108. Ask, Don’t Assume: 5 Ways To Stay Curious

You know what they say about assumptions? In short, they are bad. The danger in making assumptions is that they set us up for disappointment. They can easily evolve into expectations and lead us to make decisions based on information we assume is still valid. The truth is change is inevitable, which makes assumptions counterproductive. In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael discuss the best spiritual tool we have on hand to end the trap of making assumptions.

Transcript

So much of our pain is based on assumptions.

And then if we were able to really live a life that questions more and is more curious,

Rather than assuming,

The benefit of that would be not just that we'd be wiser and know more,

But more importantly,

We'd have less pain and more joy.

Welcome to Autumn.

Every time you say Autumn,

I think about that Barney song,

Which probably must have been Don't Know.

Sing it.

You Can Call.

I don't remember.

I remember watching it.

I don't think Autumn was in it.

It was.

You Can Call It Fall,

But I'll Call It Autumn.

Something like that.

But so not at all,

How in?

You know the song?

Just enough to know that you butchered it.

We're back from summer.

Barney's not around anymore.

No,

And there's a reason for that.

I'm not going to go into it.

Some kind of scandal.

Which often,

Yeah,

I'm going to get into trouble here.

I'm not even going to go down that road.

So welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast.

We're back in full swing.

I'm already exhausted in September,

But let's do it.

So today we're going to talk about questions versus assumptions.

And I hope it's not a spoiler alert because you already look confused,

But assumptions are kind of bad.

So asking questions versus making assumptions.

I thought you said curiosity,

Right?

That's why I never share with you where I'm going to go with this because that's like,

Hello.

Did I just ruin the whole podcast?

That's not a lead.

That's where we're leading to.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

Gosh,

I can't take you anywhere.

That's literally why I don't tell you anything beforehand.

So basically.

.

.

Because I listen.

No,

Because you then just take the one thing and you throw it out there.

Like,

Okay,

Yeah,

You said it.

Now what?

So make a lot of assumptions every day.

Like I would assume that you would keep that to yourself.

So actually,

Michael,

What's one assumption that you've made about me today?

One assumption I made about you?

I try not to make any assumptions.

I should always be curious about you.

Yeah,

That's so not right.

One assumption.

Oh,

An assumption.

I made an assumption that you'd be late for the beginning of this podcast.

I don't think that's an assumption.

I think that's pretty much based on.

.

.

Reality.

It's still an assumption.

It hasn't come into reality when I thought about it.

True.

I guess if you keep assuming that,

I will continue to be late.

It's my fault.

You are the creator of it.

That's the point of this podcast.

It's your fault if you assume things about others and it comes true.

So here's the danger of making assumptions.

Assumptions set us up for disappointment.

Were you disappointed when I was late?

Not at all.

I expected it.

That's the good side of assumptions.

It protects you from being disappointed.

I'm not sure.

You,

Yes,

Not most.

When we're making decisions based on information that we only assume is still valid,

People evolve and change.

Their plans change.

Store hours change.

Things change.

When you assume things to be a certain way because they've always been that way or they were that way even two weeks ago,

You will get into trouble.

You'll be making mistakes.

Oh,

Right.

I remember we actually had something like that happen to us last week.

What was it?

We went out to dinner with somebody and they wanted to eat outside.

We assumed.

Totally.

Because that restaurant always had outside seating.

And the weather's still nice here.

Yeah.

And then they got there before us because you made us late and boom,

We had to go look for another restaurant.

Exactly.

That's such a good example.

So,

Some things can be dangerous.

Exactly.

When we've communicated our thoughts,

Feelings and needs one time,

We assume that we don't need to bring them up ever again.

And that usually is not the case.

I would say even worse than that.

Usually we assume people didn't even know our needs.

And if they're not fulfilling,

They would be because they don't want to.

Or they're not a good partner.

Assumptions easily become expectations.

And we all know how it feels when our expectations aren't met.

So,

This is part of what the danger of assumptions are.

The one simple way to avoid disappointment and all that assuming is ask questions.

Be curious.

Ask questions when you don't understand and ask questions even when you think you do understand.

