39. Understanding Reincarnation: How To Find Purpose In The Past

In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael delve into reincarnation from a kabbalistic perspective – the spiritual concept that our souls are eternal forces of energy that cycle through incarnations. Listen as they discuss the influence past lives can have on our current lifetime and how understanding our soul’s history gives us deep insights and shifts our perspective on life.

Transcript

I think it's important to be open to that which we don't know.

Couple-istically,

We understand that free will has to have a role here,

Right?

Exactly.

So if you remembered all of your past incarnations and you come back and you're like,

Okay,

I'm not going to make any mistakes and do it just right,

There's no growth and there's no transformation in that.

And you're not going to be able to do that,

You are put in the same situation,

Maybe with different people,

But the same situation to give you the opportunity to have the same challenges,

Struggles,

And therefore make the choices and hopefully in this incarnation make the correct choice.

Why don't we remember?

Again,

I think there are even deeper reasons for this,

But the reality is that the body's purpose is to not allow us to hang on to the past.

Don't exit in the middle of a process.

Because?

Because if you don't know where something's going on,

If you don't correct it with them and finish it in this situation,

The next person you meet or the person after that,

You're going to have the same opportunity to work on the same.

Now let's unpack that because that is such a profound point.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 39.

But in true form to our topic today,

This might be really our 39,

000th time doing this podcast together.

Is that a big enough hint to our listeners?

I don't think so.

I don't either.

I'm not sure if it really made sense.

So many may have felt skeptical or do feel skeptical when they hear the topic reincarnation.

Or the afterlife.

Or even if they look through books like Heaven is for Real or The Soul's Journey.

So you might want to pay extra close attention to today's podcast.

The word reincarnation derives from a Latin term.

Do you know what it is?

Yeah,

But I can't pronounce it.

No,

But do you know where it derives from?

No,

You don't.

I love teaching you things you don't know.

Yes,

Coming again into the body.

Specifically entering the flesh again.

I think that sounds more poetic.

Reincarnation.

Okay,

This is a running joke between the two of us that most of you won't know.

I like when I discover something Michael doesn't know because that's rare.

This was not one of those times.

This might have been.

I'm not really sure I'm with you on that.

If you didn't get it exact,

If we were playing Jeopardy right now,

You wouldn't have gotten the answer.

You wouldn't have got the point.

Reincarnation refers to the belief that an aspect of every human being or all living beings in some cultures continues to exist after death.

This aspect may be the soul or mind or consciousness or something transcendent,

Which is reborn in an interconnected cycle of existence.

I think most people know that.

In some religions,

Depending on the culture,

People believe it could be obviously a human being or an animal or a plant or just stay a spirit or even come back in a non-human form.

Karen,

Your mom,

Wrote in her book To Be Continued.

I really liked this.

She said,

Beneath the surface,

There's a deeper reason for what's going on in your life right now.

Once we understand reincarnation,

Seemingly random events suddenly take on new meaning.

Our past choices determine where we start in this life,

But it's our present choices that will determine where we go next.

I want to go first into psychology about it,

But did you want to add something before we go into that?

Actually,

It's interesting.

As I was thinking about this topic,

Which I've thought about and learned about for most of my life,

I actually feel like we're going to take a little bit of digression,

If you don't mind,

Into two ideas that are related to this because our listeners,

I'm sure,

Run the gamut of,

I use the word belief,

Acceptance of the concept of reincarnation.

There's many,

Many reasons why,

And probably the most clear one is that can it be actually proven,

Scientifically proven or proven in any way?

As an aside,

I thought this was interesting.

I was watching an interview with Brian Greene,

A very renowned physicist,

And he was talking about a conversation that he had with Richard Dawkins,

Who's a very famous both scientist and atheist.

They were talking about religion,

Belief,

And Brian Greene,

As he was relating the story,

He was sure that Richard Dawkins is a very logical person.

He is certain that there is no metaphysical reality,

There is no souls,

Spirits.

He said,

To tell you the truth,

I don't like staying in places that are known to be haunted,

Which is kind of crazy,

Right?

Because if you're an atheist and a logical scientist,

Then there is no proof of- What do you believe,

Right?

Yeah,

So I thought that was funny.

Did he give reason as to why?

It's just human behavior.

Brian Greene in that same interview related to the fact that when his father passed away,

He himself is not a believer or a scientist,

Very logical.

But he said that even when his father passed away and Brian Greene is Jewish,

They did the Kaddish service for seven days,

The Shavuot service,

And it's a special prayer that is done.

So he felt something,

Which is just sort of,

I think it's important to be open to that which we don't know,

Because while we all would like to think that we only believe in things that are logical and proven,

The reality is that there is so much of the physical universe that is unknown,

Let's put it this way,

Scientists will admit that most of what is true about the physical universe is not known,

Certainly about things that are maybe beyond what we can currently see.

That now leads us to somebody who I find very inspiring.

We haven't spoken about him,

But I do think at some point maybe we should dedicate an entire podcast to him.

