Meditation On The Benefits Of Patience

Ven. Sangye Khadro covers why we should develop patience in this meditation, which includes concentration meditation on the breath and analytic meditation addressing these points: (1) thinking of a situation when someone was patient with you and how that felt; (2) thinking of a situation when you were patient with someone or a difficult situation and how that felt; (3) examining how being patient affects others; (4) comparing situations where you could and couldn't be patient; and (5) considering whether you'd like to increase your patience or continue as you are.

Transcript

I'll lead a meditation on patience.

And patience is also called fortitude or tolerance or forbearance,

So different people like to use different terms for it.

But basically,

It's when we are able to respond to difficult people or difficult situations like a traffic jam without getting upset and angry and letting off steam,

As we say.

And instead,

Being able to remain calm,

Non-reactive.

But ideally,

Patience doesn't mean like you're just,

You know,

Showing calmness on the outside,

Inside your mind is seething with anger.

So it's not like that,

It's not like we're just repressing our anger and then pretending that we're not angry.

That's not the meaning of patience.

So instead,

Patience involves understanding that getting angry isn't the right thing to do,

And it isn't helpful,

And in fact,

It's harmful,

You know,

It can lead to all kinds of problems,

Both for ourselves and for others,

For everybody.

So understanding that and then working on transforming the situation,

Transforming our mind,

Ideally,

In transforming the situation into something that's more constructive,

More beneficial for everybody,

Rather than just problematic for everybody.

And even being able to bring compassion,

Love into the situation,

That's harder to do,

You know,

But at least if we can try not to act out anger and harmfulness,

Then that's involved,

That's what patience involves.

And so I think it's something we all have experience of,

Right?

We have all been able to be patient,

And we've also had the experience of other people being patient with us when we're being difficult.

And so I thought that in this meditation we'll look at that,

We'll look at,

You know,

Real life situations where both we've been on the giving end and on the receiving end of patience,

Just to get in touch with that experience,

And then just use our wisdom,

Our natural wisdom to see if we can recognize that this is a much better way of reacting to situations,

More satisfying for ourselves and also for others,

And less likely to just increase the problems in the situation.

And also in Buddhism,

We talk about how we can increase our patience.

We all have a certain amount of it,

But we also have our limits,

So we get to a point where we lose it,

And then we become impatient and angry.

But it's possible to work on that and gradually increase those limits so that we can remain patient in more and more difficult circumstances.

We'll have a period of silence,

We'll do a kind of quick scan of the body to relax,

Be in the present,

And then some silence,

So you can do meditation on the breathing.

I'll give some instructions if you haven't done that before,

How to meditate on the breath.

So we'll have a period of silent meditation,

And then I'll lead a guided kind of reflective meditation,

Contemplative meditation on this topic of patience.

So first of all,

Make sure you're sitting in a comfortable position so that you won't have to move too much during the meditation session.

I mean,

It is okay to move,

It's not that you have to be like a statue,

But it's better to try not to move too much,

Partly because it can disturb people around you,

But it can also be more disturbing to your own mind.

So we do try to sit still as much as we can.

So that's why it's good to start off in a good position.

It's also good if you can keep your back straight,

Sit up straight,

Because that helps your mind be more clear and better able to concentrate during the meditation.

But that doesn't mean being stiff and tight.

It's also important to be relaxed.

So I'm going to take you through a kind of little body scan to make sure our body is as relaxed as possible.

So first of all,

Feel the top of your head and let go of any tension you may have on the top of your head.

Let that area relax.

And then from there,

Let your attention move down slowly through your head,

Relaxing any tension you may have both inside your head and also outside on the surface.

You can relax your forehead and your eyes and the rest of your face,

On the sides and back of your head.

And also inside of your head,

Let your brain relax.

You don't need to be frantically thinking about lots of things during the meditation.

In fact,

We try not to do that.

We try to just stay in the present and stay focused on what we're meditating on and not let our mind go elsewhere to other places,

Other times,

Other activities,

Just being in the present here and now.

So let your brain relax as much as possible.

And try to have the whole of your head,

Both outside and inside,

As relaxed and free of tension as possible.

And do the same with your neck.

Relax your neck and throat,

Outside and inside.

And then let your awareness move down into your shoulders and upper back.

So that's an area where we sometimes hold onto tension.

So if there is any tension in that area,

You can just let it go,

Release it,

Let it disappear.

And then continue going down your back,

Relaxing any tension,

The middle part of your back and the lower part of your back.

Go all the way down to your seat.

Relax the muscles in your buttocks.

Then bring your awareness to the front part of your body,

Starting with your chest.

Relax your chest,

Your lungs and heart.

Continue to move down through your torso,

Relaxing the middle part of your body,

The diaphragm,

The abdomen.

Relax all the organs and muscles in those areas.

And all the way down to the pelvic area.

And from there,

Let your awareness go down into your right leg.

Relax the upper part of your right leg.

And then the lower part of the right leg.

And then your right foot,

All the way down to the toes.

And then shift your awareness to your left leg,

Starting with the upper part of the leg and relax that area.

And then the lower part of the left leg.

And then your left foot,

All the way down to the toes.

And then from there,

Move your awareness to your right arm,

Starting with the upper part of your arm.