Right?

So,

It's not even just like,

Oh,

I need clarification.

I think it's even more important when you think you know to always be open to the idea and the possibility that you don't know.

So,

Here's a challenge for us.

I believe it's a famous Walt Whitman quote.

Do you remember?

Be curious,

Not judgmental.

Here's a challenge for our listeners to gauge how often in their day to day they're making assumptions.

Next time you make a choice or think about what you're doing this evening,

Ask yourself,

Am I basing any of my choices or plans on previous experiences?

Am I 100% sure that everything I think I know is still relevant?

And it's really hard to keep those two things at the forefront of your mind as you go through your day.

So,

I mean,

I would say that of course you have to live with assumptions.

Of course you do.

The question is,

What are the assumptions that are causing you pain or disappointment?

Like you wake up in the morning,

I set my clock,

I have my morning connection,

My prayer.

So I set my alarm clock knowing what the traffic is usually like.

And so I'll get on time.

That won't always be true,

But that's the assumption I have to make.

So many assumptions that we make are very healthy and necessary.

You have to live with assumptions.

I think what we're talking about here is- Well,

Did you know the UN was here this week?

Yes.

That must have changed your traffic.

Actually,

It didn't in the morning.

I have to say it because I'm leaving it whenever it is.

But my point is clearly there are times you have to live life making assumptions.

I think what we're talking about here are assumptions that can cause disappointment,

More importantly judgment about others.

Because you can live life without making assumptions.

Yes.

And there's a reason our brain does that actually,

Which I'm going to get into a little bit in a little bit.

But why don't we ask more questions?

Because a lot of people don't approach life like that.

If you think about it,

Kids constantly ask questions because they're curious about everything and they have no embarrassment,

No shame about asking a ton of questions because they're in that learning mode.

As we get older,

We get embarrassed about asking questions.

Is that what it is?

Yeah.

I think ego plays a big part of it.

Maybe.

Maybe we should ask a question like that.

We think we should know certain things.

I assumed I knew what you were going to say.

Uh-huh.

Sure.

I assumed you were going to interrupt me.

And it depends what crowd you're in,

Right?

You want to see maybe be like the smartest person in the room.

I think as we get older,

Unless you purposely decide to live a curious life and to ask questions and you know through asking many questions throughout your life,

We are forever a student,

The more you ask,

The more you'll know,

Right?

That most people don't necessarily go through life that way.

Right.

I think that one of the reasons people make assumptions is yes from ego,

But because we think we know.

It's not that we're embarrassed.

If I asked questions,

I'll look like I don't know everything.

I think it's both.

But I think more often than not,

It probably is the fact that I know.

I know that this person who did this to me is a bad person or this person who's behaving in this way is an idiot and so on and so forth.

I think.

.

.

I really think it's both.

Because I'll tell you why.

I really respect that quality in people.

When they are curious and they'll ask any question.

Let's say,

Even if it seems a little bit obvious,

And I've been witnessed to that by them asking a question,

Even though I knew the answer,

I learned something I didn't know,

Right?

There's always a deeper understanding.

And not everybody will put themselves in that position.

I think our daughter Miriam is really good at that,

Asking questions,

Asking questions,

And then she'll research and then she'll come back and follow up with the conversation.

Not everybody has that quality.

Something I really liked about my father,

He used to do that a lot.

When he didn't know something,

He would always say,

Is that right?

I always notice that because I've seen people through my lifetime of just trying to mask it.

Like,

Yeah,

I knew that.

So I think we're.

.

.

I agree with what you're saying.

But I think this is another reason as well.

You know,

We're not curious because we're afraid.

Yeah,

I don't disagree.

I do see very often that people assume and don't ask because they think they know.

Yeah,

And that's for sure.

You know,

And that really,

I see that in relationships a lot.

So this is to the brain.

I just want to say something before we go forward,

Is that this topic is a very important one.

I think,

Like you said,

You touched upon,

You said relationships.

I think so much of,

As a matter of fact,

If we have time to go even a little bit deeper on the spiritual understanding of this,

But so much of our pain is based on assumptions.