His name is William James.

And William James is a very interesting person in many levels.

He is considered one of the fathers of modern psychology.

He lived in the earlier part of the 20th century.

And then scientist,

Psychologist,

Logical,

He has an entire book dedicated to religious experiences.

And I'll share with you the story.

And again,

Tell me if I'm boring you,

Because I find this very- No,

You're not boring.

Yeah.

I just don't know where we're going.

It's off topic.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Because I planned a whole podcast,

You know,

Where we decided we were going to talk about.

But I think reality is applied to two podcasts in reincarnation.

So this,

Now I'm getting there.

I'm getting there.

So at a young age,

William James had many types of failures and he was depressed.

He was going through a very,

Very tough time.

Non-believing,

Sort of logical.

And then he came to a point in his life where he said,

I'm going to make a choice.

For the next year,

I'm going to act as if what I do matters.

I'm going to act as if I actually have free will and choice.

And if after the year things still don't go my way,

Then I'll commit suicide.

Oh my God.

Yes.

Because he was at the point where he said,

You know,

There's no,

Everything's preordained.

I can't influence anything in my life.

So he,

Of course,

He went through that process and it really transformed him in many ways.

Wow.

And from this,

He came to this,

One of his teachings on the will to believe,

Which is that sometimes,

Even if you don't know for sure,

There is power in allowing yourself to believe.

And now this goes directly into reincarnation.

I'll read a part of what he shared about,

He calls two types of people in this world.

There are those who are born once and those who are born again,

Born for a second time.

And again,

In our parlance,

That would mean either reincarnation or even just rebirth in one's current life.

Yeah.

It seems like he's alluding to how a person lives.

Yes.

But he did have,

I would say,

A will to believe in reincarnation.

So while he did not believe that it was provable,

But it was certainly something that he was open to believing.

You know,

In Plato,

Socrates,

Pythagoras,

All the ancient,

Many,

Many of the ancient philosophers and thinkers believed in reincarnation.

So I think it's important for our,

You know,

I come to this from a different angle.

You know,

As I said,

I started studying this from a very young age.

There is great scholarship on this in the Kabbalistic tradition,

Books and books dedicated to it for thousands and thousands of years.

To me,

That means something.

But I think it's also important to know that many of the world's great thinkers throughout time have either been open to or accepted.

Even physicists,

I mean,

I'm going to quote somebody later.

Absolutely.

So I'm just going to read this one piece from William James.

So the book that I was talking about,

Which I really do strongly recommend for those of us who are,

You know,

More of the logical,

Coming from the logical pragmatic angle,

Not sort of,

You know,

Just accepting of beliefs or religion or even reincarnation.

So he has a book called The Varieties of Religious Experience,

Which is really an amazing book by William James.

So he drew a contrast between what he calls once born and the twice born.

Once born people appear biologically predisposed to happiness.

They are relatively untroubled by their own setbacks as well as by the suffering of the world.

They rarely speak ill of others.

They don't complain much.

They tend not to be fearful or angry.

Today,

We might call them a happy-go-lucky or easygoing or upbeat.

Those are the,

What he calls them,

The once born.

Or saintly because I don't think that's a realistic place to- But certainly in life,

There are two types of people.

There are.

Sure.

There are the people whose baseline is to see the world in a positive way.

And there are those people whose baseline it is often to see the world- I don't think it's just that though.

I think it's about expectation of what life is and desiring more or understanding that you can influence it.

Of course.

Right?

Like,

Yeah.

But the point that he's making,

Which I think is very true and relating to reincarnation is that none of us come into this world at a baseline that is equal.

Correct.

And that is one of the important understandings that,

Because for me,

And I know for you,

Speaking of reincarnation is not about,

Okay,

A nice philosophical or theological conversation or metaphysical conversation.

For me,

I think it always is,

What is the practical change in my life that would or should come from this understanding?

So by contrast,

Twice borns feel there is something wrong with reality that must be rectified.

They have a pessimistic view of the world.

They experience more ups and downs in life.

They wish the world could be different from what it is.

Today,

We might call them neurotic,

Anxious,

Or unstable.

James describes them like this.

I swear that describes me in my childhood.

Or by the way,

Polly describes all of us at different times.

I mean,

Not that I wouldn't call myself those,

But like the characteristics.

Oh my God.

I mean,

That's why I started setting Kabbalah.

That's why this wisdom really resonated with me because I was that headspace.

That's right.

There are persons whose existence is little more than a series of zigzags.

As now one tendency and now another gets the upper hand.

Their spirit wars with their flesh.

They wish for incompatibles.

Wayward impulses interrupt their most deliberate plans.

And their lives are one long drama of repentance and of effort to repair misdemeanors and mistakes.

And I think this is a,

For me,

Speaking to our listeners again,

Who are probably on the entire gamut of belief or lack of belief or skepticism,

That the fact that this has been a body of wisdom for thousands of years,

That bind within itself,

I believe,

Should open us up to the possibility.

