7. You Don’t Scare Me! – How To Eradicate Fear From Your Life

Let’s talk about fear! In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael Berg explain the three different kinds of fear and how to use them as tools for growth and transformation. Listen as they discuss the difference between fear and intuition, and how to ultimately eradicate fear from our lives.

Transcript

One of the great pathways by which we get to our next level,

By which we get to greater blessings is by an experience of fear.

But the right way to understand it is that the fear that I am experiencing is not solely to keep me in there,

But rather more importantly,

It's to call me to a higher level.

If you allow yourself to actually stare a fear straight in the face and say,

Okay,

What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

Then you force yourself now to think of other options and other opportunities and you do that.

It's the undescribable,

Unknowable part of life that gets us so tripped up and I really think that that's why we feed our fear.

In order to grow,

In order to achieve,

You have to be jumping into the places that scare you.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode seven.

We are going to talk about fear and all things that come along with it.

Are you excited?

I am very excited.

Are you scared?

I'm terrified.

Well,

I think now more than ever,

This topic is relevant,

Especially with what we've been experiencing in the last few months from COVID to George Floyd's death,

Followed by the riots.

And I think that fear is something that is always relevant,

Certainly,

But because it's something we all experience.

But now it seems to be the thing that is really driving a lot of people's behavior,

Mostly kind of negative behavior.

We've shared the encounters that I've had with certain people.

I get it.

They're scared.

So let's talk about fear for a minute and what it is and how it feels.

So I think you and I both hear people speak about their dreams very often,

Right?

They come to us for advice,

For conversation and things that they want to be able to attain or to reach.

But I don't think that people always realize that the things that get in their way from pursuing their goals,

Right,

And they come armed with many excuses,

Right?

They're too old,

They're too young,

They don't have enough money.

It's not the right time.

And basically,

Those are excuses because in reality,

What really stops people from reaching out and doing the things that they love is fear.

So I'm going to read a little section from my book to make us all feel familiar with what fear is.

I felt a little bit inadequate doing this podcast after you've written the book on fear.

Yes.

OK.

I am the voice in your head that says you aren't good enough,

Not strong enough,

Not smart enough.

I'm the one who keeps you small,

Who stills your tongue,

Who quiets your passionate voice.

I am the one who stops you,

Who says no,

Who tells you to expect less because that's what you deserve.

I make your hands tremble,

Your heart race and your palms sweat.

I keep you up at night and give power to your doubts.

My name is fear.

So in my book,

I talk about three different types of fear.

Do you want to hear about them?

I would love to hear about them.

We've never had this.

Actually,

I haven't had this conversation before.

No.

I've watched you give a few lectures on it,

But we haven't had a conversation about it.

So there are three types of fear.

There's healthy fear,

There's real fear,

And there is illogical fear.

Healthy fear is as it sounds.

It is set up for our survival and our protection.

It's what keeps us safe.

So if we are going on a hike and let's say I get too close to the edge of a cliff,

Besides you getting nervous,

Something internally will happen.

I don't love heights.

It will happen inside of me,

Which will make me step away.

Same thing if you put your hand over an open flame,

You jump back.

Yes,

I have a burn on my arm because you know that you will get burnt.

But there's also intuition that is connected to fear.

And I don't know about you,

But I have had many opportunities where I'm about to go into an elevator and I'm the only other one entering and there's somebody inside and something makes me feel uncomfortable and I decide to ride the next one.

Have you ever had that feeling?

I don't think so.

I'm trying to be honest.

Why is that?

I know.

People in elevators don't scare me.

But in small spaces that you couldn't necessarily get away from.

Yes,

I think for women,

Obviously it's more of a danger than for men usually.

So it reminds me of the story of Carol Durand.

Only thing that scares me about elevators is having to make conversation with people.

Standing there in the quiet.

It doesn't scare me,

But it's a little uncomfortable sometimes.

This is so interesting.

Really?

When do you ever make conversation with anybody in an elevator?

No,

But you know when you say the hello and then if you're going up for two minutes on the elevator.

That's what your phone is for.

It works if it's somebody you slightly know.

You have to keep the conversation until you get to their floor.

We're going to talk about Carol Durand.

We're not talking about Michael Berg.

So she's from Murray,

Utah.

And one day she was in a parking lot and she was approached by a police officer.

And he said,

Your car has been broken into and we've apprehended the suspect and we found some items that were in your car and they're at the station.

Will you come with me to identify them?

So she got that feeling that I just explained in the pit of her stomach where she felt that it was absolutely the wrong thing to do.

So she asked to see his badge and he provided one.

So then she decided not to listen to her intuition,

Not to listen to that healthy fear that was kicking in and she got into his car.

So they start driving down the freeway and she points out to him that they're going in the opposite direction of the station.

And because she was already forewarned,

Right,

Internally she had one hand on the door handle and he is driving the car and with his other free hand he's trying to handcuff her.

So a fight ensues.

She jumps out of the moving car.

He stops the car,

Comes outside.

They're fighting and she miraculously escapes.

Then a few days later she's looking in the newspaper and she reads a story about a woman who was kidnapped and raped on the same day that that happened to her.

And she looks at the picture because they caught the person that did this and she recognized him as the police officer that she saw that day and it was serial killer Ted Bundy.

So this kind of healthy fear is something that we need.

And sometimes I get the question,

Well how do you know?

We can get into that a little bit later but how do you know if it's healthy or not?

You walk into a dark parking lot,

Right?

How do you know?

Do you want to know the answer to that?

Tell me.

I would say it's never,

In those situations it's probably never bad to have a little bit of a fear that's not,

You know,

You can't get hurt by having a little bit too much.

You're very cautious,

Yes.

But the truth of the matter is if you have that fear every day,

Let's say you park your car there every day because that's where you work.