And then if we were able to really live a life that questions more and is more curious,

Rather than assuming,

The benefit of that would be not just that we'd be wiser and know more,

But more importantly,

We'd have less pain and more joy.

Well,

As you were speaking,

I thought about this.

I've heard people say,

Well,

I assumed you wanted me to do this.

Fine.

Next time I just won't,

I won't try.

I won't do it.

I don't know how to win with you.

I see this with relationships a lot.

And that's like a cop out because the person,

Of course,

Wants you to give,

But they also want you to hear them and ask questions about how they want to receive,

Right?

That whole assumption,

I assume this,

But don't assume if you really want to put yourself,

Especially in relationships,

In the place of giving and offering or having that connection with somebody,

Ask questions.

How would you like to receive love from me?

Really?

What is,

And we gave a podcast a few weeks ago about your love languages,

But I mean,

All the time,

Like,

Well,

I,

I gave to you and you rejected me and I'm hearing the other person saying,

But I didn't want that.

I want this.

But I'm not going to give you that because you can't receive what I'm already giving you.

I assume,

You know,

And on and on.

And that's an important point.

I don't want to gloss over it,

That assumptions is viewing the world and assuming that everybody and everything is like me.

That's another point,

Sweetie.

That's number three.

We're not there yet,

But yes,

Go ahead.

By the way,

Let's just go right there now because I don't know when you realize this,

But for most,

Like the first part of my life,

I really believed that everybody was just like me.

I believed that,

You know,

What was funny was funny and just to,

You know,

And I believe that if,

If somebody was pursuing,

Let's say a spiritual pursuit,

It was for the same reasons I was,

And they were really pure of heart.

And I really like years later,

I was like,

Oh,

That was,

Why did I even think that?

Why would I even assume that even if somebody,

Let's say,

Right,

You go to the same gym every day or let's say you work at the same company,

That's a startup and really like green,

Right?

We assume that because somebody has found that place that you like and you really feel part of you belong,

You assume they're there for the reasons that you are when you have absolutely no idea at all.

Yeah,

It's interesting,

I think I realized very early on because I saw myself as very different than everybody else.

So I just assumed everybody else was very different from me.

So I think that's where I naturally came to curiosity in that way.

Well,

That's interesting.

I also thought everybody was different than I was,

But then I was,

I didn't accept it just as that.

I was like,

Well,

I need to find out why.

And I asked that question for years,

Do I need to change to belong or,

And finally,

No,

Different,

Being different is great.

In fact,

I'm going to plug it.

Our children's book,

Abigail and I,

The Gift of Being Different is coming out October 18th.

You can pre-order now on Amazon.

Just had to say that.

It's a great book,

But the point is.

.

.

If I can say to all of our listeners,

Please pause the podcast right now,

Go onto Amazon,

Pre-order the book and then I'm back and listen to the podcast.

I like that thought by immediate action.

But I didn't accept the difference as automatic that I was,

You know,

So everybody else is also different.

I didn't connect that till years later.

And I think that,

By the way,

When I finally came to that,

The only regret I had is why I wasn't kinder to myself and my thinking.

Because I used to think like,

You know,

If we're all similar and this thing isn't working,

Then I need to change or I need to fix it and I put tremendous pressure on myself.

And that freedom of knowing that you never know what somebody is thinking,

Even if they appear to doing exactly what you're doing day to day,

Don't assume.

Don't assume it's the same.

So I want to talk about the brain for a second.

So another reason we stop asking questions is that our brains need to save energy.

And I love studying the brain and how it works.

I appreciate that part of my body more and more every day.

But our brains make assumptions because they're an efficient way to process the world and our brains favor efficiency overall.

The faster our brains can process information and what to do next,

The better for our brain,

But not so much for us.

A Yale neurobiology professor,

Dr.

David McCormick,

Explained the brain's vast neural network requires huge amounts of energy to keep it running.

I mean,

Just think about it.

We never take the time to think about how our brains really work.

We just assume that it will work as it always does and be able to put things together and have thoughts and depth and do what you always did.