The fact that Socrates and Plato and Pythagoras and William James and so many other great thinkers,

Philosophers,

And scientists,

Or at least open,

If not believing in reincarnation,

Should open us to this understanding.

And for me,

One of the very practical lessons,

Understandings that would come from this openness to the possibility is that it would explain why no two people are alike and no two people's life is alike.

The questions of why is one child born with no parents and one child born with loving parents?

And why is another child born with abusive parents and another child?

The understanding of life's cycle from the moment we are born to the moment we leave this world,

If you accept and understand the wisdom of reincarnation,

It gives you a very different view on why things might or might not be happening.

And therefore,

Different experience.

For sure.

Basically,

All of those things that you just mentioned,

Those are imprints from past incarnations.

I do want to go into Ian Stevenson's work because it really much supports what you're saying.

And he gives a lot of very specific examples that I thought were very interesting.

He passed in 2007.

He was a prominent psychiatrist by training.

He got a job- I'm sorry,

When did he pass away?

2007.

In 2008,

He became chair of psychiatry at University of Virginia,

Which was really young.

And when he arrived there and he started doing his deep dive researching into reincarnation,

The chair people were like,

Wait a second,

This is not what we.

.

.

You're supposed to talk about mental health and you sound like you're really imbalanced,

Right,

With all of that he was exploring at the time.

And they didn't expect that.

So funnily enough,

Chester Carlson was a wealthy investor of the Xerox copying process.

And his very spiritual wife was into- He's always liked it often,

Right?

Very,

Right?

Past lives- A businessman,

A husband,

And a spiritual wife.

Was into this idea of past lives or incarnation,

She introduced them.

And he was so taken by his work.

Then suddenly he died of a heart attack one day and he left a million dollars to the university,

But only if Ian would use that for his study of past lives.

So he was able to do research and studies and findings on this for four decades,

Simply because this guy gave them.

.

.

It had to be used in this work.

He's mostly known for his study of children's memories of previous lives,

Which I thought was really interesting because we know that children are pure and these kids are under age of six because at age six something different is happening in the brain and they start to think in different ways and they don't really recall those kinds of things.

So this is one story that he shared.

He did thousands of different cases.

In Sri Lanka,

A toddler one day overheard her mother mentioning the name of an obscure town,

Katuragama,

That the girl had never been to.

The girl informed the mother that she drowned there when her.

.

.

And this is in her own words.

She was- A child.

A child,

Under six.

So she said that she drowned there when her dumb,

These are her words,

Her mentally challenged brother pushed her in the river and that she had a bald father named Harith who sold flowers in the market near the Buddhist stupa and that she lived in a house that had a glass window in the roof,

A skylight,

Dogs in the backyard that were tied up and fed meat and that the house was next door to a big Hindu temple outside of which people smashed coconuts on the ground.

Okay.

Very specific.

So Stevenson was able to confirm that there was indeed a flower vendor at Katuragama who ran a stall near the Buddhist stupa whose two-year-old daughter had drowned in the river while the girl played with her mentally challenged brother.

Wow.

Wow.

That is amazing.

This is- Yes.

This is his work for decades.

What's his name?

Is there a book?

I'm going to get to that.

Yeah.

A lot of his work was in reincarnation and biology.

Wow.

The man lived in a house- I'm convinced now.

The man lived in a house where the neighbors threw meat to dogs tied up in their backyard and it was adjacent to the main temple where devotees practiced a religious ritual of smashing coconuts on the ground.

The little girl did get a few items wrong.

However,

For instance,

The dead girl's dad wasn't bald but her grandfather and uncle were and his name wasn't Harith.

That was the name rather of the dead girl's cousin.

Otherwise 27 of the 30 idiosyncratic statements she made panned out.

Wow.

I mean,

Right?

So he has 3,

000 stories just like this one.

3,

000.

He also could identify an actual figure that once lived based solely on the statements that were given by the children.

So he could find somebody.

He could find those stories.

Also and I thought this was really fascinating to your point that you just mentioned,

Many of his subjects had unusual birthmarks and birth defects such as finger deformities,

Underdeveloped ears or being born without a lower leg.

There were scar-like pigmented birthmarks and unusual moles in unusual places.

So in reincarnation and biology,

He had 225 reports of children who remembered their past lives and let me give you just three short ones.

A Turkish boy whose face was congenitally underdeveloped on the right side said he remembered the life of a man who died from a shotgun blast at point blank range.

A Burmese girl born without a lower right leg had talked about life of a girl that was run over by a train.

Her leg was run over.

On the back of the head of a little boy in Thailand was a small round puckered birthmark and at the front was a larger irregular birthmark resembling the entry and exit wounds of a bullet.

Stevenson had already confirmed the details of the boy's statements about life of a man who had been shot in the head from behind with a rifle.

So it seemed to fit.

And he also found that people who had traumatic deaths,

They had an emotional imprint left on them.

So they tended to remember their past lives more than those who didn't die in such a way,

Right?

Because it stayed with them.

