#186 Create Deep Connection And Love In Relationships

The secret recipe for deeper connection and love in your relationships - How to create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with your partner, children or anyone else. In this episode, I have a special guest sharing her own experiences and her transformation through inner work and self-acceptance.

Transcript

Welcome to Soul Infused Monday,

Your weekly dose for an inspired and meaningful week.

And today's episode is the last part of a little bit of the radical acceptance series.

And today it's all about relationships and the secret recipe to a more loving,

Deeper connections in relationship with your partner,

With your children,

Or with anyone for that reason.

And I also have a special guest today here that I'm going to bring in.

And I'm really excited for her to share some of your experiences.

And I'm going to dive into that in just a couple of minutes.

And before we jump in,

I invite you to number one,

Take a nice deep breath.

Take a nice deep breath.

Come fully here in the present moment.

And there's one other thing I want to invite you,

Tell you,

Like be the fully present here or be fully present somewhere else.

Like I know we all believe we are multitaskers and we do like 10 things at the same time.

The reality is that I think statistically it's like only 2% of the population can actually successfully multitask.

And even though you and I might think,

Oh yeah,

I'm one of those 2%,

You're not,

Neither am I.

So just take that moment to take a breath,

Remove any distractions,

And allow yourself to fully be present and listen and join.

And leave me a comment below where you're watching from.

So New York is in the house.

Denmark is in the house.

I can see it.

Hello.

So,

So happy to see you.

And one quick announcement before I even jump into this topic,

Grab a pen and a paper.

Always good to have a pen and a paper anyway.

You never know when inspiration strikes or when you have a breakthrough or an aha moment.

So grab a pen and a paper and write down tomorrow,

Tuesday,

June 22nd of 2021,

In case you listen to this in the future.

So that's over.

At 4 PM Eastern time,

I'm going to do a live event on the free meditation app Insight Timer.

It's a free app that you can use on your phone or on a browser.

And I'm going to do a live event sharing the power of energy-based meditation.

So I'm going to talk about the power of energy-based meditation.

What is energy-based meditation?

How can it work for you?

How can you implement it?

They're talking about the four flows of energy.

So that is tomorrow completely for free.

You just gotta take that app or go on the browser.

Tomorrow,

June 22nd,

Tuesday,

4 PM Eastern time live.

So having said that,

What's the secret recipe for deeper connections for more love in your relationships?

This recipe is not a secret,

But it's often not seen.

It doesn't look like that's the secret recipe.

So the secret recipe for deeper connections,

More love with your partner,

With your children,

With your friends,

Your family,

Your business relationships is the number one piece first is the relationship to yourself.

Yeah,

It's not the first time you've heard this,

But it's also about accepting,

Being in radical acceptance with yourself because that can change everything.

And instead of just me telling you about this,

I invited someone very special and dear to my heart that has been working with me for the last two years.

And I'm going to invite her to share her own experiences.

And I was,

I was inspired to do that when we had a conversation last week and she just shared a few things.

And of course I've seen her transformation.

I've seen her change over years and I felt like I'm going to invite her in,

Let her speak and let you hear it from someone else than me.

All right.

Hi Mandy.

And yeah,

Leave me a comment below if you are watching this live or if you're tuning into the replay.

So Ashley is my guest today.

I'm going to get.

.

.

Hi.

I can hear you see you and some of you know Ashley,

But if you know Ashley,

Send her some love.

And if you don't know Ashley send her some love anyway.

Ashley has been working with me for the last three years.

She has been part of my team.

She has been supporting me in my work.

She has been doing a lot of things to me.

And we've built a very beautiful relationship.

I consider her part of my family.

She's dear to my heart.

And he kind of was forced to do the inner work just by working with me.

In a way,

Little did she know what she was getting into,

Right Ashley?

That's right.

Absolutely.

I really appreciate you.

I'm very excited that you're here.

We just spoke about this just a minute ago before we actually jumped in.

That even a year ago,

God forbid two or three years ago,

If I wouldn't have asked you,

Hey,

Do you want to be part of the show?

What would you have done?

Oh,

I would have.

.

.

Well,

This could have gone two ways.

