,

All the things around us are changing every minute,

Every second,

Every nanosecond.

And as they change they gradually decline,

Degenerate,

And in most cases they… a lot of existence altogether disappear.

So we could look at what it is that is the source of our concern about reputation,

Our sense of… we could say pride or conceit and wishing other people to notice those things about us and admire us,

Be attracted to us and so on.

So for example it could be physical features or physical qualities.

We might take pride in having an attractive body,

Nice skin,

Nice eyes,

A nice smile,

Nice way of moving our body or maybe our voice.

We think we have a really nice voice,

A very beautiful voice when we talk or we sing.

There may be mental qualities that we are intelligent,

We know a lot,

We are able to think quickly,

Make decisions and so on.

We try to pinpoint what it is that you regard as qualities,

Traits,

Abilities that you would like other people to notice and admire in you and be the basis for a good reputation.

Iete nhà is the.

.

.

And now contemplate that these qualities and abilities will most probably decline,

Maybe they've already started to do so as we get older.

So the skin we have when we're young,

It's very smooth and clear,

We'll gradually get more and more wrinkled and spotted,

Not so attractive to look at.

When we are young our body is usually quite agile and light,

We are able to move quickly and do many things.

But as we get older that too will probably decline.

We won't be able to move so quickly,

We might walk bent over in a crooked way,

We might even get to the point where we can't walk without the aid of something like a cane or a walker.

And if we take pride in our voice,

We feel it's very clear and sweet and beautiful when we speak or sing,

That too could change.

As we get older it could become hoarse,

Scratchy,

Not so pleasant to listen to.

And our mental abilities might decline.

Instead of being clear and sharp,

The mind could become more unclear,

Confused,

Forgetful,

We might make more mistakes.

We might be so quick to think and remember things.

So contemplating these changes that will take place as we age isn't to make us anxious or depressed but to help us reassess our priorities.

If we consider it important to look a certain way,

To appear a certain way in the eyes of others so that they will like us and admire us,

Think well of us,

How will we manage when our physical and mental qualities decline or even disappear?

Wouldn't it be better to feel good about ourselves,

To have a strong sense of self-confidence regardless of what we look like,

How we look,

How we appear to others?

One thing that's helpful is to just ask ourselves how important are other people's thoughts,

Ideas,

Concepts about us?

Do other people really know us?

For example,

If someone thinks that we're fantastic,

We're perfect,

We're pure,

Does that make us so?

Is that really a true,

Accurate perception of us?

And is it necessarily the case that that person will always think that way?

We probably all had experiences of people who admired us,

Who think we… who thought we were fantastic and then later they changed and even got to hate us and criticize us.

So people's minds can change.

They are impermanent too.

On the other hand,

If someone doesn't like us,

They think badly of us,

Criticize us,

And hate us,

Does that make us a bad person just because they think that way?

Do they really know us?

So other people's ideas and opinions about us are limited.

They are not with us twenty-four hours a day.

They don't know everything about us.

They only know a little bit and that can be colored by their own likes and dislikes,

What they've learned from their family,

From their education,

From society.

So they probably don't have a very accurate picture of who we are,

What we are,

How we are.

On the other hand,

We are with ourselves twenty-four hours a day,

Every minute,

Every second from the beginning of our life.

So we are in a better position to know ourselves rather than other people.

Now some people may find that scary because they see within their minds some really ugly,

Horrible,

Scary thoughts and feelings and they wish we were not there.

That's normal.

Everybody has those.

We all have them.

But the good thing is we can change our mind,

We can change ourselves.

And that's what Buddhist teachings is all about.

It's all about how to work with our minds and our behavior,

Actions,

Body and speech,

How to reduce the ones that are harmful,

Negative,

Unwise,

Unskillful,

How to increase the positive ones,

The virtuous ones.

So we can bring about a change,

A transformation of ourselves.

We can become more and more positive and closer to an awakening the way we would like to be,

The way that we can feel good about ourselves.

So for me I find it really helpful to think of Buddha and how there were people who didn't like him,

Who even criticized him,

Tried to bring him down,

Even tried to kill him.

Not everybody thought he was a wonderful person.

But he didn't mind.

He wasn't bothered by what other people thought or said about him because he knew himself.

He knew what was going on in his own mind and his own behavior.

So he had very strong self-confidence.

And the same with the Dalai Lama.

Not everybody likes him.

He gets criticized,

Even gets death threats.

But he doesn't let it bother him.

He knows himself.

So he is very confident and doesn't take seriously other people's comments or criticism.

So we can become like that too.

So see if you can conclude the meditation by recognizing how this concern about reputation,

Wanting a good reputation,

Wanting everyone to like us,

To admire us,

Wanting to avoid a bad reputation,

Wanting a situation where nobody dislikes us or criticizes us,

This isn't helpful.

And it is actually a hindrance to our own happiness and to our practice of Dharma.

So you can aspire to reduce this concern and eventually be free of it all together.

Thank you.

Reviews

Thank you 🙏

Very nourishing. All my gratitude🙏

Wonderful concept to keep an awareness of in mind. 🙏

Easy to listen and understand. Thanks

Intensa, perfecta cuando las Rrss te están haciendo sentir que no vales y te comparas. Gracias ☺️

My new teacher!

Gratitude!!!

Wonderful talk thank you for your wisdom

Thank you. This simple meditation brought me home to bliss and harmony. Your gentle voice and reference to Buddha illstrated the ideas beautifully. The notion of « practicing the good and slowly letting go from the bad » echoed very much. Being a perfectionist, this helps me reconcile spiritual growth, and concomitanltu, acceptance of the present moment and my present self in this spiritual, emotional, physic journey. Thank you for this gentle light you shed ✨

Wise and beautiful words. Namaste 🙏

Very helpful, just the right contemplation at the right time- thank you very much 🙏🏼

A valuable tools for those who focus on the assumptions, judgements and opinions of others, and face overwhelm.

Thank you, very helpful! A skill so beneficial to attain!🙏

this was so incredible! thank you

Perfect.. a wonderful reminder, will revisit again. Thank you

Can't wait to hear more from her