That relax.

And then relax the lower part of the right arm.

And then your right hand and fingers.

Then move your awareness to the upper part of your left arm.

Relax any tension you may have there.

And then do the same with the lower part of the left arm.

And finally,

Your left hand and fingers.

So we've just done a brief scan of the body to try to let go of tension and be as relaxed as possible.

You might still have some tension in the body,

But that's okay.

Just let that be.

And try to stay as relaxed as you can during the meditation.

And let your breathing be natural.

Natural flow in and out.

And put your awareness on your breathing.

In other words,

Be aware of the breath.

It's flowing in and out.

And try to do this without controlling the breath.

You don't need to do that because your body knows how to breathe on its own.

So just let go of controlling and just let the body breathe in a natural way.

And then just with your mind,

With your awareness,

Try to be aware of each breath as it's coming in and going out.

One breath after another.

And it's not that easy to do because our mind has the habit of thinking about lots of different things.

And so thoughts will come up.

You'll have thoughts coming up,

Memories,

Plans,

What you're going to do later,

And all kinds of things.

So that's normal.

Don't be surprised.

But try not to get caught up in the thoughts.

Instead,

Let them go.

Put them aside and come back to the breath.

Come back to the breath again and again each time your mind wanders away from it.

And it can be helpful to count your breaths.

That can help you stay focused on the breath.

So you can count to five.

Each full inhalation and exhalation of the breath counts as one.

And you count up to five.

And then you start again at one.

You can try that if you find it helpful.

But it's not necessary.

It's optional.

I think the point is to try to remain calm and still.

Let your breathing be natural.

And then be aware of your breathing.

Coming in and going out.

And bringing your awareness back to the breath each time it wanders away.

So we'll try that for about five minutes.

So now we'll shift to the contemplative or reflective part of the meditation.

So this involves thinking,

Contemplating,

In order to reach,

Ideally,

Some kind of positive,

Constructive conclusion about something.

So again,

We're going to do meditation on patience,

Which is kind of the opposite to anger.

Getting angry and having hatred and so on.

So patience is mainly an internal state of mind or attitude rather than some external way of acting.

And it doesn't mean being passive in situations where we should act.

For example,

If there's a child that's about to run into the road.

Or if you're dealing with somebody who's like a drug addict or an alcoholic and they're trying to manipulate you.

So we can be internally patient in those situations,

But still act in a strong way to stop some kind of behavior that's potentially harmful.

So to get a sense of how beneficial patience is,

Think of a time when somebody was patient with you.

It might have been your mother or father or a teacher or a friend at a time when you were acting out in some way.

You were angry and frustrated,

Maybe acting in a destructive way.

And instead of being angry at you,

Somebody was patient and kind.

So see if you can think of a situation like that,

Where you were on the receiving end of patience.

And if you can't think of one where someone was being patient with you,

You could also think of a situation where you observed someone being patient with somebody else.

For example,

A parent being patient with a child who was throwing a tantrum.

Or somebody being patient in a traffic jam.

So try to think of a situation where you observed another person's patience,

Either with you or with someone else.

So once you are able to recall that situation,

And just check how it was for you.

How did you feel when observing or experiencing another person's patience?

And now,

See if you can think of a time when you were able to be patient with someone who was acting in a difficult way or challenging way.

Or in a situation that was challenging,

Like a traffic jam,

Having to wait a long time.

And you were able to not react with anger and frustration,

But were able to be patient.

So see if you can remember that experience and how that was for you.

And you can also look at how your ability to remain patient affected other people who were around at the time.

And also your relationship with the person that you could have gotten angry at.

What was the outcome of your being patient?

And it's also helpful to compare the situation when we can't be patient and instead get angry.

So when we can't be patient and instead we get angry and show our anger,

Then not only are we disturbed,

Our state of mind is disturbed,

But the people around us also feel disturbed and uncomfortable.

I don't think anyone likes being around an angry person,

Even animals.

One lady who was here recently told us that when she starts getting angry,

Her two dogs run out of the house.

So it's like a really negative energy.

Nobody likes to be around.

And anger can lead to harmful behavior.

We can hurt others with our words and even physically.

But on the other hand,

If we can stay calm and refrain from getting angry and acting out our anger,

Doing harmful things,

Then we will feel better and so will those around us.

And there's a greater chance that we can resolve whatever the problem is in ways that are satisfying for everybody involved.

Let's see if that brings true.

Is that your experience?

So we'll now bring the meditation to a close.

And it's good to have some sort of conclusion to the meditation based on what we saw,

What we understood during the meditation.

So you can think about how you would like to be going forward.

Do you want to continue being angry and acting out your anger?

Or would you like to be more patient to learn how you can increase your patience and be able to act or respond even in difficult situations with greater patience?

So you might feel ready to make such a conclusion,

But you may not be.

And you could also think,

Well,

I want to think about this more.

I need more time to think about these points.

So that's also a conclusion,

Just to make that determination.

Let's see if you can come to some kind of positive,

Constructive conclusion to the meditation.

And then finally,

Let's make a mental dedication of the positive energy from doing this meditation.

So mentally dedicate it to the welfare of all living beings.

And may it help everyone learn to be more patient and less angry and harmful.