Maybe you should park somewhere else.

You're funny today.

My point is that if that fear comes up every day,

It's not really your intuition,

Right?

To know if it's your intuition really speaking to you,

It's not based on something that happened in the past or it's not something you're worrying about in the future.

It's something you're feeling in the moment.

And if that's the case,

It's not going to be happening every day of the week,

Right?

Okay,

So that's healthy fear.

Then there is real fear and that's based on reality.

That's fear of things that do actually happen like death and disease,

Losing our loved ones,

Our parents,

Right?

Those are fears that we all walk around with.

But even with this kind of fear,

It can be transformed into a motivator for growth.

So let's say somebody fears getting a disease.

Well,

They can make better healthy choices,

Right?

To exercise,

To eat well,

Not to smoke,

Not to drink in excess,

Not to have too much sugar.

Again,

If somebody fears losing their parents instead of ruminating around that negative thought all the time when you're with them or not even telling them that you love them or not enjoying your time together,

Well,

You have an opportunity to really make sure that time together is meaningful and purposeful and you are very clear about how you feel.

Then the last is a logical fear and that's the fear that we really get stuck in the most.

And that is fear of spiders and heights and small spaces,

Fear of rejection,

Fear of failure.

It's the thing that paralyzes us and stops us from actually creating the life that we want.

It stops us from creating change,

From pursuing our desires and our dreams.

And that is the fear that we can all eradicate.

Because I don't know if you remember,

We were in London years ago before I wrote my book and I was giving a lecture on fear and I got lost in my Uber drive because you really shouldn't take Ubers in London.

I know that now,

Right?

It's a very,

Very specific grid and they have to study for years to learn it,

Right?

Like three years,

I think.

And Ubers were new in the States.

I took an Uber,

A big mistake.

We were going in circles and I started to get really nervous that I was going to be late for my lecture.

And this woman was on the radio and she's talking about fear and she had some callers and like,

Oh,

You know,

Thank you so much.

You really helped me cope with my fears or you helped me learn to live with my fears.

And I started to get really annoyed.

I'm like,

No,

This is all backwards because we really want to be able to eradicate fear.

And again,

There are certain aspects of certain types of fear that can be useful.

But the 99% of the time where we are consumed with in the day is illogical fears.

Yeah.

And I think it's interesting because capitalistically we know that it is true fears and true for so many things that the question always has to be,

Whatever I'm experiencing,

Is it propelling me to do something to change,

To grow,

Like you said,

Or is it just paralyzing me?

And I think one of the ways to know that it's something we want to eradicate is when it's something that is causing us into bringing us into inaction rather than into action.

But it's interesting this topic because,

You know,

Of all the things we've spoken about so far,

It's the one that is,

That is,

We've never done,

By the way,

Just so everybody knows,

The reason,

One of the reasons where I think we're laughing more,

We've never done it with cameras.

So it's funny.

It's the funny thing is though.

And also it might sound different because we're in Los Angeles now as opposed to our usual setup at home.

But it also feels in some odd,

Like I think that when we do this at home,

It's just you and I,

When we still sit face to face,

Our eyes are locked,

That's all the same.

But I almost feel like we're on a date,

Like it's just the two of us.

And now I suddenly feel like I'm in an audience,

Which is so silly because we have an audience all the time.

I just don't feel it.

So,

Hi,

Everybody.

Hi.

So fear is something that we all feel.

I think all of us feel it almost every single day,

Certain levels.

And obviously there are times of extreme fear and there are times of smaller fears.

But I think that the way you want to begin your thought about fear and really overcoming them,

Getting rid of the ones that you really need to and want to and overcoming those that are larger is by understanding that fear has a purpose.

I think if you ask,

And maybe everybody,

All our listeners should ask this question,

Do I think that fear has a purpose?

Why is fear in our lives?

I think,

Again,

Either because we're not thinking or we just accept it.

Fear is something we know comes into our lives,

But we're not always clear about the fact that it has a purpose.

And if you have the spiritual view that nothing comes into my life that does not have a purpose,

And ultimately its purpose is either for growth,

For change,

But ultimately for my benefit,

Then you have to take a step back and say,

Okay,

If fear,

Whatever I'm experiencing,

The smallest fear that I experience,

Or the greatest fears that I experience,

Every single one of them has a purpose.

Well,

It's interesting because you can look at every emotion,

Right?

Why do we have emotions really?

Why do we have sadness and anger and fear and pain?

It's an indicator,

Right?

It's to bring us to a certain awareness about ourselves.

It's giving us data on what we need to pay attention to.

Right.

But exactly.

The key is to become an observer,

Right?

You don't want to become a fear-based person.

You want to be able to recognize whatever the emotion is.

In this case,

We're speaking about fear and say,

Okay,

Well,

What's the opportunity here?

What is it telling me?

What do I need to see?

What do I need to pay attention to?

Right.

But I think,

Again,

I like to think of things in order.

So in my,

To my mind,

It has to begin with that,

Which is,

I think,

Not an intuitive,

A naturally intuitive thought that most people have around fear.

Right?

Most people,

I think,

Experience fear as coming into their lives,

Unfortunately.

You know,

It's not something that I want.

It's happening to me right now.

But in reality,

If we accept that there are no coincidences and that therefore everything that I am experiencing in my life,

In this case,

Every time I experience fear,

There is a purpose for it.

There's a purpose for it.

That's where that's where I would begin the understanding.

And second,

I would say that not only is there a purpose,

But the rest of the rest of the podcast will talk about more of the purpose of the fears.

But ultimately,

Like you said,

We are meant to get to a state where we do not experience fear at all.

And if we accept that there's a purpose and that ultimately our lives,

And this is really,

I think,

One of the most important purposes of the spiritual work and the spiritual study is to get me to a place where my experience of fear becomes less and less.