I would have accepted because I was a people pleaser and then I would have freaked out or I just would have shut down.

No way.

No,

No,

No.

Yeah.

So that's alone a testimony of it.

And I'm going to let you talk,

But just from my perspective,

And I know it's not always easy to work with me or for me because I have very high standards.

I have my own stuff to deal with.

And I also expect a lot,

Especially from a perspective of going inward and doing the work in order to communicate properly or not.

So why don't you share a few things that you looking back over the last three years that you've dove into in a work,

Even though that wasn't really your intention,

The things that you've seen that changed for you the most?

Well,

As you were talking,

It just made me think of a story.

And it was right before I started working for you.

I was interviewing with you still,

And you were like,

Listen,

Do you understand what I do?

And you shared that.

And I really want the person that works with me to align and to really get it.

And so as soon as you told me that I went and started watching things and we were actually on a road trip and I was listening to things as we were going.

And I remember looking at my husband,

I was like,

This is what I've needed.

This is what I've been looking for.

So it was just like definitely divine alignment or intervention,

Whatever you want to say that brought me to connect with you.

And so,

But that was one thing that started it.

And then looking back at my life now,

I realized before I started working with you,

I worked a corporate job for 10 years.

And so as much as that was financially fulfilling,

It was not emotionally fulfilling.

I always knew that,

But I didn't know.

I'm like how to even consider how life would be without that.

Well,

Then that opportunity came and I took it and then I took a year off and then I found you.

And at that time it was like,

I realized,

I felt all the time like my energy was like circling outside of my body in a cyclone,

But I didn't know what that meant.

I,

Until now I can reflectively look back and say,

That's what it was.

I didn't know.

And I just,

I often ponder that and just am so grateful and thankful that I,

That you have come into my life and taught me so much about energy work and how to maintain my energy,

How to balance my energy and how that has truly affected how I interact with my kids,

With my husband,

With people in my life,

Anybody in my family.

Triggers,

You know,

I'm more aware of what those are,

You know,

And how to,

How to take that and process it and interact instead of react.

Right.

So I just,

There's so many things,

So many things.

I know there's so many things and of course we only kind of cover a few,

But I wanted to,

You know,

You that are watching or listening in when it comes to how to create deeper connections and love in your relationships.

And I would say as much as I can tell you shifting and healing and doing the work to become more confident,

To be less of a people pleaser,

To learn how to set boundaries that I always encouraged you,

Even though you gave me boundaries,

Was like,

Yeah,

I'm teaching you to do that.

So I get to also get the no.

Right.

And so that ultimately the secret recipe for me is really to change your relationship with yourself first and to be in more acceptance and to be in more confidence.

And that made a difference in how you connect with others,

Which you agree with that Ashley.

Couldn't have said it better.

Couldn't have said it better.

I can remember,

And I don't know,

I will reflect back into that coming back from the retreat.

I'd come to the retreat.

Let me back up real quick because that's a very special retreat.

In 2019,

That was,

Right?

We had a wonderful retreat here in the Dominican Republic that was for a very few people.

And I invited Ashley to come in to help me there,

But I had to also participate.

So that was a very soul power.

That was a soul power retreat,

Right?

Absolutely.

Yep.

Okay,

Go ahead.

I just for people that would retreat as you talk about.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So I was invited in to come and help and participate,

But I did not anticipate what I would leave with,

Which was a life changing experience.

I came back,

So I felt like in tune with myself and I hadn't been.

Like I remember within like a month I came back and I had like an hour,

I have three kids.

So it was like not typically I get an hour to myself.

And before I would have kept myself busy,

I would have brought things.

I would have been doing things and I'm like,

No,

I'm going to go have lunch.

And just go through and like went through and picked something up at the drive.

They're like,

I went in and I sat down at a little place and had a salad and was eating by myself.

And I'm like,

I'm not fiddling on my phone.

I'm just sitting here enjoying my own company that never,

Never would have happened.

I would have kept myself busy.

And I really do think that's a big testament to it because I have become more connected and okay and calm within myself.

So yeah,

That definitely has improved how I interact with other people because I feel more confident in myself.

And my husband just recently said,

He just said this yesterday was your confidence levels at an 11.

He said,

I love it.