And he also said that with these children,

There were many gaps in years and lives because reincarnation is never immediate.

And he also found that people who were afraid of water and knives,

For instance,

They had recalled past lives where they had drowned or been stabbed.

So any L of this is in his work,

But I thought it was really profound.

I mean,

As you read the stories,

Like one after the other,

And he proved them to be accurate.

So even if you do feel skeptical- Read this book.

It's what it sounds like.

Right.

And in fact- Stop the podcast right now.

Go buy this book.

In fact,

Towards the end of her own life,

Physicist Doris Coleman-Wilstorf,

Who had groundbreaking theories on surface physics and she earned the prestigious Hein Medal from the German Society of Marital Sciences,

She surmised that his work was established based on facts that he had found.

And to quote her,

She said,

The statistical probability that reincarnation does in fact occur is so overwhelming that,

Calmatively,

The evidence is not inferior to that for most is not all branches of science.

Interesting.

It's interesting because one of the.

.

.

And it's funny because we're sitting most of the beginning of this podcast talking to the skeptics,

And I'm sure many of our listeners are not skeptics.

Right.

True.

So I want to take a short point before we actually have the opportunity to delve into some of the really what I think is beautiful wisdom on reincarnation.

So like you said,

One of the reasons or questions that people have is that if reincarnation is true,

Why don't we remember it?

Remember it.

Yes.

So I'd like to share two things about forgetfulness from two,

I think,

Very important thinkers.

So Professor William Knight,

A round professor says,

Forgetfulness of the past may be one of the conditions of an entrance upon a new stage of existence.

The body,

Which is the organ of sense perception,

May be quite as much a hindrance as a help to remembrance.

So the idea is that if the view,

And this is something that actually is,

I think,

Scientifically proven that the.

.

.

We often would maybe romanticize the brain to think that it's a thinking expensive organ,

But the reality is that one of the most important workings of the brain is that it limits,

Right?

Because we know,

For instance,

Our brain in this second is receiving stimuli from thousands,

If not hundreds,

If not thousands of sources.

And if our brain was not able to shut down most of everything that was going on and allowing us to focus,

We could not focus,

We could not read,

We could not speak,

And so on.

So one of the most important workings of the brain is to limit experience and memory.

So what Professor William Knight is saying is that one of the things that we know about the brain,

The body,

Is that it actually is a force of forgetting.

And this is,

Again,

Very much in line in ancient Kabbalistic teachings.

So that's one reason.

One of the reasons is because the physical reality in our brain's abilities are to limit what was in the past.

Further,

And this is from Plotinus,

A famous philosopher.

He says,

The body is the true river of oblivion for souls plunged in it to forget all.

And I think that's the understanding.

Why don't we remember?

Again,

I think there are even deeper reasons for this,

But the reality is that the body's purpose is to not allow us to hang on to the past.

So- Well,

Kabbalistically,

We understand that free will has to have a role here,

Right?

Exactly.

So if you remembered all of your past incarnations and you come back and you're like,

Okay,

I'm not going to make any mistakes and do it just right,

There's no growth and there's no transformation in that.

The idea is that you are put in the same situation,

Maybe with different people,

But the same situation to give you the opportunity to have the same challenges,

Struggles,

And therefore make the choices.

And hopefully in this incarnation make the correct choice.

Exactly.

So I just want to underscore what you just said.

So for you and for me,

And hopefully for our listeners,

What is the foundational purpose of understanding of reincarnation?

It is that.

It is that we are here to fix things.

We're not here simply to go through life and either enjoy or not enjoy.

There are specific purposes.

What you came to this world to fix is based on everything that your soul has experienced for all of these incarnations.

What I came to this world to fix is different than anybody else and is based upon everything that my soul has experienced,

Done positive and negative throughout history.

And I think that's where we begin the practical application of the wisdom of reincarnation,

Because then the question for our listeners and for you and for me must be,

What is it that I uniquely came to fix?

So before we really go and unpack that,

Because I want to keep going there,

I just want to go back to what you said a minute ago.

So are you saying,

Or are the people you just quoted saying that the body and the brain are limited in being able to attain the information?

We're just talking about on a physiological level,

Right?

To support this concept we're talking about spiritually?

Is the brain set up to forget what you.

.

.

Because I don't feel like that was a thought.

What the scientists tell us is that the most important function of the brain is to limit,

Right?

One of the limitations would be to forget.

Because it could possibly contain all of that information?

Well,

The question for why is a good question.

As it relates to our daily brain processing,

The reason why our brain needs to be limiting is because as I said before,

If as we're sitting here,

Our children are downstairs,

I hear them talking.

If my mind,

It's getting that information that I see the light over there and I see the tree out there.

If my mind is not going to say,

Okay,

No,

You're not going to think about the tree.

You're not going to think about the light.

You'd feel like a lunatic if you're busy having all those conversations.

But that's really what our,

In reality- Yeah,

It is getting all of that.

.

.

.

Our brain is getting all of that stimuli in every second.

We are overwhelmed with stimuli.