And then,

So just talking about the purpose is that there's a beautiful parable from the Baal Shem Tov,

The great Kabbalist.

And he uses the example of a person who's a friend of the kings.

And the king sends messengers to call him when he's having a party,

He's having a dinner.

And this is one of his best friends.

He wants the friend to come to be with him.

And he sends messengers to this guy's house and the guy's knocked on the door.

And the messengers are having a bad day,

So they're kind of upset.

So they have like angry faces on because for whatever reason,

Their day isn't going well.

And they tell him,

You know,

In sort of a short,

You know,

The king wants you in his house,

Right?

And so the guy,

He says,

There's two ways to see that,

Right?

One is,

Oh my God,

Why are these messengers so upset?

Is something really wrong?

Is the king angry with me?

Is something bad going to happen to me?

He says,

That's the silly,

The Baal Shem Tov says,

That's the silly view of what's happening.

The right view is that these are just the messengers.

They're not the reason,

Right?

So the fact that they're angry or not angry,

That their fact that your experience of them is,

Of them being angry,

That's not the point.

The point is the king wants you to be with him.

So what the messenger is that brings you to the king,

It's almost not important.

He says,

This is the way to view fear.

Each one of us,

You know,

Using the example,

The parable of the king,

Each one of us has another level of our existence that we're meant to achieve.

Another level we call it blessings,

Light,

However you want to call it.

And one of the great pathways by which we get to our next level,

By which we get to greater blessings is by an experience of fear.

But the right way to understand it is that the fear that I am experiencing is not solely to keep me in there,

But rather more importantly,

It's to call me to a higher level.

And that's the way that I try to experience.

A higher level of?

Of my life,

Of my blessing,

Of my consciousness,

Of everything that I am.

But you know,

Most people see fear and they see it as a stop sign,

Right?

Oh,

There's something that's scary here,

Turn around and run the other way.

Right,

Right,

Right.

But I think maybe one of the most important things that people will receive from this podcast is the fact that really begin viewing and you know,

Like everything.

This is not something you're going to hear once and that's it,

You know,

Fear is gone.

But not,

You know,

We've been experiencing fear for all of our lives,

Hopefully growing from it.

But just to be clear,

You saying specifically fear,

Why not a different emotion?

Why couldn't sadness be the catalyst for that?

All of them are.

All of them are.

Yeah,

Yeah,

All of them are.

But fear is one of the biggest ones because it's one of the most constant ones for all people.

It's also one that when we feel it,

It really stops us and beckons our attention,

All of it,

Right?

Like,

Especially extreme fear like anxiety or it's a danger.

It's like fight or flight kicks in,

Right?

And I think a lot of it is ancestral.

You know,

If we were afraid of something and we didn't actually fight,

Right,

That would mean death.

So I think that a lot of times we're running really old software on what that fear is and our reaction is there for that way.

Right,

Right.

So the third point.

So it has a purpose and let's not get stuck in the fear it's meant to bring me somewhere.

And the third,

And this I think is for me the most powerful one and one of the more powerful motivators of my own spiritual study and growth.

And that is that,

You know,

You read all the self-help books and you can read it besides Fears Not An Option,

Many books about fear.

What we try to do often is stay the person that I am,

But how can I either mitigate,

Reduce this fear?

And the ultimate goal has to be that I elevate to a different place,

Consciousness.

I elevate to a different experience and then those fears have no control over me.

And I don't think it's possible.

I don't think it's possible to ever really get to a state where we eradicate fear for sure unless we're consistently growing and changing and becoming a different person.

And I experience,

And I think again it's a question we have to ask ourselves all the time,

If we see ourselves as spiritual people am I experiencing less fear than I did a month ago,

A year ago,

Five years ago?

Well usually it's the other way around for people,

Right?

The older you get the more fears you collect throughout your life.

Right.

And you know there's an interesting book and I'm always a little mindful of bringing this up but you know there's a lot of people especially now we're in LA maybe it's more apropos to talk about it,

People use all kinds of,

We'll call them drugs to get to,

People use drugs for many different reasons.

Okay well we'll call them drugs and then drugs.

Certain by I think we call,

What do you call it?

I'm not sure where you're going with this.

So there's people who use ayahuasca for instance,

Neither Monaco or I have ever tried that and I don't think we ever will.

But the point is why do people use it to get to a different level of consciousness.

This actually is something that certainly has great purpose.

There's a book by Michael Pollan which I think we might have spoken about before,

How to Change Your Mind and he has a whole- That's with the LSD,

Right?

Really,

Really they tried under medical supervision,

Microdosing and things like that.

Again I want to be very clear that neither- But let's explain why we won't do that.

But sorry,

The point that I wanted to make and this is for me was really beautiful.

There was a 60 Minutes episode about this book,

How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan and for me the most powerful part of that,

There was a woman who was diagnosed with terminal cancer and none of us should ever know from this but I think every single one of us can imagine that the amount of fear and dread that must come to a person's mind when they are told by the doctors that there's nothing more that can be done.

This is literally terminal and this woman took these drugs in a medical setting and you saw and then she was interviewed and she literally has no more fear of death.

Yeah,

That's interesting.

And for me that's where I want to get to and I hope all of our listeners- But did they explain how she got there?

Well no,

They usually use drugs.

That is the science behind it,

Right?

So the point is,

And this is really my point and I want to talk about it,

You want to talk about why we don't do it.

Well I just think if you make a statement like that it's easier for people to be like well why wouldn't they do it and I think it's important to explain.

So the point is that when you experience a different level of consciousness we'll call it or a different experience of life then the fears go away.

The fears,

And again the reason I can talk about this so powerfully is because I've experienced it meaning I've had moments of spiritual elevation we'll call them,

Right?