So he says there's over 100 billion cells in our brain and each of them makes over 10,

000 connections with other brain cells.

While the large number of possible combinations of cell connections allow for higher order thinking,

This is a big problem evolutionarily in terms of energy cost.

Therefore,

The brain has to encode things efficiently to save energy.

So I want to unpack that for a second.

One way our brain saves energy is by making assumptions.

We draw on our past experiences to find patterns or mental models of how the world works.

When we encounter new situations,

We apply these patterns or assumptions to the new environment.

So for example,

I can assume that last week,

What I wore to work last week,

I can wear to work next week.

I mean,

Usually it's just sweatpants.

And I don't take into consideration anything's changed,

Right?

And I think that's safe to say.

And if you live in California,

The weather's always safe.

You don't anticipate anything else.

So we make these assumptions so we have time to use all of our other brain cells for really important decisions.

Of course.

So coaches Jack Colwell and Chip Huth from Arbinger Institute point out,

Assumptions start causing problems when we believe our way of interpreting a given situation is the only way to interpret the situation.

And I think I really want to hit on that because assumptions aren't bad.

We need them to some extent.

But when we think it's the only way,

Of course it's going to get us in trouble.

And of course it's going to be isolating to those around us.

Again,

This is a little bit off topic,

But I also want to point out that there's that book by Malcolm Gladwell,

Right?

That idea of thinking from the gut,

Right?

And that- Well,

The gut is really the first brain.

It's the real brain.

Right.

But the idea being that people who have many,

Many years of practice,

Their assumptions are very right more often than not.

And it's important that they use their assumptions that way.

Again,

Just to the point that assumptions are- Which book did you read?

I was reading one of his now talking to strangers and he talked about how even people who are professionals when it comes to people who are lying,

You can't necessarily tell.

I don't know if that's a blanket statement of assumptions.

You can't always- Not always,

Of course not always.

You're saying statistically- I'm saying that,

Sorry,

It's not Malcolm Gladwell,

It's Daniel Kahneman.

Yeah,

It wasn't Malcolm because he wrote a book that's saying this against- Being fast and slow,

That there are two ways that the brain thinks.

And that again,

Professionals,

Doctors,

They're after many,

Many years of experience,

They don't even know why they're making that decision or coming to that conclusion,

But they're often very right.

All to say that clearly,

Clearly making assumptions is a very important necessary part of life.

I think what we want to stay away from are the assumptions certainly about other people that leads to judgment and assumptions that keep us from learning new things.

Exactly because- And I think the point you just made is so important when you think that that is the only way.

Right,

Then you think other people's opinions are less than yours,

Which then of course leads to judgment.

Can you remember a time when you were operating under the assumption you were right about something and found yourself labeling,

Well,

You're just too spiritual for these questions,

But I'm sure you're human.

So you find yourself labeling someone else as wrong only to discover your assumption was not right or wrong,

Just limited in your perspective.

I think one of the areas that I have tried and continue to try to develop is this idea when you have a disagreement with somebody,

And even if you're right- Even if you think you're right.

No,

No,

Even if you're absolutely right.

There's times you're right,

There's times you're wrong.

There are times you're absolutely right.

You came out of an argument we had,

But yeah.

No,

No,

No,

No,

I'm never right on this.

But even when you're right,

The view that you then make of the other person,

Which is that they're bad or they're stupid for thinking the other way is wrong.

And I think this is,

And this is again another key point,

We're never as right as we think we are and the person who's wrong is never as wrong as we think they are.

And I think that humility helps mitigate the ego of assumptions.

Again,

So I can have,

And I've had in my life,

Many disagreements with people where I've been wrong.

I've had many disagreements with people when I've been right,

But it still would be a great mistake for me to think that in those arguments,

Disagreements,

That I was right,

That I was 100% right,

They were 100% wrong.

All we're talking about is percentages.

I maybe was 80% right,

They were 20% right.

And the reason they did it,

It's funny,

I was thinking about somebody today who in my life I had many disagreements with them,

But I can always say that they were coming from a good place.

They might've been done in my opinion and maybe objectively not the right decision in one or two situations,

But the place from which they came and the reason they were making those decisions was a positive one.