The foundational purpose,

Unlike where I think most of us might've thought without really studying science is that we would all know what's the purpose of the brain,

To think expansively,

To gain knowledge and just to be expansive.

No,

What science tells us is that the purpose of the brain is actually its most important purpose is to limit.

Once you accept that,

Then it also allows for you to understand why do I not remember what happened in the previous incarnation.

On the physiological,

I think as we will say that,

There's also a spiritual reason for that.

But also the body,

As Plautus has said,

Is created to make us forget.

So when the soul comes into the body,

Its most powerful experience is forgetting everything of the past.

Past incarnations and even again,

In our lives past,

So many of us forget our past,

Even though it is within our brain.

But the brain's purpose is to- But these children seem to have access to- Exactly.

There are those,

And again,

There's also that famous book,

Many Lives- Many Masters.

Right,

That people have had the ability to harken back and bring up- Shirley MacLaine,

People.

Yeah.

You know,

It's funny,

As an aside,

I just remembered this now,

When I exercise,

I watch YouTube videos and I watch an entire gamut.

Some of them are philosophical discussions and some of them are scientific discussions and some of them are just old Johnny Carson episodes and other old episodes of talk shows.

So actually today,

I just remembered that today as I was exercising,

I was watching a Johnny Carson interview.

It was the first Jason Bateman interview on Johnny Carson and he was a kid.

I like him actually.

Yeah,

But he must have been 10,

12 years old.

He was- Teen Wolf,

Was he?

Yeah,

He was in- I forgot what show he was in promoting.

Family Ties.

Is that what he was in?

Anyway,

Yeah,

He was in that.

Okay.

No.

Honey- Yes?

Teen Crush,

Yeah,

I'd say yes.

Yes?

Okay.

Really?

He's not,

Okay.

Maybe not,

But I don't know,

His sister was pretty.

Somebody in the family.

Anyway,

So the first thing Johnny Carson was not,

I do not believe,

Is a professed very spiritual person,

But the first thing he says to him is,

Well,

Actually because- Oh,

No,

I've got to correct myself.

Family Ties was- Justine Bateman.

Was Justine Bateman and it was with Michael- Jay Fox.

Jay Fox.

Yeah,

I thought she was pretty,

But that's what I got.

That wasn't just Teen Crush.

No,

It wasn't,

But that's the attention of that family.

They caught my attention at that time.

He was in some other kids' show.

He was.

I forget,

I don't remember.

Anyway,

Any one of our listeners can go to YouTube- Yeah,

Write us next week anyway.

Yes.

So,

But the point is,

So Johnny Carson,

As most of you know,

Is a famous American talk show host for many years.

So as he introduces him,

He calls him Joseph Bateman twice and he's correct and he calls him Joseph Bateman again.

And then when Jason Bateman comes out,

He apologizes to him for getting his name wrong.

And then he says to him something like,

Maybe that was your name in a previous life.

Oh,

Really?

And then he says,

Well,

Do you believe it?

They go into this weird conversation about reincarnation.

So interesting.

And it didn't sound to me like neither Johnny Carson or Jason Bateman- Or Joseph.

Joseph Bateman.

Well,

They didn't,

But I thought it was very,

Very funny.

Anyway- I like that.

Yeah.

So yes,

There are certain people who,

And there are processes and we know this,

Of people who can go back and remember elements of their soul's previous incarnation.

But like we said,

The purpose of this study and this wisdom is to allow us to understand what am I uniquely here to fix?

What am I uniquely here to do?

And it's only by delving into ourselves,

Because if we're honest with ourselves and we take the time to think,

We will realize what are the fears,

For instance,

That are unique to me?

What are the gifts that are unique to me?

What are the parts of my understanding that are either good or bad?

Doesn't matter,

But they are roadmaps to both.

.

.

To me personally,

It's not so important for me to know what I was- The story.

Right.

The story,

Because the story is not so important.

I know there are people who like,

And this is a whole other concept,

People do past life regressions and they find out the details and that's wonderful.

For me,

That's not the point.

For me,

The point is I have been here before.

My soul has done positive things.

If I'm here,

It means that there were also some negative things that I need to correct.

How do I make sure that I'm correcting?

How do I make sure that I am moving forward in a way that elevates my soul and does not bring it down?

I do want to talk about,

Because you touched on this briefly and I just want to unpack it a little bit.

First,

Just in terms of Kabbalah,

Reincarnation is called Gilgul Neshamot,

Which is in Hebrew,

Gilgul is cycle,

Wheel,

And Neshamot is soul.

Like the Rob wrote the book,

Wheels of the Soul.

Souls are seen to cycle through incarnations,

Being attached to different human bodies over time.

Then also Tikkun is in this area too.

We've spoken about that in different podcasts,

Your correction,

What you've come here in this world to really do differently.

There's many,

Many things as you just said,

But usually there's one very specific one that we need to tackle and that theme will often reoccur many times in our life to give us the opportunity to correct just that.