Expanded consciousness.

And in that moment you really do not have other fears and many of the fears that you have otherwise go away.

When you have,

And again I'm assuming that many of our listeners have had,

We'll call them transcendent experiences where whether it's from a song or it's from a movie or it's from a conversation or it's from spiritual work or from spiritual study- Right,

It's those aha moments to make it- To a different place and sometimes it lasts,

Like I mean you spoke before about that there are people who fear death or fear of illness and they change the way they live,

They change their diet and you know I can say this about myself.

We try with Monica's influence often we listen to podcasts about health and wellness and I know and I'm sure many of us have experienced this five minutes,

An hour,

A day,

Two days after listening to a podcast about that your mind changes.

You will do certain things differently.

Then of course you know time goes by and you lose that thread and you go back to your old ways.

But the point is I have experience and I know you have experience and I'm sure many of our listeners have experienced in different ways.

For me it's mainly around the spiritual study and the spiritual work that I do where you experience a place of existence where fear does not touch.

And again different degrees but I know that I've experienced places through the spiritual experience of study and the spiritual work where whatever fear I had before that no longer exists again you come back down into this world and then of course the fears begin rearing their heads again.

But as we introduce ourselves to at least even the ultimate purpose of eradicating fear I think for me the greatest promise is in transforming ourselves to such a state where fears can no longer touch us.

What you're saying is,

What we're saying all emotions including fear is set up and for us to take the opportunity to grow,

Expand,

Become different by going through the experience right so the thing is when people have fear they tend to run away from it,

Avoid it altogether.

It's unpleasant,

It's uncomfortable.

As I explained in the beginning your heart's racing,

Your palms are sweaty,

It's very very uncomfortable.

It's distinctly unpleasurable right but if you allow yourself to actually stare fear straight in the face and say okay what would I do if I wasn't afraid it's like one of the tools like it's the go-to tool in my book then you force yourself now to think of other options and other opportunities and you do that right.

And so instead of feeding the fear and giving energy to the fear because that's mostly what we do even by fighting fear that's still a lot of energy that you're actually working with you can now choose something else.

I don't think that most people do that right and that's how you collect the fears going through life and I think what you're explaining about a higher consciousness is so true and so powerful but I just want to break it down for our listeners I think that's a really big leap to make from what we encounter day to day the things that we see especially now on the news you know people dying which seems more rapidly than ever whether that is in fact true or not but that is what we're seeing day in and day out.

So I often say again when you're met with fear what would you do if you weren't afraid and also go straight through it like I can give so many examples from how I've done that and I have one story with the roller coaster which is in my book but I'll share it.

Sure.

I think it's.

I'm sure I've heard it but.

Well you were there and I don't think you were having fun either but it was shortly after we had three kids then and as I've talked about Josh who was born with Down syndrome my adrenal glands were completely shot for a good few years after I gave birth.

I also got pregnant three months after he was born with our daughter Miriam and my body was also just had been through so much and before that you know I called the time before Josh and after Josh before Josh I was like an adrenaline junkie I think I'm back there again which I like maybe not fully as much I'm not wanting to jump out of planes anymore but.

I think we're more chain junkie than adrenaline junkie.

Exactly exactly.

So and also like I was the person that if there was a crisis or there was like blood or I'm like I can handle this you know I pull teeth out like I'm the one right but then after I had Josh I didn't realize how completely opposite I had become for a period of time and I had an idea that it would be really fun to go to an amusement park we hadn't done in a really long time.

Just the two of us?

No with the three kids and I loved roller coasters I just thought it'd be so great just like a fun free day and you said right you're like I don't really love heights and I'm like it's gonna be fun we're gonna do it with the kids it's gonna be great so I convinced all of us to go on and we get on the first roller coaster do you remember this?

No where was this?

It was Magic Mountain and it wasn't Splash Mountain it's the one with the bear at the top I can't remember maybe it was it wasn't Space Mountain.

Anyway we're inching up and it's really slow right because this is like building the anticipation for this thrill that's about to happen and I remember I'm sitting on the left side and I see this bear like waving at me and it was supposed to be adorable right but I remember thinking this is a sign it's the last thing I'm ever gonna see in my life it's a sign of what's to come like it's not gonna be great.

Did you share this with me at the time?

I don't know.

I mean I don't know because I think it took me a while to actually fully understand this before I wrote the book right it was me and my own process at that time so probably not and then I had the thought there was like a platform next to the bear and I thought I can just jump off because we're going slow enough and the seat belts really loose and I don't have to go on the ride because I was that scared my heart was beating I mean it was like I was scared and then I caught the thought and I said oh my god you sound crazy and actually the thought is scarier than the ride you were not going to jump off the roller coaster you will get arrested you will end up probably like in a mental place for the evening you'll embarrass your family and I'll never live it down right so of course I sat on the ride and we did it but then what I did that day I forced myself to go on every roller coaster after that and it's not that I even enjoyed the first one.

Did you force me to go with you?

I think I did.

Thank you.