So all that is to say that the danger even of being right in our assumptions is the ego will then let us think,

Oh,

You're 100% right and that person is 100% wrong.

That is never the case.

It's only a matter of degrees.

I'm 80% right,

60% right and so on.

And be open to being wrong and be open to definitely be open to the other person's view.

And that's why I often say this when you're having an argument with somebody or an important disagreement,

If you can't see,

Really see their side,

You can't really be sure about your side.

For sure.

Well,

Let's unpack that a little bit because that's really interesting.

Right.

So I think relationships is probably a clear way to see this.

We've seen more than I,

But we've seen relationships where one person thinks these 10 things about their partner and they think that their partner is 100% wrong in these 10 situations and they are 100% right.

That is almost never,

Ever,

Never the case.

It's just a matter of degrees.

So maybe in this case,

I was more right than wrong and she,

He or she was more wrong than right.

But the black and whiteness of it is what damages the most.

Because if I understand that the reason why you did this was not because you hate me and you only want to do bad for me,

But you had a different view of it and you were coming from a different place and maybe it was still not the right thing,

But it was a whole different decision process,

Then there's much more to work with.

There's much more middle ground.

We're closer than if,

As often we say,

You're this,

You're one,

Two,

Three,

You're these terrible things and all these pure things and you're right.

So what is it?

What middle ground can there be?

But I also feel like it's just not a way,

It's not a way to be happy.

Like if you really want to derive the most joy from your experiences,

Whether it's your day to day or just feeling good about yourself because you're learning and you're growing or because you are successful in your relationship.

And that doesn't mean you don't fight and you don't disagree,

But that you're that openness,

That ability to say,

This feels really right to me.

I think I'm right,

But I'm always open to that there's a part I can't see.

You just can't,

It's not even about right or wrong.

It's just an openness.

And I think that the people that I have come across and even just from our lives,

It's that openness and going away from the assumptions.

Sure.

Assume that the weather and fall is going to be roughly the same for the most part.

You might get an off storm here or there.

You understand,

You know what to accept.

You can assume,

You know what to wear,

Whatever,

Right?

Assume that you go to your favorite coffee place and you're going to get the coffee you like every day.

You can make certain assumptions.

Even your children will always love you unless you really destroy that.

But the day to day,

You know where I'm changing,

You're changing,

Everything's changing.

Assume and nothing's going to be the same.

And therefore you need to ask questions and you need to constantly try to go deeper in your experience of the things that come up.

Right.

And I think where the rubber meets the road is- Oh,

I like that.

You never use that phrase.

Really?

It's kind of very older generation.

Is in the interpersonal relationships.

I think that's where assumptions may cause the most damage and the most pain.

And by the way,

It's not just the close relationships.

So you can use the example of the person actually was watching something today on social media where somebody was said that was talking about somebody who he did not know had dumped some garbage on at the end of his driveway.

And he was like saying really negative things about that person's a terrible,

Whatever,

Called them names and so on.

And the point is he doesn't know who that is.

Right.

So he doesn't really know that they're terrible person.

You know,

It happens to us all the time.

You're at the airport and the guy,

The person,

Man or woman behind the counter is behaving is not being helpful.

So the assumption is this person is just a bad person or somebody does not do their job.

It might be that they just got a terrible news from their spouse or their child who knows what's going on in their lives.

And when you think in that way,

It doesn't make their behavior right,

But it alleviates even some of your anger about it.

I love what you're saying reminds me of something David Foster Wallace wrote about assumptions and really leading to benefit of the doubt.

But he says he's an example of somebody who goes into a bank and meets with a bank teller and you're sitting there,

You spend time driving there.

You have important things in your mind to discuss.

And the bank teller seems really distracted and they're not really paying attention.

They keep asking you every other word that you said and you're getting angry or thinking why doesn't this person think I'm important going on and on about your needs,

Your desires,

Your necessity for whatever it is you had to get done that day.

It's all about you because that's the lens in which we look.

And then the bank teller just can't sit there anymore.