I love seeing you like this.

I love just your so much.

You just,

You're confident,

You're happy,

You know?

And it just,

There's no price you could put on that.

It's just fabulous.

Yeah,

I know.

It's just like,

It's,

And that's why also I really wanted you to share,

First of all,

Because I think when we are on the journey and you listening might know that feeling,

You grow,

But you don't really see yourself growing.

So you feel like,

Hey,

I'm doing a lot of stuff,

But I'm not getting anywhere.

And because it happens gradually,

We sometimes don't see ourselves.

And obviously for me that I have been watching you over time,

For me,

It's way more obvious.

And then to really take the time and I invite anyone who's listening in right now to take a moment to really reflect,

Look back.

If you're one of those that feel like,

Oh my God,

I've done so much work already,

But I still don't feel good enough.

I'm still triggered to you.

I should be somewhere else.

Take the time to really look back,

To reflect on where am I coming from?

Like,

What is the truth of what I'm telling myself?

And to really acknowledge that.

So that's why I appreciate you sharing that because that's also anchors it more for you.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I would definitely say,

Because that's something like Dustin always,

My husband will say to me,

You know,

He and or you yourself,

Like you guys are always pointing out things and I don't notice them myself because I feel like sometimes my mind wants to go back to things like I'm not perfect.

I'm not where I want to be.

I know that,

But I don't see how much growth I have made over those years.

You know?

So yeah.

Yeah.

So,

And listen,

If you're watching your life on the replay,

Leave a comment below,

Say if you can resonate with anything,

Do you have a specific question for us or for Ashley?

And I just wanted to point out again,

And I talk about this a lot that no matter what you want to improve in your life outside of you,

Like,

Or not outside of you,

But no matter what,

Today we talk about more about relationship with your partner.

And I want to dig a little bit deeper into that in a minute with you,

Ashley.

But if you want to improve your relationship with your husband,

Your wife,

Or you're single,

And you want to attract someone,

If you want to improve the relationship with your children,

If you want to be more patient,

If you want to be more mindful,

If you want to be more supportive,

If you want to be a better employer,

If you want to be a better boss,

A better leader,

A better friend,

Whatever it is that you thrive for,

Or if you simply just want to feel better about yourself,

The key,

The recipe is really to tune in and create that acceptance,

That love and the healing of the wounds from the past and the triggers so that you can interact with someone from a place of having a centered and balanced energy and knowing who you are and you're calm within yourself versus just reacting what you said,

Instead of responding,

You're just reacting on autopilot,

It is work.

It's not always easy.

And I keep saying that,

But it's nothing more worthwhile.

So it's not a secret,

But I call it a secret recipe because we often look outside of ourselves,

We often want to have this one new tool,

This one thing is one book or this one,

Whatever that's gonna change everything now,

You have it inside of you and your relationship with yourself and being conscious and knowing how to shift your energy,

A reminder to join tomorrow,

Because that's exactly what I'm gonna talk,

How you gonna use energy based meditation to help you with that.

And if you joined later,

I'm doing tomorrow,

Tuesday,

June 22nd at 4 p.

M.

Eastern time on live event on Inside Time.

So that's what I just mentioned.

And when you take that on,

You're not only creating more joy within yourself,

I think that's priceless,

Like put a million dollars in there,

Whatever that is,

But the quality of your relationships changes dramatically.

And I've heard you share some things,

Dustin,

Your husband and also your children.

Can you give maybe a few more examples for people watching or listening how the inner work and more self-acceptance and letting go of the pleasing and oh my gosh,

I remember in the beginning you were constantly saying what?

I'm sorry.

Constantly,

Ashley was saying constantly,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

And I was like,

Stop saying sorry,

You know,

Like just like that.

So so many things changed over time,

But can you give a few other examples that people can maybe relate in their own relationship,

How you are in a journey and you taking that on,

Improve the relationship and the connection with your husband?

Well,

I feel like it just helps me understand him better,

You know what I mean,

Or be more aware of when things have come up,

Maybe more like before,

It was just like I would only see my side of things.

You know,

You just want to go to your side.

And then but when he when things happen with him,

Now I'm more aware of what like what his perspective and I don't just immediately like shut down.