Or the second or the third it's just I knew I would have had a new fear that day if I hadn't given into it right and what I believe to be the fear of all fears for all of us we can assign it to different areas of our lives is the fear of the unknown because that's the thing like what is death right of course we have that fear of losing we don't want to lose our loved ones we want to be with them forever but it's also where do we go right what happens to it is it painful where does the soul go like these are the things that I spent a lot of time thinking about as a child and the you know and even when my uncle became schizophrenic when I was seven that in my seven-year-old mind seemingly happened overnight right so it's like okay well then what's going to be tomorrow right everything's unknown and I think that that again feeds the fear that we're living in today everything feels so uncertain which is which equates to the unknown right that's that thing out there and I know we're going to talk about the remedy for fear because it's very much related to certainty but I think that's the biggest thing and as long as we allow ourselves to entertain that it's you know expect fear to be a constant companion right fear of the unknown and fear of the known that can happen right right you know what if you know it's still unknown to you right that's the biggest illusion right because we have enough information that we know what could happen but the unknown is well will it happen is it going to happen to us it's the undescribable unknowable part of life that gets us so tripped up and I really think that that's why we feed our fear but if you for a minute pause and realize that the only certainty in life is the unknown we never know what's going to happen like we have a plan in the day I'm going to wake up I'm going to go to do exercise at this time and I'm going to go do this I'm going to meet that person and then the day may or may not go that way we have no idea what's going to happen right you know not to challenge you but the only challenge me dare you no the only thing that I would I would add is that there are fears that we know how they feel because we've experienced them before we don't experience them again right so I'll give you an example my mother was very protective of us growing up and I can't blame her over protect over protect you can say over protected I literally remember a few times where like she was literally you know very distraught because I knew me or my brother were we're home late or or so on so so I would say I either again not blaming her but I have some aspects of that you've mirrored what you saw or organ but at the end of the day you know it's my responsibility for so that's what I'm here for so there have been there right the three I think for me most terrifying moments of our lives was revolving around the kids right there was one I wouldn't I don't say our lives and saying terrifying for your life I wasn't scared that time at the beach really no so I'll tell the story so we were it was a little I was concerned obviously as I'm not like yeah I mean yeah I was but you were and but but by the way when you get scared like that so we were in Costa Rica with friends of ours and we were staying at home in the house that is about it's a half hour drive from the beach and one day we're looking over from the house to the water I'd never been to Costa Rica it seemed you know nice enough our David how old was he at the time 12 no 10 probably 10 the the family we were with they had two daughters who were going down with the with the surfing instructor to the beach and they said why isn't because we only only had one car we couldn't all fit in the car but they go the kids go down first which was David and the two girls their two girls and the instructor with the surf instructor will join them the car will then come back and then we'll join them so so we said sure so we send David down and the two girls and so takes a half an hour half hour back so then then it's a half an hour again for us to get down there so it's an hour and a half is has passed from the from the time that they left we come down to the beach and the surfing instructor is there and the two girls are next to him and it's about to be it's about dust so it's getting darker and the waves are significant and many of them and apparently Costa Rica's known for surf and anyway so we look for David we can't find him literally telling the story my heart drops every time I think about this moment and we can't find him go to the instructor he doesn't know where he is and I start running up and down the beach it's getting darker and darker than how it was you were hysterical I don't know you were very and then I'm running after you but I was laughing no no I'd like some of our listeners to to to share with us either through the email I'm assuming many people would know of course but you went to like the worst possible place in your mind well he wasn't the surfing instructor didn't know where he was he wasn't on the beach as far as we could look for him anyways this went on for probably what 20 minutes running up and down the beach up and down the beach it's getting darker and darker it was almost sunset by the time I think it was probably past sunset by the time we finally realized he was somewhere down on the beach on the side by himself by himself exactly so besides the fact that we were irresponsible parents but my point is this to challenge you yeah okay you being out of your mind in that moment and so fear-based did that help you find him in fact but I don't even think that you can you could see all the things you could see had fear not fully taken over in that moment I completely agree but my point is and was that then because there were two other times that that we had to sell the girls we're gonna do a podcast in parenting next just to prove that we're not irresponsible parents but there was another time and this was even was much younger that we lost sight of him for a few minutes but it wasn't even that long but yes and he was in a he was in a slide that you couldn't see it's like he had to come out from the other end right so yeah but the point being so they're one of the reasons that I am vigilant whenever we're at a beach or at a at a amusement park with the kids is because I've experienced what it's like you know not having sight of your kids in you know young kids in so my point my only point was you you said the fear of the unknown I think sometimes it's the fear of something we've experienced that we don't experience again and I'm not saying it's the right thing obviously but we're what we want to talk about is being able to elevate completely out of the realm of fear yes and and you are evolved but let's say let's use this let's say somebody else right they have a fear around their children an extreme one so much so that it stops them from actually enjoying day to day things trips together life they don't even let their kids go out because they have this knowing of what has happened or what could happen right through small experiences that felt big at the time and therefore they're living a fear based existence and that also takes away from a lot of joy and now again this isn't up to you because you are more elevated in that way but this is where fear can go and my point is that especially in the areas that are familiar to us that we've tasted that I think that's when you go full on and say okay I am not going to allow this fear to dictate or rule me right and you have and you're really great at that the way you actually like to jump into the fear I remember I actually shared this in one of our fear lectures and there's a book which I really like the title of as the book was also good but the title is the places that scare you I think that's really your message which is that that really in order to grow in order to achieve you have to be jumping into the places that scare you but but I did want to say again and kind of bring it back to to what I think is for me certainly one of the most important thoughts around fear in that is that in order to really eradicate fear you have to awaken the word the word is trust or certainty in the bigger picture.

So let's get to one of the questions we got around it surrounding this topic she writes ten years ago at 34 I had melanoma I had two tiny kids and it was incredibly scary since then I've been very diligent about getting checked and taking care of myself in the past few months I've had two more precancerous moles removed my head and my heart are having a battle around this I know how important it is to stay positive and take care of myself I believe with certainty that there are lessons and growth in every experience and I must have more to learn around this or it wouldn't be happening again on one hand I trust this on the other I'm petrified and I feel like my body is just a giant skin cancer waiting to happen this thought won't get me anywhere and I don't want to somehow manifest more bad with thoughts like this I'm just having trouble reconciling it how can I release the residual fear and step even more fully into faith when it feels so scary it's like I know in my head what to do but I can't get it to 100% translate because there's a lot of fear around it I hope this makes sense.