She excuses herself,

Goes away,

The manager comes out and apologizes and said,

I'm so sorry that she was so distracted.

She just found out that her husband and child got in a car accident and they're being rushed to a hospital.

Now,

And I love that example because in truth,

That's life,

Right?

We never,

Ever know what does somebody's past,

What their worries are,

What their trauma is or what they experienced right now in that day.

And then you happen across them.

Maybe you need something from them.

And the assumption is they don't think I'm important.

They don't really love their job.

They're miserable people.

And you go to that place and it's really not about that at all.

And that's really the danger of assumptions,

Whether it's in your deepest,

Most connected relationships or if it's strangers on the street.

Absolutely.

There's something called false consensus effect or consensus bias,

Which we touched upon a bit,

Which is basically we think everybody thinks like us,

Right?

There's even a name for this because everybody does it.

And in fact,

We have no idea what resides in another person's heart or mind as we just gave the example with the bank teller.

And I think also many of our assumptions are learned behavior.

Like if you grew up in a home that thought money was hard to come by or that love was hard to come by,

Then you would assume perhaps unless you had a lot of moxie that life will dish out the same thing for you,

Right?

We base a lot of our assumptions on how we were raised in the home,

What we saw when we were growing up.

There's an interesting quote from Carl Jung that really I think is another idea that's important for us to work through our assumptions and be more curious.

He says that everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Which is a Kabbalistic principle.

Very Kabbalistic principle that there are no coincidences.

Every person that I see,

Be they the best person,

The worst person doing the best thing,

Doing the worst thing.

If it awakens something in you.

It's only there to awaken something within me.

So that.

So if you see somebody and you're like,

Wow,

They're amazing and maybe you feel a little less than or a little jealous.

You see somebody else and you're like,

Oh,

That is disgusting and despicable.

Whatever it is,

The fact that you're noticing it and you're having a reaction or an emotion to it means that you need to see it and you need to come to why that is.

Absolutely.

So let's talk about the people that annoy us and the things that upset us.

Because that's where we put most of our time and energy.

And most of our assumptions and most of our judgment.

The only right reaction to somebody who upsets you,

The only right reaction to seeing somebody behave badly is to stop and ask,

What is it that they're doing that I can learn about myself?

Now,

It doesn't mean that if I see somebody slapping their kid that I have to worry about being aggressive in that way towards my kids.

But it does mean- Well,

You can learn what not to do in that situation.

Well,

I'm hoping many of our listeners don't have that issue.

But there is something in the way I'm treating maybe my children or somebody else in my life that is not with kindness.

There's still an aspect of that energy.

Exactly.

And if you really live life in this way,

And this is the Baal Shem Tov,

The great Kabbalah,

Who's actually- His birthday.

His birthday to me.

Virgo,

Virgo power.

I was always so excited when I found another Kabbalah besides me that was a Virgo.

We get a bad rap sometimes for being a little bit- Well,

I always say spiritual- Chudgy and one percent hate.

Well,

Exactly.

Non-spiritual Virgos are not great,

But spiritual Virgos are the best.

Awesome.

So,

And he taught this that people would come to him all the time,

And he was a teacher to many,

And they would come and say,

I see my neighbor doing this,

Or they would always say,

The only reason the Creator is showing you this is because it's something that you need to change by seeing that.

And if you go through life with that consciousness,

And it makes you more curious,

Not even so much about them and why they're doing it,

But more importantly,

What am I doing?

What do I need to learn?

Why is the Creator showing me this?

Because it's not by coincidence,

And it's not to teach them or to judge them or to assume anything about their lives.

It's only so that I can go more deeply into myself and discover something new.

I think sometimes people feel like they need to save them,

Or it's all this like,

I love this idea.

It's just be simple about it.

If you're seeing it,

You're seeing it because that aspect is in you.

And there's a famous- Even the positive,

Right?

You have the potential probably to go for it.

Yes,

So the positive,

I think maybe more importantly,

The negative.

The negative,

I know.

Right,

There's a Kabbalistic phrase that says that a person almost never sees their own faults.