This is how it is,

You know.

So there's that.

But I'm trying to think of an example because we just recently had talked about we've recently just talked about like the race.

I host a race.

And so that was kind of an example of just how inner work helped me.

And it's like this.

I would not have come on this.

But we were at our race this two weekends ago.

And my husband always does the talking.

I don't take I don't ever do that.

I'm like,

I'm the behind the scenes person.

I don't want to go up there.

And so he was done with his speech.

And so I went up and grabbed the microphone.

He was like,

You want that?

Like you're going to talk.

And so I went up.

But I wanted to tell the people that were there supporting us something.

And so I felt like when I got off the stage,

He was like,

I can't believe you did that.

I'm so proud of you.

It was just like that's like a confidence thing.

So I think that for me,

That's a big thing.

The confidence because I'm not that it ties in for me for people pleasing.

It types in for setting boundaries and all of that.

So that's an example.

And with my kids just overall more patience.

Not all the time because they know how to push every button.

But more awareness of being present,

Not just going through the flow of the motion and all that.

So those are just some things like off the top of my head.

Not specific examples,

But just overall.

But that's a specific example.

I think the relationship changed for the both of you.

And I think that's an important piece that I keep saying to people.

Often women come to me and they kind of like unhappy in the relationship or they struggle in the relationship.

And it's easy to blame and judge the other and we think,

Oh,

If the other person would change,

You know,

Hey,

Raise your hand.

We all have done it.

You know,

We all want to change the other person.

But then when we just kind of really take our own stuff in and we shift and therefore what you said is so important is like we see people in a different way.

We understand people better.

Why?

Because you see yourself in a different way.

You understand yourself better.

So and you have more confidence and you can express.

Something I let me know if that is true.

You learned how to communicate differently as well.

Oh,

My gosh.

Yeah.

Suddenly you might have said things before.

You might have like,

You know,

Like,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Right.

Even even you said to me,

I think and I might correct me if I remember it wrong,

But it's like when you went on stage and you want to have the microphone and you said in the past you would have never done that.

And you would have been kind of like upset and you would have a fight with him.

And this time.

Right.

Yes.

This time,

Instead of having a fight with him and being all whatever that you are to share in a minute,

You you were just yourself.

You went there.

You did something that felt good to you.

It opened yourself up.

She saw you in a different light.

And did he not say confidence looks good on you?

Yeah,

That's what he said.

Yeah.

The confidence looks good on you.

Who doesn't want to hear that?

But it's authentic.

And instead of having an argument,

Instead of having.

Resentment anger and feeling bad about yourself.

You felt good about yourself and your husband looked at you in a different way and you connected on a on a level that you created joy and experience joy together.

Right.

Yeah,

I got cold chills.

Yep.

Yeah.

So and of course,

We can talk so much more.

And you know,

Like it's you know,

It's a solo show on the show.

It's in little luck.

It's here and there.

And it's not the last time that I will,

You know,

Maybe bring you up and share some of your golden nuggets.

But why it's important for me to share these things is I see this all the time with the people I work with,

Within myself,

Obviously.

But I see this all the time in the last 18 years that I've been working.

Like I've worked with hundreds of women and also men from all over the world.

And so often we talk ourselves out of working with someone doing the deeper inner work investing in ourselves,

Not understanding because we cannot understand if I would have told you three years ago,

Hey,

You know,

If you do this,

You're going to be there.

No,

It wouldn't have made any sense.

Right.

I see this transformation all the time.

And so I'm so happy to invite you in to see you grow and to change and how much more fun you have in life.

I mean,

Yeah,

It's not perfect.

I'm not saying it's perfect.

But the things that you've done only in the last 12 months,

You know that you wouldn't have been able to do.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So actually,

Before like I wrap this up,

Even though I could talk about this forever,

But is there anything else you would like to share for anyone that,

You know,

Isn't sure about doing the work?

What is in a relationship that is not so loving right now?

Anything from your perspective,

Anything else that you would like to share?

I give this space for you.

Well,

Thank you.

I think honestly,

What you touched on there at the end is like having somebody to help support you through the journey,

Because if I wouldn't have had you and I'm not just saying that,

Like I know that I would not have gotten that far because you push to question,

Not push,

But you know what I mean?