Wow it's a very powerful story and a very powerful question and I think that this is something that to some degree or another we all will experience in life at the end of the day and this is why I think overcoming fear through growth is one of the most important things we need to do we must do if we understand that fear and certainly these types of fear fear of death fear of leaving behind family children young children the scariest things that we can imagine and then for I don't see unfortunately I think we've all imagined them I don't think there's anybody listening to this podcast who hasn't whether because they've gone through something or simply for other reasons have had these thoughts.

Terms of Endearment that movie.

I've never seen it and never will ever watch it again it crushed me I watched it as a child.

When I and this is what makes me as I said before so certain in in this prescription that I have had as we all had moments of fear and then moments of transcending that fear through spiritual studies spiritual work and spiritual elevation I don't know of another way of really being able to get to a state where we overcome fears and ultimately I believe completely eradicate them from our lives without achieving a higher level of consciousness and once you experience it in small doses you can then expand that to believe that you can actually eradicate fear completely so that means that unless you can get you know you can read all the self-help books and you can get all kinds of great tips how to get through this fear how to get through that fear but you cannot completely eradicate fear and I don't not even sure you can even truly overcome many of our life fears that are so common to every human being unless you are expanding your consciousness what does that mean first get to a state where you really trust we can capitalistic often call it the creator people like to call this force the universe that there is a system that there is a process that is set forth for my soul and that is for ultimately for my benefit ultimately for my benefit doesn't mean that I'll get everything that I want or that everything will work out as I want it from where I am now but that ultimately it is it is for my benefit that's the first and second is that and you know we use these terms a lot and my father would the rob would often use this term you know the illusion of this world and I think it was Einstein who said that this is that that our world is a very persistent illusion but an illusion nonetheless but we bind it we we believe because this is what our daily experience is that this is all that there is and and and everything that my eyes see my hands touch that's what there is but then you have those moments of transcendence that I've experienced that you've experienced that I believe almost all of our listeners have which means that we can get to a state where it doesn't bother even death like I said before for me that is the most powerful thing that that I know this is where I hope to get to in my spiritual work where I get to a state where I am not afraid of death at all because I experience a realm where that fear does not make me upset or sad or in any way feeling a sense of darkness right unless you're getting there unless you're getting there unless unless unless you make your life's work and getting there to a different perspective to a different consciousness then not only with this person asking the question every single one of us is going to experience this fear and more so for me one of the most powerful motivators today as I say to her now and I hope you know throughout my life to continue to grow and to change and to achieve a higher more expansive state of consciousness is because I want to eradicate fear I want to eradicate the fear of death I want to eradicate the fear of heaven forbid losing a loved one I want to eradicate all the fears that I've experienced and that I will ever experience and it's possible how do I know it's possible because I've experienced eradicating smaller fears if I can experience the eradication of smaller fears through this process of expanding my thought my consciousness my through my spiritual work I believe I can completely remove all fears with intense continual growth so not necessarily answering all the questions but I think what I would say is you can get to a state where you have completely removed these fears and I believe that by deepening your understanding and elevating your consciousness a transcendent consciousness and I hope you know I'm always concerned but I speak of these higher concepts that you know maybe I'm not explaining them properly or where they're too far beyond where most of us are but but I feel very strongly that this is the only ultimate way to get to a place where we can eradicate fear but obviously I totally agree with you do you think I've explained it and it's clear I think that it's very lofty I'm gonna I think I'm gonna try to bring it down a bit because I can really relate to her question especially as a mother so the first thing I would say is you need each one of us individually needs to ask ourselves when we find our state of consciousness here that's consumed with worry and doubt and fear is what is fear stealing from you because if you spend your time and energy in this space because something bad has happened and it could happen again and in fact the chances that happening again are greater for me because it happened in the first place it's going to steal something and ultimately you know it's going to steal your potential of what you could become what you could do right because everything you're speaking about is an elevation in consciousness and that's how you get to the ultimate place of eradicating fear but when you're so busy in the space of fear especially because you have trauma because you've experienced that before in that specific space that she's sharing then you're not putting energy and time and thought into what you could become it's too it's you're too busy kind of controlling this so that's one thing and then I was thinking she was maybe I don't mean to cut you but they write this two things which really resonated with me one is that it will hold it can hold you back or detract from what we're meant to do what you meant to do we're meant to be but it also steals the current moment of joy of happiness and I remember I literally I was thinking when she wrote that she had it 10 years ago and our kids were little so in a lot and then in the last 10 years how many times did this thought this fear steal moments away from the now the pleasures of this life right right what you're saying again not for the person asking the question I'd say for for the listeners is that again almost even if heaven forbid the fear comes into effect manifests the moments that you lost aren't coming back anyway exactly I actually remember you're worrying about something that may or may never happen right so but certainly stealing today exactly I'll share with you so I think I shared this with you just a few weeks ago one of our kids wasn't feeling well and I think I would know if they weren't feeling no you knew they weren't feeling well but you weren't aware of what was going on in my mind so so so she wasn't feeling well and then I remember like you know as again I would say probably more of an overprotective father than well parent and then others but anyway so I remember experiencing you know the you know low level fears not not nothing extreme and I remember the next day when she was feeling better I said to myself wow you know regardless of what happened the second day the next day yesterday could have been a better day if I had not experienced those fears it's been a better day for me too I remember your face that day you were like so but the point is right okay okay but my point being the point being again that that nothing positive comes nothing positive comes it doesn't change anything it doesn't change it just adds chaos exactly as a matter of fact almost definitely we can say that there is a loss of happiness enjoyment pleasure from the days and the moments that we allow fear even if they're logical certainly if they're illogical certainly if they're based on something if they're baseless they're stealing right which I think it's very again but I do think that we need to spend time and work on ourselves to really be able to tell to elevate out of them so here's the thing though in other parts of our lives we go to great measures to make sure nothing's stolen from us this is the irony right we lock our houses we put our monies in the our money in the bank we put our jewelry and safe deposit boxes we lock our bikes even right we go to great extents to protect the things that we think are valuable but when it comes to ourselves we really do let fear steal all the time and one way that I've