We sometimes see big ones,

We sometimes see small ones,

But the reality is that our nature,

Our ego nature will almost never truthfully see our flaws.

And therefore we're given the world.

We're given the world not to judge it,

Not to assume it,

But to use them as a mirror.

Maybe not the exact thing,

But in that realm that I need to change.

And I think it's so important really to live life in this way.

Now,

Again,

This isn't easy.

This is not easy.

It is more certainly easier,

More natural,

More ego focused to look outside and say,

This person does this bad and that person does that bad.

And I just saw this person do.

Remind yourself,

And this is a very important tool,

Very difficult to put into action,

Into practice.

Tomorrow,

Today,

Next time you see somebody behaving badly,

Stop and remind yourself.

The only reason I'm saying that is because there's something about that behavior that is true within me.

And unless you discover that you're missing a great opportunity because these are gifts that are coming to me all the time.

These gifts of mirroring something within me in that realm.

And the only way to accomplish that,

To discover it by being curious,

Not assuming that I'm doing anything about them,

But learning what it is about their behavior that I need to change within me.

But you find that it's,

I think when people are uncomfortable with something they see,

Whether it's somebody else's success or somebody else's disgust,

Instead of doing what you're suggesting,

We push it away by judging it,

Saying,

I don't want that or that's so far removed from me.

I can't anybody be so vain or whatever it is because it's so uncomfortable to see truth.

It's uncomfortable to see a mirror.

And I think that next time you have that emotion,

Any of our listeners,

Or you have that kind of moment where you have this awareness,

Pause and say,

Okay,

I'm so uncomfortable,

But I really do need to identify where that lives within me.

Absolutely.

And I'll maybe we'll just end,

Which I thought was a beautiful quote from Dalai Lama around this topic.

And he says that love is the absence of judgment.

And I think that's really beautiful because we don't really think of love in that way.

And I know,

Again,

We know too many people who live in judgment and think that they can live in love at the same time.

And those two are really mutually exclusive.

Cannot coexist.

Yes.

So I'd like to share a letter from one of our listeners.

And again,

A reminder to all of our listeners,

Make sure to keep sending your questions,

Comments,

Letters,

Stories to Monica and Michael at kabbalah.

Com.

We read them,

We are inspired by them,

And we also share them with the rest of our listeners and you have the opportunity to inspire them as well.

Hi,

Michael and Monica.

This is my second email to you.

I love,

Love,

Love your show.

I shared with all of my friends and my family,

Especially my young adult children who I hope listen to your wisdom.

Today I experienced a very challenging emotional state and I left work early to nurture myself with self care to navigate the difficult predicament I now find myself in.

Awareness around my own self care has really taken on a new level for me,

Particularly this year.

To start shifting my mood,

I focus on what I could do to support myself.

Firstly,

I released emotions by allowing myself to cry.

Once that passed,

I visited the store to buy some healthy food for dinner,

Ran a few errands and spoke to some close friends.

These seemingly teeny tiny little decisions really helped me.

To move my mood further,

I decided to go for a beach sidewalk and I popped in my headphones to listen to episode 107.

Episode 107 was speaking to me like something from beyond.

The timing was impeccable and I spent the time smiling and nodding in a green saying in my mind,

Oh yes,

I do that and oh yes,

I could do that.

As I walked and listened,

I felt so blessed to have found your podcast and the opportunities that it has provided to my soul to grow and develop.

You both made a difficult afternoon much more enjoyable.

Bless you both,

Amanda.

That's beautiful.

So,

First of all,

Thank you,

Amanda,

For sharing this story with ourselves and with all of our listeners.

It makes us so happy.

It's really what inspires us to continue with this podcast,

These type of stories that knowing wherever it doesn't say here where you live,

Wherever you live,

Somewhere in the world,

Somebody was walking on the beach and their lives was made just a little bit better by this podcast.

So thank you,

Amanda,

For sharing it.

I hope this story and email inspires the rest of our listeners not only to listen and put it to practice the podcast,

But also to share it with your friends and family and share your stories,

Questions and comments with us at Monica and Michael at Kabbalah.

Com.

As always,

We hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

And please stay spiritually hungry.