You ask questions to me that make me have retrospective feelings and thoughts that I have opened my mind up,

You know what I mean?

To perspectives that I didn't think of before,

Right?

It's not just that.

And then it helps me have more ideas on how to handle things when they come up.

So I truly do mean that.

I think that I know that I wouldn't have gotten as far if I wouldn't have had you in my corner.

And so like you always say,

Whether it's you or somebody,

I think that you definitely get to find somebody to help you walk through those steps,

You know?

So amen to that.

Yes.

Yes.

And I pushed you a little,

So that's okay.

Yeah.

You pushed me a little,

But I've never been so happy to be pushed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's with love and respect and yeah.

And I think it's important to have someone who challenges you to grow.

I think that's maybe what you want to say.

It's not so much about,

Oh,

I forced and pushed you in a way,

But it's like,

But yeah,

I mean,

I kind of pushed you a little bit also because it was important to me to work with someone who grows because I knew for very selfish reasons,

You know?

It's like when you are in a centered and more calm and in a better place,

I enjoy my interactions with you better because I'm an energy person and I'm very mindful with who I spend my time with,

Right?

Right.

And so,

Or meditation,

You know,

That wasn't something that you were really into.

No,

You know what?

But I'm glad that I,

I'm not glad,

I'm grateful,

So grateful that you introduced me to that as well.

Yeah.

Well,

Thank you so much,

Ashley.

I appreciate you being here.

And again,

For those,

Maybe someone looks at this and knows Ashley for years and might think,

Oh my gosh,

I remember back in the days,

You know,

But if you don't know her,

You don't really know the transformation,

But I really see the transformation.

And it's just like the biggest joy for my heart is when people take on the work and allow themselves to go through the stuff and to go through the discomfort and to go through the challenges and the guilt and the shame and insecurities and to really grab that and then to come out on the other side and really stand for yourself and speak for yourself and have that confidence.

And it just means everything to me too.

So I'm grateful for you.

So I,

There's so much more to say,

But to just wrap this up today.

If you want to create deeper connections in your life with,

If it's with your partner,

If it's with your children,

With your friends,

Of course,

Family,

Anyone you meet,

Go within,

Take care of the relationship with yourself first.

And I've said this many times,

And I'm going to say it one more time.

Now,

The most important relationship that you have in your life is you and you are the only person,

The only person that is going to spend more time with you than anyone ever else,

Like not your husband,

Not your kids,

Not your wife,

Not your partner,

Not your cat,

Not your dog,

Not your parents,

No one.

It's like,

Really tune into that.

From the moment you're born until the moment you leave this body,

No other person will ever spend as much time with you.

No one.

So you want to take that relationship and put that as a priority,

Not the new car,

Not the new kitchen,

Not the new makeup,

And there's no judgment.

You can buy whatever you want.

But the biggest investment is really within yourself.

And when you create deeper connection with yourself,

When you create more understanding with yourself and acceptance,

Radical acceptance with who you are beyond the staff,

Beyond the programming,

The beliefs and the lies that we constantly believe about ourselves,

You open yourself up and you create deep and meaningful relationships.

You are the creator.

Don't wait for someone giving that to you because that's not how it works.

So these are the end words here for today.

If you have any questions,

Send me an message,

Leave a comment below.

If you are in the place in your life right now that you feel,

Hey,

I want to take this deeper.

I am looking for someone to guide me through and you resonate with me,

Connect with me.

Let's have a conversation and see if we might be a good fit or not.

And remember as well tomorrow,

4 p.

M.

Eastern time,

June 22nd,

Tuesday on Inside Time on the free meditation app,

I'm going to give you a complete free training on the power of energy based meditation.

So if you want to experience a little bit of what Ashley is experiencing and you want to tap into that,

I highly recommend you joining me there and come back next Monday for a new episode of Soul Infused Monday.

Thank you Ashley for being here.

I will see you in just a little bit.

And I appreciate you being here,

Listening to us,

Tuning in every week.

And I wish you a fantastic,

Beautiful,

Meaningful,

Insightful and loving week.

Much love.