worked with people to get them to be able to stop that is to look at your life the way you're living it think about all the fears that you have right that you're living with day to day and imagine how your life will be one year from now five years from now ten years from now if you keep feeding the fear just picture your life right and I have them really like feel that like bring it make it really visceral and then I say okay now let's say you work to eradicate the fear right you're not going to feed it anymore what does your life look like one year from now five years from now ten years from now and I think that's a very sobering thought I think that by the way I think that's terrifying and I think that's a good fear to have right because when you look at it that way you're like wait a second I'm not willing to waste any more time here the other thing I wanted to share with the person that wrote in is that you know when we had Josh I was terrified that I would have another child with Down syndrome right and the chances of having another child with Down syndrome are far greater after having had one and for us it was a fluke right I was like it does not run in our families it just happened so I had a choice to make then right and I had anxiety for the first few months it was really like I don't know how I'm going to deal with this remember and then it got better was one day I could sleep one night I couldn't and then it was two days and then one right but I the first chance that we could be together I made the decision well we made the decision but really like I was terrified to try again because I knew if not again that same thing with the roller coaster which is such such an insignificant example compared to this but I knew that if I didn't try to have another baby I probably wouldn't have had more children because fear really would have kicked in I would have been feeding that and nurturing that and your body then responds to that so even if one day let's say I had the desire and I was able to choose that over the fear my body probably wouldn't have allowed it to happen anyway at that point and sure enough we got pregnant the first time so in those nine months I mean I was very scared still you know and I remember we had this conversation and I said well you know this could happen again you're like no it's not happening and I said no people do get struck by lightning more than once you're like no not really I said no it's true so of course I googled it and I was like this guy got struck nine times I think it was like nine or ten some crazy number I'm like it can happen so I kept looking for ways to prove that this could happen again and I think that that was my way of kind of controlling the fear like being in the driver's seat which obviously doesn't work but at the time that's what I was holding on to and I remember it and we talked about this too I didn't feel it was my doctor's fault but I needed a lot of attention and I just felt like the way that things were communicated after we understood his diagnosis it just left a little bit of a bad taste in my mouth so I said okay you know what he's a great doctor but let me just explore so we went on three different interviews remember yeah it was a lot of fun so I asked some girlfriends you know can you give me referrals the first doctor we went to smelled of onion and remember now I forgot about that I just I walked in I was like I gotta get out of here I just I could not just onion everywhere the second doctor was so old I thought he might not be alive by the time I was gonna give birth and then the third doctor was the most entertaining at my expense and we went into her office and it's in the building was this weird building that like you there's just a door and just nothing else you just walk by the signage even right right and we walked in and we go into her office and there are frogs everywhere glass frogs figurines she even had a little frog pendant on her jacket that was eyeballing me the whole time she clearly was obsessed with frogs and I told her the history that this was the third pregnancy and about Josh and my fears even and and my hopes for this new pregnancy and she looked at me straight in the face and she said you with your shit luck no more baby for you and I remember sitting there thinking wait I said I don't think you understand that maybe she because her English wasn't so great I'm like no no you don't understand baby in my stomach I'm pregnant I'm in a pointing right and at this point you are hysterically laughing you're bright red and she said no no more baby for you and you got up and laughed and I'm sitting there because you're laughing so hard and I'm just looking at her like so needless to say my first time we chose my doctor my original doctor I decided I was just gonna go back and have an honest conversation with him about my expectations but when it comes to fear here see if I didn't actually face it right challenge it and say okay I want to be able to become somebody else in this process and I grew tremendously in the pregnancy with Mary Min and the birth because that's really when I understood how far I had come in that nine months I remember when I was giving birth to her which is the hardest part for me and I always wanted to have a natural pregnancy without any drugs any kind of intervention and I almost did it with her I did it with Abigail our fourth but I almost did it with Miriam and I remember that at one point my blood pressure dropped hers did they had given me they'd give me butosin and my body had a very bad reaction and I remember as my heart because I could feel really out of it you and I saw your face and you were super concerned and scared and I remember I didn't really get fears not an option and I remember thinking like I surrender that I am completely yours and I was speaking to the Creator that if this is my time of course I don't want to die I'm gonna cry now but if this is what's meant to be I'm yours like I surrender right and I never had that I never had such a peaceful feeling in my whole life where I just became one with where I came from and where I would ultimately go back to and that was the expansion in consciousness and I think then when I had Abigail I was working with the Creator like we were partners in her delivery and I didn't have any drugs and then I labored mostly at home until I gave birth so you absolutely for me with all of my pregnancies and all of their births I was able to see how you can actually by expanding your consciousness by connecting to certainty eradicate fear now to maintain it is obviously work but those are the highs right I mean there's a few things that really resonate with me and brought up really important points that we tell ourselves that we can control everything and fear is oh no but this is the one thing I don't think I can control right now oh my god right the real reality is that we control almost nothing I mean we don't control our breath we don't control our life we don't control our kids so either you are terrified at every moment or ultimately get to a state where you're not scared ever and I think when you talk about surrender because we are surrendering every moment anyway right when I when I take a breath right now am I in control of that breath of course my body and right and we believe that there's a creator there's a force that is not only assisting me to be able to breathe and be alive from second to second but also you know that is that is both in navigating my life my children my health and so on and so forth we can control almost nothing so what does that mean it means that you really have to surrender to life right and not into the process of life I think the process to believe you have to trust the process of life it doesn't mean everything's going to be exactly as we wanted nor will it be directed by your current desire but then ultimately it's for your benefit or for your family's benefit and for your soul's benefit but that we really control very little and that ultimately what I call of expansive consciousness transcendent experience surrender all those are the same it's a different way of living it's a different way of living and not again not to be too lofty again because we all right think you know you know straddle those two worlds of real consciousness of surrender of having trust and certainty that there is a powerful force that is helping direct my life and that I have very little and fall into oh my god I need to be able to control this doctor's appointment but if you really have and I think this is just a truthful view of our lives that I can't control very little I can control very little of what happened who my children become I can control very little about my life and how it goes of course I think we can't control and we need to invest the time and effort in those not to discount that.

