Befriending The Body

Those of us who have disliked our bodies or had trouble with eating know that we are supposed to love ourselves - but how? These three meditation tools support you to experience love for yourself and your body in real time.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

This is Shira Khan.

We're going to talk today about three tools for befriending the body.

When I had bulimia decades ago,

They were already telling us to love ourselves.

I had no idea how to do that.

I only knew how to compare myself to others and order myself around and find ways that I was inadequate.

But I did learn to love myself after that time.

And that's what I want to offer you today.

Three tools that you can use to love yourself in real time and love your body.

The three tools are called Love Meets the Body,

You Belong,

And A Friendly Dialogue.

What I want you to do first is let yourself settle into wherever you're sitting.

If you're listening to this while you're doing something else,

Turn part of your attention inward.

The first step here is to let any judgmental thoughts and comparisons and calculations and also the part of your mind that helps you get the tasks done.

Let that be on the sidelines and let emerge in its place a commitment and an intention to accept whatever you find in your body.

So we're replacing discernment right now with acceptance.

So start with that and see what that feels like.

See how that affects your thoughts.

It might even affect your nervous system a little bit just to make that decision of,

Okay,

I'm switching gears to one of acceptance.

Now,

Having cleared the decks and made it safe for yourself,

Turn your gaze inward and see what you notice in your body as far as physical sensations.

We're letting those arise in this space of acceptance.

So whatever it is,

Just let it come to your consciousness and then meet whatever you're feeling with that attitude of acceptance.

I'm concentrating on my lower back right now where there's some contraction.

See where the contraction is for you,

If any.

If you have any positive sensations,

You can also meet those with an attitude of acceptance.

Imagine your consciousness going inward to your body and actually making contact with whatever area you're focusing on.

So let the emanation from your body touch with the non-judgmental consciousness of your mind and then see what that feels like.

You might notice your muscles relaxing.

You might notice a feeling of enjoyment or affection.

If something hurts and you're addressing it with acceptance,

Let the spaciousness of that help the part that hurts.

What we're doing right now in having an actual meeting between a non-judgmental consciousness and whatever's in your body,

We're giving you a chance to see what love feels like.

We're bringing it into this place and time right now in your body.

It might be new.

It might be really enjoyable.

Just see what it is for you and make a note of that.

So that's tool number one,

Love meets the body.

And by the way,

Acceptance and non-judgment is a form of love.

That's why I used those words to describe this intention with which you meet your body.

The second tool is called You Belong.

So for those of us who've disliked our bodies or had disordered eating,

Our relationship with the body is one of control and mistrust.

If we have used dieting or nutrition information in the past or exercise programs,

The concept there,

The relationship with the body is one of mind over matter.

Mind is seen as superior to the matter of the body.

If this goes on for a while,

The control can be tinged with put downs,

Especially if we have reason to believe that we haven't measured up.

So it's not only control,

There's also a diminishment in it.

And the part of us that receives this kind of talk starts to feel less valuable and less lovable than others.

If this goes on for a long time,

We can start to feel like we're below others so much that we don't fully belong in the world,

That we're so deeply flawed,

We're in some ways like a freak of nature.

The message here though is I have a powerful tool to share to combat that.

It's a powerful tool because it's about a deep level of truth that's happening in the present moment.

And it's something that can't be denied.

So get quiet with me,

Have that kind consciousness,

That loving acceptance.

Go ahead and meet whatever has arisen in your body since the last time we checked in.

Let that meeting happen,

Put space around whatever you're feeling,

Put that,

Let yourself receive whatever information you're getting from the body.

And now I invite you to add in a breath.

So let yourself meet your body and now bring in a breath.

Bring in a breath in a way that feels good to you.

If you need to catch up on breathing,

Consciously take a full breath,

Letting your lower lobes,

The lower lobes of your lung fill up completely and letting your diaphragm expand.

If you're already pretty well caught up on breath,

Just let yourself breathe naturally but you're focusing on the breath.

So the oxygen is coming in and nourishing you from the inside.

As you let that happen,

I'd like you to consider that just like the flowers that know when to blossom,

Your body knows how to distribute the oxygen you just took in with a system of 40 billion capillaries.

That's right,

I just looked it up.

The average human body has 40 billion capillaries that work to distribute oxygen.

With your eyes closed,

If it's safe to do so,

See if you can sense in and feel the pulse of blood in your fingertips against your fingernails.

That's that life force coming into your body right now.

The same wisdom that reads the temperature and light in autumn and tells the leaves when to fall is sorting nutrients and sending them out to your organs right now.

It's the life force that makes the animals alive and cute.

It's the life force that makes the eyes of babies bright.

It's the same life force that made the mountains and it's in you.

It's in everyone who's alive.

So the next time someone compares you negatively to someone else or if you do that to yourself,

Remember this moment and this feeling of being a human in a body who's part of nature.

By virtue of having a body,

You're part of the miracle and you belong.

The third tool is called a friendly dialogue.

So whether we realize it or not,

There is a dialogue going on between our consciousness and our body.

Our body is in the same psychological category as the more vulnerable psychological parts of ourselves,

Like the inner children that we have.

Or you could just call them our vulnerable human self.

It's associated with the body.

So whatever we have been saying in our consciousness is felt at an emotional level,

Whether we realize it or not.

So if we keep telling our bodies,

Oh,

You need to change,

You need to be fixed,

You're out of control,

You're flawed,

There's a part of us that's going to be hurt.

So the third tool is about changing that dialogue.

You're perhaps aware of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

That's a very big part of this practice.

But there's a step before that that I want to invite you to do today.

What it is is you go in with the accepting consciousness and you let the body know,

Hello,

I would like to listen to you.

We usually tell the body what to do.

And we usually give it reasons that it's not good enough.

What we're going in right now and doing is we're bringing in an environment of empathy.

And it starts with listening.

So you go in with an open attitude toward the body.

And simply say,

How are you feeling?

I'd like to know.

You can say,

I want to change the relationship to you with you.

And I'm going to start right now.

I want to work together.

And that starts with what would make it safe for you in how I talk to you.

And then quietly listen and see what the body says.

What we're doing is we're starting a pattern of communication with friendliness and openness.

And after the body has been pushed around,

That's what it needs first to feel safe and to feel loved.

It's just openness and a kind attitude from our consciousness.

So I've given you three tools today.

Love meets the body.

That's where you put all judgments to the side and let acceptance be your attitude as you make contact with whatever's emanating from your body.

I've given the tool of You Belong,

Inviting you to feel your vitality as a factor that joins you with the web of life.

And I've given you a friendly dialogue,

The foundation of openness and receptivity that creates the loving relationship between your body and you.

Thank you for listening and I'll see you next time.