And then hopefully,

Again,

Our listeners and you and I,

When those things keep coming up,

The question is not,

Oh,

Why does this keep happening?

Oh,

Poor me.

Oh,

This is telling me- It's information you need.

That this is my roadmap towards my Tikkun or the correction that is based upon my soul's journeys and I'm so happy that I'm actually being shown it.

Meaning that especially it's very painful.

Don't try to take the shortcut or the backdoor or exit as quickly as possible.

I often say this to couples,

They're like,

Oh,

How do you know when relationships over?

I'm done with them.

I really want to get a divorce.

And I said,

Whether you stay together or you don't,

That's not really,

You'll come to that understanding,

But you're only going to know what the right answer is when you see the relationship all the way through.

Meaning don't exit in the middle of a process.

If that person is challenging you or something's going on,

If you don't correct it with them and finish it in this situation,

The next person you meet or the person after that,

You're going to have the same opportunity to work on the same thing.

Now,

Let's unpack that because that is such a profound point.

Are you stealing my line?

Yeah,

I am.

But to expand on what you just said,

Which I think is so profound and I don't want to gloss over it too quickly.

So because relationship,

Because again,

We all have challenges in all areas of our lives,

But certainly relationships and certainly romantic relationships,

But familial relationships as well are the causes for most people of the greatest struggle,

Stress and disappointment.

And like you said,

I was talking to,

We actually have a wedding tomorrow night and as many of our listeners know,

We get to go to many,

Many weddings.

500 and counting.

Yes.

And one of the things that I say,

Although this is not a relationship podcast,

But of course reincarnation touches very much upon relationships,

Is it's important to first accept again,

Reality.

What is reality of our world of relationships?

Certainly romantic relationships.

They don't end well.

That's the reality.

Right?

If you look at the statistics,

Right?

Again,

Somewhere around 60% of every marriage ends in divorce.

Out of the 40% that remain,

What percentage of them are really in love and happy and growing and thriving?

It can't be more than 10% of that 40%.

So that's.

.

.

Imagine five,

10% of the world,

One in 10.

So as you are entering into relationship,

I think it's really important to have a clear eyed vision of your chances.

Exactly.

The Rock has a quote actually,

I read it earlier today,

Said that he didn't call it an institution,

But I'm going to do it because I can't directly quote him.

But those who are in the institution of marriage,

Who are not,

Are trying to get in and those who are in are trying to get out.

But to your point,

And I think this is so important,

Maybe the most important point we've made so far,

If you view your relationship as this thing that should make me happy all the time,

And when it's not,

And when the challenges come up,

Like,

Oh no,

Another challenge.

Oh no.

Why is he or she disappointing me again?

Oh no.

Why is this happening?

As opposed to coming from the view,

This relationship,

This is not the first time we've been through it.

And my soul desperately needs this relationship,

Not for the beauty and love and support that I get out of it.

That's great.

What do I really need out of this relationship?

To fix all the other times we've been.

By the way,

Every person we come in,

Almost every person we come in contact and have a significant relationship with,

It is somebody who this is not our first relationship with.

And then by the way,

I think that is so important because it really changes how quickly you want to get out of it.

And you stop a process.

You're in the middle of something.

Maybe you just came to this life for that,

Right?

And when you try to exit too quickly because it's too uncomfortable or you think in your imagination that you deserve a different relationship and if it's your soulmate,

It's going to be blissful and amazing all the time and conflict free,

Then you're going to quickly move on and you're going to find yourself either alone because you shouldn't have passed that up.

Not because they're the ones forever necessarily,

But it's something you desperately needed to experience and see all the way through in this life.

Exactly.

And that's again,

So important.

And again,

All the way through doesn't mean you stay with them.

That's exactly what I was going to say.

It's not about saying we don't believe in divorce,

We don't believe in any relationships,

But we do believe,

I don't want to use the word believe,

But we do know you better be learning.

I better be learning what I need to be learning out of this relationship.

Not just expect and appreciate and desire the happy times,

The loving times.

If I'm in a relationship with you,

If I'm in a relationship with my son,

If I'm in a relationship with my best friend,

There's stuff.

There's stuff not just from this incarnation,

From previous incarnations.

I need to work through.

Now let me even add another element to that.

So Monica and I are married or I meet one of our listeners.

We are.

Yes,

We are.

And today I did something that annoy you.

You did?

I don't know.

I might,

Who knows?

The day is young.

We didn't spend enough time together exactly today.

That's true.

As I say,

I look forward to the podcast.

I actually get to spend a few stuff,

45 minutes talking with you.

If my view of our relationship,

And even if we've been married close to 24 years,

If I look back all the way in the past 24 years and I did an accounting,

So in our relationship I've given 53% of the time,

You've only given 47% of the time.

By the way,

That's not true,

Just to be clear.

But what if we were married once before and you were giving 80% of the time and I was giving 20% of the time?

That's a different perspective.

And you realize that the balance of things and relationships is not just based on what I'm experiencing in this lifetime.

It gives you a different perspective.