Even this like if you start a business you don't know if it's going to flourish we have a child you don't know if they're going to thrive right we make a lot of assumptions in life and we base our lives around those assumptions when we wake up actually is when we realize that those assumptions are false right when those crack and then you kind of get our attention but it doesn't have to be that way you can choose to expand our consciousness and connect your grow your certainty simply by making different choices every day right ones that are not based in illusions right and assumptions right and to me it's almost silly what we arbitrarily decide to be the thing that we are fearful about right you're on a plane and you're suddenly terrified oh my god is this plane going to crash because there's a bump suddenly yeah right a really bad turbulence but you're not afraid oh my god how am I taking my next breath you are as control of both of those things we're going to sleep at night yeah who says you're going to wake up in the morning exactly yeah so the point is for me I often like to although I think taking the spiritual understanding is the next step but first start with logic logic dictates you either are terrified of everything or you're terrified of nothing because you there is much more by the way it's much more logical with you afraid oh my god where's my next breath coming from that my body's going to actually do it because I know that I can't control that as it is after the bump on the flight it's more right you should be more scared about your next breath than the bump on the flight that oh my god you know what's going to happen to the flight and therefore I don't think there's any way to live unless you are growing in you know consciousness in experience in in surrender and again just to the one the one thing I wanted to say to the person sending the question that I think often when you realize that you are not alone in an experience it gives you greater strength and to you I say I would say most of us have either experienced in some way or another what you're going through or will experience it and so you're certainly not alone it just might be in a different box but exactly we all have the exact same feelings around this and I think and this why and we believe consciousness is so important Monica gave a few really I think powerful ways by which we can overcome the fear but first begin with the understanding is you can overcome the fear that you can live a life I know this about myself I know you believe this about yourself and the person asking the question and all of our listeners you have to first believe I can actually live a life where there is no fear zero fear yes it takes work and yes spiritual growth everything we spoke about until now but you have to begin there absolutely and I want to just share this one last thing with our listener who wrote in it's an affirmation to replace fear with certainty trust and love and I think affirmations are really powerful because like we spoke about a few weeks ago you know if you say something enough you're going to believe it so make sure that you're choosing what you want to repeat over and over again this is it I'm fully capable of handling any challenges that arise in my day and my life I trust everything that happens to me is for my greatest good fear is not an option I have total and complete trust in the Creator I choose to connect to the light in every situation fear is not an option I meet every event and circumstance with the certainty it will work out for the best I am whole and complete fear is not an option I can achieve my greatest goals and dreams I am living in and as my truest self fear is not an option beautiful also none of everybody knows this Monica read from her book fears are not since I would strongly recommend every single person listening to this to get that book but I want to share one thing you know one of the things that I one of the tools that I use whenever there is fear and anybody asks me for a 12 this I think it's a very powerful kabbalistic tool we know that kabbalistically there are different letter combinations one of the most powerful that draw light and again we're probably going to have a podcast about meditation and using these tools but this is what's called the tetragrammaton four letters that are conduits of the light of the Creator so whenever anybody comes to me and says what is a tool that you can give me to overcome a fear it's to meditate upon these four letters and to see light coming out of those letters and that light surrounding you with the light of protection with the light of health with the light of certainty the you'd give up here the tetragrammaton and again you envision that if you you know if you if you can in your off your mind or you want to look at it on the page and then close your eyes and see light coming out of it that surrounds you that protects you and I know for myself and I know for many people that I've given this tool to it is a very very powerful tool that we actually should actually you know King David the ancient biblical patriarch said that you should put these four letters in front of your eyes all the time and I know for myself again this is one of the most powerful tools to remove fear you see those four letters and you envision meditate upon light coming out of them that surrounds you that surrounds you with the light of the Creator that surrounds you with the protection that surrounds you and removes any type of darkness any type of fear the final thing I'd like to share is actually a quote from Kipling which I find both very powerful and as it relates to fears of all the liars in the world sometimes the worst are your own fears and that I think is I think the thought that we want to leave our listeners with that fear is really a lie and it is often a lie that we allow to steal so much from our lives.

Thank you for joining us and we look forward to more episodes.

And please continue to send your questions into Monica and Michael at Kabbalah.

Com and we can continue to get to as many of them as possible throughout these podcasts and I hope you enjoyed listening to the podcast as much as we enjoy recording it and most importantly I really you know hope that from listening to this podcast every single listener gets at least a little bit of either consciousness or a thought that can remove even if it is a small fear in their lives.

Well what I feel really strongly about is now get up in this moment and take one step towards eradicating fear.

What are you afraid of?

Go out and do it.

Absolutely.

That's it.

Bye.

Reviews

So powerful and true. A higher call to evolve and become a better, more truer version of ourselves. Thank you. 🙏

Thank you. Excellent topic and talk.

Second talk by the two of you I listened to and I love it. I suffer anxiety and this talk has helped me. Thank you.💪

Interesting. What are the 4 letters that dispell fear and bring light?