And we've had this conversation,

And again,

This is true about parents.

You look at a person looks at their father,

Their mother,

And they say,

Oh,

Wow,

I really wish.

.

.

And how often do we hear this?

I mean,

We hear this constantly.

I really wish my father was more loving.

I wish- Oh shit,

Different parents.

I hear that one a lot.

Right,

Right.

But what- I hate my mother.

I mean,

My God,

The things people really believe.

I'm not even sure that's accurate because we do love our parents,

But they're bringing out something that is upsetting you.

Right.

But what if- And why,

Right?

What if you have a great debt to them?

What if in the previous incarnation,

That soul gave you and gave you and gave you spit in their face over and over and over again?

And therefore,

This time around,

You're getting a little bit less than you would hope for this time.

But if you have a different perspective,

Again,

This isn't- Now,

By the way,

Again,

The caveat being of course,

If your parents are emotionally abusive,

That's not what we're talking about.

We're talking about your view of that person and that relationship.

It gives a great mercy,

Gives great grace to your view of your relationships.

The czar,

For instance,

Uses a story,

An example of two people who are in battle and you hate each other or who are fighting against each other.

And the czar says,

Even if you're an amazing person,

A righteous person,

And the person that you're fighting is an evil person,

Don't be so sure you're going to win.

Why?

And the czar uses the example of a tree.

Some trees have deep roots and some trees have shallow roots.

Maybe that soul that right now you're seeing them as a very bad person and you could be right.

Your experience with the past five years with them,

Whatever that is,

Has been really bad and they've wronged you.

But it's possible that that same soul for the past thousand years has done amazing things.

So it's a strong tree with strong roots.

It happens to be that the last five years have been a really anomaly of negative behavior,

But don't be so sure that you're better than them.

And don't be so sure that you're stronger than them because your roots might be really shallow.

It's possible that you,

Again,

These are the extremes,

But this is the way you start thinking.

Maybe for the past thousand years you haven't been such a good guy.

And yeah,

Great.

For the past 40 years you've been a great guy,

But you know,

So a thousand minus 40 is not 160.

He's been amazing for a thousand years,

40 years,

Not so,

Four years,

Not so great.

He's been 960 years great.

You've been 960 years not so great.

And when you start viewing life in this way and understand- As cycles.

As cycles and that you're only viewing yourself and other people in a sliver of time,

In a sliver of infinite time.

Wow.

You can't judge anybody anymore.

You can't come to the conclusion that this guy is a terrible guy.

I'm a much better person than he or she is.

This person is mistreating me and it's not fair.

I only give,

They never.

.

.

Once you enter into the wisdom of reincarnation,

It gives you a completely different view of the possibilities of other people and the relationships that you're in.

Yeah,

I love that.

How much time do we have?

Because I can keep going.

We don't have any more time.

Really?

I really think again to our listeners- Save it for next week?

I would say- Is it really?

It's been 45 minutes?

Yes.

Close to it.

Because I still have a story to share.

I have a bunch of stuff.

Okay.

So we'll do reincarnation part two next week.

But I do have a question for you.

Absolutely.

Go for it.

So have you ever had a glimpse into any of your past lives?

That's a very good question.

And I have a lot to share about that.

But I'll share actually something that my mother often shared with me.

I think you know this.

Tell me if you don't.

She was very much of the belief for many reasons,

And I can explain some of them,

That my soul had been in the Holocaust.

And- On her own as well.

Yes.

And that maybe that we were mother and son in a previous incarnation in the Holocaust that ended very,

Very badly.

Which- Does this explain your need for lots of snacks when you're flying?

It's very funny.

Somebody once told me that.

By the way,

It used to be very bad.

I'm just going to,

I have to share.

Oh sure.

It's so much better now.

So much better now.

But especially when we were first married up until like maybe five years ago actually.

We would go on like a three hour flight,

Like a five hour flight.

Exaggerate.

Okay,

Five.

Okay,

Babe.

And like the bags of food,

Of junk,

Like chips and chocolate.

You wouldn't even finish in like six months.

And I would ask you like,

Are you okay?

What's all this food about?

You're like,

No,

No.

And you really had like a worry that was not logical.

I mean,

It was really clear that you don't do that anymore.

So- Yes.

I think you surprised yourself.

That is either proof of reincarnation or proof of my unhealthy eating habits.

It's one of the two.

But I do remember even as a young,

Young child feeling either a draw or a deep affinity with those stories and having dreams about it.

And so,

As I said,

This is something that my mother strongly believed and she shared it with me often.

And to me it makes sense.

It makes sense.

So certainly again,

Because without.

.

.

And I have shared this before,

A great affinity with the spiritual teachers who were in the ghettos and in the Holocaust and often perished there.

So it does ring true.

It does ring true to me.

And so I think you don't like to feel hungry.

Like there's.

.

.

No,

Not.

.

.

I swear to God.

That could just be my unhealthy eating habits.

No,

Not at all.

I promise.

I don't think so.

Because it's not even like before a fast.

The idea of feeling starving.

And by the way,

Somebody,

Me,

Who starved herself,

That's a more familiar.

.

.

For you it has something else attached to it.

That's my point of view.

I was going to ask you a question,

But I just remembered an amazing story that you have.

And I'm not sure,

I don't think you've shared it on the podcast.

I don't know if you're comfortable sharing it.

I'm usually comfortable sharing it pretty much.

So I'll skip a story.

Sorry to our listeners.

I'll share one hopefully next week.

But there is a story that you share about reincarnation having to do with a child.

So it's an amazing.

.

.

I don't want to build it out too much,

But it's really a beautiful and amazing story.

Yeah.

So this one is deeply personal,

But I'm happy to share it.

So once in a while,

I'll go and speak to somebody who.

.

.

I wouldn't even say psychic,

But they have some kind of knowing.

And usually I hardly ever take advice of people to go to different people unless they don't know me or know of me or my work at all.

And it has to be somebody who's just had a really specific experience and they're very much my style.

So anyway,

I went to this woman and this is last year and she was like,

It was like an hour drive,

Hour and a half,

I think.

And as I'm driving,

I'm like,

What are you doing?

Why are you even doing this?

Why are you going?

This is so stupid.

It's not like you are desperate to hear anything,

Just drive back.

But I was pulled to her.

And I keep having this narrative the whole time I stopped to use the bathroom,

Get a cup of tea,

Whatever.

I get back in the car,

I'm like,

I should just turn around now.

Why am I?

But I kept going into her.

So I sat down and everything that she had said was very accurate.

It was things that I was working on,

Things I was actually doing.

I mean,

Really very specific that people don't even know about.

And then we got on the topic of children.

And you know this,

That I always feel,

And it's been better since I actually met with her,

But I always feel like I can never have enough children.

And by that,

I mean,

Like I'm meant to have another one or there's another soul I'm supposed to bring.

And I really feel in those thoughts,

Like they stay with me.

I mean,

They still do,

But is there another soul as a child I'm supposed to bring?

And I have this longing.

And not that I don't fully appreciate and love and very happy with our children and the life we have,

But there's this deep longing that I couldn't explain.

So I'm sitting with her and I think at that point it was the end and I was asked,

She's like,

Do you have any questions?

I was like,

Well,

Do you see another soul coming down?

That's the only question I ever ask.

Just because my experience of getting pregnant and delivery has been very unique to my tycoon personally,

Interestingly.

And yeah,

All of my most profound lessons and fears have been around that theme,

But I didn't connect it actually fully until this very moment as I'm speaking about it.

So she says to me,

You have this longing because in a past life you lost a child.

And she said,

You had a child that drowned.

And then as she said that,

I said,

Wait a second,

Don't say anything else.

I have this reoccurring dream,

Not anymore since I've had children,

But I had this dream,

Honest to God,

At least 10 times from the time that I can remember,

Maybe at age five,

Six,

Until I was 20.

This dream,

10 times,

The same dream.

And it's not a film I saw,

It's nothing because I am the person in the dream.

So I am this woman.

And if you remember those Renaissance paintings of a woman looking over a stone railing,

Those pillars,

Very Roman like,

Or Greece.

And I have this laced up top,

A dress,

My hair is curly up.

Very specific,

A Renaissance painting.

And I'm looking out morning and night,

Throughout the day,

I look out into the vast ocean because my home has this view of a beautiful ocean that's full of life and it's a waves and it changes all the time.

And I go out and I'm looking all day,

Like you would search for a dolphin or a whale or something,

All day or a boat.

And I never find it.

So that's the beginning of the dream.

And then later in the dream,

I'm in the ocean and now I'm not that woman,

I'm a little boy.

Because I feel this so completely as if I lived it in this life.

And I'm now the boy and I'm in the ocean and I'm scared because I'm struggling and I'm drowning.

And after treading water and it's getting dark,

I finally am able to hold to the side of the cliff onto rocks and I'm able to survive.

I get out,

But I'm in pain because I know my mother doesn't know that I made it out of the ocean.

And so I live,

But my mother never knows I live.

And in that dream,

I'm both me,

The mother,

But I'm also able to see the perspective of my child and his soul.

And so once we.

.

.

And as I'm telling the dream,

She's filling in,

We're having a conversation as if she knows the dream already because she's seeing it as I'm saying it.

And we have this conversation,

She's filling in the blanks and I'm saying,

Wait,

Let me tell you that.

And I realized in that moment that the longing that I have always for more children is coming from that incarnation.

Beautiful.

And I mean,

For skeptics,

Whatever,

I know this to be true because it's as fully as I'm sitting here,

It's as if it's happened to me now.

Beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you for sharing that.

So I think that's the perfect note on which to end this first part of our podcast on reincarnation.

And as always to our listeners,

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Reviews

Beautiful episode! I was really moved by Monica’s story at the end; and the entire talk about reincarnation and lessons was inspiring and even motivating. Thank you.